Deep Redemption
Page 96
“I would never have done something like this,” I whispered. I lifted my head, looking him dead in the eyes. “I would never have done something like this . . . something this fucked up . . . you murdered them . . . all of them . . . ”
Judah smiled. “You would . . . you have . . . ” Judah replied and my face drained of blood. “This . . . ” he croaked, “was all done in your name.”
Judah smiled wider, and I saw that look of triumph flare in his bloodshot eyes. “They died with your name on their lips . . . Prophet Cain.”
I shook my head, over and over again. “No,” I growled. “NO!” I roared as Judah smiled a bloody smile.
“We did this . . . we did it all . . . together.”
As his gruff voice sailed into my ears, I embraced the darkness that was hovering on the edge of my heart. And I let it consume me. I let the black tar of rage swallow any light left in my soul.
With a deafening roar, I lunged forward and wrapped my hands around Judah’s throat. Judah’s eyes widened in shock, and then I saw it . . . I saw the doubt in his gaze that I would see this through. I could almost hear his voice in my head as I tightened my grip. “You’ve tried this before, brother. You could not do it then, and you will not do it now. You will not be able to look into my eyes and watch the life drain from their depths . . . I am your brother . . . I am your twin . . . ”
“No!” I screamed, answering the imaginary voice in my head. “I have to!” I spat to Judah’s reddening face. “I have to . . . you have to pay . . . you have to atone . . . ”
Judah began to struggle as my fingers got tighter and tighter around his throat, cutting off his breath. His panicked legs thrashed beneath me, his desperate fingers clawed at my arms . . . but all the time I kept my eyes locked on his. I never moved them once as his skin began to mottle and the capillaries in his eyes began to burst.
I squeezed harder, until my fingers ached with the effort. Judah’s legs began to slow. His hands fell away from my arms. Tears built in my twin’s eyes and fell down his cheeks. Mine did the same, twin tears pooling together on the desecrated plain.
Then, just as his body drained of its fight, Judah opened his lips and mouthed, “Cain . . . Cain . . . ” My teeth gritted together as my name left his lips—my true name, the name I heard him speak so many times with love and affection. The name I had heard him utter in the throes of childhood laughter . . . in the hard times and the good.
Then he stopped moving at all. And I watched. I stared into his eyes as the life drained from his body, his brown gaze frosting over with the fresh veil of death . . .
. . . and I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t move my hands, nor stop the flood of tears as my brother and best friend stared up at me from a now-soulless body.
Even though the night was humid and hot, cold ran over my skin. My hands had frozen on his neck . . . I couldn’t move . . .
My arms began to shake. The trembling shivers reached my locked fingers, and they fell from Judah’s neck. The red prints of my hands were splayed like burn marks on his skin. I closed my eyes. But all I saw was Judah’s dimming face mouthing, “Cain . . . Cain . . . ”
He had pleaded me to spare him . . . but I couldn’t . . . I fucking couldn’t . . .
I opened my eyes and forced myself to move off his corpse. But when I turned and was met with hundreds and hundreds of dead, poisoned followers, my head shook. My hands raked through my hair and I looked in every direction, searching for some kind of peace. None was found.
Tears blurred my sight, but I could see the Hangmen all watching me . . . I choked out a cry at so much death, the sight of endless, senseless murders too much to take . . . to comprehend . . .
My legs gave out and I fell to the floor . . . right beside Judah. My face contorted with the pain ripping me apart from inside. But the darkness in my heart remained; it fucking ran like rapids through every vein, blotting out any light and good with its shade. I tipped back my head and roared. I screamed and screamed until the sound of my pain was the only noise to be heard.
When I had nothing left to give, I fell forward onto my hands, gasping for breath. I sucked in long, desperate inhales, but nothing took this ache away, this fucking racking ache in my heart.
Suddenly, a hand landed at my back. I flinched and sat up, ready to fucking fight whoever came at me next. But when I looked up, Smiler was standing before me. He stared down with an unreadable expression on his face . . . then held out his hand. I looked at it, not knowing what the fuck to do. Smiler, swallowed. “Take it.”
Judah smiled. “You would . . . you have . . . ” Judah replied and my face drained of blood. “This . . . ” he croaked, “was all done in your name.”
Judah smiled wider, and I saw that look of triumph flare in his bloodshot eyes. “They died with your name on their lips . . . Prophet Cain.”
I shook my head, over and over again. “No,” I growled. “NO!” I roared as Judah smiled a bloody smile.
“We did this . . . we did it all . . . together.”
As his gruff voice sailed into my ears, I embraced the darkness that was hovering on the edge of my heart. And I let it consume me. I let the black tar of rage swallow any light left in my soul.
With a deafening roar, I lunged forward and wrapped my hands around Judah’s throat. Judah’s eyes widened in shock, and then I saw it . . . I saw the doubt in his gaze that I would see this through. I could almost hear his voice in my head as I tightened my grip. “You’ve tried this before, brother. You could not do it then, and you will not do it now. You will not be able to look into my eyes and watch the life drain from their depths . . . I am your brother . . . I am your twin . . . ”
“No!” I screamed, answering the imaginary voice in my head. “I have to!” I spat to Judah’s reddening face. “I have to . . . you have to pay . . . you have to atone . . . ”
Judah began to struggle as my fingers got tighter and tighter around his throat, cutting off his breath. His panicked legs thrashed beneath me, his desperate fingers clawed at my arms . . . but all the time I kept my eyes locked on his. I never moved them once as his skin began to mottle and the capillaries in his eyes began to burst.
I squeezed harder, until my fingers ached with the effort. Judah’s legs began to slow. His hands fell away from my arms. Tears built in my twin’s eyes and fell down his cheeks. Mine did the same, twin tears pooling together on the desecrated plain.
Then, just as his body drained of its fight, Judah opened his lips and mouthed, “Cain . . . Cain . . . ” My teeth gritted together as my name left his lips—my true name, the name I heard him speak so many times with love and affection. The name I had heard him utter in the throes of childhood laughter . . . in the hard times and the good.
Then he stopped moving at all. And I watched. I stared into his eyes as the life drained from his body, his brown gaze frosting over with the fresh veil of death . . .
. . . and I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t move my hands, nor stop the flood of tears as my brother and best friend stared up at me from a now-soulless body.
Even though the night was humid and hot, cold ran over my skin. My hands had frozen on his neck . . . I couldn’t move . . .
My arms began to shake. The trembling shivers reached my locked fingers, and they fell from Judah’s neck. The red prints of my hands were splayed like burn marks on his skin. I closed my eyes. But all I saw was Judah’s dimming face mouthing, “Cain . . . Cain . . . ”
He had pleaded me to spare him . . . but I couldn’t . . . I fucking couldn’t . . .
I opened my eyes and forced myself to move off his corpse. But when I turned and was met with hundreds and hundreds of dead, poisoned followers, my head shook. My hands raked through my hair and I looked in every direction, searching for some kind of peace. None was found.
Tears blurred my sight, but I could see the Hangmen all watching me . . . I choked out a cry at so much death, the sight of endless, senseless murders too much to take . . . to comprehend . . .
My legs gave out and I fell to the floor . . . right beside Judah. My face contorted with the pain ripping me apart from inside. But the darkness in my heart remained; it fucking ran like rapids through every vein, blotting out any light and good with its shade. I tipped back my head and roared. I screamed and screamed until the sound of my pain was the only noise to be heard.
When I had nothing left to give, I fell forward onto my hands, gasping for breath. I sucked in long, desperate inhales, but nothing took this ache away, this fucking racking ache in my heart.
Suddenly, a hand landed at my back. I flinched and sat up, ready to fucking fight whoever came at me next. But when I looked up, Smiler was standing before me. He stared down with an unreadable expression on his face . . . then held out his hand. I looked at it, not knowing what the fuck to do. Smiler, swallowed. “Take it.”
