Desertion
Page 27
“Sure, why not?” He smiles the same smile he uses when he’s trying to get me to react. “Sounds like a nice guy.” He leans down into my space and slides his lips over my cheek. “How are you, sweetheart?” He pulls back waiting for an answer, but still lingers close.
“Tired,” I reply, wishing he would step back and step closer all at the same time. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you would visit with Holly for a while.”
“If you’ve seen one baby, you’ve seen them all.” He shrugs, but I know he’s full of shit.
“Why do you do that?” I ask, calling him out on it.
“Do what?”
“Act like you don’t care?” My accusation freezes him for a brief second before he recovers.
“Who says I’m acting?” He steps back, a coldness to his tone.
“I am,” I challenge but I don’t know why. We both know Jesse is a man who hides; why I feel the need to call him out on it right now I don’t know. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with the uneasiness of what is happening between us.
“Well, you’re wrong.” He shrugs, his flirty attitude gone, replaced with an almost pissed off one.
“If you say so.” I stop before I push too far. His reaction pisses me off, but I have no right to be pissed. Right?
“I do say so,” he repeats as the door opens. I step out and expect him to follow, but he doesn’t. Just stands there.
“Bye, Jesse.” I wave as the door closes but he doesn’t reply. Letting the situation sink in for a minute, I move away from the elevators and find myself a chair in the waiting room. My stomach sinks as I replay the conversation over in my head.
What the hell just happened? I went from experiencing something so beautiful and coming off a high to Jesse dismissing me.
I can’t keep up with this man.
Eleven JESSE
“Look who decided to show,” my brother Jackson taunts as I get off my bike. It’s Friday night, games night, and I’d rather be anywhere but here. Yet here I am. The truth is, it’s for Bell. Jackson has me by the balls, only helping me if I keep the peace with the family. I wish I could walk away from it all, from her, but the last few weeks have messed me up, ever since the night she called me out in the elevator. I wish I could have answered her truthfully, but I didn’t. Even after, I tried to pull away from her, which only lasted a few hours, before I went back to texting her. No matter how hard I push her out of my head, it’s like she keeps creeping back into my thoughts, and I can’t stop her. My drop ins at the hospital died off, unsure where we stand, but still even today, two weeks later, the need to go see her grows stronger. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. My balls are fucking aching, and my head is messed up all over a bitch I haven’t even fucked.
“Yeah, yeah, don’t hold your breath. I can’t stay long.” I walk past him before he can argue with me.
“You’re staying ‘til the end, asshole,” he catches up and warns close to my ear. I don’t correct him. He’s my big brother and thinks he has some control over me, but he’s wrong. I’ll leave if and when my dad turns into an asshole.
“Hello?” I call out as I enter my family home.
“Jesse,” my mom’s excited voice calls me to the kitchen. I kick my boots off, remembering my mother’s rules and walk through my family home. I fucking hate coming back here. Hate being in the same room as my father, but my mother, I can never say no to my mom.
“Hey, Mom.” I lean down and give her a tight hug. She brings her arms around me as I lift her off her feet. She’s short, five foot one, and ever since my brothers and I hit puberty, tall men have surrounded her.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispers in my ear before I place her back on her feet.
“It’s only been three weeks, plus I’ve been busy. The club has been crazy.” I take a seat on the stool across from her. She smiles her warm ‘mom’ smile. She looks different today. The soft lines that I’m used to seeing around her eyes seem deeper and her short blonde hair is pushed back like she ran out of time. Or she couldn’t be bothered.
“Too busy to see your mom? I thought I taught you better, son.” My father’s voice comes from behind me, stopping me from asking if everything is okay. I keep my expression blank, trying not to let him rile me.
“You taught me a lot of lessons, Sir.” I stand, turn and address him. For a second, I see an old man, a sad old man. His graying short-buzz cut is kept tidy, not a hair out of place. His dress shirt and pants pressed nicely, the picture-perfect husband. If only it were true. He holds my stare for a moment, both of us eyeing each other. It’s like this every time I come here. I don’t know what it is about me that rubs him wrong, but it’s been like this since I can remember.
“You’re still running around with your gang, so looks like you need some reminding of some of those lessons.” He motions to my cut. My fist clenches by my side. His dig at my club is the usual blow he delivers, so I block it out. I didn’t come to fight tonight. I came here to help Bell.
“Dad.” Jackson moves into my view. “We should check the grill. Meet me out there.” He nods to the back deck, trying to defuse the situation before it blows. Colonel Carter nods at me, his eyes telling me this isn’t over before turning to follow Jackson outside to the grill.
“Well, looks like things haven’t changed.” I turn back to my mother and catch a flicker of sadness in her eyes.
“Tired,” I reply, wishing he would step back and step closer all at the same time. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you would visit with Holly for a while.”
“If you’ve seen one baby, you’ve seen them all.” He shrugs, but I know he’s full of shit.
“Why do you do that?” I ask, calling him out on it.
“Do what?”
“Act like you don’t care?” My accusation freezes him for a brief second before he recovers.
“Who says I’m acting?” He steps back, a coldness to his tone.
“I am,” I challenge but I don’t know why. We both know Jesse is a man who hides; why I feel the need to call him out on it right now I don’t know. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with the uneasiness of what is happening between us.
“Well, you’re wrong.” He shrugs, his flirty attitude gone, replaced with an almost pissed off one.
“If you say so.” I stop before I push too far. His reaction pisses me off, but I have no right to be pissed. Right?
“I do say so,” he repeats as the door opens. I step out and expect him to follow, but he doesn’t. Just stands there.
“Bye, Jesse.” I wave as the door closes but he doesn’t reply. Letting the situation sink in for a minute, I move away from the elevators and find myself a chair in the waiting room. My stomach sinks as I replay the conversation over in my head.
What the hell just happened? I went from experiencing something so beautiful and coming off a high to Jesse dismissing me.
I can’t keep up with this man.
Eleven JESSE
“Look who decided to show,” my brother Jackson taunts as I get off my bike. It’s Friday night, games night, and I’d rather be anywhere but here. Yet here I am. The truth is, it’s for Bell. Jackson has me by the balls, only helping me if I keep the peace with the family. I wish I could walk away from it all, from her, but the last few weeks have messed me up, ever since the night she called me out in the elevator. I wish I could have answered her truthfully, but I didn’t. Even after, I tried to pull away from her, which only lasted a few hours, before I went back to texting her. No matter how hard I push her out of my head, it’s like she keeps creeping back into my thoughts, and I can’t stop her. My drop ins at the hospital died off, unsure where we stand, but still even today, two weeks later, the need to go see her grows stronger. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. My balls are fucking aching, and my head is messed up all over a bitch I haven’t even fucked.
“Yeah, yeah, don’t hold your breath. I can’t stay long.” I walk past him before he can argue with me.
“You’re staying ‘til the end, asshole,” he catches up and warns close to my ear. I don’t correct him. He’s my big brother and thinks he has some control over me, but he’s wrong. I’ll leave if and when my dad turns into an asshole.
“Hello?” I call out as I enter my family home.
“Jesse,” my mom’s excited voice calls me to the kitchen. I kick my boots off, remembering my mother’s rules and walk through my family home. I fucking hate coming back here. Hate being in the same room as my father, but my mother, I can never say no to my mom.
“Hey, Mom.” I lean down and give her a tight hug. She brings her arms around me as I lift her off her feet. She’s short, five foot one, and ever since my brothers and I hit puberty, tall men have surrounded her.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispers in my ear before I place her back on her feet.
“It’s only been three weeks, plus I’ve been busy. The club has been crazy.” I take a seat on the stool across from her. She smiles her warm ‘mom’ smile. She looks different today. The soft lines that I’m used to seeing around her eyes seem deeper and her short blonde hair is pushed back like she ran out of time. Or she couldn’t be bothered.
“Too busy to see your mom? I thought I taught you better, son.” My father’s voice comes from behind me, stopping me from asking if everything is okay. I keep my expression blank, trying not to let him rile me.
“You taught me a lot of lessons, Sir.” I stand, turn and address him. For a second, I see an old man, a sad old man. His graying short-buzz cut is kept tidy, not a hair out of place. His dress shirt and pants pressed nicely, the picture-perfect husband. If only it were true. He holds my stare for a moment, both of us eyeing each other. It’s like this every time I come here. I don’t know what it is about me that rubs him wrong, but it’s been like this since I can remember.
“You’re still running around with your gang, so looks like you need some reminding of some of those lessons.” He motions to my cut. My fist clenches by my side. His dig at my club is the usual blow he delivers, so I block it out. I didn’t come to fight tonight. I came here to help Bell.
“Dad.” Jackson moves into my view. “We should check the grill. Meet me out there.” He nods to the back deck, trying to defuse the situation before it blows. Colonel Carter nods at me, his eyes telling me this isn’t over before turning to follow Jackson outside to the grill.
“Well, looks like things haven’t changed.” I turn back to my mother and catch a flicker of sadness in her eyes.
