Effortless
Page 73
I woke up to my favorite thing in the world, a steaming cup of coffee, practically under my nose. Kellan was squatting on my side of the bed, holding it out to me, a content smile on his face, and I reconsidered what my favorite thing in the world was. Smiling, I ignored the cup and reached out for him.
"Hey," I whispered, my lips lightly brushing his.
"Mornin'," he whispered back.
I giggled at the words I'd missed so much, then carefully grabbed the cup in his hand. "You are a Godsend," I murmured, taking a sip.
Chuckling, he ran a hand back through my hair. "You and coffee..."
I flushed as I pulled the cup away. Fighting back remnants of sleep, since I really hadn't had much the night before, I glanced at his clock. "What time is your flight?"
I looked back at him and he smiled wider. "I have to go soon." It was only then that I noticed that he was already wearing his jacket, and his hair was slightly damp around the edges from a recent shower. Wow, I guess I'd been exceptionally tired. Breaking up will do that to you.
I sat up, sloshing a bit of coffee over my mug. "Well, I'll get ready. I'll come with you."
Rescuing my cup from my frantic hands, Kellan set it on the nightstand and shook his head at me. "No, I want you to stay here and relax." I frowned at him and he smiled. "Every separation between us seems to be long and dramatic, like we're never going to see each other again." He ran the back of his knuckle over my cheek. "It's like we're...savoring every moment because we both think it might be the last."
I bit my lip and nodded; I'd had those same thoughts. Kellan grinned, seeing my agreeance. "So, let's break out of that cycle." Inhaling deep, he sat up straighter. "Goodbye, sweetheart. I have to go to work."
Grinning at him, I shrugged. "See ya."
Laughing at me, he shook his head and leaned in for a kiss. "Keep the bed warm for me," he murmured against my mouth. I was giggling when he pulled away. "I'll call you when I land."
I nodded. As if on cue, his phone in his jacket chirped. I glanced at his pocket and raised an eyebrow. Kellan rolled his eyes and sighed. Pulling his phone out, he glanced at the number. "That would be my father with his morning message." He raised an eyebrow at me. "There will be an afternoon and an evening one, I'm sure."
He hit the end button without even reading it. I frowned. "Don't you even read them?"
Sniffling, he put his phone back in his pocket. "No. I never read them and I never respond." Lowering his head, he glanced up at me. "That's why I freaked out when you were going to. I don't want him to be...encouraged." He looked up at me fully. "I want him to stop."
I bit my lip, hard, wanting to object but knowing that Kellan wasn't going to budge on the matter, and he'd get mad if I started in on him again. I nodded, then a question slipped out without my permission. "What does your sister think about you ignoring him?"
Kellan sighed and moved to sit on the bed beside me. "She thinks I'm being stubborn. She doesn't understand why I'm hurting him by refusing to..." He stopped talking and pulled his phone back out. "She asks me to give him a chance, every time I talk to her."
"Wise girl," I muttered.
Kellan heard me and lifted an eyebrow. Not wanting to start an argument, I held out my hand for the phone. "Can I read it?" Kellan narrowed his eyes and I quickly added, "I won't respond," I shrugged, "but I feel like someone should at least read them."
Kellan pondered it for a moment, then slowly gave me his phone. I wanted to jump for joy at the level of trust he'd just shown me. Maybe there was hope for us yet. Not wanting to betray that trust, I held the phone in one hand, found my way to his inbox and opened the missed message. Then I held the phone in my palm, all of my text-writing digits away from the device.
I read the message Kellan refused to, and tears stung my eyes. 'Please, talk to me today. There's so much I need to tell you.'
Biting my lip, I flipped to another. 'I know you're angry, but please don't shut me out.'
And another. 'I can be a part of your life, if you let me. Please call me.'
I flipped to a few more and they were all similar-I need to talk to you, please call me, I want to explain-and even one, near the end of the saved messages on Kellan's phone, that read, 'I regret leaving. Let me make it up to you...son.'
I had to wipe away a tear at that one. It was the message dated Christmas morning. If Kellan had just let me read it...all these months of secrets and held-back truths wouldn't have happened. Things between Kellan and I wouldn't have been nearly as strained.
Seeing my reaction, Kellan whispered, "What...what did he say?"
Sighing, I shook my head and handed him the phone. He didn't look at it as he put it in his pocket. "He just wants a chance to explain. He wants to get to know you." I placed my hand on his cheek. "He regrets leaving you, Kellan."
Kellan's eyes misted and he nodded. Swallowing a couple of times, he stood up. "I should get going."
Staring up at him, at the moody, gorgeous, soulful man that he was, I smiled and hoped he'd let his father in...one day. Appearing deep in thought, Kellan was halfway through the door when I called his name. He looked back at me sprawled on his bed, nak*d under the light sheet that I had wrapped around my torso, and smiled contently.
"I just wanted to wish you luck on the end of your tour, and tell you..." I bit my lip and he smiled wider. Seeing the happiness, even under his current confusion, I giggled. "I'll be here when you get back." I motioned with my eyes to indicate his house.
His line of sight followed mine and he beamed at me. Taking a step back into the room, he asked, "You're moving back in with me?"
I nodded, giggling more as I wrapped my arms around my knees. I'd sort of decided that the moment he'd left, but recent events had...solidified the decision. He shook his head at me, then took off his jacket. I stared at him, confused, as he stripped his shirt off and then started unbuttoning his jeans.
"What are you doing? I thought you had to go?"
Grinning at me, he crawled over the edge of the bed, making me lie back as his body hovered over mine. "I've got five minutes."
His mouth was over mine and I giggled under his lips. "Five?" I asked breathily as his fingers started to explore me.
Kicking off his shoes, he muttered, "Okay, fifteen then." Shoving off his jeans, he quickly darted under the sheet with me. I giggled as his warm, hard body collided with mine. And as silent as we were last night, we made up for it this morning.
He ended up running nearly a half hour behind...but it was worth it.
I stayed in Kellan's bed for who knows how long after he left the house. I was stretched out on it, envisioning where I could put all of my stuff, when I heard Kellan's phone ringing downstairs. Remembering that my cell was back at home, I thought that maybe Kellan had touched down already and was trying to let me know that he was okay.
Wrapping his sheet around me burrito-style, I dashed down to his kitchen. Hoping I made it in time, I breathlessly picked up the receiver. "Hello?" I panted.
"Kiera... you okay?"
A familiar accent warmed my heart and I smiled. "Hey, Denny. Yeah, I'm good."
A long pause. "Are you sure?"
Remembering my goodbye kiss to Kellan, I sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure."
He laughed a little and I figured he was probably shaking his head at me. Denny was probably thinking, once again, that he was glad his relationship wasn't so complicated. I sometimes wished mine wasn't either; the fiery heat in our relationship sometimes burned us both. But I wouldn't change the love Kellan and I had for each other for anything. I'd already had the solid, comfortable relationship, and it hadn't been enough. Complicated or not, Kellan and I needed each other.
As Denny chuckled, I sighed and added, "Kellan and I had a chance to talk about everything last night...it was a good talk. We're...back together, with no more secrets."
"Good, I'm glad to hear it. And I'm a little surprised. I sort of felt like I was dropping you off in the middle of a war zone." He chuckled again and I pictured him running his hand over his jaw. "I was pretty worried about you this morning, especially when you didn't answer my texts. When I realized you'd probably left your cell at home, I thought I'd try you here."
"Oh, yeah, I guess I kind of ran out of there last night..." I paused to bite my lip. "Hey, Denny, thank you so much for being there for me. It meant a lot. It means a lot to me that you still...care. After everything, you still care."
A soft sigh met my ear. "I'll always care about you, Kiera. We may not be together anymore but I'm still the one you can call when you're...lost...alright?"
I smiled, wrapping the phone cord around my finger. "Yeah...same here, Denny. You can always talk to me."
"I know." His voice, so warm and soothing, sounded completely stress free. He really was okay. We both were. Denny's voice switched to inquisitiveness as he asked, "Is Kellan there? Maybe I should talk to him, now that things are calmer."
I shook my head, sighing a little. "No, he left early this morning. He had to catch a flight right back."
Denny exhaled, sounding a little relieved. Maybe he didn't really think Kellan had calmed down, at least not when it came to him. He probably figured he would get yelled at again if he spoke to Kellan. Pretty brave of him to even call here. "Quick trip," he muttered.
I nodded. "Yeah, he's a busy guy." I smiled when I said it, thinking of all the upcoming adventures in Kellan's life. Adventures that maybe we would share together.
Hearing my smile in my voice, Denny's accent thickened as he asked, "Are you guys really okay now? After just one talk?"
I paused, considering. "It will take more than one talk, but," I shrugged, "we are talking and we'll never stop. We both want this, and we're gonna fight for it."
Even though Denny couldn't see it, I set my jaw and lifted my chin at my hopeful declaration. Denny made a noise like he was impressed, and I imagined him smiling and shaking his head. "You have changed...you've grown." Quietly laughing, I knew he was giving me his trademark, goofy grin. "Maturity sounds good on you."
I pursed my lips, wishing he was here so I could smack him for his comment, then I laughed with him, thinking maybe I wasn't so mature after all. "Yeah, well, I should get going if I want to make it to class on time." I sighed dramatically, remembering that I had obligations and couldn't lounge in Kellan's bed all day, even if I really wanted to. "Some of us still need to work on graduating."
I grinned ear-to-ear that I was so close to being done with the pressures and stress of academics. That only left me the pressures of what I was going to do with the rest of my life...but, like every college graduate, I'd deal with that later.
Chuckling at my comment, Denny agreed with me and wished me luck.
We said goodbye to each other and I hung up the phone. After taking a long, hot shower, I got dressed with some spare clothes that I kept at Kellan's place. Sticking my fingers into the pockets of my jeans, I felt something in the bottom of one. Shaking my head, I pulled out a tiny scrap of notebook paper. On it, in Kellan's surprisingly neat handwriting, was one last note.
"Hey," I whispered, my lips lightly brushing his.
"Mornin'," he whispered back.
I giggled at the words I'd missed so much, then carefully grabbed the cup in his hand. "You are a Godsend," I murmured, taking a sip.
Chuckling, he ran a hand back through my hair. "You and coffee..."
I flushed as I pulled the cup away. Fighting back remnants of sleep, since I really hadn't had much the night before, I glanced at his clock. "What time is your flight?"
I looked back at him and he smiled wider. "I have to go soon." It was only then that I noticed that he was already wearing his jacket, and his hair was slightly damp around the edges from a recent shower. Wow, I guess I'd been exceptionally tired. Breaking up will do that to you.
I sat up, sloshing a bit of coffee over my mug. "Well, I'll get ready. I'll come with you."
Rescuing my cup from my frantic hands, Kellan set it on the nightstand and shook his head at me. "No, I want you to stay here and relax." I frowned at him and he smiled. "Every separation between us seems to be long and dramatic, like we're never going to see each other again." He ran the back of his knuckle over my cheek. "It's like we're...savoring every moment because we both think it might be the last."
I bit my lip and nodded; I'd had those same thoughts. Kellan grinned, seeing my agreeance. "So, let's break out of that cycle." Inhaling deep, he sat up straighter. "Goodbye, sweetheart. I have to go to work."
Grinning at him, I shrugged. "See ya."
Laughing at me, he shook his head and leaned in for a kiss. "Keep the bed warm for me," he murmured against my mouth. I was giggling when he pulled away. "I'll call you when I land."
I nodded. As if on cue, his phone in his jacket chirped. I glanced at his pocket and raised an eyebrow. Kellan rolled his eyes and sighed. Pulling his phone out, he glanced at the number. "That would be my father with his morning message." He raised an eyebrow at me. "There will be an afternoon and an evening one, I'm sure."
He hit the end button without even reading it. I frowned. "Don't you even read them?"
Sniffling, he put his phone back in his pocket. "No. I never read them and I never respond." Lowering his head, he glanced up at me. "That's why I freaked out when you were going to. I don't want him to be...encouraged." He looked up at me fully. "I want him to stop."
I bit my lip, hard, wanting to object but knowing that Kellan wasn't going to budge on the matter, and he'd get mad if I started in on him again. I nodded, then a question slipped out without my permission. "What does your sister think about you ignoring him?"
Kellan sighed and moved to sit on the bed beside me. "She thinks I'm being stubborn. She doesn't understand why I'm hurting him by refusing to..." He stopped talking and pulled his phone back out. "She asks me to give him a chance, every time I talk to her."
"Wise girl," I muttered.
Kellan heard me and lifted an eyebrow. Not wanting to start an argument, I held out my hand for the phone. "Can I read it?" Kellan narrowed his eyes and I quickly added, "I won't respond," I shrugged, "but I feel like someone should at least read them."
Kellan pondered it for a moment, then slowly gave me his phone. I wanted to jump for joy at the level of trust he'd just shown me. Maybe there was hope for us yet. Not wanting to betray that trust, I held the phone in one hand, found my way to his inbox and opened the missed message. Then I held the phone in my palm, all of my text-writing digits away from the device.
I read the message Kellan refused to, and tears stung my eyes. 'Please, talk to me today. There's so much I need to tell you.'
Biting my lip, I flipped to another. 'I know you're angry, but please don't shut me out.'
And another. 'I can be a part of your life, if you let me. Please call me.'
I flipped to a few more and they were all similar-I need to talk to you, please call me, I want to explain-and even one, near the end of the saved messages on Kellan's phone, that read, 'I regret leaving. Let me make it up to you...son.'
I had to wipe away a tear at that one. It was the message dated Christmas morning. If Kellan had just let me read it...all these months of secrets and held-back truths wouldn't have happened. Things between Kellan and I wouldn't have been nearly as strained.
Seeing my reaction, Kellan whispered, "What...what did he say?"
Sighing, I shook my head and handed him the phone. He didn't look at it as he put it in his pocket. "He just wants a chance to explain. He wants to get to know you." I placed my hand on his cheek. "He regrets leaving you, Kellan."
Kellan's eyes misted and he nodded. Swallowing a couple of times, he stood up. "I should get going."
Staring up at him, at the moody, gorgeous, soulful man that he was, I smiled and hoped he'd let his father in...one day. Appearing deep in thought, Kellan was halfway through the door when I called his name. He looked back at me sprawled on his bed, nak*d under the light sheet that I had wrapped around my torso, and smiled contently.
"I just wanted to wish you luck on the end of your tour, and tell you..." I bit my lip and he smiled wider. Seeing the happiness, even under his current confusion, I giggled. "I'll be here when you get back." I motioned with my eyes to indicate his house.
His line of sight followed mine and he beamed at me. Taking a step back into the room, he asked, "You're moving back in with me?"
I nodded, giggling more as I wrapped my arms around my knees. I'd sort of decided that the moment he'd left, but recent events had...solidified the decision. He shook his head at me, then took off his jacket. I stared at him, confused, as he stripped his shirt off and then started unbuttoning his jeans.
"What are you doing? I thought you had to go?"
Grinning at me, he crawled over the edge of the bed, making me lie back as his body hovered over mine. "I've got five minutes."
His mouth was over mine and I giggled under his lips. "Five?" I asked breathily as his fingers started to explore me.
Kicking off his shoes, he muttered, "Okay, fifteen then." Shoving off his jeans, he quickly darted under the sheet with me. I giggled as his warm, hard body collided with mine. And as silent as we were last night, we made up for it this morning.
He ended up running nearly a half hour behind...but it was worth it.
I stayed in Kellan's bed for who knows how long after he left the house. I was stretched out on it, envisioning where I could put all of my stuff, when I heard Kellan's phone ringing downstairs. Remembering that my cell was back at home, I thought that maybe Kellan had touched down already and was trying to let me know that he was okay.
Wrapping his sheet around me burrito-style, I dashed down to his kitchen. Hoping I made it in time, I breathlessly picked up the receiver. "Hello?" I panted.
"Kiera... you okay?"
A familiar accent warmed my heart and I smiled. "Hey, Denny. Yeah, I'm good."
A long pause. "Are you sure?"
Remembering my goodbye kiss to Kellan, I sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure."
He laughed a little and I figured he was probably shaking his head at me. Denny was probably thinking, once again, that he was glad his relationship wasn't so complicated. I sometimes wished mine wasn't either; the fiery heat in our relationship sometimes burned us both. But I wouldn't change the love Kellan and I had for each other for anything. I'd already had the solid, comfortable relationship, and it hadn't been enough. Complicated or not, Kellan and I needed each other.
As Denny chuckled, I sighed and added, "Kellan and I had a chance to talk about everything last night...it was a good talk. We're...back together, with no more secrets."
"Good, I'm glad to hear it. And I'm a little surprised. I sort of felt like I was dropping you off in the middle of a war zone." He chuckled again and I pictured him running his hand over his jaw. "I was pretty worried about you this morning, especially when you didn't answer my texts. When I realized you'd probably left your cell at home, I thought I'd try you here."
"Oh, yeah, I guess I kind of ran out of there last night..." I paused to bite my lip. "Hey, Denny, thank you so much for being there for me. It meant a lot. It means a lot to me that you still...care. After everything, you still care."
A soft sigh met my ear. "I'll always care about you, Kiera. We may not be together anymore but I'm still the one you can call when you're...lost...alright?"
I smiled, wrapping the phone cord around my finger. "Yeah...same here, Denny. You can always talk to me."
"I know." His voice, so warm and soothing, sounded completely stress free. He really was okay. We both were. Denny's voice switched to inquisitiveness as he asked, "Is Kellan there? Maybe I should talk to him, now that things are calmer."
I shook my head, sighing a little. "No, he left early this morning. He had to catch a flight right back."
Denny exhaled, sounding a little relieved. Maybe he didn't really think Kellan had calmed down, at least not when it came to him. He probably figured he would get yelled at again if he spoke to Kellan. Pretty brave of him to even call here. "Quick trip," he muttered.
I nodded. "Yeah, he's a busy guy." I smiled when I said it, thinking of all the upcoming adventures in Kellan's life. Adventures that maybe we would share together.
Hearing my smile in my voice, Denny's accent thickened as he asked, "Are you guys really okay now? After just one talk?"
I paused, considering. "It will take more than one talk, but," I shrugged, "we are talking and we'll never stop. We both want this, and we're gonna fight for it."
Even though Denny couldn't see it, I set my jaw and lifted my chin at my hopeful declaration. Denny made a noise like he was impressed, and I imagined him smiling and shaking his head. "You have changed...you've grown." Quietly laughing, I knew he was giving me his trademark, goofy grin. "Maturity sounds good on you."
I pursed my lips, wishing he was here so I could smack him for his comment, then I laughed with him, thinking maybe I wasn't so mature after all. "Yeah, well, I should get going if I want to make it to class on time." I sighed dramatically, remembering that I had obligations and couldn't lounge in Kellan's bed all day, even if I really wanted to. "Some of us still need to work on graduating."
I grinned ear-to-ear that I was so close to being done with the pressures and stress of academics. That only left me the pressures of what I was going to do with the rest of my life...but, like every college graduate, I'd deal with that later.
Chuckling at my comment, Denny agreed with me and wished me luck.
We said goodbye to each other and I hung up the phone. After taking a long, hot shower, I got dressed with some spare clothes that I kept at Kellan's place. Sticking my fingers into the pockets of my jeans, I felt something in the bottom of one. Shaking my head, I pulled out a tiny scrap of notebook paper. On it, in Kellan's surprisingly neat handwriting, was one last note.
