Drawn Together
Page 21
It was a struggle to keep her breath even. A struggle not to run for the door. She should run for the door. She was not cut out for this stuff. If she couldn’t make it work with a stand-up guy like Brody, she truly was a failure at it.
But Jonah wasn’t like Brody. They shared things in common, yes. Both men were both strong and intelligent. But this thing . . . the way her entire system reacted when Jonah touched her or even just spoke to her, well, that was something else entirely.
She understood without a doubt that should she refuse to keep things monogamous, things would be over.
And while she’d been able to accept that and move on every other time this came up . . . she was couldn’t just then. She didn’t want to walk away.
“It’s not marriage. It’s monogamy. You can do it. You’re the girl who came out to L.A. at seventeen and made herself a life. You sure as hell can f**k me and only me. Unless . . . well, I’d say something like unless you’re not really into this thing between us. But that would be a lie. Because I know you are. I can see it in your features. I can feel it around my c**k when I’m inside you. You’re not a liar, Raven, and neither am I. I won’t let you be.”
Fascinated, he watched the emotion play across her face. Panic. A whole lot of it. He wondered, not for the first time, what she’d endured to make her this way.
Fear. Oh yes. Not of him. At least not that he’d physically harm her. He hoped his own didn’t show. His fear that she’d reject this and back off. Because though he’d made the threat that it was all or nothing, he wanted her too much and he wasn’t entirely sure if he could resist her.
Desire. Which he knew mirrored his own.
Hope. Which nearly broke his heart. And reminded him that she was not a thing to be played with, but a complicated woman with flaws and no small amount of baggage. But he wanted something with her. There was no denying it. No denying this woman brought so many things to the surface. More than need, which he nearly drowned in. More than lust and sexual hunger for her.
He wanted to dominate her in all the best ways. Her pupils flared when he’d grabbed her wrist. Her lips had parted, skin flushed. She got off on it as much as he got off doing it. And that only made him want it more. He’d given himself a little; the delight of that crack on her bare ass as he’d f**ked her had only whetted his appetite for more.
He wanted to show her the power of what they could have together. Wanted her to trust him enough to give it to him willingly. Wanted to cosset and shower her with delights. If any woman he’d ever met needed spoiling, it was this one.
He wasn’t stupid. He knew she was headstrong and it would take a strong hand to set a tone. To keep the balance right. He had to deserve her submission, and once given, he needed to keep deserving it.
Against his fingertips, the rapid beat of her pulse told him she was freaked out. But the way she hadn’t just told him to f**k off also told him she was considering it.
He needed to push.
“What do you say, gorgeous? Be mine and only mine. If you want out, you only have to say it.”
She licked her lips, her pupils still so huge they nearly swallowed all the color in her irises.
With his free hand he reached up to slide his knuckles down the column of her throat. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Vivid. Headstrong. I know you want me.”
She still held the needle machine but had turned it off. His back was cool and slightly sticky where she’d been working.
“Take a leap, Raven. I’ll catch you.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m not good at this.”
“At what?”
“At monogamy.” Her voice trembled and this uncharacteristic outward vulnerability tore at him. He wanted to gather her up and hold her close. But he needed to break this stubborn refusal to let him in first. Once he’d done that, he’d show her the gentleness she deserved.
“You’ve never tried it.” Because no other man had ever demanded it of her before. But he wasn’t any other man. He’d have all of her and prove she was right to make that decision.
“You’re a very nice man. I really don’t want to ruin this.”
“Have you so little faith in yourself? Hm? If you come across a sudden, unquenchable desire to get laid, call me. I’m ten minutes away. I’ll come to you and quench it.”
But it wasn’t that. He knew it. She hadn’t committed before because she needed to be f**ked and had no self-control to stop herself from getting it from whomever she could.
“It’s not that.”
He smiled. “I know. But still, the offer is open.”
She smiled back. Victory hovered just out of reach. He forced himself to wait, outwardly patient.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Is this about Brody? Are you still in love with him?”
She laughed then and the worry he’d pretended he never had faded altogether.
“I love Brody. He’s very special to me. But not like that. Even when we were together it wasn’t . . . Anyway. But I hurt him. He’s a good man and he expected things from me that I couldn’t give him. I told him. But he . . .”
He took her chin. Gentle, but firmly enough that she couldn’t look away. “You weren’t meant for him.”
Raven sighed. “All right. I’ll agree. You and only you while we’re together.”
Oh, she thought she could do that little disclaimer and give herself an out. Delightful.
But Jonah wasn’t like Brody. They shared things in common, yes. Both men were both strong and intelligent. But this thing . . . the way her entire system reacted when Jonah touched her or even just spoke to her, well, that was something else entirely.
She understood without a doubt that should she refuse to keep things monogamous, things would be over.
And while she’d been able to accept that and move on every other time this came up . . . she was couldn’t just then. She didn’t want to walk away.
“It’s not marriage. It’s monogamy. You can do it. You’re the girl who came out to L.A. at seventeen and made herself a life. You sure as hell can f**k me and only me. Unless . . . well, I’d say something like unless you’re not really into this thing between us. But that would be a lie. Because I know you are. I can see it in your features. I can feel it around my c**k when I’m inside you. You’re not a liar, Raven, and neither am I. I won’t let you be.”
Fascinated, he watched the emotion play across her face. Panic. A whole lot of it. He wondered, not for the first time, what she’d endured to make her this way.
Fear. Oh yes. Not of him. At least not that he’d physically harm her. He hoped his own didn’t show. His fear that she’d reject this and back off. Because though he’d made the threat that it was all or nothing, he wanted her too much and he wasn’t entirely sure if he could resist her.
Desire. Which he knew mirrored his own.
Hope. Which nearly broke his heart. And reminded him that she was not a thing to be played with, but a complicated woman with flaws and no small amount of baggage. But he wanted something with her. There was no denying it. No denying this woman brought so many things to the surface. More than need, which he nearly drowned in. More than lust and sexual hunger for her.
He wanted to dominate her in all the best ways. Her pupils flared when he’d grabbed her wrist. Her lips had parted, skin flushed. She got off on it as much as he got off doing it. And that only made him want it more. He’d given himself a little; the delight of that crack on her bare ass as he’d f**ked her had only whetted his appetite for more.
He wanted to show her the power of what they could have together. Wanted her to trust him enough to give it to him willingly. Wanted to cosset and shower her with delights. If any woman he’d ever met needed spoiling, it was this one.
He wasn’t stupid. He knew she was headstrong and it would take a strong hand to set a tone. To keep the balance right. He had to deserve her submission, and once given, he needed to keep deserving it.
Against his fingertips, the rapid beat of her pulse told him she was freaked out. But the way she hadn’t just told him to f**k off also told him she was considering it.
He needed to push.
“What do you say, gorgeous? Be mine and only mine. If you want out, you only have to say it.”
She licked her lips, her pupils still so huge they nearly swallowed all the color in her irises.
With his free hand he reached up to slide his knuckles down the column of her throat. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Vivid. Headstrong. I know you want me.”
She still held the needle machine but had turned it off. His back was cool and slightly sticky where she’d been working.
“Take a leap, Raven. I’ll catch you.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m not good at this.”
“At what?”
“At monogamy.” Her voice trembled and this uncharacteristic outward vulnerability tore at him. He wanted to gather her up and hold her close. But he needed to break this stubborn refusal to let him in first. Once he’d done that, he’d show her the gentleness she deserved.
“You’ve never tried it.” Because no other man had ever demanded it of her before. But he wasn’t any other man. He’d have all of her and prove she was right to make that decision.
“You’re a very nice man. I really don’t want to ruin this.”
“Have you so little faith in yourself? Hm? If you come across a sudden, unquenchable desire to get laid, call me. I’m ten minutes away. I’ll come to you and quench it.”
But it wasn’t that. He knew it. She hadn’t committed before because she needed to be f**ked and had no self-control to stop herself from getting it from whomever she could.
“It’s not that.”
He smiled. “I know. But still, the offer is open.”
She smiled back. Victory hovered just out of reach. He forced himself to wait, outwardly patient.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Is this about Brody? Are you still in love with him?”
She laughed then and the worry he’d pretended he never had faded altogether.
“I love Brody. He’s very special to me. But not like that. Even when we were together it wasn’t . . . Anyway. But I hurt him. He’s a good man and he expected things from me that I couldn’t give him. I told him. But he . . .”
He took her chin. Gentle, but firmly enough that she couldn’t look away. “You weren’t meant for him.”
Raven sighed. “All right. I’ll agree. You and only you while we’re together.”
Oh, she thought she could do that little disclaimer and give herself an out. Delightful.
