Fallen Crest Forever
Page 17
“What are you doing?”
I had no idea what to say. My mind was scrambling, and I wanted to run. “I can’t believe you were going to lie to me.”
“I’m sorry. I am.”
I grabbed my pants, pulled them on, and switched my pajama shirt with a tank top. Reaching for an oversized sweatshirt, I whirled around. I slammed the sweatshirt down on the floor, still holding it by the sleeve. “You do this, you know.”
“What are you talking about?” He moved to the edge of the bed. He was naked, but he was so confident—if I’d been him, I would’ve pulled the sheet to hide myself. Not him. He had a gorgeous, mouth-watering body, but it was more. It was his authority. His confidence. He didn’t question himself. He didn’t doubt himself. I didn’t think he’d ever been self-conscious in his life. He probably had no idea how.
I was jealous of him.
Pulling my sweatshirt on, I just kept shaking my head. “When we first started dating, you went after Adam. I had no say. I would’ve rather not had you guys deal with the Academy Elite at all, but I understood it. You were doing it to protect me, but in some ways, it made things harder for me. And then Logan outed me when he hugged me at that football game. He didn’t even think that maybe I wasn’t ready for everyone to know I knew you guys. Or even with Kate. You guys had a whole plan for how to deal with her, with video and everything. I wasn’t included. Then the frat house. If you had asked, I never would’ve been okay with you guys burning it down. I mean, my God, you burned a house down! That’s insane. But you guys did it, and everyone in the know was supposed to be okay with it.”
More and more started bubbling up, but this wasn’t Mason. I wasn’t mad at him.
I was mad at me.
He opened his mouth. I saw the regret in his eyes, and I knew he was going to apologize.
I held my hand up. “This isn’t you.” I softened my voice. “This is me. I’m angry with myself because I never spoke up. I’ve been—”
What the hell had I been doing? Holding on to them? Hoping they’d never leave me? Being beyond scared they’d abandon me like everyone else had? I forced out a breath.
These were the guys who didn’t leave. They hadn’t left. They never would leave.
Mason always said it. He was the forever guy.
I hadn’t been letting myself believe that. I hadn’t pushed my way in so they could hear me, though I knew they would.
They weren’t the problem.
He wasn’t the problem.
I was.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I slipped on my shoes and headed out into the hallway.
He followed me. “Where are you going?”
I grabbed my purse and keys. “I have no idea, but I have to go somewhere.”
“Sam!”
I was out the door and heading for my car.
He paused in the opened doorway. “Sam!”
I turned and waved as I got in the car. “I’ll be fine. I just need to think. That’s it.”
My blood rushed through me, my thoughts bouncing all around my head. I felt panicked, but what I’d said was right. I was the problem. I still had to fix me.
I left, and I had no clue where I was going.
It was the middle of the night, and I was being stupid.
I ended up going to a 24-hour diner, and after my phone blew up with calls from Mason, then Logan, and finally Taylor, I texted Taylor to tell her where I was.
I’m coming. She texted back. Don’t leave.
After that, my phone stopped ringing, so I assumed she’d told Mason and Logan where I was too.
Fifteen minutes, two cups of coffee, and a glass of water later, she came my way down the aisle between tables. She wore black leggings, an oversized hoodie sweatshirt, and a baseball cap pulled low over her face.
I half-snorted/half-laughed. “You could be in a magazine with that outfit.” Her hair was gorgeous. It had grown longer over the year, and some of it was pulled over her shoulder. The rest fell down her back.
I wasn’t a girl who got jealous, but I felt the same feeling stirring now that I’d had toward Mason an hour earlier. Taylor always knew who she was. She never questioned herself. I knew that was a quality that had drawn Logan to her.
She frowned, giving me an incredulous look. “Are you joking? You’re drop-dead gorgeous, Sam.”
So I’d been told, but I never felt it.
I shrugged, filling my coffee cup again from the carafe the waiter had brought over. “Well, I’m being a dramatic girl right now.”
Taylor shrugged too. “It happens to the best of us. I think every girl deserves five meltdown moments. It’s good for the soul. Cleansing.”
I laughed. “Thank you for that.”
She grinned. “I should be the one thanking you. I’ve earned major friendship points here. You texted me, not Logan or Mason. Logan didn’t say anything, but I could tell.” She pretended to brush dust off her shoulder. “He was impressed.”
I laughed a little more this time. “And thank you for that.” I felt my insides settling a little. “I don’t feel as ridiculous as before.”
“You shouldn’t feel ridiculous at all, but can I ask why you’re here and not snuggling up with that man of yours?”
“Because Mason started to lie to me, and I flipped out.” I held my coffee mug in both hands. I didn’t pick it up, but was content just feeling the warmth from the hot liquid seeping into my hands.
“What was he going to lie about?”
“I asked them to leave the Faith thing alone. They’re not going to.”
“Oh, yeah.” She nodded. “Logan tried to sell me the same bullshit. I saw through it. Vegas, my ass.” She snorted.
“He tried lying to you too?”
“He can’t lie to me.” She chuckled to herself. “He’s tried. He sucks at it.”
Logan was an incredible liar. That was a testament to Taylor and their relationship.
I let out a deep breath. “I’m not really mad at Mason. I’m mad at myself.”
“Why? You’re one of the nicest people I know. As Logan would say, you’re a big deal.” She winked.
I laughed shortly, then waited as the waiter came over to ask Taylor if she wanted anything. She ordered a coffee and some toast. I was content with my water, but did ask for a refill of my carafe. I never claimed my addiction to coffee was healthy.
Taylor groaned as the waiter left. “Our eight o’clock run is going to suck ass.”
That was right. And I had to win. I had to beat Faith and Raelynn every time. I shook my head. I would. I had no worries about their running times.
“We’ll be running even earlier once classes start.”
“Why did I think joining the team would be fun?” She rolled her eyes, talking to herself. “Because I thought it’d be good for me. Good for me to join a team, to be social, to do something with you. I like to run. How hard could it be? I just do a few more miles than I normally do.” Her sarcasm was thick, but she was half-smiling. “You might have to remind me in a few hours all of those things. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be questioning my sanity at mile three.”
“I’ll remind you.”
“You and me, we’re not big social creatures, are we?”
I shook my head. “I’ve been burned by too many people.”
“Yeah.” She quieted, staring at the table. “Me too. Is there something wrong with us? And Mason and Logan love us. Is there something wrong with them?” She was laughing, but I sensed a twinge of sincerity in her questions.
The waiter brought over the coffee and refilled both our glasses of water. I picked at a stain on my mug.
“Is it possible to have an early-life crisis? Maybe that’s what I’m doing.”
“No.” Taylor was firm. “You’re changing. You’re developing; that’s it. I firmly believe that.”
“Yeah?” I looked up, feeling new hope.
She nodded decisively. “Completely. I thought I was losing my mind when I started to heal from my mom’s shooting. And then it just happened one day. The day before, the same shitstorm; things were all in upheaval. And then the next day it settled. I felt okay. I felt I was going to be okay. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but that’s how it was for me.” She poured her coffee, eyeing me once she put the carafe back on the table. “You’re going through something. Don’t stress. Just let it ride, and you’ll be fine once you get to the other side of it.”
I had no idea what to say. My mind was scrambling, and I wanted to run. “I can’t believe you were going to lie to me.”
“I’m sorry. I am.”
I grabbed my pants, pulled them on, and switched my pajama shirt with a tank top. Reaching for an oversized sweatshirt, I whirled around. I slammed the sweatshirt down on the floor, still holding it by the sleeve. “You do this, you know.”
“What are you talking about?” He moved to the edge of the bed. He was naked, but he was so confident—if I’d been him, I would’ve pulled the sheet to hide myself. Not him. He had a gorgeous, mouth-watering body, but it was more. It was his authority. His confidence. He didn’t question himself. He didn’t doubt himself. I didn’t think he’d ever been self-conscious in his life. He probably had no idea how.
I was jealous of him.
Pulling my sweatshirt on, I just kept shaking my head. “When we first started dating, you went after Adam. I had no say. I would’ve rather not had you guys deal with the Academy Elite at all, but I understood it. You were doing it to protect me, but in some ways, it made things harder for me. And then Logan outed me when he hugged me at that football game. He didn’t even think that maybe I wasn’t ready for everyone to know I knew you guys. Or even with Kate. You guys had a whole plan for how to deal with her, with video and everything. I wasn’t included. Then the frat house. If you had asked, I never would’ve been okay with you guys burning it down. I mean, my God, you burned a house down! That’s insane. But you guys did it, and everyone in the know was supposed to be okay with it.”
More and more started bubbling up, but this wasn’t Mason. I wasn’t mad at him.
I was mad at me.
He opened his mouth. I saw the regret in his eyes, and I knew he was going to apologize.
I held my hand up. “This isn’t you.” I softened my voice. “This is me. I’m angry with myself because I never spoke up. I’ve been—”
What the hell had I been doing? Holding on to them? Hoping they’d never leave me? Being beyond scared they’d abandon me like everyone else had? I forced out a breath.
These were the guys who didn’t leave. They hadn’t left. They never would leave.
Mason always said it. He was the forever guy.
I hadn’t been letting myself believe that. I hadn’t pushed my way in so they could hear me, though I knew they would.
They weren’t the problem.
He wasn’t the problem.
I was.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I slipped on my shoes and headed out into the hallway.
He followed me. “Where are you going?”
I grabbed my purse and keys. “I have no idea, but I have to go somewhere.”
“Sam!”
I was out the door and heading for my car.
He paused in the opened doorway. “Sam!”
I turned and waved as I got in the car. “I’ll be fine. I just need to think. That’s it.”
My blood rushed through me, my thoughts bouncing all around my head. I felt panicked, but what I’d said was right. I was the problem. I still had to fix me.
I left, and I had no clue where I was going.
It was the middle of the night, and I was being stupid.
I ended up going to a 24-hour diner, and after my phone blew up with calls from Mason, then Logan, and finally Taylor, I texted Taylor to tell her where I was.
I’m coming. She texted back. Don’t leave.
After that, my phone stopped ringing, so I assumed she’d told Mason and Logan where I was too.
Fifteen minutes, two cups of coffee, and a glass of water later, she came my way down the aisle between tables. She wore black leggings, an oversized hoodie sweatshirt, and a baseball cap pulled low over her face.
I half-snorted/half-laughed. “You could be in a magazine with that outfit.” Her hair was gorgeous. It had grown longer over the year, and some of it was pulled over her shoulder. The rest fell down her back.
I wasn’t a girl who got jealous, but I felt the same feeling stirring now that I’d had toward Mason an hour earlier. Taylor always knew who she was. She never questioned herself. I knew that was a quality that had drawn Logan to her.
She frowned, giving me an incredulous look. “Are you joking? You’re drop-dead gorgeous, Sam.”
So I’d been told, but I never felt it.
I shrugged, filling my coffee cup again from the carafe the waiter had brought over. “Well, I’m being a dramatic girl right now.”
Taylor shrugged too. “It happens to the best of us. I think every girl deserves five meltdown moments. It’s good for the soul. Cleansing.”
I laughed. “Thank you for that.”
She grinned. “I should be the one thanking you. I’ve earned major friendship points here. You texted me, not Logan or Mason. Logan didn’t say anything, but I could tell.” She pretended to brush dust off her shoulder. “He was impressed.”
I laughed a little more this time. “And thank you for that.” I felt my insides settling a little. “I don’t feel as ridiculous as before.”
“You shouldn’t feel ridiculous at all, but can I ask why you’re here and not snuggling up with that man of yours?”
“Because Mason started to lie to me, and I flipped out.” I held my coffee mug in both hands. I didn’t pick it up, but was content just feeling the warmth from the hot liquid seeping into my hands.
“What was he going to lie about?”
“I asked them to leave the Faith thing alone. They’re not going to.”
“Oh, yeah.” She nodded. “Logan tried to sell me the same bullshit. I saw through it. Vegas, my ass.” She snorted.
“He tried lying to you too?”
“He can’t lie to me.” She chuckled to herself. “He’s tried. He sucks at it.”
Logan was an incredible liar. That was a testament to Taylor and their relationship.
I let out a deep breath. “I’m not really mad at Mason. I’m mad at myself.”
“Why? You’re one of the nicest people I know. As Logan would say, you’re a big deal.” She winked.
I laughed shortly, then waited as the waiter came over to ask Taylor if she wanted anything. She ordered a coffee and some toast. I was content with my water, but did ask for a refill of my carafe. I never claimed my addiction to coffee was healthy.
Taylor groaned as the waiter left. “Our eight o’clock run is going to suck ass.”
That was right. And I had to win. I had to beat Faith and Raelynn every time. I shook my head. I would. I had no worries about their running times.
“We’ll be running even earlier once classes start.”
“Why did I think joining the team would be fun?” She rolled her eyes, talking to herself. “Because I thought it’d be good for me. Good for me to join a team, to be social, to do something with you. I like to run. How hard could it be? I just do a few more miles than I normally do.” Her sarcasm was thick, but she was half-smiling. “You might have to remind me in a few hours all of those things. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be questioning my sanity at mile three.”
“I’ll remind you.”
“You and me, we’re not big social creatures, are we?”
I shook my head. “I’ve been burned by too many people.”
“Yeah.” She quieted, staring at the table. “Me too. Is there something wrong with us? And Mason and Logan love us. Is there something wrong with them?” She was laughing, but I sensed a twinge of sincerity in her questions.
The waiter brought over the coffee and refilled both our glasses of water. I picked at a stain on my mug.
“Is it possible to have an early-life crisis? Maybe that’s what I’m doing.”
“No.” Taylor was firm. “You’re changing. You’re developing; that’s it. I firmly believe that.”
“Yeah?” I looked up, feeling new hope.
She nodded decisively. “Completely. I thought I was losing my mind when I started to heal from my mom’s shooting. And then it just happened one day. The day before, the same shitstorm; things were all in upheaval. And then the next day it settled. I felt okay. I felt I was going to be okay. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but that’s how it was for me.” She poured her coffee, eyeing me once she put the carafe back on the table. “You’re going through something. Don’t stress. Just let it ride, and you’ll be fine once you get to the other side of it.”
