Face-Off at the Altar
Page 34
“I love you too, Bay, I do,” he whispered, and she squeezed his hands.
It was all too much. Too much pain. Too many unanswered questions.
“Have you talked to Skylar?”
He snorted. “Fuck no.”
“And you haven’t told anyone else about this?”
He shook his head. “It was hard just to tell you.”
“You need to tell Mekena,” Baylor said, and Markus looked up. “The truth.”
“Yeah, ’cause she’d believe me,” he scoffed. “I don’t even believe me. It’s all just so unreal, so dumb and silly. She is better off just thinking I fucked her over and I’m a dog. She doesn’t need to know the truth. The truth is fucked up.”
He tried to look away, but Baylor gripped his face in her hands. “No, you both need it. You’re both so hurt, and I’m not saying the truth will fix it, but at least it will give y’all some closure. I don’t know if y’all can fix what’s broken, and I know it will hurt, but both of you need this.”
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. It felt as if his body wasn’t his. His eyes became misty, and his throat started to close up with the emotion that was taking over his body. He felt worthless, he felt used, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell Mekena? Would she even listen? It all seemed so unreal. And if he did tell her, what would it do? Would it ease the pain a bit? He knew they would never have what they once had. Too much time, too much pain had passed, and no matter how much he wanted her, how he never wanted to love anyone else but her, he knew that it was unattainable.
He knew what he could win at, and Mekena was a prize that wasn’t up for grabs anymore. No matter what he did. Though, if he did tell her, if he was honest, then maybe, just maybe, she would forgive him, and they could have the closure they both so desperately needed. She might put on the act that she was over him, that she was unaffected by him, but he saw right through it. She was hurting as much as he was.
“And when you want to confront that cunt Skylar, let me know. I’ll go with you and kick her ass,” Baylor said, trying to lighten the darkness of the situation. With a small smile, he leaned over, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her in tight, kissing her temple.
“Thanks, Baylor. I really don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life.”
She laughed. “I think it’s hard to get rid of me.”
“This is true.”
Wrapping her arms around him and Dawson, she squeezed them tightly and whispered, “But really, you need to confront both of them. Put everything out in the open and leave it behind you—because you’ll never move on until you get all this weight off your chest. It’s too late to ruin that whore of a girl, but at least maybe she’ll apologize for hurting you. ‘Cause I’m sure she’ll lie out her ass.”
“Yeah, which is why I don’t see a point in even trying to confront her about it.”
“For you. For your heart. You are too emotional, Markus. You hold stuff so close to your heart, and if you don’t let this go, you’ll dwell till your dying day. You’ll truly never be you because of this, and that’s unacceptable.”
“You’re right.”
“I know.”
“I’m scared, though.”
“I know,” she whispered, holding him tighter. “But fear never held you back from anything before.”
She was right. Fear was always an ugly emotion that tried to restrain him, but he never allowed it. He fought through it, and he wasn’t giving up. He would find a good time, apologize to Mekena, and pray that she forgave him. He would then find Skylar and he would confront her, getting the apology he thought he deserved. Meanwhile, he’d work his ass off to have his dreams, and maybe he could be happy again. Truly happy.
The kind of happy that Mekena made him feel.
“Whoa, are you moving in on my wife now?”
Closing his eyes, he shook his head, and Baylor laughed, pulling away as they both looked back at Jayden.
“Shut it, Sinclair. You know I’m yours.”
“Damn right you are, Sinclair,” Jayden said, such heat in his eyes.
Jealousy ate Markus alive at that moment. He wanted that. He wanted that undying love and admiration that his best friends had. He wanted it with Mekena so damn bad, but it all just seemed unfixable. Hell, forgiveness felt unattainable. Everything seemed out of reach. Like an uphill battle he’d never win. But Markus was made for winning. Every time he was down, he got up and he fought for what he wanted. Yeah, he needed a reminder every once in a while, and it was usually Baylor giving that reminder. But once he got his head out of his ass, he fought. He fought for everything, and he wasn’t about to let that change now.
Sitting with her hands in her lap, Mekena watched as Jayden, Baylor, and Markus came back around the table, taking their seats as Autumn gushed with happiness. “You came back. I thought you would be mad at me!”
Markus laughed as he sat down, leaning into her. “Mad at you? Because you outed your daughter and me and almost got me beat up by your big, strong sons? Never, I love you, Mom!”
Everyone snickered, well, everyone but Mekena and Benji. Benji looked just as miffed as she was sure she looked. It was just so frustrating. Markus was getting around with God and everyone, while she was busy pining over him. It was irritating and pretty damn infuriating! How Mekena had gotten through dinner thus far was beyond her. Not only did everything he said and did get under her skin, she couldn’t keep her damn eyes off him. Every move he made, she saw. Even if it was just to reach for his beer or the way his face wrinkled up in such an adorable way when the soup was served, she saw it, and man, she was disappointed in herself. Why did he matter? Why did she want to watch him? She needed help. Like professional damn help. But she’d have to worry about that later. First, she had to get through this damn wedding week.
With a roll of her eyes, she fully expected dinner to continue to be awkward, for everyone to be hung up on what Markus and Lucy had done, but they weren’t. Within seconds, everyone was joking and carrying on as the rest of the courses came out. It was mind-blowing, but then…was it? It happened so long ago, and it was obvious Lucy was head over heels in love with Benji. It just gutted Mekena though, the forgiveness. She wished she could have even an ounce of it. The ability to forgive like they had.
It was all too much. Too much pain. Too many unanswered questions.
“Have you talked to Skylar?”
He snorted. “Fuck no.”
“And you haven’t told anyone else about this?”
He shook his head. “It was hard just to tell you.”
“You need to tell Mekena,” Baylor said, and Markus looked up. “The truth.”
“Yeah, ’cause she’d believe me,” he scoffed. “I don’t even believe me. It’s all just so unreal, so dumb and silly. She is better off just thinking I fucked her over and I’m a dog. She doesn’t need to know the truth. The truth is fucked up.”
He tried to look away, but Baylor gripped his face in her hands. “No, you both need it. You’re both so hurt, and I’m not saying the truth will fix it, but at least it will give y’all some closure. I don’t know if y’all can fix what’s broken, and I know it will hurt, but both of you need this.”
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. It felt as if his body wasn’t his. His eyes became misty, and his throat started to close up with the emotion that was taking over his body. He felt worthless, he felt used, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell Mekena? Would she even listen? It all seemed so unreal. And if he did tell her, what would it do? Would it ease the pain a bit? He knew they would never have what they once had. Too much time, too much pain had passed, and no matter how much he wanted her, how he never wanted to love anyone else but her, he knew that it was unattainable.
He knew what he could win at, and Mekena was a prize that wasn’t up for grabs anymore. No matter what he did. Though, if he did tell her, if he was honest, then maybe, just maybe, she would forgive him, and they could have the closure they both so desperately needed. She might put on the act that she was over him, that she was unaffected by him, but he saw right through it. She was hurting as much as he was.
“And when you want to confront that cunt Skylar, let me know. I’ll go with you and kick her ass,” Baylor said, trying to lighten the darkness of the situation. With a small smile, he leaned over, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her in tight, kissing her temple.
“Thanks, Baylor. I really don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life.”
She laughed. “I think it’s hard to get rid of me.”
“This is true.”
Wrapping her arms around him and Dawson, she squeezed them tightly and whispered, “But really, you need to confront both of them. Put everything out in the open and leave it behind you—because you’ll never move on until you get all this weight off your chest. It’s too late to ruin that whore of a girl, but at least maybe she’ll apologize for hurting you. ‘Cause I’m sure she’ll lie out her ass.”
“Yeah, which is why I don’t see a point in even trying to confront her about it.”
“For you. For your heart. You are too emotional, Markus. You hold stuff so close to your heart, and if you don’t let this go, you’ll dwell till your dying day. You’ll truly never be you because of this, and that’s unacceptable.”
“You’re right.”
“I know.”
“I’m scared, though.”
“I know,” she whispered, holding him tighter. “But fear never held you back from anything before.”
She was right. Fear was always an ugly emotion that tried to restrain him, but he never allowed it. He fought through it, and he wasn’t giving up. He would find a good time, apologize to Mekena, and pray that she forgave him. He would then find Skylar and he would confront her, getting the apology he thought he deserved. Meanwhile, he’d work his ass off to have his dreams, and maybe he could be happy again. Truly happy.
The kind of happy that Mekena made him feel.
“Whoa, are you moving in on my wife now?”
Closing his eyes, he shook his head, and Baylor laughed, pulling away as they both looked back at Jayden.
“Shut it, Sinclair. You know I’m yours.”
“Damn right you are, Sinclair,” Jayden said, such heat in his eyes.
Jealousy ate Markus alive at that moment. He wanted that. He wanted that undying love and admiration that his best friends had. He wanted it with Mekena so damn bad, but it all just seemed unfixable. Hell, forgiveness felt unattainable. Everything seemed out of reach. Like an uphill battle he’d never win. But Markus was made for winning. Every time he was down, he got up and he fought for what he wanted. Yeah, he needed a reminder every once in a while, and it was usually Baylor giving that reminder. But once he got his head out of his ass, he fought. He fought for everything, and he wasn’t about to let that change now.
Sitting with her hands in her lap, Mekena watched as Jayden, Baylor, and Markus came back around the table, taking their seats as Autumn gushed with happiness. “You came back. I thought you would be mad at me!”
Markus laughed as he sat down, leaning into her. “Mad at you? Because you outed your daughter and me and almost got me beat up by your big, strong sons? Never, I love you, Mom!”
Everyone snickered, well, everyone but Mekena and Benji. Benji looked just as miffed as she was sure she looked. It was just so frustrating. Markus was getting around with God and everyone, while she was busy pining over him. It was irritating and pretty damn infuriating! How Mekena had gotten through dinner thus far was beyond her. Not only did everything he said and did get under her skin, she couldn’t keep her damn eyes off him. Every move he made, she saw. Even if it was just to reach for his beer or the way his face wrinkled up in such an adorable way when the soup was served, she saw it, and man, she was disappointed in herself. Why did he matter? Why did she want to watch him? She needed help. Like professional damn help. But she’d have to worry about that later. First, she had to get through this damn wedding week.
With a roll of her eyes, she fully expected dinner to continue to be awkward, for everyone to be hung up on what Markus and Lucy had done, but they weren’t. Within seconds, everyone was joking and carrying on as the rest of the courses came out. It was mind-blowing, but then…was it? It happened so long ago, and it was obvious Lucy was head over heels in love with Benji. It just gutted Mekena though, the forgiveness. She wished she could have even an ounce of it. The ability to forgive like they had.
