Deep Redemption
Page 95
“Brother,” Judah said again and held up his hands.
“Don’t!” I roared. “Don’t you fucking dare call me that!”
Judah glanced around him, roving his eyes over the bodies. “It had to be done, brother. I could not let us be taken down by the sinners. I always knew this may be our path. I had to be prepared. Our people, they understood. They wanted this too.” He spoke with such a calmness, such a detachment from the fucking mass murder he’d just ordered, that shards of ice darted down my spine. “The devil will never triumph over us.” He smiled and closed his eyes. “Tonight our people will dine with the Lord at His table; they will join our uncle, our founder, by the celestial river of eternal life.”
“You’re fucking crazy,” I whispered as I watched him bask in his glory, his slain victims just a step away from our feet.
Judah opened his eyes and looked directly at me. “No, brother. I have always been strong in my faith. It was always you who could not control your sinful actions and thoughts. It was you who could not just adhere to the teachings and follow the scriptures and creeds. You had it all, salvation at your fingertips, yet you threw it all away.”
“They were false. Everything is false,” I said through gritted teeth. I pointed to the tiny foot of a child directly to my left. “You took lives for fucking lies! You could have saved them! You could have let them go!”
“No,” he shook his head. “They had to die. They had to sacrifice their lives for the good of their souls.” And that was the moment I knew for sure . . . I had to kill him myself.
He had to be taken by my hands. Like a rabid dog, he had to be put down.
Without taking my eyes off my brother, I threw the gun and knife to the ground. Judah’s eyes narrowed on mine, then I walked toward him. I knew he saw the intent in my gaze when he lifted up his hands and backed away. “Brother,” he said cautiously as I approached. “You cannot do this. You have tried in the past and you could not go through with it, remember? I am your twin. I am your only blood . . . you will not take my life . . . we need each other. We always have.”
I let his words wash over me and drift away into the silent sky. I balled my hand into a fist and swung. As my hand connected with his face, I made myself feel nothing. Judah, unused to any form of violence, immediately fell to the floor. I jumped down on top of him and sent fist after fist into his face, letting his warm blood spatter on my skin.
I hit him and hit him until his face looked nothing like my own—bloodied, nose broken, lips split. I hit him until I gasped for breath, my body aching with exertion.
I sat back and ran my bloodied hand through my hair. But when I looked down, Judah’s eyes were still on me, blinking as he struggled to see through the blood. I bent down to place my mouth at his ear. “You need to die, brother.” As I spoke those words, feeling Judah’s breath pass by my cheek and his pounding heart echo against my chest, the numbness that I had embraced fell away, exposing me to nothing but raw pain.
All the fucking excruciating pain of this fucked-up moment.
He was alive. Judah still had life . . . we had come into this world together. We had been through everything together. He had been my only source of comfort. My only family . . . yet I knew he had to die, right here, right now . . . but I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t . . .
The feel of Judah’s hand on the back of my head was almost my undoing. Because it wasn’t hard or rough. It was gentle and soft . . . it was the touch of my twin who loved me.
Judah sucked in a long breath, his chest rattling from the beating I had given him. I held still. Judah’s head turned, and his mouth landed at my ear. “Cain . . . ” he rasped out, breaking my heart in two at the affection in his tone. “I . . . I love you . . . ” I squeezed my eyes shut and choked on a strangled cry. “My . . . brother . . . my heart . . . ” His fingers tightened in my hair.
Boiling tears sailed down my cheeks, but I let them fall. I let my chest be torn apart by the immeasurable amount of grief in my soul. I kept my head down, unable to, but knowing that I had to, do this . . . no one would be safe if he was left alive . . .
Just as I began to draw back my head, Judah said, “Evil begets evil, Cain. Whatever sin blackens my soul lives in you too. We are the same. Made the same . . . born the same . . . ”
I froze. My lips parted as I struggled to draw in air. Evil begets evil . . . Evil begets evil . . . I couldn’t stop Judah’s words from circling my head. Each replay hitting me like a spray of bullets.
Because he was right, but . . .
“Don’t!” I roared. “Don’t you fucking dare call me that!”
Judah glanced around him, roving his eyes over the bodies. “It had to be done, brother. I could not let us be taken down by the sinners. I always knew this may be our path. I had to be prepared. Our people, they understood. They wanted this too.” He spoke with such a calmness, such a detachment from the fucking mass murder he’d just ordered, that shards of ice darted down my spine. “The devil will never triumph over us.” He smiled and closed his eyes. “Tonight our people will dine with the Lord at His table; they will join our uncle, our founder, by the celestial river of eternal life.”
“You’re fucking crazy,” I whispered as I watched him bask in his glory, his slain victims just a step away from our feet.
Judah opened his eyes and looked directly at me. “No, brother. I have always been strong in my faith. It was always you who could not control your sinful actions and thoughts. It was you who could not just adhere to the teachings and follow the scriptures and creeds. You had it all, salvation at your fingertips, yet you threw it all away.”
“They were false. Everything is false,” I said through gritted teeth. I pointed to the tiny foot of a child directly to my left. “You took lives for fucking lies! You could have saved them! You could have let them go!”
“No,” he shook his head. “They had to die. They had to sacrifice their lives for the good of their souls.” And that was the moment I knew for sure . . . I had to kill him myself.
He had to be taken by my hands. Like a rabid dog, he had to be put down.
Without taking my eyes off my brother, I threw the gun and knife to the ground. Judah’s eyes narrowed on mine, then I walked toward him. I knew he saw the intent in my gaze when he lifted up his hands and backed away. “Brother,” he said cautiously as I approached. “You cannot do this. You have tried in the past and you could not go through with it, remember? I am your twin. I am your only blood . . . you will not take my life . . . we need each other. We always have.”
I let his words wash over me and drift away into the silent sky. I balled my hand into a fist and swung. As my hand connected with his face, I made myself feel nothing. Judah, unused to any form of violence, immediately fell to the floor. I jumped down on top of him and sent fist after fist into his face, letting his warm blood spatter on my skin.
I hit him and hit him until his face looked nothing like my own—bloodied, nose broken, lips split. I hit him until I gasped for breath, my body aching with exertion.
I sat back and ran my bloodied hand through my hair. But when I looked down, Judah’s eyes were still on me, blinking as he struggled to see through the blood. I bent down to place my mouth at his ear. “You need to die, brother.” As I spoke those words, feeling Judah’s breath pass by my cheek and his pounding heart echo against my chest, the numbness that I had embraced fell away, exposing me to nothing but raw pain.
All the fucking excruciating pain of this fucked-up moment.
He was alive. Judah still had life . . . we had come into this world together. We had been through everything together. He had been my only source of comfort. My only family . . . yet I knew he had to die, right here, right now . . . but I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t . . .
The feel of Judah’s hand on the back of my head was almost my undoing. Because it wasn’t hard or rough. It was gentle and soft . . . it was the touch of my twin who loved me.
Judah sucked in a long breath, his chest rattling from the beating I had given him. I held still. Judah’s head turned, and his mouth landed at my ear. “Cain . . . ” he rasped out, breaking my heart in two at the affection in his tone. “I . . . I love you . . . ” I squeezed my eyes shut and choked on a strangled cry. “My . . . brother . . . my heart . . . ” His fingers tightened in my hair.
Boiling tears sailed down my cheeks, but I let them fall. I let my chest be torn apart by the immeasurable amount of grief in my soul. I kept my head down, unable to, but knowing that I had to, do this . . . no one would be safe if he was left alive . . .
Just as I began to draw back my head, Judah said, “Evil begets evil, Cain. Whatever sin blackens my soul lives in you too. We are the same. Made the same . . . born the same . . . ”
I froze. My lips parted as I struggled to draw in air. Evil begets evil . . . Evil begets evil . . . I couldn’t stop Judah’s words from circling my head. Each replay hitting me like a spray of bullets.
Because he was right, but . . .
