Epilogue
Page 12
“Fuck you. Let me go,” she panted. Her tone meant business, but her body language told another story. She moved against my cock.
We were in dangerous territory. I knew the situation could blow up in my face, but the thrill was too strong. I couldn’t resist. I pressed her deeper into the wall, until she gasped for breath. I planted soft kisses against her neck.
“I’ll let you go if you’re not wet,” I whispered into her ear.
She didn’t move. She didn’t speak.
“What, no response? Should I check?” My heart was racing. I was afraid of going too far. I was afraid I’d already gone too far and didn’t know how to come back. “Tell me to stop and I will. Tell me you don’t want me to pull your tights down and f**k you up against this wall. Remind me of what a terrible person I am. Tell me I’m a sick bastard and you want me out of your life forever.”
Livvie screwed her eyes shut. Her lip trembled, but she didn’t cry.
I softened toward her. I didn’t want to hurt her. I loved her. I didn’t know how to do it like normal people. I didn’t know how to tell her how scared I was. I pressed my forehead to the back of her neck and I tried.
“Tell me I don’t deserve you. Tell me all the things I already know.”
“Caleb…” My name was a heart-wrenching sound coming from her lips. I prepared for the worst and began to pull away. Livvie’s hands gripped my forearm and held me in place. “Fuck me.”
There was no time to think. I reacted. I pulled her skirt up to her waist. I shoved her panties and tights down to her knees. She gasped. Her hands slapped against the wall for balance. It was only seconds before I had my own pants down to my ankles. I thrust into Livvie fast and hard.
She was wet. She was wet and warm and f**king heaven wrapped around me. I never wanted to leave the safety of her body. As long as I was inside her, she was mine. No one could take her from me. I couldn’t ruin things between us.
I pounded away at her. I put my hands around her wrists and f**ked her into the wall. I practically lifted her body with every thrust… and I groveled.
“I’m sorry, Livvie. I’m sorry. Forgive me. Forgive me.” And I kept f**king.
Afterward, Livvie left in a hurry. I was tempted to stop her, but I didn’t. I felt I’d done enough damage for one night. I left all the broken dishes on the floor and proceeded to take a scalding hot shower. I refused to sleep that night.
Early the next morning, Livvie called me.
“Hey you.” I could hear the smile in her voice. I was a little suspicious but warily accepted she might not be mad about the night before.
I rubbed my eyes. I was exhausted.
“Hey.”
“I just wanted to let you know I have work after class, but I’m free tomorrow. I can spend the night, and tomorrow I thought we could go see a movie. I want to watch Let Me In.”
I sat up and propped myself up against the headboard.
“Um… okay.” I’d been expecting anger from her. Maybe even excuses as to why she couldn’t see me for a while. I decided it was better to accept her offer than question her motives. “What’s it about?”
“It’s sort of a horror movie, but not really. I really liked the Swedish version called Let the Right One In, but I’m curious to see what the director did with it.”
I smiled. I remembered all the movie posters in her apartment.
“Of course, Livvie. We can do that.”
“No pet names today?” she teased.
“I thought you didn’t like it.”
There was silence on her end. Then very quietly, “I liked it last night.”
My dick stirred.
“Good to know.”
“Yeah, well… just don’t get too many ideas. You can’t solve everything with sex, Caleb.”
A tingle of shame bloomed in my chest.
“I’ll try to remember.”
“Good. See you tonight, Sexy.”
I laughed. “Is that a pet name? I hate it.”
“I’ll try to remember.”
I hung up and went straight to sleep. I didn’t even dream.
CHAPTER SIX
Livvie liked to see a lot of movies and read a lot of books. She often lamented not being able to read as often as she’d like because her life was so busy between work, school, and dividing her free time between me and her friends. I often changed the subject when she brought up the last bit. I knew she wanted me to meet them. However, the idea of surrounding myself with typical twenty-year-olds was less than appealing. I had nothing in common with most people—less with those who had never shot a person at point-blank range. At least Livvie and I had that in common!
“Thanksgiving is next week,” Livvie said as she slid into the car. We’d just finished watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. Livvie had insisted we have a marathon to catch me up before we went to see the film. Surprisingly, I genuinely enjoyed the movies. I wondered if I was more like Harry or Voldemort. “Caleb.”
“Yes?” I looked toward Livvie and smiled. She sighed.
“You know where I’m going with this. Don’t make it difficult for me.”
“Come on, Kitten. Again? I have enough friends. I don’t want any more.”
“You don’t have any friends, Caleb.”
“You’re my friend.” I winked at her as I started the car. She was a sucker for my flirting.
“Gah!” She threw up her hands sarcastically. “You are so irritating! If you weren’t so handsome I’d punch you in the face.” I laughed. “Come on, Caleb. Don’t be an ass. I’ve been really patient, but this is important to me. You’re important to me… and so are they. Please don’t make me choose.”
Despite her playful tone, I could tell how serious the situation truly was. I’d put her through a lot. After all, an evening with her friends had to bode better for me than it had for Livvie when she’d spent time with mine.
“What are we going to tell them about me?”
She shifted in her seat and gave me a look of tempered excitement.
“Ohmygod, are you asking me because you’re actually considering it?” I rolled my eyes.
“I suppose,” I grumbled. I wasn’t prepared when Livvie took off her seatbelt and jumped on me with a squeal of delight. I tapped my brakes and heard a horn blaring behind me. “Livvie! What the f**k? I’m driving!” She was completely unapologetic.
“I’m so happy! So happy, happy, happy.” She danced into her seat and put her seatbelt back on. “Claudia is going to flip her shit when she sees you. Rubi is super polite, but Claudia is a bit of a chatterbox. So expect her to talk your ear off. Sometimes she gets kinda personal, but I’ll warn her ahead of time how grumpy you are. Ohmygod, what are we going to eat? I hope the grocery store has turkeys. Big turkeys!”
My anxiety levels were rising. What the hell had I just agreed to?
“Livvie, it’s not going to be that easy. We have to be careful if you don’t want to send me pen pal letters in prison.”
Her excitement dwindled slightly. She rested her hand on my arm.
“We’d run before I ever let that happen, Caleb.” She was dead serious. My chest felt a little tighter. “Besides,” she continued, “the FBI is far from here and they don’t check on me unless I reach out first. Sloan calls sometimes, but now that she knows I have friends and don’t sit around moping over you, I don’t hear from her much. We’re okay, Caleb. We’re perfect.”
I smiled despite myself.
“We’re pretty far from perfect, Kitten. I’m the most f**ked up person you know.”
“Yeah, but I’m the second most f**ked up person I know, and when you put two negatives together, you get a positive. That’s math, Caleb. Math is the language of the universe. You can’t argue with the universe.” Her grin was patently ridiculous.
I love you so goddamn much.
“Yes, well, I’ve been screwed over by the universe before.”
“I know! It totally owes us.” She stuck out her tongue. I laughed.
“Seriously, what are we going to say?” I held her hand as I focused on the road.
“Well, it’s just like writing. You start with what you know, and what I know is the best lies are rooted in the truth. Your name is James. You were born in Portland, Oregon. You’re twenty-seven, well-traveled, and we’ve been seeing each other for a month and a half.”
I laughed.
“Been thinking about it, have you? My passport doesn’t say James. Also, in the event your FBI friends come poking around, I’m not sure having James Cole in your life is going to go unnoticed. Then there’s what do I do for a living? Why do I have an accent if I grew up in America? What’s my family like? Do I have any hobbies?” I slowly watched the enthusiasm fade from Livvie’s face. I felt like shit. “I’m sorry, Livvie. I know you deserve better, but I just don’t know how you think we can pull this off.”
She was quiet for the rest of the ride back to my hotel. We stripped and climbed into bed. I pulled her close. I could practically hear the gears turning in her head.
“We tell them we’re both in witness protection,” she said. “We aren’t supposed to be together, but we couldn’t stand to be apart. The FBI wants you to turn over evidence that belongs to another country. That’s why Reed was poking around and I’ve been so secretive about where I’m spending my nights. They can never tell anyone about us. As far as they’re concerned, we met at The Paseo. They love me, Caleb. They’ll keep our secret.”
We were in dangerous territory. I knew the situation could blow up in my face, but the thrill was too strong. I couldn’t resist. I pressed her deeper into the wall, until she gasped for breath. I planted soft kisses against her neck.
“I’ll let you go if you’re not wet,” I whispered into her ear.
She didn’t move. She didn’t speak.
“What, no response? Should I check?” My heart was racing. I was afraid of going too far. I was afraid I’d already gone too far and didn’t know how to come back. “Tell me to stop and I will. Tell me you don’t want me to pull your tights down and f**k you up against this wall. Remind me of what a terrible person I am. Tell me I’m a sick bastard and you want me out of your life forever.”
Livvie screwed her eyes shut. Her lip trembled, but she didn’t cry.
I softened toward her. I didn’t want to hurt her. I loved her. I didn’t know how to do it like normal people. I didn’t know how to tell her how scared I was. I pressed my forehead to the back of her neck and I tried.
“Tell me I don’t deserve you. Tell me all the things I already know.”
“Caleb…” My name was a heart-wrenching sound coming from her lips. I prepared for the worst and began to pull away. Livvie’s hands gripped my forearm and held me in place. “Fuck me.”
There was no time to think. I reacted. I pulled her skirt up to her waist. I shoved her panties and tights down to her knees. She gasped. Her hands slapped against the wall for balance. It was only seconds before I had my own pants down to my ankles. I thrust into Livvie fast and hard.
She was wet. She was wet and warm and f**king heaven wrapped around me. I never wanted to leave the safety of her body. As long as I was inside her, she was mine. No one could take her from me. I couldn’t ruin things between us.
I pounded away at her. I put my hands around her wrists and f**ked her into the wall. I practically lifted her body with every thrust… and I groveled.
“I’m sorry, Livvie. I’m sorry. Forgive me. Forgive me.” And I kept f**king.
Afterward, Livvie left in a hurry. I was tempted to stop her, but I didn’t. I felt I’d done enough damage for one night. I left all the broken dishes on the floor and proceeded to take a scalding hot shower. I refused to sleep that night.
Early the next morning, Livvie called me.
“Hey you.” I could hear the smile in her voice. I was a little suspicious but warily accepted she might not be mad about the night before.
I rubbed my eyes. I was exhausted.
“Hey.”
“I just wanted to let you know I have work after class, but I’m free tomorrow. I can spend the night, and tomorrow I thought we could go see a movie. I want to watch Let Me In.”
I sat up and propped myself up against the headboard.
“Um… okay.” I’d been expecting anger from her. Maybe even excuses as to why she couldn’t see me for a while. I decided it was better to accept her offer than question her motives. “What’s it about?”
“It’s sort of a horror movie, but not really. I really liked the Swedish version called Let the Right One In, but I’m curious to see what the director did with it.”
I smiled. I remembered all the movie posters in her apartment.
“Of course, Livvie. We can do that.”
“No pet names today?” she teased.
“I thought you didn’t like it.”
There was silence on her end. Then very quietly, “I liked it last night.”
My dick stirred.
“Good to know.”
“Yeah, well… just don’t get too many ideas. You can’t solve everything with sex, Caleb.”
A tingle of shame bloomed in my chest.
“I’ll try to remember.”
“Good. See you tonight, Sexy.”
I laughed. “Is that a pet name? I hate it.”
“I’ll try to remember.”
I hung up and went straight to sleep. I didn’t even dream.
CHAPTER SIX
Livvie liked to see a lot of movies and read a lot of books. She often lamented not being able to read as often as she’d like because her life was so busy between work, school, and dividing her free time between me and her friends. I often changed the subject when she brought up the last bit. I knew she wanted me to meet them. However, the idea of surrounding myself with typical twenty-year-olds was less than appealing. I had nothing in common with most people—less with those who had never shot a person at point-blank range. At least Livvie and I had that in common!
“Thanksgiving is next week,” Livvie said as she slid into the car. We’d just finished watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. Livvie had insisted we have a marathon to catch me up before we went to see the film. Surprisingly, I genuinely enjoyed the movies. I wondered if I was more like Harry or Voldemort. “Caleb.”
“Yes?” I looked toward Livvie and smiled. She sighed.
“You know where I’m going with this. Don’t make it difficult for me.”
“Come on, Kitten. Again? I have enough friends. I don’t want any more.”
“You don’t have any friends, Caleb.”
“You’re my friend.” I winked at her as I started the car. She was a sucker for my flirting.
“Gah!” She threw up her hands sarcastically. “You are so irritating! If you weren’t so handsome I’d punch you in the face.” I laughed. “Come on, Caleb. Don’t be an ass. I’ve been really patient, but this is important to me. You’re important to me… and so are they. Please don’t make me choose.”
Despite her playful tone, I could tell how serious the situation truly was. I’d put her through a lot. After all, an evening with her friends had to bode better for me than it had for Livvie when she’d spent time with mine.
“What are we going to tell them about me?”
She shifted in her seat and gave me a look of tempered excitement.
“Ohmygod, are you asking me because you’re actually considering it?” I rolled my eyes.
“I suppose,” I grumbled. I wasn’t prepared when Livvie took off her seatbelt and jumped on me with a squeal of delight. I tapped my brakes and heard a horn blaring behind me. “Livvie! What the f**k? I’m driving!” She was completely unapologetic.
“I’m so happy! So happy, happy, happy.” She danced into her seat and put her seatbelt back on. “Claudia is going to flip her shit when she sees you. Rubi is super polite, but Claudia is a bit of a chatterbox. So expect her to talk your ear off. Sometimes she gets kinda personal, but I’ll warn her ahead of time how grumpy you are. Ohmygod, what are we going to eat? I hope the grocery store has turkeys. Big turkeys!”
My anxiety levels were rising. What the hell had I just agreed to?
“Livvie, it’s not going to be that easy. We have to be careful if you don’t want to send me pen pal letters in prison.”
Her excitement dwindled slightly. She rested her hand on my arm.
“We’d run before I ever let that happen, Caleb.” She was dead serious. My chest felt a little tighter. “Besides,” she continued, “the FBI is far from here and they don’t check on me unless I reach out first. Sloan calls sometimes, but now that she knows I have friends and don’t sit around moping over you, I don’t hear from her much. We’re okay, Caleb. We’re perfect.”
I smiled despite myself.
“We’re pretty far from perfect, Kitten. I’m the most f**ked up person you know.”
“Yeah, but I’m the second most f**ked up person I know, and when you put two negatives together, you get a positive. That’s math, Caleb. Math is the language of the universe. You can’t argue with the universe.” Her grin was patently ridiculous.
I love you so goddamn much.
“Yes, well, I’ve been screwed over by the universe before.”
“I know! It totally owes us.” She stuck out her tongue. I laughed.
“Seriously, what are we going to say?” I held her hand as I focused on the road.
“Well, it’s just like writing. You start with what you know, and what I know is the best lies are rooted in the truth. Your name is James. You were born in Portland, Oregon. You’re twenty-seven, well-traveled, and we’ve been seeing each other for a month and a half.”
I laughed.
“Been thinking about it, have you? My passport doesn’t say James. Also, in the event your FBI friends come poking around, I’m not sure having James Cole in your life is going to go unnoticed. Then there’s what do I do for a living? Why do I have an accent if I grew up in America? What’s my family like? Do I have any hobbies?” I slowly watched the enthusiasm fade from Livvie’s face. I felt like shit. “I’m sorry, Livvie. I know you deserve better, but I just don’t know how you think we can pull this off.”
She was quiet for the rest of the ride back to my hotel. We stripped and climbed into bed. I pulled her close. I could practically hear the gears turning in her head.
“We tell them we’re both in witness protection,” she said. “We aren’t supposed to be together, but we couldn’t stand to be apart. The FBI wants you to turn over evidence that belongs to another country. That’s why Reed was poking around and I’ve been so secretive about where I’m spending my nights. They can never tell anyone about us. As far as they’re concerned, we met at The Paseo. They love me, Caleb. They’ll keep our secret.”
