Desertion
Page 53
“Why did you take me to meet Conner today?” I ask after a few more moments of silence.
“I don’t really know.” His hand moves to his head, rubbing his brow.
“I think you do.” I call him out, hoping he opens up.
“You do, do you?” He turns into me, bending his elbow and leaning his head on his hand.
“I think in some kind of messed up way, you were testing me.” He doesn’t deny it, which only pushes me to believe that maybe I passed.
“Do you think you’ll ever get over what happened over there?” I ask, wondering what I’m dealing with. Sometimes he can be so distant that I begin to wonder what I’m doing wrong. I know he has nightmares. I saw one the first night I was in his room. He holds onto his guilt with Conner so tightly that it tries to suffocate him in his sleep.
“Will you ever get over what happened with Paige? Even if you find her?” he asks back, and I understand where he’s going.
“I just want you to be honest with me, Jesse. Whatever is happening here, I need honesty. Don’t push me away when you‘re upset or not dealing. I can handle anything if you’re honest with me.” I lay it out, and I know he gets me. It’s whether he can be truthful with me.
“I’ll always be honest, Bell. You don’t have to worry about that,” he says and I blindly believe him. Maybe later on it wouldn’t be enough, but for now it had to do.
We lie in silence, naked, with his promise between us. Soon my eyes feel heavy, but I don’t fight sleep as it takes me. It’s been a long day.
A ringing phone wakes me some time later. Jesse stirs, shifting me awake to reach for it.
“Hello?” His groggy voice answers and I find myself waking up. Shit, what’s the time? “What? Right now?” Jesse barks, sitting right up. I follow suit, knowing either I’m really late or he is.
“Shit, fuck!” he curses, standing to full height. “Fine,” he says before hanging up.
“What?” I ask when he bends to find his jeans.
“My brother is coming over.” He steps into them and pulls them up his legs.
“What’s the time?” I ask, searching the floor for my panties and dress.
“Just after five. We drifted off.” He picks up my bra and throws it to me. I take a calming breath, knowing I’m not going to be late for Paige’s birthday dinner.
“I really should get going, too.” I adjust my clothes then start on my shoes.
“Yeah, preferably before Jackson gets here,” he mumbles.
“Sure, okay,” I say, ignoring the sting of him not wanting me to be seen by Jackson.
“Not like that.” He reaches out and pulls me into his chest. “I mean, the asshole has already warned me off you. I don’t need his shit.”
“Jackson warned you off me?” I ask and start to laugh.
“Yeah, the asshole seems to be protective over you.” He takes my hand and walks us to his door. I’m ready to leave, and as much as I know have to go, I don’t want to.
“It’s sweet.” I shrug, as we walk down the hall to where everyone still sits around.
“Sweet my ass,” Jesse grumbles, ignoring his friends once again, and heading for the front door. I hold back and say goodbye to Holly and Xzavier.
“Bye,” I whisper kissing X’s cheek.
“Girl, we need a girls’ night. Drinks and talking. Lots of talking,” Holly whispers in my ear when she says goodbye. I nod, agreeing, hoping I can develop a stronger relationship with Jesse’s friends.
“Bye, guys.” I wave to the rest of the club and walk toward Jesse. He doesn’t say anything, just takes my hand and walks me to my car.
“Thanks for being there for me today, Jesse,” I say when we come to a stop.
“Always, sweetheart.” He leans down and kisses me gently. I let the touch of his lips linger before pulling back. “I’ll call you later,” he says, telling me our normal nighttime chats won’t end.
“Okay.” I go up on my toes reaching my mouth to his. He has to bend to receive it, and a thrill runs through me when he does. He glides his tongue along my lips, and I give him access only for him to pull back at the sound of a car horn.
“Fucking hell,” he grinds out, then steps back. I turn and watch Detective Jackson pull up beside me. Jesse steps back again, putting more distance between us.
“Hi, Jackson,” I greet him when he exits his car, angry eyes trained on Jesse.
“Hi, Bell. How have you been?” He steps up to us, his eyes leaving Jesse’s a short while to address me, but they track back to him almost immediately.
“Good. Really good.” I clutch my keys, eager to get out of Jackson’s stare. “Okay, I really should get going. I’ll speak to you later.” I smile at Jesse, wishing I could kiss him properly one more time, but feeling the tension between Jesse and Jackson, I know not to push it.
“Drive safe.” Jesse nods, his happy smiling face replaced with a stony stare.
“I will.” I wave and get in my car. The boys don’t move from their positions, Jesse’s eyes trained on mine, Jackson’s on Jesse. I back out slowly, and then turn, keeping my eyes ahead, hoping whatever is about to go down, isn’t over me.
Something tells me it is.
Nineteen JESSE
“What are you doing here?” I ask my brother as I watch Bell drive off. I’m annoyed she had to go, and I’m pissed Jackson fucking ruined our goodbye. I wanted her to stay, even if the boys were going to give me shit. I was enjoying having her in my bed, but she had to get back for dinner. I know her situation is fucked up. I know her family are dealing with their own shit, but keeping their twenty-three-year-old on a tight leash is seriously messed up.
“I don’t really know.” His hand moves to his head, rubbing his brow.
“I think you do.” I call him out, hoping he opens up.
“You do, do you?” He turns into me, bending his elbow and leaning his head on his hand.
“I think in some kind of messed up way, you were testing me.” He doesn’t deny it, which only pushes me to believe that maybe I passed.
“Do you think you’ll ever get over what happened over there?” I ask, wondering what I’m dealing with. Sometimes he can be so distant that I begin to wonder what I’m doing wrong. I know he has nightmares. I saw one the first night I was in his room. He holds onto his guilt with Conner so tightly that it tries to suffocate him in his sleep.
“Will you ever get over what happened with Paige? Even if you find her?” he asks back, and I understand where he’s going.
“I just want you to be honest with me, Jesse. Whatever is happening here, I need honesty. Don’t push me away when you‘re upset or not dealing. I can handle anything if you’re honest with me.” I lay it out, and I know he gets me. It’s whether he can be truthful with me.
“I’ll always be honest, Bell. You don’t have to worry about that,” he says and I blindly believe him. Maybe later on it wouldn’t be enough, but for now it had to do.
We lie in silence, naked, with his promise between us. Soon my eyes feel heavy, but I don’t fight sleep as it takes me. It’s been a long day.
A ringing phone wakes me some time later. Jesse stirs, shifting me awake to reach for it.
“Hello?” His groggy voice answers and I find myself waking up. Shit, what’s the time? “What? Right now?” Jesse barks, sitting right up. I follow suit, knowing either I’m really late or he is.
“Shit, fuck!” he curses, standing to full height. “Fine,” he says before hanging up.
“What?” I ask when he bends to find his jeans.
“My brother is coming over.” He steps into them and pulls them up his legs.
“What’s the time?” I ask, searching the floor for my panties and dress.
“Just after five. We drifted off.” He picks up my bra and throws it to me. I take a calming breath, knowing I’m not going to be late for Paige’s birthday dinner.
“I really should get going, too.” I adjust my clothes then start on my shoes.
“Yeah, preferably before Jackson gets here,” he mumbles.
“Sure, okay,” I say, ignoring the sting of him not wanting me to be seen by Jackson.
“Not like that.” He reaches out and pulls me into his chest. “I mean, the asshole has already warned me off you. I don’t need his shit.”
“Jackson warned you off me?” I ask and start to laugh.
“Yeah, the asshole seems to be protective over you.” He takes my hand and walks us to his door. I’m ready to leave, and as much as I know have to go, I don’t want to.
“It’s sweet.” I shrug, as we walk down the hall to where everyone still sits around.
“Sweet my ass,” Jesse grumbles, ignoring his friends once again, and heading for the front door. I hold back and say goodbye to Holly and Xzavier.
“Bye,” I whisper kissing X’s cheek.
“Girl, we need a girls’ night. Drinks and talking. Lots of talking,” Holly whispers in my ear when she says goodbye. I nod, agreeing, hoping I can develop a stronger relationship with Jesse’s friends.
“Bye, guys.” I wave to the rest of the club and walk toward Jesse. He doesn’t say anything, just takes my hand and walks me to my car.
“Thanks for being there for me today, Jesse,” I say when we come to a stop.
“Always, sweetheart.” He leans down and kisses me gently. I let the touch of his lips linger before pulling back. “I’ll call you later,” he says, telling me our normal nighttime chats won’t end.
“Okay.” I go up on my toes reaching my mouth to his. He has to bend to receive it, and a thrill runs through me when he does. He glides his tongue along my lips, and I give him access only for him to pull back at the sound of a car horn.
“Fucking hell,” he grinds out, then steps back. I turn and watch Detective Jackson pull up beside me. Jesse steps back again, putting more distance between us.
“Hi, Jackson,” I greet him when he exits his car, angry eyes trained on Jesse.
“Hi, Bell. How have you been?” He steps up to us, his eyes leaving Jesse’s a short while to address me, but they track back to him almost immediately.
“Good. Really good.” I clutch my keys, eager to get out of Jackson’s stare. “Okay, I really should get going. I’ll speak to you later.” I smile at Jesse, wishing I could kiss him properly one more time, but feeling the tension between Jesse and Jackson, I know not to push it.
“Drive safe.” Jesse nods, his happy smiling face replaced with a stony stare.
“I will.” I wave and get in my car. The boys don’t move from their positions, Jesse’s eyes trained on mine, Jackson’s on Jesse. I back out slowly, and then turn, keeping my eyes ahead, hoping whatever is about to go down, isn’t over me.
Something tells me it is.
Nineteen JESSE
“What are you doing here?” I ask my brother as I watch Bell drive off. I’m annoyed she had to go, and I’m pissed Jackson fucking ruined our goodbye. I wanted her to stay, even if the boys were going to give me shit. I was enjoying having her in my bed, but she had to get back for dinner. I know her situation is fucked up. I know her family are dealing with their own shit, but keeping their twenty-three-year-old on a tight leash is seriously messed up.
