Face-Off at the Altar
Page 110
The promise that he would never give up on Mekena.
That he would love her for the rest of his existence?
He wasn’t sure how, but he had to clear his head. He found himself standing and walking to the sound system he had installed a few days before Skylar passed. He hit play to find that Mekena had been listening to Shawn Mendes last. As the singer’s voice filled the room, Markus felt like the song was speaking to him. That fate had put it on just for that moment to give him guidance, to give him a plan. As “Never Be Alone” played, he felt it in his bones because it was how he felt about Mekena.
Leaning into the radio, he closed his eyes as he listened to the words, letting them feed his soul. It was like he was being recharged, reminding him how much he loved that girl who lay in that bedroom, broken. He was going to put her back together. He didn’t care what he had to do, what she said. He was going to make things better for her. He was going to love her enough for both of them.
Before he could, though, he jumped at the feel of a pair of arms coming around his waist. When he realized it was Mekena, he froze as she cried into his back.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her sobs shaking his own body. “I’m trying to push you away, and I don’t know why. I’m just hurting.”
“I know,” he said, covering her hands with his. “I hate it. I do.”
“Me too,” she cried, soaking his back with her tears. Turning in her arms, he looked down at her as she blinked away her tears, the drops falling from her dark lashes. Her sweet hazel eyes were filled with such pain, and he wished he could take it all and make it disappear. Just to give her some relief. “I just don’t know what to do, and I hate fighting with you. I’m just so fucking mad, and I don’t know how to handle these feelings, this pain. I took it out on you, and I didn’t mean to.”
His heart ached as he held her lovely round face in his hands, his thumbs grazing her cheeks. “Baby, I know we’ll have our disagreements, that’s inevitable. We’ll fight for no damn reason because, let’s be honest, I’m too goofy and you’re too smart. But, Mekena, I knew from the first day I met you I wouldn’t let you slip away. So, yeah, yell at me, scream, tell me you hate me, but don’t push me away. I’m here because I love you, because I believe in us, and I’m not going anywhere without a fight.”
Her little lip quivered as she nodded. “Don’t leave. Please don’t leave.”
He smiled gently. “Mekena, I wasn’t going anywhere unless you were going with me.”
She couldn’t stop her tears as she gasped for breath. “Why am I blaming myself? Why does it hurt so bad?”
“Because you want a reason for this. And, Mekena, I’m sorry there isn’t one except that she was sick and turned to a substance instead of her family.”
“Why, though? Was it my fault? Did I push her away?”
“No, baby, you grew up. You didn’t need her anymore, and I really think that’s why she did it.”
“Could I have stopped her?” she asked, her eyes begging for an answer. But Markus didn’t have one.
Shrugging, he said, “I don’t know, but honestly, I really don’t think so.”
Letting out a loud sob, she crumpled against him as she nodded. “I don’t think so either. She was so headstrong, always right, while I was just the dorky little sister who didn’t know better.”
“But now you’re the hot, beautiful, smart woman that I love more than I could have ever imagined. This is in no way, shape, or form your fault, my love. It really isn’t.”
Chewing on her lip, she held his gaze as she hiccupped a sob. “Why don’t I know that?”
“Because you want a reason for losing her. You want to blame someone. But Mekena, it’s no one’s fault but her own. I don’t think you wanted the druggie to win, I think you thought your sister would win. But, baby, she didn’t, and I’m so incredibly sorry. If I could, I’d go find her and bring her back for you.”
Crying out, she clung to him and he let her. She dug her face into the middle of his chest, and he closed his eyes, praying for her pain to stop. He didn’t care what havoc she caused, as long as she felt better. “It just isn’t fair. I hate what she has done. I hate that she hurt us. I’m so fucking mad.”
“I know, baby. I know. I’m so sorry.”
As she cried, he held her, unsure what else to say. He had said everything he could. But damn it, he’d repeat it over and over again to help. To take some of the pain away.
As she hiccupped, she whispered, “I left the funeral.”
He nodded. He had hoped she wouldn’t regret that, but it was obvious she did. Looking deep into her eyes, he ran his thumbs along her lips. “And that’s okay. You said your good-byes. No one said you had to stay.”
“My mom is mad, and your parents are concerned since I didn’t say bye—”
“None of that matters. They’ll be okay. We have to worry about you. We have to build you back up.”
She swallowed hard. “I just feel empty.”
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close as his lips dusted hers. “Then let me fix that. Let me love you until you’re full again. Just don’t push me away.”
She closed her eyes, and her lips trembled and jerked as she leaned into him. He hated how much pain she was in, and it was honestly breaking his heart. He didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know how to make it better. He just prayed his love was enough to make it seem at least a little bit brighter. Inhaling deeply, he pressed his lips to her cheek as she cried. He figured that maybe he didn’t have the answers, but he’d always have his undying love for her.
He just hoped that was enough.
“Markus?”
Smiling against her temple, he kissed her and whispered, “Yeah, baby?”
“I’m such a mess.”
His lips quirked as he nodded. “A beautiful mess.”
“Yeah, but even though I’m a mess, please stay,” she whispered, her lips ghosting across his cheek. “No matter how hard it is to stay with me, just stay please, because I need you.”
Smiling, he pulled back and shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere, but you don’t need me.”
“You’re right, I want you.”
That he would love her for the rest of his existence?
He wasn’t sure how, but he had to clear his head. He found himself standing and walking to the sound system he had installed a few days before Skylar passed. He hit play to find that Mekena had been listening to Shawn Mendes last. As the singer’s voice filled the room, Markus felt like the song was speaking to him. That fate had put it on just for that moment to give him guidance, to give him a plan. As “Never Be Alone” played, he felt it in his bones because it was how he felt about Mekena.
Leaning into the radio, he closed his eyes as he listened to the words, letting them feed his soul. It was like he was being recharged, reminding him how much he loved that girl who lay in that bedroom, broken. He was going to put her back together. He didn’t care what he had to do, what she said. He was going to make things better for her. He was going to love her enough for both of them.
Before he could, though, he jumped at the feel of a pair of arms coming around his waist. When he realized it was Mekena, he froze as she cried into his back.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her sobs shaking his own body. “I’m trying to push you away, and I don’t know why. I’m just hurting.”
“I know,” he said, covering her hands with his. “I hate it. I do.”
“Me too,” she cried, soaking his back with her tears. Turning in her arms, he looked down at her as she blinked away her tears, the drops falling from her dark lashes. Her sweet hazel eyes were filled with such pain, and he wished he could take it all and make it disappear. Just to give her some relief. “I just don’t know what to do, and I hate fighting with you. I’m just so fucking mad, and I don’t know how to handle these feelings, this pain. I took it out on you, and I didn’t mean to.”
His heart ached as he held her lovely round face in his hands, his thumbs grazing her cheeks. “Baby, I know we’ll have our disagreements, that’s inevitable. We’ll fight for no damn reason because, let’s be honest, I’m too goofy and you’re too smart. But, Mekena, I knew from the first day I met you I wouldn’t let you slip away. So, yeah, yell at me, scream, tell me you hate me, but don’t push me away. I’m here because I love you, because I believe in us, and I’m not going anywhere without a fight.”
Her little lip quivered as she nodded. “Don’t leave. Please don’t leave.”
He smiled gently. “Mekena, I wasn’t going anywhere unless you were going with me.”
She couldn’t stop her tears as she gasped for breath. “Why am I blaming myself? Why does it hurt so bad?”
“Because you want a reason for this. And, Mekena, I’m sorry there isn’t one except that she was sick and turned to a substance instead of her family.”
“Why, though? Was it my fault? Did I push her away?”
“No, baby, you grew up. You didn’t need her anymore, and I really think that’s why she did it.”
“Could I have stopped her?” she asked, her eyes begging for an answer. But Markus didn’t have one.
Shrugging, he said, “I don’t know, but honestly, I really don’t think so.”
Letting out a loud sob, she crumpled against him as she nodded. “I don’t think so either. She was so headstrong, always right, while I was just the dorky little sister who didn’t know better.”
“But now you’re the hot, beautiful, smart woman that I love more than I could have ever imagined. This is in no way, shape, or form your fault, my love. It really isn’t.”
Chewing on her lip, she held his gaze as she hiccupped a sob. “Why don’t I know that?”
“Because you want a reason for losing her. You want to blame someone. But Mekena, it’s no one’s fault but her own. I don’t think you wanted the druggie to win, I think you thought your sister would win. But, baby, she didn’t, and I’m so incredibly sorry. If I could, I’d go find her and bring her back for you.”
Crying out, she clung to him and he let her. She dug her face into the middle of his chest, and he closed his eyes, praying for her pain to stop. He didn’t care what havoc she caused, as long as she felt better. “It just isn’t fair. I hate what she has done. I hate that she hurt us. I’m so fucking mad.”
“I know, baby. I know. I’m so sorry.”
As she cried, he held her, unsure what else to say. He had said everything he could. But damn it, he’d repeat it over and over again to help. To take some of the pain away.
As she hiccupped, she whispered, “I left the funeral.”
He nodded. He had hoped she wouldn’t regret that, but it was obvious she did. Looking deep into her eyes, he ran his thumbs along her lips. “And that’s okay. You said your good-byes. No one said you had to stay.”
“My mom is mad, and your parents are concerned since I didn’t say bye—”
“None of that matters. They’ll be okay. We have to worry about you. We have to build you back up.”
She swallowed hard. “I just feel empty.”
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close as his lips dusted hers. “Then let me fix that. Let me love you until you’re full again. Just don’t push me away.”
She closed her eyes, and her lips trembled and jerked as she leaned into him. He hated how much pain she was in, and it was honestly breaking his heart. He didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know how to make it better. He just prayed his love was enough to make it seem at least a little bit brighter. Inhaling deeply, he pressed his lips to her cheek as she cried. He figured that maybe he didn’t have the answers, but he’d always have his undying love for her.
He just hoped that was enough.
“Markus?”
Smiling against her temple, he kissed her and whispered, “Yeah, baby?”
“I’m such a mess.”
His lips quirked as he nodded. “A beautiful mess.”
“Yeah, but even though I’m a mess, please stay,” she whispered, her lips ghosting across his cheek. “No matter how hard it is to stay with me, just stay please, because I need you.”
Smiling, he pulled back and shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere, but you don’t need me.”
“You’re right, I want you.”
