Dirty English
Page 53
“No. I—I just need to get home. I don’t feel well.” I twirled around, but his voice stopped me.
“You’re running, Elizabeth, but it won’t do you any good. You can’t fight what we have.”
His words went straight to my gut, and I turned back to face him.
His eyes bored into mine. “Can’t you see what’s happening between us? We keep pushing each other away because we’re scared. But that night at the gym—it wasn’t just sex for me, Elizabeth. I want you for real , all the good and bad parts together.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Stop denying us .”
Us? The colony of butterflies in my tummy went crazy.
He continued. “You have wounds. Deep ones. I see that. You’re living in the past with no hope for the future, but you do have hope. I saw it when you talked about your jewelry. I saw it when I made love to you. Just—open your heart. Let me in.” His words were insistent, his eyes soft. Earnest. I sucked in a sharp breath.
God, he was beautiful.
So was Colby .
Didn’t he see that I couldn’t change for him? Did he really think I would hand him the razors to cut out my heart piece by piece? It wasn’t just a paper thing you could tape back together.
“My heart is not easily mended,” I whispered. “And you—you have the potential to rip it apart permanently, so much more than Colby ever did.”
He exhaled. “I will never hurt you.”
“Colby said that too,” I said bitterly.
“Listen to me, Elizabeth,” he clasped my hand, his gray eyes peering down at me intently. “I’ve known since the frat party that we have a connection. There’s a magnet in my chest that’s drawn to yours. Maybe it was lust at first sight. Maybe it was the vulnerable way you looked at me, but mostly, it—it was the dragonfly. This feeling … it’s crazy and I can’t define it, but I think—I think I’m falling for you.”
Love?
Love cuts out your heart piece by piece, feeding it to the boy you love.
But this is Declan. He’s different , a small voice whispered.
But …
“What do you want from me?” My voice was torn, my emotions all over the place.
He cupped my cheek, his thumb caressing the curve of my face. “The truth. How do you feel? Do you hate me? Do you want me to kiss you?” His full lips tilted up in a sweet smile, like he already knew the answer. I guess he did.
He leaned his head down and pressed his warm mouth against mine. The pressure was gentle and sweet at first, but like everything between us, it got hot fast. His hand snaked into my hair and cupped my head as our tongues tangled, massaging, our passion rising with each dark stroke. God, yes. I wanted this. Him. Forever.
But all I could think about was Colby. I eased back from him and rested my forehead against his chest.
Afraid to look at him. Afraid to face the truth of what I had to do.
He tilted my chin up, his eyes heavy with desire. “Don’t pull away, Elizabeth. Not from me.”
But I did.
I exhaled heavily, all the while trying to mentally distance myself from his heady maleness that made me want to crawl into him and never leave.
“Come with me and we’ll get out of here,” he said quietly. “Just—don’t tell me what I think I see on your face.”
I closed my eyes. No, this had to stop. If he wanted the truth, I’d give it to him.
“Wait,” I said, taking another step back. “You haven’t heard everything. Colby—he chased me relentlessly, and I just couldn’t wrap my head around why a guy like him wanted me. I didn’t have rich parents or the right clothes or even a car. I wasn’t popular, although that changed once he made it known he wanted me. Suddenly I was part of the in-crowd. Girls wanted to be my bestie. Guys talked to me. Looking back, I see now I was merely a trophy to him, the girl he couldn’t have. The virgin.” I bit my lip hard.
Declan’s face tightened.
My gut churned with memories, but I couldn’t stop. I had to get it all out this one last time. “He—he bought me flowers, texted me fifty times a day, and I was too naïve to see what was right in front of my face. He was a player who’d left a trail of broken hearts—but he told me I was different and that he’d change for me.” I sucked in a deep breath, forcing the words out. “Prom night he provided the alcohol and drugs. Things got hazy. One moment I was dancing and the next I was in a hotel room with my dress ripped apart. It wasn’t what I wanted,” my voice cracked, and I yanked it back under control. “That night, darkness slithered its way into my heart, and I vowed to never fall in love again. Two days later, my mom still wasn’t home from Vegas, and I—I slit my wrists to end the blackness inside me. I—I never want love to push me to the brink of ending myself again.”
Declan had taken to pacing during my story, but now he came to a standstill and looked at me, his fists clenched at his side. “I’ll kill the bastard.”
My voice quivered. “He’s untouchable—even for you.”
“Did you report him?”
“And ruin my life? Put myself through a pointless court battle and public censure? I’m a nobody!”
“Never say that.” The tightness around his mouth softened as his eyes searched mine. I pulled back from him even more, my eyes everywhere except on his face.
“You’re running, Elizabeth, but it won’t do you any good. You can’t fight what we have.”
His words went straight to my gut, and I turned back to face him.
His eyes bored into mine. “Can’t you see what’s happening between us? We keep pushing each other away because we’re scared. But that night at the gym—it wasn’t just sex for me, Elizabeth. I want you for real , all the good and bad parts together.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Stop denying us .”
Us? The colony of butterflies in my tummy went crazy.
He continued. “You have wounds. Deep ones. I see that. You’re living in the past with no hope for the future, but you do have hope. I saw it when you talked about your jewelry. I saw it when I made love to you. Just—open your heart. Let me in.” His words were insistent, his eyes soft. Earnest. I sucked in a sharp breath.
God, he was beautiful.
So was Colby .
Didn’t he see that I couldn’t change for him? Did he really think I would hand him the razors to cut out my heart piece by piece? It wasn’t just a paper thing you could tape back together.
“My heart is not easily mended,” I whispered. “And you—you have the potential to rip it apart permanently, so much more than Colby ever did.”
He exhaled. “I will never hurt you.”
“Colby said that too,” I said bitterly.
“Listen to me, Elizabeth,” he clasped my hand, his gray eyes peering down at me intently. “I’ve known since the frat party that we have a connection. There’s a magnet in my chest that’s drawn to yours. Maybe it was lust at first sight. Maybe it was the vulnerable way you looked at me, but mostly, it—it was the dragonfly. This feeling … it’s crazy and I can’t define it, but I think—I think I’m falling for you.”
Love?
Love cuts out your heart piece by piece, feeding it to the boy you love.
But this is Declan. He’s different , a small voice whispered.
But …
“What do you want from me?” My voice was torn, my emotions all over the place.
He cupped my cheek, his thumb caressing the curve of my face. “The truth. How do you feel? Do you hate me? Do you want me to kiss you?” His full lips tilted up in a sweet smile, like he already knew the answer. I guess he did.
He leaned his head down and pressed his warm mouth against mine. The pressure was gentle and sweet at first, but like everything between us, it got hot fast. His hand snaked into my hair and cupped my head as our tongues tangled, massaging, our passion rising with each dark stroke. God, yes. I wanted this. Him. Forever.
But all I could think about was Colby. I eased back from him and rested my forehead against his chest.
Afraid to look at him. Afraid to face the truth of what I had to do.
He tilted my chin up, his eyes heavy with desire. “Don’t pull away, Elizabeth. Not from me.”
But I did.
I exhaled heavily, all the while trying to mentally distance myself from his heady maleness that made me want to crawl into him and never leave.
“Come with me and we’ll get out of here,” he said quietly. “Just—don’t tell me what I think I see on your face.”
I closed my eyes. No, this had to stop. If he wanted the truth, I’d give it to him.
“Wait,” I said, taking another step back. “You haven’t heard everything. Colby—he chased me relentlessly, and I just couldn’t wrap my head around why a guy like him wanted me. I didn’t have rich parents or the right clothes or even a car. I wasn’t popular, although that changed once he made it known he wanted me. Suddenly I was part of the in-crowd. Girls wanted to be my bestie. Guys talked to me. Looking back, I see now I was merely a trophy to him, the girl he couldn’t have. The virgin.” I bit my lip hard.
Declan’s face tightened.
My gut churned with memories, but I couldn’t stop. I had to get it all out this one last time. “He—he bought me flowers, texted me fifty times a day, and I was too naïve to see what was right in front of my face. He was a player who’d left a trail of broken hearts—but he told me I was different and that he’d change for me.” I sucked in a deep breath, forcing the words out. “Prom night he provided the alcohol and drugs. Things got hazy. One moment I was dancing and the next I was in a hotel room with my dress ripped apart. It wasn’t what I wanted,” my voice cracked, and I yanked it back under control. “That night, darkness slithered its way into my heart, and I vowed to never fall in love again. Two days later, my mom still wasn’t home from Vegas, and I—I slit my wrists to end the blackness inside me. I—I never want love to push me to the brink of ending myself again.”
Declan had taken to pacing during my story, but now he came to a standstill and looked at me, his fists clenched at his side. “I’ll kill the bastard.”
My voice quivered. “He’s untouchable—even for you.”
“Did you report him?”
“And ruin my life? Put myself through a pointless court battle and public censure? I’m a nobody!”
“Never say that.” The tightness around his mouth softened as his eyes searched mine. I pulled back from him even more, my eyes everywhere except on his face.
