Empty Net
Page 81
“No, don’t cry, you don’t get to cry! I’m not the one breaking your heart! You’re breaking mine!” he yelled, “You are throwing away something that could be real, that could be everything you want. What I want!”
“Tate, please,” Audrey whispered, “please don’t hate me, just know that I am doing this for you.”
“Doing what?! Hurting me?!”
This wasn’t going the way she thought it would. She didn’t expect him to fight back, to demand answers. She didn’t think he would be this hurt and upset, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. She was hurting him, and she didn’t want to but what else could she do.
“Damn it!” he yelled once more, picking up his jeans and putting them on, “You said you didn’t want to lead me on but damn it, Audrey, why didn’t you say no last night? Can’t you see that you mean something to me? That I’ve been waiting for last night to happen for weeks and then you finally give it to me and you are taking it away again? How is that fair? How can you hurt me like that?”
“Tate, please, I don’t want to hurt you, I didn’t expect last night to happen. It just did. That’s why we shouldn’t even be friends, we should just walk away.”
“Even with you saying that and hurting me right now, I can’t imagine my life without you! You’ve weaved yourself in my life and now you want back out?”
“You have to understand that I am looking out for you.”
“How?!” he yelled out, making her jump, “How is crushing my heart looking out for me?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered again, “but I don’t know what to do, you don’t want to be with someone who is damaged like me. There are so many other girls out there.”
He looked over at her, shaking his head, “You are always going to throw away potential happiness, you know that? You are always going to sit back and let life happen around you while you drown in your sorrows. You don’t want to be happy, you want to work at a shit ass job, you want to go from ass**le to ass**le, you want this life. You could change it all, Audrey, and I’m not going to sit here and let you hurt me until you finally realize that. If I walk out that door, I’m done.”
His words were like a knife cutting her right down the center of her chest. She had never felt such intense emotional pain and she knew it was because she was hurting someone. She had never hurt anyone, and to be hurting the one person she cared most about was honestly tearing her apart. He was more than right, about everything. Everything he said was the truth, and damn it, he deserved the truth!
“I can’t have kids!” she yelled out. When she realized what she said, she covered her mouth, tears falling over her hands as she watched his face change from anger to confusion.
Tate took in a few more breath before he shrugged his shoulders. “Okay? What does that have to do with anything?”
Audrey shook her head as her heart continued to pound in her chest. Did she really just tell him that, and did he really not understand how that has everything to do with why she couldn’t be with him?
“You want kids, Tate. I can’t give them to you, so how in the world am I right for you?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I don’t care about that. I care about you. I care about us, what we could have.”
Shaking her head, she looked away, “You are saying that now but later you’re gonna wish you never had. I can’t give you a child, Tate, I am defective and you deserve a woman who can!”
“Are you serious? You letting what could be a problem later ruin us now? Why can’t we cross that bridge later? We aren’t getting married tomorrow, Audrey, we are not having kids the next day. We are dating, we are getting to know each other better to see if we would want to get married and have kids.”
“I told you, I am looking towards the future and if I know I can’t give you the world, why waste my time now?”
Tate shook his head, a soulless laugh leaving his lips, “I can’t believe this. Why waste your time, huh? Is that what spending time with me, kissing me, making love to me is? A waste of time because you can’t give me children?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But you are!” he yelled, moving past her, “You are hurting me now, Audrey, and what I don’t understand is that it’s over something that isn’t a deal breaker. I don’t like your laugh, your eyes, your face, or your personality because you can give me children later; I like it because of you, because I like you.”
Audrey wiped her face free of tears as a sob ripped through her. She didn’t want to hurt him at all, but he wasn’t listening. He wasn’t looking towards the future. He was looking at right now and right now everything was fine, but what about when he wants to hold a child that has his DNA, then what? She would never be able to give him that, and she would be damned if she was going to give him all of her now for him to throw away later.
Looking up at his beautifully hurt face, Audrey said, “I’m sorry, Tate.”
Tate gave her one last look before turning and leaving the room. She listened as he ran down the stairs and when he slammed the door, she was left heartbroken all over again. She wanted to run after him, tell him he was right, but she couldn’t. She knew she was doing the right thing.
Or at least, she hoped.
***
Tate wanted to beat the shit out of something, or someone.
“Tate, please,” Audrey whispered, “please don’t hate me, just know that I am doing this for you.”
“Doing what?! Hurting me?!”
This wasn’t going the way she thought it would. She didn’t expect him to fight back, to demand answers. She didn’t think he would be this hurt and upset, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. She was hurting him, and she didn’t want to but what else could she do.
“Damn it!” he yelled once more, picking up his jeans and putting them on, “You said you didn’t want to lead me on but damn it, Audrey, why didn’t you say no last night? Can’t you see that you mean something to me? That I’ve been waiting for last night to happen for weeks and then you finally give it to me and you are taking it away again? How is that fair? How can you hurt me like that?”
“Tate, please, I don’t want to hurt you, I didn’t expect last night to happen. It just did. That’s why we shouldn’t even be friends, we should just walk away.”
“Even with you saying that and hurting me right now, I can’t imagine my life without you! You’ve weaved yourself in my life and now you want back out?”
“You have to understand that I am looking out for you.”
“How?!” he yelled out, making her jump, “How is crushing my heart looking out for me?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered again, “but I don’t know what to do, you don’t want to be with someone who is damaged like me. There are so many other girls out there.”
He looked over at her, shaking his head, “You are always going to throw away potential happiness, you know that? You are always going to sit back and let life happen around you while you drown in your sorrows. You don’t want to be happy, you want to work at a shit ass job, you want to go from ass**le to ass**le, you want this life. You could change it all, Audrey, and I’m not going to sit here and let you hurt me until you finally realize that. If I walk out that door, I’m done.”
His words were like a knife cutting her right down the center of her chest. She had never felt such intense emotional pain and she knew it was because she was hurting someone. She had never hurt anyone, and to be hurting the one person she cared most about was honestly tearing her apart. He was more than right, about everything. Everything he said was the truth, and damn it, he deserved the truth!
“I can’t have kids!” she yelled out. When she realized what she said, she covered her mouth, tears falling over her hands as she watched his face change from anger to confusion.
Tate took in a few more breath before he shrugged his shoulders. “Okay? What does that have to do with anything?”
Audrey shook her head as her heart continued to pound in her chest. Did she really just tell him that, and did he really not understand how that has everything to do with why she couldn’t be with him?
“You want kids, Tate. I can’t give them to you, so how in the world am I right for you?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I don’t care about that. I care about you. I care about us, what we could have.”
Shaking her head, she looked away, “You are saying that now but later you’re gonna wish you never had. I can’t give you a child, Tate, I am defective and you deserve a woman who can!”
“Are you serious? You letting what could be a problem later ruin us now? Why can’t we cross that bridge later? We aren’t getting married tomorrow, Audrey, we are not having kids the next day. We are dating, we are getting to know each other better to see if we would want to get married and have kids.”
“I told you, I am looking towards the future and if I know I can’t give you the world, why waste my time now?”
Tate shook his head, a soulless laugh leaving his lips, “I can’t believe this. Why waste your time, huh? Is that what spending time with me, kissing me, making love to me is? A waste of time because you can’t give me children?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But you are!” he yelled, moving past her, “You are hurting me now, Audrey, and what I don’t understand is that it’s over something that isn’t a deal breaker. I don’t like your laugh, your eyes, your face, or your personality because you can give me children later; I like it because of you, because I like you.”
Audrey wiped her face free of tears as a sob ripped through her. She didn’t want to hurt him at all, but he wasn’t listening. He wasn’t looking towards the future. He was looking at right now and right now everything was fine, but what about when he wants to hold a child that has his DNA, then what? She would never be able to give him that, and she would be damned if she was going to give him all of her now for him to throw away later.
Looking up at his beautifully hurt face, Audrey said, “I’m sorry, Tate.”
Tate gave her one last look before turning and leaving the room. She listened as he ran down the stairs and when he slammed the door, she was left heartbroken all over again. She wanted to run after him, tell him he was right, but she couldn’t. She knew she was doing the right thing.
Or at least, she hoped.
***
Tate wanted to beat the shit out of something, or someone.
