Empty Net
Page 80
But all that was about to change.
Scooting closer, Audrey snuggled close to Tate’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. She didn’t want to forget this. She knew she wouldn’t but just in case, she memorized the way his arm lay across her hip, while the other was above her head, tangled in her hair. She took in his plump lips, and the way they parted some when he took a deep breath. She smiled when she noticed his long eye lashes dusting the top of his cheeks, and then the way his hair was in every direction imaginable. He was gorgeous, sweet, and the most amazing lover ever, but she knew they had messed up bad.
How many times did she say that they needed to stay friends? She didn’t say that for the hell of it. It was for a reason. She cared about him, so much, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t give him what he wanted. She should never have let it go as far as she had without telling him. He deserved to know. She should have stopped him when he asked her if he could make love to her, but she couldn’t. She wanted him just as much, and even though she didn’t regret it, she knew she had done wrong.
When Levi’s ugly words started to muddled her beautiful night with Tate, Audrey felt like she wanted to die. Levi had spent eight months with her, the longest she had ever been with anyone. He had to know what he was talking about, but even knowing he may be right didn’t keep Audrey from wanting to puke with hurt. She didn’t want this to end, but Tate deserved better. Was she doing the right thing? Was pushing him away the right thing to do or should she just tell him? Could she risk it? What if he rejected her right there, would it make what she was about to do hurt less? Why did it have to hurt at all?
Audrey wanted nothing more than to be normal. To have a normal body, to be able to give him everything in the world, just so she could keep him forever. But keeping him would be selfish and heartless without telling him, and she wasn’t sure she could. She didn’t know if uttering the words that cut her every time she thought of them would be able to leave her lips. Tate was too good of a man, too full of heart and kindness for her to keep things like that from him. Even if she had no doubt in her mind that Tate was her Prince Charming, she had to let him go.
Prince Charming wouldn’t want a defective Cinderella.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she watched him stir under her intense gaze. When his eyes fluttered open and they met hers, his face broke into a sleepy grin while Audrey’s heart broke in a billion pieces. Tate’s hand left her hip, cupping her cheek before dusting her lips with soft slow kisses. When he pulled back and she looked up at him with watery eyes, his brow pulled together and he asked, “I expected a grin this morning, not sad eyes. What’s wrong?”
Audrey swallowed passed the lump in her throat before she said, “I messed up.”
Tate pulled back, his eyes searching hers as he said, “What?”
She couldn’t take him looking at her like that so Audrey rolled away, her back to him, hiding her tear filled eyes, as she said “This was a mistake and you know it, I told you I only wanted to be friends, that I can’t be that girl for you, and you persisted and I gave in and now it’s more complicated than it was before.”
Standing up, Audrey reached for her robe and put it on. Glancing over to the bed, Tate was sitting up, his arms resting on his legs as he looked at her in disbelieve.
“You are f**king kidding me right?”
Audrey shook her head, “Tate, I’m not right for you.”
Tate looked off to the side, letting out a long breath. “This again? Really? Why?”
“Because I’m needy, and whiny and-”
“No! Fuck that,” he said cutting her off. He jumped out of bed, naked, as he closed the distance between them, “You are letting that piece of shit get in your head and you are letting him win. Don’t do this, don’t hurt us. We are good together, if you didn’t know that before, you have to know that now. You have to, especially after last night.”
She did, but it didn’t matter.
“It doesn’t matter if we are or not, Tate. How can I be selfish and lead you on when nothing will ever work between us?”
“Why would you think that?! What the f**k have I done?” he yelled, “I have done everything I know to make you feel special, to make you believe I have true feelings for you. What am I doing that isn’t right?”
Tears pooled in her eyes and she begged herself not to let them fall. When one did, she shook her head looking down at the ground, “It isn’t you, Tate, it’s me.”
“Fuck that,” he sneered, moving through the room gathering his clothes, “I wasn’t joking or trying to get in your pants when I said I can’t be friends with you, Audrey, I can’t. I care too much; I want you too much to do that. I deserve better and so do you, so stop with this charade. Stop listening to this dick who is only trying to hurt you.” Audrey watched as he threw his shirt on before he ran his fingers through his hair, his hands pausing at the top of his head, “What are you going to do Audrey? Be with dick heads and ass**les while working a job you hate for the rest of your life? Are you always going to wish for more?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
He shook his head again, looking away as Audrey crumbled inside. She wanted to run up to him, hold him, tell him she didn’t mean any of it, but she couldn’t.
“You are going to let me leave aren’t you?”
“I care about you too much to do this to you,” she said as the tears started to fall in heaps.
Scooting closer, Audrey snuggled close to Tate’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. She didn’t want to forget this. She knew she wouldn’t but just in case, she memorized the way his arm lay across her hip, while the other was above her head, tangled in her hair. She took in his plump lips, and the way they parted some when he took a deep breath. She smiled when she noticed his long eye lashes dusting the top of his cheeks, and then the way his hair was in every direction imaginable. He was gorgeous, sweet, and the most amazing lover ever, but she knew they had messed up bad.
How many times did she say that they needed to stay friends? She didn’t say that for the hell of it. It was for a reason. She cared about him, so much, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t give him what he wanted. She should never have let it go as far as she had without telling him. He deserved to know. She should have stopped him when he asked her if he could make love to her, but she couldn’t. She wanted him just as much, and even though she didn’t regret it, she knew she had done wrong.
When Levi’s ugly words started to muddled her beautiful night with Tate, Audrey felt like she wanted to die. Levi had spent eight months with her, the longest she had ever been with anyone. He had to know what he was talking about, but even knowing he may be right didn’t keep Audrey from wanting to puke with hurt. She didn’t want this to end, but Tate deserved better. Was she doing the right thing? Was pushing him away the right thing to do or should she just tell him? Could she risk it? What if he rejected her right there, would it make what she was about to do hurt less? Why did it have to hurt at all?
Audrey wanted nothing more than to be normal. To have a normal body, to be able to give him everything in the world, just so she could keep him forever. But keeping him would be selfish and heartless without telling him, and she wasn’t sure she could. She didn’t know if uttering the words that cut her every time she thought of them would be able to leave her lips. Tate was too good of a man, too full of heart and kindness for her to keep things like that from him. Even if she had no doubt in her mind that Tate was her Prince Charming, she had to let him go.
Prince Charming wouldn’t want a defective Cinderella.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she watched him stir under her intense gaze. When his eyes fluttered open and they met hers, his face broke into a sleepy grin while Audrey’s heart broke in a billion pieces. Tate’s hand left her hip, cupping her cheek before dusting her lips with soft slow kisses. When he pulled back and she looked up at him with watery eyes, his brow pulled together and he asked, “I expected a grin this morning, not sad eyes. What’s wrong?”
Audrey swallowed passed the lump in her throat before she said, “I messed up.”
Tate pulled back, his eyes searching hers as he said, “What?”
She couldn’t take him looking at her like that so Audrey rolled away, her back to him, hiding her tear filled eyes, as she said “This was a mistake and you know it, I told you I only wanted to be friends, that I can’t be that girl for you, and you persisted and I gave in and now it’s more complicated than it was before.”
Standing up, Audrey reached for her robe and put it on. Glancing over to the bed, Tate was sitting up, his arms resting on his legs as he looked at her in disbelieve.
“You are f**king kidding me right?”
Audrey shook her head, “Tate, I’m not right for you.”
Tate looked off to the side, letting out a long breath. “This again? Really? Why?”
“Because I’m needy, and whiny and-”
“No! Fuck that,” he said cutting her off. He jumped out of bed, naked, as he closed the distance between them, “You are letting that piece of shit get in your head and you are letting him win. Don’t do this, don’t hurt us. We are good together, if you didn’t know that before, you have to know that now. You have to, especially after last night.”
She did, but it didn’t matter.
“It doesn’t matter if we are or not, Tate. How can I be selfish and lead you on when nothing will ever work between us?”
“Why would you think that?! What the f**k have I done?” he yelled, “I have done everything I know to make you feel special, to make you believe I have true feelings for you. What am I doing that isn’t right?”
Tears pooled in her eyes and she begged herself not to let them fall. When one did, she shook her head looking down at the ground, “It isn’t you, Tate, it’s me.”
“Fuck that,” he sneered, moving through the room gathering his clothes, “I wasn’t joking or trying to get in your pants when I said I can’t be friends with you, Audrey, I can’t. I care too much; I want you too much to do that. I deserve better and so do you, so stop with this charade. Stop listening to this dick who is only trying to hurt you.” Audrey watched as he threw his shirt on before he ran his fingers through his hair, his hands pausing at the top of his head, “What are you going to do Audrey? Be with dick heads and ass**les while working a job you hate for the rest of your life? Are you always going to wish for more?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
He shook his head again, looking away as Audrey crumbled inside. She wanted to run up to him, hold him, tell him she didn’t mean any of it, but she couldn’t.
“You are going to let me leave aren’t you?”
“I care about you too much to do this to you,” she said as the tears started to fall in heaps.
