Destroyed
Page 53
Turning my head, I bit the billowing sheets, trying to keep my hands away from him. I wanted to pull him deeper, force him to take me fast. The fundamental human need to touch drove me nuts—knowing I couldn’t risk it. He strained himself so much already. Every muscle vibrated, his eyes tight and dark.
Roan hovered, teasing me. His h*ps rocked, giving me a small amount of his erection. He breathed hard, panting with stress. “Make me take you. Make me f**k you.” He thrust a little, twisting my mind with want. “Take me, Zel. Take all of me. Let me prove you have nothing left to fear.”
I stopped biting the sheets and looked at him. Really looked at him. No more barriers, no more smoke or secrets—he let me see just how hard touching was for him, but he wanted me to do it anyway. Every part of him wanted to kill me. The violence was an aura around him, beading on his brow.
He suffered to protect me.
He willingly battled pain to find salvation that might never come.
My heart couldn’t handle his agony. “It hurts you.” I shook my head. “I can’t. Stop. We can try another day.”
He growled, dropping his head to bite my neck. The sharpness of his teeth made me freeze.
Has he lost control?
My fingers itched for my knife. I said goodbye to Clara today and as much as I missed her, I wasn’t ready to leave this earth.
The realization that I wanted to continue living—even if it meant without her by my side caught me by surprise. It shot me with fight and adrenaline. Reminding me that others needed me.
Roan needed me.
His son needed me.
Instead of guilt, peace settled.
Then my back bowed as Roan pressed in a little more, stretching me. “I won’t go any further until you make me. Touch me.” He kissed my cheek, smothering me in the scent of smoke. “Touch me. Please. You’re safe.” His voice was ragged and strained.
The offer was too tantalising. I wanted to help him break. I wanted him to stop being in pain.
My fingers whispered over his back and he hissed. Every muscle in his spine locked down.
I dropped my hands.
You can’t do this.
I no longer played with just my life. I had another. Barely formed and so, so delicate. I couldn’t be reckless or selfish.
“I can’t.”
His eyes flared wide, holding himself rigid above me. “Why not?”
My heart bucked, racing toward the truth. Fear filled me at how he’d react. Would he still want me? Would he view it as a replacement for Clara? I’d worked through my issues and accepted that I could love another without being a traitor to Clara’s memory, but Roan didn’t know. He didn’t have a clue.
“I can’t let you kill me.”
“I’m not going to kill you. Fuck, Zel. I need you to push me again. I won’t get better if you don’t push me like you did at Obsidian.”
I shook my head. “I have to think of someone else. It’s not just my life I’ll be risking to save yours.”
He reared upright, glaring deep into my eyes. “Spit it out. What the hell are you keeping from me now?” A terrible glint filled his eye. “So help me, Hazel, tell me. I won’t survive you keeping secrets from me again.”
I sucked in a deep breath, fortifying myself against his wrath. “I’m pregnant.”
The world stood still for a fraction of a second. His face froze, eyes dazed. Then life jolted back into him and he blinked. “What did you just say?”
I swallowed, hating the rush of sadness at celebrating a new life when I’d only just said goodbye to a girl who would always hold my heart. “I’m having your child.”
I wasn’t prepared for the switch in him. The savage hunger that exploded, infecting me just as brutally. “Fuck. Hazel.” His mouth crashed against mine, his tongue sweeping deep. I had no clue what was going on in his head.
His hands left my h*ps to capture my face, holding me captive as he kissed me like a man starved of air. As quickly as he kissed me, he pulled away. “What? How?” His eyes darted all over me, disbelief in their depths.
My head swam. My body sparked and hummed. “I thought I couldn’t conceive. I was wrong.”
“But—oh, my God. I’m going to be a father?” Love glowed brighter than any sun, then shadowed with fear. “Fuck. I’m not—I can’t be around something so breakable.” He sucked in a breath. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
I wasn’t scared that he’d reject the idea of his offspring, or that he’d send me away. Confidence ran in my blood. “You made so much progress already. You have nine months to finish curing yourself before he arrives.”
He swallowed hard. “He?” His eyes shot to my belly. “You already know what it is?”
Every part of me wanted to hug him. He looked lost. Terrified. Almost angry at me for putting him in this dangerous situation.
I shook my head. “No. But I know. It’s a boy. Your son. And you won’t hurt him. I won’t let you.”
His h*ps moved, withdrawing the small amount of connection we shared. “But—I managed to withstand Clara because she was so brave—so strong. But a newborn?” He panicked, eyes widening. “I can’t. I don’t want to be responsible for kill—” He stopped and gritted his teeth. “No. I’ll look after you till you have it, then I’ll keep my distance. It’s the only way.”
Anger.
Hot, swift anger. I’d forgotten what it felt like, buried beneath so much grief. I welcomed it and did something I probably shouldn’t.
Grabbing the back of his neck, I yanked him down. His biceps strained, trying to hold himself up. My legs shot upright and wrapped around his hips, finding his hardness again and pushing myself onto him.
He froze, tension echoing in his joints. “Stop, Hazel. Fuck—”
“No. I won’t stop. And I’ll tell you why. You are going to be part of this new life. You are going to heal and you’re going to get better. If I have to show you you can do this, then so be it.” My hands dropped from his neck to his hips, pulling him into me. He wrenched back, fighting the need between us.
He fought, looking positively wild, but then all the fight siphoned out of him and he collapsed on top. His breathing rattled in his lungs and his eyes screwed up tight. “It’s too hard. I can’t ignore the conditioning.”
“Yes, you can. And you will.”
I needed him to take me. The thirst ached in my teeth, my bones. I needed to solidify our connection once and for all.
We needed to bruise and ride and claim. This wasn’t about sweetness and building trust—it was deeper than that. Something that joined us more holy than marriage or a lifetime of togetherness.
“Take me, Roan. I trust you.”
He moaned loud and long. “I can’t—I don’t want to hurt you. This was a mistake.” His body imprisoned me, creating a blanket of lust-filled male.
“Yes, you can.” My hands landed on his ass.
He shuddered in my hold—his teeth grinding loudly. “Stop.”
“No.” I sank nails deep into his flesh and pulled him possessively into me. It was the first time I’d taken him. The first time I’d taken everything he offered and more.
His length sank in deep and wide, bringing heat and waves of desire. Every stretch was delicious. Perfect.
His self-control snapped and he threw his head back. “Oh my God. Goddammit, you feel—” He didn’t finish as he thrust in deeper—eternally deep. I couldn’t keep my eyes open—overwhelmed by the scrumptious fullness, the complete knowledge he was mine and I was his.
“See. You can. You have more control than you know.” Wrapping my legs tighter around his hips, I imprisoned him. “I trust you to love me. To not hurt me. Give me everything you have to give, Roan Averin.”
Every muscle stood out in stark relief, vibrating with pent-up aggression and only orders he could hear. He shuddered uncontrollably.
Reaching for his neck, I grabbed two handfuls of hair and yanked his lips to mine. “You can do this. Fight through it,” I panted against his lips.
He shook his head, tugging the strands in my grip. “What if I hurt you? Shit, Zel, you’re pregnant. Am I even allowed to be inside you like this?” His nostrils flared and his h*ps tried to wiggle out of my locked legs.
“You’re not going anywhere.” Grabbing more of his hair, I forced him to kiss me. My tongue entered his mouth and a tremor quaked down his back.
Biting his lower lip, I murmured, “I’ll touch you if you take me. I’ll stroke you if you make me come. I’ll always be yours, Roan. Prove to me you can keep me safe.”
I deliberately drove him to breaking point. It was fascinating to feel the change in him. The haunted look swirled in his depths. The violence of his past swallowed him whole. But through the transformation from human to machine he pressed his forehead against mine and locked eyes. He locked himself to me. Soul to soul.
Gone was the fight to protect me. His c**k pressed deeper and his body smothered harder. He thrust once, gritting his teeth. “I can’t be slow. Don’t ask me to be slow.”
I nodded, stroking his back, thrilling with terror and want. “Take me however you need.”
His body slammed into me once, twice, before he found control and stopped—vibrating with barely held restraint. “I’m so f**king scared.” His voice wavered and the plea in his eyes almost made me let him go.
Almost.
“I trust you.” I’d keep repeating it over and over again until it seeped into his psyche and freed him. “You can’t hurt the baby. Take me. I won’t ask again.”
He switched from human to animal. He let go of everything.
His h*ps pulled back before colliding with mine with a ferocity that echoed in my heart. Everything about him switched to possessive greed. His face shut down. Lips pursed. Sweat beaded.
“Don’t trust me. Don’t f**king trust me,” he growled, driving into me. Every stroke of his c**k claimed ownership and I let him steal me away.
Nothing else existed but him inside me and his hard heat above me. I locked my legs tighter, pulling him achingly deep.
His mouth latched onto my neck, sucking, biting. Sparks of gold and silver whizzed in my blood, intoxicating me—making me come back to life.
“Yes. Take me,” I panted as Roan drove violently into me. Every thrust he lost himself until I didn’t know which man I held. Obsidian Fox or Roan Averin.
The bed screeched across the floor, the bedding slip-slided all over the mattress as he took everything I had to offer. He was right.
It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t sweet. It was dirty and cruel and broken.
But I couldn’t get enough.
His hands landed on my hips, holding me in place as he increased his rhythm. His face twisted until he looked furiously angry.
My heart no longer beat—it hummed like a hummingbird as every thrust unlocked a power deep inside me. A power over this man. Over my fate. Over my sadness and happiness and future.
Love swelled like a typhoon in my chest, evolving, growing until it filled every space and cavity. I visualized love protecting the new life inside me—spreading to Roan and healing him. It kept growing until my body had no more space and it exploded out of me, showering us both in emotion.
“God, I—I can’t stop.” Roan reared back, his face shiny with sweat. “I’m hurting you. God, I’m sorry. So damn sorry.” His eyes were wild, skin ashen. “The baby. Make me stop. Make me f**king stop.” His teeth gritted as he drove particularly hard into me.
My body sparked with electricity, static crackled between us. I couldn’t stop. Not when I was so close to falling over the precipice of a release I desperately wanted.
This was between me and him.
Life and death.
Possession and ownership.
I threw my head back. “You’re not hurting me. I trust you.”
“Stop saying that!” He groaned, increasing his rhythm until I felt sure I’d snap in two. “Don’t trust me. Never trust me.”
His guttural moan vibrated through his chest as the first ripple of need travelled down his cock, massaging me with the fierceness of his impending orgasm.
My body clenched, tightened, wound. Taking me out of this stratosphere and placing me on a shooting star. A comet where everything was happy and perfect and there was no tragedy or sadness.
A star.
Her star.
Grief tried to steal me from his embrace and I clamped my eyes shut. Focusing only on his heat and vitality. The more Roan took me, the more he pulled away. Our bodies were connected but our souls had lost each other.
I needed to find him again.
To finish what we’d started.
“More. Please, more.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, dragging him back against me. He moaned as his entire body went bow-string tight, landing on top of mine. His h*ps pistoned as I held on, never letting him go. Our breathing mingled, panting out of control.
Every stroke was delicious; every motion sent me higher up the mountain of claiming the most incredible orgasm of my life.
I relished in the fierceness of him, the absolute ownership of his body on top of me. Full body contact. Something completely new.
I loved hugging him.
I loved being blanketed by him.
The first spindle and body-shivering band of my release teetered just out of reach. I dug nails into his ass, curving into him, meeting his every thrust.
Roan cried out with all the torture in the world—lost in whatever mind-warp he suffered. “I—I f**king love you,” he snapped, violence tinging every part of him.
Roan hovered, teasing me. His h*ps rocked, giving me a small amount of his erection. He breathed hard, panting with stress. “Make me take you. Make me f**k you.” He thrust a little, twisting my mind with want. “Take me, Zel. Take all of me. Let me prove you have nothing left to fear.”
I stopped biting the sheets and looked at him. Really looked at him. No more barriers, no more smoke or secrets—he let me see just how hard touching was for him, but he wanted me to do it anyway. Every part of him wanted to kill me. The violence was an aura around him, beading on his brow.
He suffered to protect me.
He willingly battled pain to find salvation that might never come.
My heart couldn’t handle his agony. “It hurts you.” I shook my head. “I can’t. Stop. We can try another day.”
He growled, dropping his head to bite my neck. The sharpness of his teeth made me freeze.
Has he lost control?
My fingers itched for my knife. I said goodbye to Clara today and as much as I missed her, I wasn’t ready to leave this earth.
The realization that I wanted to continue living—even if it meant without her by my side caught me by surprise. It shot me with fight and adrenaline. Reminding me that others needed me.
Roan needed me.
His son needed me.
Instead of guilt, peace settled.
Then my back bowed as Roan pressed in a little more, stretching me. “I won’t go any further until you make me. Touch me.” He kissed my cheek, smothering me in the scent of smoke. “Touch me. Please. You’re safe.” His voice was ragged and strained.
The offer was too tantalising. I wanted to help him break. I wanted him to stop being in pain.
My fingers whispered over his back and he hissed. Every muscle in his spine locked down.
I dropped my hands.
You can’t do this.
I no longer played with just my life. I had another. Barely formed and so, so delicate. I couldn’t be reckless or selfish.
“I can’t.”
His eyes flared wide, holding himself rigid above me. “Why not?”
My heart bucked, racing toward the truth. Fear filled me at how he’d react. Would he still want me? Would he view it as a replacement for Clara? I’d worked through my issues and accepted that I could love another without being a traitor to Clara’s memory, but Roan didn’t know. He didn’t have a clue.
“I can’t let you kill me.”
“I’m not going to kill you. Fuck, Zel. I need you to push me again. I won’t get better if you don’t push me like you did at Obsidian.”
I shook my head. “I have to think of someone else. It’s not just my life I’ll be risking to save yours.”
He reared upright, glaring deep into my eyes. “Spit it out. What the hell are you keeping from me now?” A terrible glint filled his eye. “So help me, Hazel, tell me. I won’t survive you keeping secrets from me again.”
I sucked in a deep breath, fortifying myself against his wrath. “I’m pregnant.”
The world stood still for a fraction of a second. His face froze, eyes dazed. Then life jolted back into him and he blinked. “What did you just say?”
I swallowed, hating the rush of sadness at celebrating a new life when I’d only just said goodbye to a girl who would always hold my heart. “I’m having your child.”
I wasn’t prepared for the switch in him. The savage hunger that exploded, infecting me just as brutally. “Fuck. Hazel.” His mouth crashed against mine, his tongue sweeping deep. I had no clue what was going on in his head.
His hands left my h*ps to capture my face, holding me captive as he kissed me like a man starved of air. As quickly as he kissed me, he pulled away. “What? How?” His eyes darted all over me, disbelief in their depths.
My head swam. My body sparked and hummed. “I thought I couldn’t conceive. I was wrong.”
“But—oh, my God. I’m going to be a father?” Love glowed brighter than any sun, then shadowed with fear. “Fuck. I’m not—I can’t be around something so breakable.” He sucked in a breath. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
I wasn’t scared that he’d reject the idea of his offspring, or that he’d send me away. Confidence ran in my blood. “You made so much progress already. You have nine months to finish curing yourself before he arrives.”
He swallowed hard. “He?” His eyes shot to my belly. “You already know what it is?”
Every part of me wanted to hug him. He looked lost. Terrified. Almost angry at me for putting him in this dangerous situation.
I shook my head. “No. But I know. It’s a boy. Your son. And you won’t hurt him. I won’t let you.”
His h*ps moved, withdrawing the small amount of connection we shared. “But—I managed to withstand Clara because she was so brave—so strong. But a newborn?” He panicked, eyes widening. “I can’t. I don’t want to be responsible for kill—” He stopped and gritted his teeth. “No. I’ll look after you till you have it, then I’ll keep my distance. It’s the only way.”
Anger.
Hot, swift anger. I’d forgotten what it felt like, buried beneath so much grief. I welcomed it and did something I probably shouldn’t.
Grabbing the back of his neck, I yanked him down. His biceps strained, trying to hold himself up. My legs shot upright and wrapped around his hips, finding his hardness again and pushing myself onto him.
He froze, tension echoing in his joints. “Stop, Hazel. Fuck—”
“No. I won’t stop. And I’ll tell you why. You are going to be part of this new life. You are going to heal and you’re going to get better. If I have to show you you can do this, then so be it.” My hands dropped from his neck to his hips, pulling him into me. He wrenched back, fighting the need between us.
He fought, looking positively wild, but then all the fight siphoned out of him and he collapsed on top. His breathing rattled in his lungs and his eyes screwed up tight. “It’s too hard. I can’t ignore the conditioning.”
“Yes, you can. And you will.”
I needed him to take me. The thirst ached in my teeth, my bones. I needed to solidify our connection once and for all.
We needed to bruise and ride and claim. This wasn’t about sweetness and building trust—it was deeper than that. Something that joined us more holy than marriage or a lifetime of togetherness.
“Take me, Roan. I trust you.”
He moaned loud and long. “I can’t—I don’t want to hurt you. This was a mistake.” His body imprisoned me, creating a blanket of lust-filled male.
“Yes, you can.” My hands landed on his ass.
He shuddered in my hold—his teeth grinding loudly. “Stop.”
“No.” I sank nails deep into his flesh and pulled him possessively into me. It was the first time I’d taken him. The first time I’d taken everything he offered and more.
His length sank in deep and wide, bringing heat and waves of desire. Every stretch was delicious. Perfect.
His self-control snapped and he threw his head back. “Oh my God. Goddammit, you feel—” He didn’t finish as he thrust in deeper—eternally deep. I couldn’t keep my eyes open—overwhelmed by the scrumptious fullness, the complete knowledge he was mine and I was his.
“See. You can. You have more control than you know.” Wrapping my legs tighter around his hips, I imprisoned him. “I trust you to love me. To not hurt me. Give me everything you have to give, Roan Averin.”
Every muscle stood out in stark relief, vibrating with pent-up aggression and only orders he could hear. He shuddered uncontrollably.
Reaching for his neck, I grabbed two handfuls of hair and yanked his lips to mine. “You can do this. Fight through it,” I panted against his lips.
He shook his head, tugging the strands in my grip. “What if I hurt you? Shit, Zel, you’re pregnant. Am I even allowed to be inside you like this?” His nostrils flared and his h*ps tried to wiggle out of my locked legs.
“You’re not going anywhere.” Grabbing more of his hair, I forced him to kiss me. My tongue entered his mouth and a tremor quaked down his back.
Biting his lower lip, I murmured, “I’ll touch you if you take me. I’ll stroke you if you make me come. I’ll always be yours, Roan. Prove to me you can keep me safe.”
I deliberately drove him to breaking point. It was fascinating to feel the change in him. The haunted look swirled in his depths. The violence of his past swallowed him whole. But through the transformation from human to machine he pressed his forehead against mine and locked eyes. He locked himself to me. Soul to soul.
Gone was the fight to protect me. His c**k pressed deeper and his body smothered harder. He thrust once, gritting his teeth. “I can’t be slow. Don’t ask me to be slow.”
I nodded, stroking his back, thrilling with terror and want. “Take me however you need.”
His body slammed into me once, twice, before he found control and stopped—vibrating with barely held restraint. “I’m so f**king scared.” His voice wavered and the plea in his eyes almost made me let him go.
Almost.
“I trust you.” I’d keep repeating it over and over again until it seeped into his psyche and freed him. “You can’t hurt the baby. Take me. I won’t ask again.”
He switched from human to animal. He let go of everything.
His h*ps pulled back before colliding with mine with a ferocity that echoed in my heart. Everything about him switched to possessive greed. His face shut down. Lips pursed. Sweat beaded.
“Don’t trust me. Don’t f**king trust me,” he growled, driving into me. Every stroke of his c**k claimed ownership and I let him steal me away.
Nothing else existed but him inside me and his hard heat above me. I locked my legs tighter, pulling him achingly deep.
His mouth latched onto my neck, sucking, biting. Sparks of gold and silver whizzed in my blood, intoxicating me—making me come back to life.
“Yes. Take me,” I panted as Roan drove violently into me. Every thrust he lost himself until I didn’t know which man I held. Obsidian Fox or Roan Averin.
The bed screeched across the floor, the bedding slip-slided all over the mattress as he took everything I had to offer. He was right.
It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t sweet. It was dirty and cruel and broken.
But I couldn’t get enough.
His hands landed on my hips, holding me in place as he increased his rhythm. His face twisted until he looked furiously angry.
My heart no longer beat—it hummed like a hummingbird as every thrust unlocked a power deep inside me. A power over this man. Over my fate. Over my sadness and happiness and future.
Love swelled like a typhoon in my chest, evolving, growing until it filled every space and cavity. I visualized love protecting the new life inside me—spreading to Roan and healing him. It kept growing until my body had no more space and it exploded out of me, showering us both in emotion.
“God, I—I can’t stop.” Roan reared back, his face shiny with sweat. “I’m hurting you. God, I’m sorry. So damn sorry.” His eyes were wild, skin ashen. “The baby. Make me stop. Make me f**king stop.” His teeth gritted as he drove particularly hard into me.
My body sparked with electricity, static crackled between us. I couldn’t stop. Not when I was so close to falling over the precipice of a release I desperately wanted.
This was between me and him.
Life and death.
Possession and ownership.
I threw my head back. “You’re not hurting me. I trust you.”
“Stop saying that!” He groaned, increasing his rhythm until I felt sure I’d snap in two. “Don’t trust me. Never trust me.”
His guttural moan vibrated through his chest as the first ripple of need travelled down his cock, massaging me with the fierceness of his impending orgasm.
My body clenched, tightened, wound. Taking me out of this stratosphere and placing me on a shooting star. A comet where everything was happy and perfect and there was no tragedy or sadness.
A star.
Her star.
Grief tried to steal me from his embrace and I clamped my eyes shut. Focusing only on his heat and vitality. The more Roan took me, the more he pulled away. Our bodies were connected but our souls had lost each other.
I needed to find him again.
To finish what we’d started.
“More. Please, more.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, dragging him back against me. He moaned as his entire body went bow-string tight, landing on top of mine. His h*ps pistoned as I held on, never letting him go. Our breathing mingled, panting out of control.
Every stroke was delicious; every motion sent me higher up the mountain of claiming the most incredible orgasm of my life.
I relished in the fierceness of him, the absolute ownership of his body on top of me. Full body contact. Something completely new.
I loved hugging him.
I loved being blanketed by him.
The first spindle and body-shivering band of my release teetered just out of reach. I dug nails into his ass, curving into him, meeting his every thrust.
Roan cried out with all the torture in the world—lost in whatever mind-warp he suffered. “I—I f**king love you,” he snapped, violence tinging every part of him.
