Face-Off at the Altar
Page 111
“And that’s enough to keep me from ever leaving.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, just love me.”
“Done.”
Gathering her in his arms, he held her tightly as he kissed her temple and whispered, “Oh, how I love you, Mekena.”
“Nowhere near as much as I love you, Markus.”
That was debatable for sure, but he figured they could settle that later.
They had their whole lives to do so.
“How do you feel, Markus?”
Markus smiled as he drew in a breath and let it out, looking over at Dr. Lemiere. “I feel alive.”
“Alive? Good. That’s a good feeling.”
“It is,” he said, leaning on his legs, his elbows digging into his thighs. “I’ve felt a bit numb since Skylar passed. It was great to get all that off my chest, to forgive her. But Mekena’s grief has been really overwhelming. I hate watching her hurt, and in return, I’ve hurt. But each day is getting better.”
“How have you handled her hurt?”
He took in another breath and let it out slowly. “We talk. She likes to remember the good times, not the shit that Skylar caused, which is nice. She’s been visiting with her family a lot more, and that’s really good. I like her parents, and they like me. We’ve fought, but it’s been because of her grief. So when I get frustrated, I put my whole self into my game. That’s been my saving grace, my game—and my boys, along with my best friend, Baylor. I can talk to her about anything, and that’s great. But mostly, Mekena and I have been building our life.”
“Have you? How?”
“Our apartment is coming along nicely. My pseudo big sister, Lucy has been designing for us, and since Mekena needs something to distract her, she’s been obsessed with making it a home. It’s nice, I guess, but then it makes me worry that she’s trying to bury her pain. So I talk to her a lot, and I think she needs that. She needs to know I’m there, and I need her to know I worry for her. I’ve tried really hard to be as honest as I can.”
“Good, I like that you’re talking to her, telling her what you’re feeling,” Dr. Lemiere said with a smile. “Do you find it hard to be honest when you know it might upset her?”
“Yeah, but I refuse to let either of us shut down on the other. She’s getting help—she got free counseling through a grief counselor at Vanderbilt. She went with her family, so I know she is talking through things with them. And when she comes home, we discuss it more, so I feel good about it. I also try to keep her smiling since that’s my favorite thing about her. I know when she forces it and when she really means it, so she can’t lie to me. I know that frustrates her sometimes, but like I said, we can’t give up. We have to keep fighting. Or at least that’s what I’m told.”
Dr. Lemiere smiled since she was the one who had told him that last week. “I’m glad you listened.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I did, and I’m doing well. I think I am, at least, and Mekena is doing as well as she can. I couldn’t imagine losing Jude, Jayden, Jace, or Lucy, and they aren’t even really my siblings. But she did lose her only sister, and I think she is handling it much better now. She has her good days and her bad.”
“Do you find yourself having the same?”
He shrugged. “I think so. I think I play off her emotions because I care so much. Because I want her to be happy. But at the beginning, after Skylar passed, I think I was becoming obsessed with how Mekena felt and that it was my duty to lift her up. I couldn’t do that because it was bringing me down. So instead, I reminded myself that I couldn’t be her rock if I was falling apart because she was.”
“You’re right.”
“The main thing I’ve learned, through all of this, is that I am one person, and no matter how much I worry for everyone else, I have to worry for me first. Only then can I help everyone else. Which is what I’ve been doing. I make sure that I’m good, and then I’m there for her.”
“Good, that’s what we have been striving for. I’m very proud of you.”
Markus beamed. “Thank you.”
“How’s the anger? The resentment toward Skylar? It’s been five weeks since her passing. Has that been relieved some?”
Markus looked down at his feet and thought that through. “I think I’ve fully forgiven her. But I’m still mad she hurt all those people, but I’m not mad she hurt me.”
“Okay, that’s a classic sign of grief.”
“Should I grieve for her?”
Dr. Lemiere paused, moving her pen along her lip. “I think you grieve for her for Mekena. Do you feel you are still trying to take all her pain?”
Markus nodded. “Character flaw.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s okay, at least we know and we can work on it. But, Markus, you’re moving mountains with your progress. I’m very proud of the man sitting in front of me.”
“Thank you,” he said, smiling, his heart pounding in his chest. He had been nervous about this meeting since, last week, all he did was cry because he couldn’t fix Mekena. It had been a rough five weeks, but they were getting through it.
Together.
“So how do you feel about cutting down to twice a month? Come every other week? Or do you want to stay at every week? I feel you’re not needing me as much as I assumed you would. You’re very resilient, and I appreciate that, but I also don’t want to cut you off completely in case something else comes up.”
Markus nodded as he thought about it. “Yeah, I’m good with that change. Plus, if I have an issue, I’m always welcome to come in here, right?”
“Absolutely,” she agreed with a smile, and he smiled back, pleased with his progress.
When everything had happened with Skylar all those months ago, he didn’t know he needed the help of a doctor. Having Dr. Wren Lemiere in his corner was his saving grace. He might have even ended up like Baylor had, a mess after her attempted rape, but he was standing on his own two feet, a confident man.
A man with no hate in his heart whatsoever.
He would be forever grateful to the woman who sat across from him. She helped him get through something that could have broken him. But with her help and Mekena’s love, he was able not only to forgive Skylar but also to move past it. Now when he thought of Skylar, he didn’t think of the bad she caused him but about the good she had done, growing up with Mekena. That was mostly Mekena’s doing, though. She lived in the good times and not in the bad, and he was thankful for that. He didn’t want her to hurt, even though she did from time to time.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, just love me.”
“Done.”
Gathering her in his arms, he held her tightly as he kissed her temple and whispered, “Oh, how I love you, Mekena.”
“Nowhere near as much as I love you, Markus.”
That was debatable for sure, but he figured they could settle that later.
They had their whole lives to do so.
“How do you feel, Markus?”
Markus smiled as he drew in a breath and let it out, looking over at Dr. Lemiere. “I feel alive.”
“Alive? Good. That’s a good feeling.”
“It is,” he said, leaning on his legs, his elbows digging into his thighs. “I’ve felt a bit numb since Skylar passed. It was great to get all that off my chest, to forgive her. But Mekena’s grief has been really overwhelming. I hate watching her hurt, and in return, I’ve hurt. But each day is getting better.”
“How have you handled her hurt?”
He took in another breath and let it out slowly. “We talk. She likes to remember the good times, not the shit that Skylar caused, which is nice. She’s been visiting with her family a lot more, and that’s really good. I like her parents, and they like me. We’ve fought, but it’s been because of her grief. So when I get frustrated, I put my whole self into my game. That’s been my saving grace, my game—and my boys, along with my best friend, Baylor. I can talk to her about anything, and that’s great. But mostly, Mekena and I have been building our life.”
“Have you? How?”
“Our apartment is coming along nicely. My pseudo big sister, Lucy has been designing for us, and since Mekena needs something to distract her, she’s been obsessed with making it a home. It’s nice, I guess, but then it makes me worry that she’s trying to bury her pain. So I talk to her a lot, and I think she needs that. She needs to know I’m there, and I need her to know I worry for her. I’ve tried really hard to be as honest as I can.”
“Good, I like that you’re talking to her, telling her what you’re feeling,” Dr. Lemiere said with a smile. “Do you find it hard to be honest when you know it might upset her?”
“Yeah, but I refuse to let either of us shut down on the other. She’s getting help—she got free counseling through a grief counselor at Vanderbilt. She went with her family, so I know she is talking through things with them. And when she comes home, we discuss it more, so I feel good about it. I also try to keep her smiling since that’s my favorite thing about her. I know when she forces it and when she really means it, so she can’t lie to me. I know that frustrates her sometimes, but like I said, we can’t give up. We have to keep fighting. Or at least that’s what I’m told.”
Dr. Lemiere smiled since she was the one who had told him that last week. “I’m glad you listened.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I did, and I’m doing well. I think I am, at least, and Mekena is doing as well as she can. I couldn’t imagine losing Jude, Jayden, Jace, or Lucy, and they aren’t even really my siblings. But she did lose her only sister, and I think she is handling it much better now. She has her good days and her bad.”
“Do you find yourself having the same?”
He shrugged. “I think so. I think I play off her emotions because I care so much. Because I want her to be happy. But at the beginning, after Skylar passed, I think I was becoming obsessed with how Mekena felt and that it was my duty to lift her up. I couldn’t do that because it was bringing me down. So instead, I reminded myself that I couldn’t be her rock if I was falling apart because she was.”
“You’re right.”
“The main thing I’ve learned, through all of this, is that I am one person, and no matter how much I worry for everyone else, I have to worry for me first. Only then can I help everyone else. Which is what I’ve been doing. I make sure that I’m good, and then I’m there for her.”
“Good, that’s what we have been striving for. I’m very proud of you.”
Markus beamed. “Thank you.”
“How’s the anger? The resentment toward Skylar? It’s been five weeks since her passing. Has that been relieved some?”
Markus looked down at his feet and thought that through. “I think I’ve fully forgiven her. But I’m still mad she hurt all those people, but I’m not mad she hurt me.”
“Okay, that’s a classic sign of grief.”
“Should I grieve for her?”
Dr. Lemiere paused, moving her pen along her lip. “I think you grieve for her for Mekena. Do you feel you are still trying to take all her pain?”
Markus nodded. “Character flaw.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s okay, at least we know and we can work on it. But, Markus, you’re moving mountains with your progress. I’m very proud of the man sitting in front of me.”
“Thank you,” he said, smiling, his heart pounding in his chest. He had been nervous about this meeting since, last week, all he did was cry because he couldn’t fix Mekena. It had been a rough five weeks, but they were getting through it.
Together.
“So how do you feel about cutting down to twice a month? Come every other week? Or do you want to stay at every week? I feel you’re not needing me as much as I assumed you would. You’re very resilient, and I appreciate that, but I also don’t want to cut you off completely in case something else comes up.”
Markus nodded as he thought about it. “Yeah, I’m good with that change. Plus, if I have an issue, I’m always welcome to come in here, right?”
“Absolutely,” she agreed with a smile, and he smiled back, pleased with his progress.
When everything had happened with Skylar all those months ago, he didn’t know he needed the help of a doctor. Having Dr. Wren Lemiere in his corner was his saving grace. He might have even ended up like Baylor had, a mess after her attempted rape, but he was standing on his own two feet, a confident man.
A man with no hate in his heart whatsoever.
He would be forever grateful to the woman who sat across from him. She helped him get through something that could have broken him. But with her help and Mekena’s love, he was able not only to forgive Skylar but also to move past it. Now when he thought of Skylar, he didn’t think of the bad she caused him but about the good she had done, growing up with Mekena. That was mostly Mekena’s doing, though. She lived in the good times and not in the bad, and he was thankful for that. He didn’t want her to hurt, even though she did from time to time.
