Dirty English
Page 54
He saw too much .
He gathered my stiff body in his arms and held me.
But I couldn’t relax. I wanted to hide away forever. I wanted to disappear.
“I got you, Elizabeth. Let me take care of you. Let me be the one you run to. We can figure it all out together.”
My breath hitched. I debated on telling him more about Colby, about the text and the threat behind it, but I couldn’t involve him. I couldn’t lead him on. Because in the end, I could never love again.
“Elizabeth?”
I gazed up at him. “Declan …” My voice trailed off, unable to form the words that teetered on my lips.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, eyes clinging to mine, hope on his face.
“I—I can’t.” My voice sounded strangled.
“Tell me why.”
Emotions warred in me, part of me wanting to sink into his arms and throw caution to the wind, but the other side …
“Why won’t you let me in?” he insisted.
“ You know why ,” I said, closing my eyes briefly and pulling back.
“Say it. Get some guts and just fucking say it. You know how you feel about me.” His hands clutched my arms.
“Because I—”
“Yes?”
I shook my head and swallowed down the words in my heart and went with the ones in my head. “I—I can’t be with you. You’re all wrong for me. You’re a fighter and you’re beautiful and you’ll break my heart. You’re just another one-night stand, okay? That’s it. Nothing more. Just—just leave me alone. We’re done .” I jerked away from him, chest heaving.
Immediately, I wanted to yank the words back, but the rules girl in my head told me to run and end this misery.
So I did.
“Wait,” he barked out, but I moved furiously through the quad, dodging students as I bolted for the parking lot.
AN AVALANCHE OF emotions slammed into me as I watched her weave through the quad. Running from us. She’d rejected me, just as if she’d reached in my chest and squeezed the fuck out of my heart.
So much for putting it out there on the table and taking a chance.
She was falling in love with me too, but the kicker was she didn’t want to.
I knew it. She knew it.
I watched her until she got to the street, her lonely figure hunched over as she checked the crosswalk and then crossed hurriedly, headed for the carpark. She moved like the devil was behind her, and dammit, I didn’t want to be the person who put that freaked-out look on her face.
I’d just wanted to see where we could go from here.
I wanted her in my bed at night and every morning.
I wanted her in my skin.
I wanted her in my soul.
And I wanted in hers .
Yet …
She was afraid because of Colby Scott. Fucking rapist . My anger skyrocketed, my blood racing through my veins when I thought about him.
I was going to kill him. Slowly and with my bare hands.
Fuck . I rubbed my hair, my hands tugging on the ends. But it wasn’t just Colby keeping us apart, was it? There was the fighting, and no way in hell was I giving up my dream. I lived and breathed by my fists. My gym meant everything to me, and maybe I’d even shoot for a UFC stint when I got settled.
With a heaviness in my chest, I stalked back toward the cafeteria and people shuffled to go around me on the sidewalk. Considering the mix of what I was feeling, there was no telling what was on my face.
Dax had come outside and walked toward me. He pulled up next to me, a wary look on his face. “Where’d she go? Did you cock it up?”
I exhaled, trying to let go of the lingering frustration. “She went home, and no, I didn’t cock it up for your information. I told her I wanted more, and she told me to stay away. Oh, she also said I was nothing but a fuck to her. Nice little conversation.”
He opened his mouth, but I held my hand up. “Not now. I don’t want any bloody questions. She told me how she felt, and I am officially finished.”
His mouth tightened. “I just want to help. I like her and I think she’s good for you.”
“Yeah? She doesn’t want me , brother.”
But she’s afraid , a voice reminded me. So? I had my bloody pride too.
He let out a sigh. “It’s just—there’s something about the two of you…the way you look at her…bollocks, I don’t know. You should go after her. Don’t give up so soon.”
Leftover anger flared again. “Great. Romance advice from the guy who’s never had a serious relationship. Thanks but no thanks.”
“Don’t be an arse.”
“Don’t be a nosy parker,” I snapped. “You don’t know what the bloody hell you’re on about.”
“You’re my twin. I can read you like a book. You’re halfway in love with her already.”
I barked out a laugh. “Maybe if you did read a real book, you’d pass your classes.”
“Knobhead. You don’t know when to shut your gob do you?”
“Back to the name calling? Very mature,” I said with gritted teeth. “You best take a step back, brother, and think about what you’re doing.”
We faced off with each other, our eyes glaring as the moments ticked by.
Suddenly he relaxed his stance, his shoulders dipping as he took a step back and surveyed me critically. He waved his hands at me. “ This . This is how I know you’re in trouble when it comes to Elizabeth. Your fists are clenched, you’ve got this crazy look in your eye, and your hair looks like squirrels are living in it you’re pulling on it so much. You’re in deep shit, and you don’t know how to handle it.”
He gathered my stiff body in his arms and held me.
But I couldn’t relax. I wanted to hide away forever. I wanted to disappear.
“I got you, Elizabeth. Let me take care of you. Let me be the one you run to. We can figure it all out together.”
My breath hitched. I debated on telling him more about Colby, about the text and the threat behind it, but I couldn’t involve him. I couldn’t lead him on. Because in the end, I could never love again.
“Elizabeth?”
I gazed up at him. “Declan …” My voice trailed off, unable to form the words that teetered on my lips.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, eyes clinging to mine, hope on his face.
“I—I can’t.” My voice sounded strangled.
“Tell me why.”
Emotions warred in me, part of me wanting to sink into his arms and throw caution to the wind, but the other side …
“Why won’t you let me in?” he insisted.
“ You know why ,” I said, closing my eyes briefly and pulling back.
“Say it. Get some guts and just fucking say it. You know how you feel about me.” His hands clutched my arms.
“Because I—”
“Yes?”
I shook my head and swallowed down the words in my heart and went with the ones in my head. “I—I can’t be with you. You’re all wrong for me. You’re a fighter and you’re beautiful and you’ll break my heart. You’re just another one-night stand, okay? That’s it. Nothing more. Just—just leave me alone. We’re done .” I jerked away from him, chest heaving.
Immediately, I wanted to yank the words back, but the rules girl in my head told me to run and end this misery.
So I did.
“Wait,” he barked out, but I moved furiously through the quad, dodging students as I bolted for the parking lot.
AN AVALANCHE OF emotions slammed into me as I watched her weave through the quad. Running from us. She’d rejected me, just as if she’d reached in my chest and squeezed the fuck out of my heart.
So much for putting it out there on the table and taking a chance.
She was falling in love with me too, but the kicker was she didn’t want to.
I knew it. She knew it.
I watched her until she got to the street, her lonely figure hunched over as she checked the crosswalk and then crossed hurriedly, headed for the carpark. She moved like the devil was behind her, and dammit, I didn’t want to be the person who put that freaked-out look on her face.
I’d just wanted to see where we could go from here.
I wanted her in my bed at night and every morning.
I wanted her in my skin.
I wanted her in my soul.
And I wanted in hers .
Yet …
She was afraid because of Colby Scott. Fucking rapist . My anger skyrocketed, my blood racing through my veins when I thought about him.
I was going to kill him. Slowly and with my bare hands.
Fuck . I rubbed my hair, my hands tugging on the ends. But it wasn’t just Colby keeping us apart, was it? There was the fighting, and no way in hell was I giving up my dream. I lived and breathed by my fists. My gym meant everything to me, and maybe I’d even shoot for a UFC stint when I got settled.
With a heaviness in my chest, I stalked back toward the cafeteria and people shuffled to go around me on the sidewalk. Considering the mix of what I was feeling, there was no telling what was on my face.
Dax had come outside and walked toward me. He pulled up next to me, a wary look on his face. “Where’d she go? Did you cock it up?”
I exhaled, trying to let go of the lingering frustration. “She went home, and no, I didn’t cock it up for your information. I told her I wanted more, and she told me to stay away. Oh, she also said I was nothing but a fuck to her. Nice little conversation.”
He opened his mouth, but I held my hand up. “Not now. I don’t want any bloody questions. She told me how she felt, and I am officially finished.”
His mouth tightened. “I just want to help. I like her and I think she’s good for you.”
“Yeah? She doesn’t want me , brother.”
But she’s afraid , a voice reminded me. So? I had my bloody pride too.
He let out a sigh. “It’s just—there’s something about the two of you…the way you look at her…bollocks, I don’t know. You should go after her. Don’t give up so soon.”
Leftover anger flared again. “Great. Romance advice from the guy who’s never had a serious relationship. Thanks but no thanks.”
“Don’t be an arse.”
“Don’t be a nosy parker,” I snapped. “You don’t know what the bloody hell you’re on about.”
“You’re my twin. I can read you like a book. You’re halfway in love with her already.”
I barked out a laugh. “Maybe if you did read a real book, you’d pass your classes.”
“Knobhead. You don’t know when to shut your gob do you?”
“Back to the name calling? Very mature,” I said with gritted teeth. “You best take a step back, brother, and think about what you’re doing.”
We faced off with each other, our eyes glaring as the moments ticked by.
Suddenly he relaxed his stance, his shoulders dipping as he took a step back and surveyed me critically. He waved his hands at me. “ This . This is how I know you’re in trouble when it comes to Elizabeth. Your fists are clenched, you’ve got this crazy look in your eye, and your hair looks like squirrels are living in it you’re pulling on it so much. You’re in deep shit, and you don’t know how to handle it.”
