Desertion
Page 39
“He didn’t know I was a virgin,” I whisper, needing her to know the truth before she passes judgment on him.
“Jesus Christ, Bell. Have you not been listening to anything I’ve ever taught you?”
“I know I fucked up, okay. I don’t need a lecture.” I reach out and take her hand, silently pleading for something. I don’t know what, but the last thing I need is her telling me how stupid I am. I already know it.
“All right, I’m sorry. No lecture.” She nods agreeing. I let out a breath when she agrees. The last thing I need is a Lissy Lecture.
“Thank you.” I release her hand, and pick up my drink.
“Your delicate mood wouldn’t be able to take it anyway,” she slyly adds before we can move on.
“I’m not being delicate.”
“Oh, you are.”
“Am not.” She’s right. She knows me too well.
“You said yourself it was a one-time deal. So what’s really going on?” Her brows furrow in a way that I know she’s not giving up. I knew deflecting wasn’t going to get me anywhere. She’s too clued in for me.
“It’s just that before he left, he said we would talk about what happened, and I haven’t heard from him.” I give in and let her know what really has me unsettled.
“How long has it been?”
“Six days.” The number seems insignificant. Almost laughable.
“Oh, God, it’s true.” She gasps, her hand moving to the table in front of her.
“What’s true?” I blindly walk into one of Lissy’s smartass comments.
“Sex. It turns women into whining whores. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you whine before. Have sex. BAM. Poster child for whining.” I can’t help but laugh because she’s right. Jesus, I’m one of those women.
“I hate when you’re right.”
“I know. It must pain you every time I’m right.” She laughs and goes back to eating. My phone beeps in front of me, and I reach for it thinking it will be Mom checking in.
JESSE: How are you feeling today?
My stomach drops when I see his name and my body freezes.
“Is it him?” Lissy asks, catching my reaction.
“He’s asking how I am,” I relay the message, my eyes scanning each and every character.
“Tell him you’re gonna need your V card back. You’ve turned into a whiney, gushy lame woman.”
“Ha Ha.” I roll my eyes at her and look over the message again, trying to figure out how to respond. On one hand, I’m relieved he finally contacted me, yet on the other, I’m annoyed he’s managed to turn me into this desperate, needy person. “This isn’t me,” I finally say and put my phone down.
“What are you doing?” Lissy asks as if I just grew a second head right before her eyes.
“I’m letting him wait. I’m not going to rush to reply.”
“Girl, you’re so messed up. You were just complaining he doesn’t contact you and now you’re playing hard to get?” I laugh, realizing how hot and cold I have been running, but who can blame me? He’s messing with me.
“I’m not playing hard to get. I’m just not rushing to reply. He made me wait six days. He can wait a few hours.” I force the confidence into my statement and push out my reservations. I need to remember who I’m dealing with. I might be out of my league, but he is out of his comfort zone. We both are playing blind.
“Well, you have more willpower than me. A man like Jesse messages me, asking how I feel after a one-time deal, I’d have that message typed up, ready to go.” She snaps her fingers and I roll my eyes.
“Shut up. He can wait.” I ignore the last part of her advice. She was right the first time. It’s not who I am. And it’s not who I want to be.
I need to remember that when dealing with Jesse Carter.
ME: I’m good. How are you?
I type back later in the night when I climb into bed. I’m not expecting a reply tonight, so I’m surprised when I shut off my bedside lamp and my phone lights up my room.
JESSE: Can’t stop thinking about you.
His reply has me reading it a few times. Okay, not what I was expecting. I thought he would still be angry, especially when he hasn’t called all week.
ME: What are you thinking about?
I push in the characters, before deleting them, only to retype them and quickly press send.
JESSE: You bent over my bike. Your tight pussy gripping my cock.
The words sound in my ears as I picture him saying them to me in his deep voice. Holy shit.
Me: It’s something that I can’t get out of my head either.
I bravely type back. I wish I wouldn’t fall so easily into his traps, but I can’t help it when it comes to Jesse. The need to see where it takes me is too strong to ignore.
JESSE: What are you doing now?
ME: I’m in bed.
JESSE: Touching yourself?
The text messages continue to flow. My face heats up at his insinuation and I quickly type back.
ME: No.
JESSE: Do it.
And at those two words, my hand moves on its own, slides down my stomach and into my panties. With my left hand, I slowly type out my reply.
ME: Okay
I click send as my finger finds its rhythm. After waiting for more than a minute for a reply, I wonder if he was just messing with me, until my phone starts ringing.
“Hello?” I answer, my finger frozen on my clit.
“Jesus Christ, Bell. Have you not been listening to anything I’ve ever taught you?”
“I know I fucked up, okay. I don’t need a lecture.” I reach out and take her hand, silently pleading for something. I don’t know what, but the last thing I need is her telling me how stupid I am. I already know it.
“All right, I’m sorry. No lecture.” She nods agreeing. I let out a breath when she agrees. The last thing I need is a Lissy Lecture.
“Thank you.” I release her hand, and pick up my drink.
“Your delicate mood wouldn’t be able to take it anyway,” she slyly adds before we can move on.
“I’m not being delicate.”
“Oh, you are.”
“Am not.” She’s right. She knows me too well.
“You said yourself it was a one-time deal. So what’s really going on?” Her brows furrow in a way that I know she’s not giving up. I knew deflecting wasn’t going to get me anywhere. She’s too clued in for me.
“It’s just that before he left, he said we would talk about what happened, and I haven’t heard from him.” I give in and let her know what really has me unsettled.
“How long has it been?”
“Six days.” The number seems insignificant. Almost laughable.
“Oh, God, it’s true.” She gasps, her hand moving to the table in front of her.
“What’s true?” I blindly walk into one of Lissy’s smartass comments.
“Sex. It turns women into whining whores. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you whine before. Have sex. BAM. Poster child for whining.” I can’t help but laugh because she’s right. Jesus, I’m one of those women.
“I hate when you’re right.”
“I know. It must pain you every time I’m right.” She laughs and goes back to eating. My phone beeps in front of me, and I reach for it thinking it will be Mom checking in.
JESSE: How are you feeling today?
My stomach drops when I see his name and my body freezes.
“Is it him?” Lissy asks, catching my reaction.
“He’s asking how I am,” I relay the message, my eyes scanning each and every character.
“Tell him you’re gonna need your V card back. You’ve turned into a whiney, gushy lame woman.”
“Ha Ha.” I roll my eyes at her and look over the message again, trying to figure out how to respond. On one hand, I’m relieved he finally contacted me, yet on the other, I’m annoyed he’s managed to turn me into this desperate, needy person. “This isn’t me,” I finally say and put my phone down.
“What are you doing?” Lissy asks as if I just grew a second head right before her eyes.
“I’m letting him wait. I’m not going to rush to reply.”
“Girl, you’re so messed up. You were just complaining he doesn’t contact you and now you’re playing hard to get?” I laugh, realizing how hot and cold I have been running, but who can blame me? He’s messing with me.
“I’m not playing hard to get. I’m just not rushing to reply. He made me wait six days. He can wait a few hours.” I force the confidence into my statement and push out my reservations. I need to remember who I’m dealing with. I might be out of my league, but he is out of his comfort zone. We both are playing blind.
“Well, you have more willpower than me. A man like Jesse messages me, asking how I feel after a one-time deal, I’d have that message typed up, ready to go.” She snaps her fingers and I roll my eyes.
“Shut up. He can wait.” I ignore the last part of her advice. She was right the first time. It’s not who I am. And it’s not who I want to be.
I need to remember that when dealing with Jesse Carter.
ME: I’m good. How are you?
I type back later in the night when I climb into bed. I’m not expecting a reply tonight, so I’m surprised when I shut off my bedside lamp and my phone lights up my room.
JESSE: Can’t stop thinking about you.
His reply has me reading it a few times. Okay, not what I was expecting. I thought he would still be angry, especially when he hasn’t called all week.
ME: What are you thinking about?
I push in the characters, before deleting them, only to retype them and quickly press send.
JESSE: You bent over my bike. Your tight pussy gripping my cock.
The words sound in my ears as I picture him saying them to me in his deep voice. Holy shit.
Me: It’s something that I can’t get out of my head either.
I bravely type back. I wish I wouldn’t fall so easily into his traps, but I can’t help it when it comes to Jesse. The need to see where it takes me is too strong to ignore.
JESSE: What are you doing now?
ME: I’m in bed.
JESSE: Touching yourself?
The text messages continue to flow. My face heats up at his insinuation and I quickly type back.
ME: No.
JESSE: Do it.
And at those two words, my hand moves on its own, slides down my stomach and into my panties. With my left hand, I slowly type out my reply.
ME: Okay
I click send as my finger finds its rhythm. After waiting for more than a minute for a reply, I wonder if he was just messing with me, until my phone starts ringing.
“Hello?” I answer, my finger frozen on my clit.
