Drawn Together
Page 20
He chuckled.
“But there are a lot of states between Arkansas and California.”
“Sure, and that was part of the appeal.” Not that anyone really would have looked for her by that point anyway. “Los Angeles had lots of opportunity. Or I thought it did anyway.”
“It didn’t?”
“It was harder than I thought it would be. I was homeless for a while when I first arrived. That sucked.” Not as much as the place she lived back in Happy Bend though. “But in a few months I had enough saved for a shitty little apartment. I had a few jobs. It got better.”
“You were how old?”
“Seventeen.”
“Christ. That’s young.”
“I was never young.” She kept working, working to keep herself detached from the details. It was her life; she wasn’t ashamed. She didn’t necessarily hide it. But she didn’t go into it with much depth with many people. With most people, she supposed.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Not much to tell really. Shitty childhood. It’s not a unique story. My adulthood is better. I overcame it and I prefer to keep it that way. My past doesn’t hinder me, it serves as a reminder that there’s better out there for me and it wasn’t in Arkansas.”
“I’m sorry. Abuse?”
“Here and there.”
“While in foster care?”
“Not always.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s long done. Be glad your daughter has a bright future and a wonderful past to look back on.”
“I am. Her mother, my ex, well, Carrie will probably have stuff to deal with, but she seems to be handling it fine.”
“She’s got a parent who loves her. She’s got a great future. If she can’t make something of herself with that, she’s not the kid you talk about.”
“She and I went to counseling for a while. Did you ever go?”
She laughed but then cringed because there was nothing but loathing in the sound.
“No.”
“Don’t believe in it?”
“Look, there was no money for that stuff. There wasn’t anything. I made it through. That’s what counts.”
It was easier to talk about it to his back.
She outlined, wiped the ink away, outlined, wiped the blood away. It was what she did. She created new things and didn’t think about the old. Looking back slowed you down.
He sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. Not really. It was a shitty childhood. It made me into who I am today. I survived it. Lots of people didn’t. So, let’s talk about you again.”
“No, I want to keep talking about you.”
“For f**k’s sake, why? I’m not a project like a hygiene center.”
“I don’t think that. I’m trying to know you.”
This is why she kept things light. “Don’t. I’m sure you’ve heard. I know you asked about me. I’m not worth knowing. Just f**k me and enjoy it and then move on.”
“That’s not who I am. And that’s not who you are.”
She snorted. “That’s totally who I am, Jonah. I’m a bitch. I’m a whore. I like to f**k. Lots of people.”
He turned then, grabbing her wrist, his eyes ablaze. She didn’t even have a moment to be angry at how he could have just made her ink a line across his back if she’d had the needle down.
“You’re not a whore. I’ve touched you. I’ve seen you. Stop.”
“Don’t make me into something I’m not. I’ll break your heart if you expect more.”
“I expect all of you. You should know that going in.”
Her heart pounded so hard and fast she was a little light-headed. He tore her defenses down. She barely knew him and he had this much power to affect her. What would it be like if they continued?
“Then we should be friends. I can do that much better.”
“Oh, we are friends. And we’ll continue that. But we’ve moved past the ‘just friends’ stage.”
“You barely know me. I don’t do relationships.”
“Oh yes, you do. You’re doing it right now. Neither of us is naive. Neither of us is so young we don’t know what this is between us. I’m too old to pretend away what this is.”
“I told you, I don’t do relationships. I’m not a monogamous person.”
“When you’re in my bed you are.”
“Then I can’t be in your bed.”
He smiled and it sent a shiver through her.
“Oh. Yes. Yes, you can. You are.”
“Then you need to accept you may have to share me.”
He shook his head slowly. “Gorgeous, I don’t even share pizza. I’d never share something as delicious as you. I don’t share.”
He scared her. Not physically. He held her wrist but if she really wanted to get away, he’d let go. And that scared her too.
It shouldn’t scare her. She barely knew him! But this was different on so many levels. The way he spoke to her, the way she found herself speaking back to him. He wasn’t shocked by her. He wasn’t scared off.
“Don’t be a coward, Raven. Give yourself to me and me only. I promise to make it worth your while.”
“But there are a lot of states between Arkansas and California.”
“Sure, and that was part of the appeal.” Not that anyone really would have looked for her by that point anyway. “Los Angeles had lots of opportunity. Or I thought it did anyway.”
“It didn’t?”
“It was harder than I thought it would be. I was homeless for a while when I first arrived. That sucked.” Not as much as the place she lived back in Happy Bend though. “But in a few months I had enough saved for a shitty little apartment. I had a few jobs. It got better.”
“You were how old?”
“Seventeen.”
“Christ. That’s young.”
“I was never young.” She kept working, working to keep herself detached from the details. It was her life; she wasn’t ashamed. She didn’t necessarily hide it. But she didn’t go into it with much depth with many people. With most people, she supposed.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Not much to tell really. Shitty childhood. It’s not a unique story. My adulthood is better. I overcame it and I prefer to keep it that way. My past doesn’t hinder me, it serves as a reminder that there’s better out there for me and it wasn’t in Arkansas.”
“I’m sorry. Abuse?”
“Here and there.”
“While in foster care?”
“Not always.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s long done. Be glad your daughter has a bright future and a wonderful past to look back on.”
“I am. Her mother, my ex, well, Carrie will probably have stuff to deal with, but she seems to be handling it fine.”
“She’s got a parent who loves her. She’s got a great future. If she can’t make something of herself with that, she’s not the kid you talk about.”
“She and I went to counseling for a while. Did you ever go?”
She laughed but then cringed because there was nothing but loathing in the sound.
“No.”
“Don’t believe in it?”
“Look, there was no money for that stuff. There wasn’t anything. I made it through. That’s what counts.”
It was easier to talk about it to his back.
She outlined, wiped the ink away, outlined, wiped the blood away. It was what she did. She created new things and didn’t think about the old. Looking back slowed you down.
He sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. Not really. It was a shitty childhood. It made me into who I am today. I survived it. Lots of people didn’t. So, let’s talk about you again.”
“No, I want to keep talking about you.”
“For f**k’s sake, why? I’m not a project like a hygiene center.”
“I don’t think that. I’m trying to know you.”
This is why she kept things light. “Don’t. I’m sure you’ve heard. I know you asked about me. I’m not worth knowing. Just f**k me and enjoy it and then move on.”
“That’s not who I am. And that’s not who you are.”
She snorted. “That’s totally who I am, Jonah. I’m a bitch. I’m a whore. I like to f**k. Lots of people.”
He turned then, grabbing her wrist, his eyes ablaze. She didn’t even have a moment to be angry at how he could have just made her ink a line across his back if she’d had the needle down.
“You’re not a whore. I’ve touched you. I’ve seen you. Stop.”
“Don’t make me into something I’m not. I’ll break your heart if you expect more.”
“I expect all of you. You should know that going in.”
Her heart pounded so hard and fast she was a little light-headed. He tore her defenses down. She barely knew him and he had this much power to affect her. What would it be like if they continued?
“Then we should be friends. I can do that much better.”
“Oh, we are friends. And we’ll continue that. But we’ve moved past the ‘just friends’ stage.”
“You barely know me. I don’t do relationships.”
“Oh yes, you do. You’re doing it right now. Neither of us is naive. Neither of us is so young we don’t know what this is between us. I’m too old to pretend away what this is.”
“I told you, I don’t do relationships. I’m not a monogamous person.”
“When you’re in my bed you are.”
“Then I can’t be in your bed.”
He smiled and it sent a shiver through her.
“Oh. Yes. Yes, you can. You are.”
“Then you need to accept you may have to share me.”
He shook his head slowly. “Gorgeous, I don’t even share pizza. I’d never share something as delicious as you. I don’t share.”
He scared her. Not physically. He held her wrist but if she really wanted to get away, he’d let go. And that scared her too.
It shouldn’t scare her. She barely knew him! But this was different on so many levels. The way he spoke to her, the way she found herself speaking back to him. He wasn’t shocked by her. He wasn’t scared off.
“Don’t be a coward, Raven. Give yourself to me and me only. I promise to make it worth your while.”
