Damnable Grace
Page 76
A loud burst of laughter drifted on the breeze toward me. I made my feet carry me into the clearing. Viking, AK’s best friend, was on his feet. He turned straight to me. “Here she fucking is! The ginger pussy who’s whipped my best friend!”
My face paled when all the men and women stared at me. Some regarded me warily, others with kind smiles. I did not know what to do, where to go, or what to think, until . . . “Red. Get the fuck over here.” AK’s voice cut through the music that had started playing. I looked his way and saw him in a chair beside Flame and Maddie. Another dark-haired man, with a beautiful raven-haired woman on his lap, was on his other side.
She was pregnant.
AK pulled me down onto his knees—a move I had become increasingly used to. His lips came to my ear. “You good?”
I turned to face him and kissed him on his stubbled cheek. “I am good,” I lied, not wanting him to worry. Worry that I now knew about Meister’s men. Worry about the nightmare that would not go from my mind, or the fact that I was beginning to remember things about the town I was rescued from.
I just wanted AK to be happy. I had seen glimpses of it at the lodge. I did not want my burdens to drag him back down to darkness.
The sound of Viking’s voice pulled everyone’s focus again. “And then this other time, AK and Flame burst into the crack house we were stealing from . . .” Men laughed as Viking told tale after tale. And I liked hearing about AK. I liked hearing about silly things he had done in playful moments with his friend, when the weight of his past had not burdened his mind.
My eyes drifted to the raven-haired woman beside me. Mae, she was called. I watched her cradle her stomach as she talked to Maddie. Her husband’s hand lay over her bump too, and I felt that same pit form in my own stomach as whenever I saw a mother and child. Only this time it was worse.
Save me, Mother . . . remember . . . Beauty said that we find messages in dreams . . . save me, Mother . . . remember . . .
I stilled as my blood ran cold. The potion . . . the bed . . . her beaten face . . .
Meister telling me I would forget, that he would make me forget it all . . .
No, I thought, my heart spiraling into an uncontrolled beat. It could not be true. She was safe, abroad. I knew she had been taken from New Zion. Judah had promised me . . . Judah . . .
Judah, who had lied about so much . . .
“You okay?” AK asked and turned my face to his.
I forced a smile. “Just tired.”
I shrieked as AK put his hands under my legs and lifted me into his arms. In front of everyone, he took me toward his cabin. I looked around to see them all watching us intently. My face burned with embarrassment. “You that desperate for a fuck?” Viking shouted as we reached the cabin’s door. AK flipped his finger at Viking and walked into the cabin. He laid me down on the bed, stripped me of my clothes and then shed his own. He climbed under the covers and drew me into his arms.
I did not want him to see how panicked I was inside. AK was perceptive. He saw things within me that no one ever had. I needed to deflect his attention. “You like Viking very much, do you not?” I asked. He rolled his eyes in affectionate exasperation.
“Can’t shake the fucker,” he replied. “That night I saw Dev in the hospital, I went to a bar. I needed a drink so fucking bad. It was a biker bar Dev sometimes took me to when we were both on leave. I was sitting at the bar when that asshole giant came and sat next to me. He saw me in my Marine fatigues. Fucker just smiled at me and asked, ‘How many of the assholes have you killed?’ Just came right out and asked me.” AK laughed, and I loved hearing the rumbling sound from his mouth.
“I told him to fuck off, and the fucker just laughed in my face. Five minutes later, he got into a fight with some meatheads by running his mouth again. I was itching for a fight after seeing Dev in such a damn state, so I had his back. We knocked out four of the cunts in minutes. He shook my hand, bought me a drink and asked me if I’d like to ride bikes and knock more fuckers out on a daily basis. I said yes. He brought me here, introduced me to Styx’s old man, and by the next day I was the newest prospect of the Hades Hangmen. Fucker never left me alone after that day. Then you know how we got Flame out of the nuthouse, and the rest is history. The Psycho Trio was born. Those two just got me from the start. Did one last tour that I’d already signed up for, then left the Marines for good. Been at this club ever since.”
“You love them like family,” I said. “Viking, Flame and now Asher.”
AK inhaled and lost his humor. “Yeah. Love all my brothers here, but those two are my best friends. I’d have been fucking lost without them when all the shit went down. They kept me from spiraling down to a place I couldn’t get back from.” His eyes fell. “Like I wanted to do for you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“You are a good man, Xavier Deyes.” I placed my hand on his cheek. AK looked at me in surprise, and knowing he was the most special man I would ever meet, I spoke from my heart. “I . . . I love you,” I whispered and saw his eyes widen. “I do not expect you to say it back. I just . . . I just wanted you to know that my heart is now in your hands. You have honor, and pride, and the kindest soul in existence.” I tried to keep my voice from breaking.
I tried to hide this . . . goodbye.
“Fuck, Red.” He rolled me onto my back, his eyes searching my face. “I love you too.” My heart swelled more than I thought possible. And AK kissed me. He kissed me, and with such grace and adoration, made love to me, slowly, passionately, lovingly.
Afterwards, still wrapped in AK’s arms, I fell asleep. And when I saw Sapphira in my head again, begging me for help, I took her cold, bruised hand and promised, “I am coming for you, sweetheart. I will be with you soon.”
*****
I stopped at the edge of Lilah’s home. Just one more time. I had to see her and Grace one more time. Grace was playing with dolls on the lawn. A smile came to my lips when I saw Ky sitting opposite her playing with dolls too. “Why the fuck am I doing this shit?” he said to Lilah, who was watching them happily.
“Because you are her papa and she wanted to play with you.”
“You wanna learn how to dismantle a bike, Grace? Get your hands dirty with oil and shit instead? It’ll be fun.”
“No.” She thrust a doll at him. “We’re playing dolls. And Jamie-Rae needs to go to the salon to get her hair fixed.”
My face paled when all the men and women stared at me. Some regarded me warily, others with kind smiles. I did not know what to do, where to go, or what to think, until . . . “Red. Get the fuck over here.” AK’s voice cut through the music that had started playing. I looked his way and saw him in a chair beside Flame and Maddie. Another dark-haired man, with a beautiful raven-haired woman on his lap, was on his other side.
She was pregnant.
AK pulled me down onto his knees—a move I had become increasingly used to. His lips came to my ear. “You good?”
I turned to face him and kissed him on his stubbled cheek. “I am good,” I lied, not wanting him to worry. Worry that I now knew about Meister’s men. Worry about the nightmare that would not go from my mind, or the fact that I was beginning to remember things about the town I was rescued from.
I just wanted AK to be happy. I had seen glimpses of it at the lodge. I did not want my burdens to drag him back down to darkness.
The sound of Viking’s voice pulled everyone’s focus again. “And then this other time, AK and Flame burst into the crack house we were stealing from . . .” Men laughed as Viking told tale after tale. And I liked hearing about AK. I liked hearing about silly things he had done in playful moments with his friend, when the weight of his past had not burdened his mind.
My eyes drifted to the raven-haired woman beside me. Mae, she was called. I watched her cradle her stomach as she talked to Maddie. Her husband’s hand lay over her bump too, and I felt that same pit form in my own stomach as whenever I saw a mother and child. Only this time it was worse.
Save me, Mother . . . remember . . . Beauty said that we find messages in dreams . . . save me, Mother . . . remember . . .
I stilled as my blood ran cold. The potion . . . the bed . . . her beaten face . . .
Meister telling me I would forget, that he would make me forget it all . . .
No, I thought, my heart spiraling into an uncontrolled beat. It could not be true. She was safe, abroad. I knew she had been taken from New Zion. Judah had promised me . . . Judah . . .
Judah, who had lied about so much . . .
“You okay?” AK asked and turned my face to his.
I forced a smile. “Just tired.”
I shrieked as AK put his hands under my legs and lifted me into his arms. In front of everyone, he took me toward his cabin. I looked around to see them all watching us intently. My face burned with embarrassment. “You that desperate for a fuck?” Viking shouted as we reached the cabin’s door. AK flipped his finger at Viking and walked into the cabin. He laid me down on the bed, stripped me of my clothes and then shed his own. He climbed under the covers and drew me into his arms.
I did not want him to see how panicked I was inside. AK was perceptive. He saw things within me that no one ever had. I needed to deflect his attention. “You like Viking very much, do you not?” I asked. He rolled his eyes in affectionate exasperation.
“Can’t shake the fucker,” he replied. “That night I saw Dev in the hospital, I went to a bar. I needed a drink so fucking bad. It was a biker bar Dev sometimes took me to when we were both on leave. I was sitting at the bar when that asshole giant came and sat next to me. He saw me in my Marine fatigues. Fucker just smiled at me and asked, ‘How many of the assholes have you killed?’ Just came right out and asked me.” AK laughed, and I loved hearing the rumbling sound from his mouth.
“I told him to fuck off, and the fucker just laughed in my face. Five minutes later, he got into a fight with some meatheads by running his mouth again. I was itching for a fight after seeing Dev in such a damn state, so I had his back. We knocked out four of the cunts in minutes. He shook my hand, bought me a drink and asked me if I’d like to ride bikes and knock more fuckers out on a daily basis. I said yes. He brought me here, introduced me to Styx’s old man, and by the next day I was the newest prospect of the Hades Hangmen. Fucker never left me alone after that day. Then you know how we got Flame out of the nuthouse, and the rest is history. The Psycho Trio was born. Those two just got me from the start. Did one last tour that I’d already signed up for, then left the Marines for good. Been at this club ever since.”
“You love them like family,” I said. “Viking, Flame and now Asher.”
AK inhaled and lost his humor. “Yeah. Love all my brothers here, but those two are my best friends. I’d have been fucking lost without them when all the shit went down. They kept me from spiraling down to a place I couldn’t get back from.” His eyes fell. “Like I wanted to do for you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“You are a good man, Xavier Deyes.” I placed my hand on his cheek. AK looked at me in surprise, and knowing he was the most special man I would ever meet, I spoke from my heart. “I . . . I love you,” I whispered and saw his eyes widen. “I do not expect you to say it back. I just . . . I just wanted you to know that my heart is now in your hands. You have honor, and pride, and the kindest soul in existence.” I tried to keep my voice from breaking.
I tried to hide this . . . goodbye.
“Fuck, Red.” He rolled me onto my back, his eyes searching my face. “I love you too.” My heart swelled more than I thought possible. And AK kissed me. He kissed me, and with such grace and adoration, made love to me, slowly, passionately, lovingly.
Afterwards, still wrapped in AK’s arms, I fell asleep. And when I saw Sapphira in my head again, begging me for help, I took her cold, bruised hand and promised, “I am coming for you, sweetheart. I will be with you soon.”
*****
I stopped at the edge of Lilah’s home. Just one more time. I had to see her and Grace one more time. Grace was playing with dolls on the lawn. A smile came to my lips when I saw Ky sitting opposite her playing with dolls too. “Why the fuck am I doing this shit?” he said to Lilah, who was watching them happily.
“Because you are her papa and she wanted to play with you.”
“You wanna learn how to dismantle a bike, Grace? Get your hands dirty with oil and shit instead? It’ll be fun.”
“No.” She thrust a doll at him. “We’re playing dolls. And Jamie-Rae needs to go to the salon to get her hair fixed.”
