Fallen Crest Forever
Page 18
I felt a little more relief at her words. “Does Logan know how smart you are?”
“Are you kidding me? I’m ‘majorly awesome.’ That’s how he puts it. He’s awesome, but I’m in the major leagues.”
I could imagine them laughing over that.
I felt another twinge of jealousy. And I hated it. This wasn’t who I was, but I couldn’t hide from it. It’s what I was feeling. I had to face it.
“You and Logan have a good relationship.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “And is the subtext that you don’t?!”
We weren’t equal. Mason had been my protector. I protected him too, but it wasn’t the same.
“You guys are best friends.”
“Again.” Her mouth dropped open. She put a hand under her chin and manually closed it. Then she pointed. “That was me almost falling to the floor. Are you insane? You and Mason are beyond tight. Logan and I are good. We’re best friends, but you guys . . .” She shook her head, a stunned expression on her face. “You’re family. You’re tight in a way it takes years for married couples to get to, and that’s if they don’t divorce. Not that you and Mason are going to divorce. Ever.” She frowned to herself. “I have to stop talking. I’m making it worse, aren’t I?”
“You’re not.”
But I still felt the whirlwind of not knowing in me.
And the worst part, I didn’t even know what I didn’t know. Something was missing. It wasn’t Mason. It wasn’t Logan. It was me. I was missing a part of me, and I’d just realized it. I still didn’t know what it was.
“Can we sit here a bit longer?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. Anything you want.”
“Thank you, Taylor.”
“That’s what friends do.”
I looked up, holding her gaze. We were friends. It had started slowly when she began dating Logan. It had built a little over the year, then the summer jump-started it, and now—after the team and tonight—Taylor was a ride-or-die friend.
And she was my friend.
She stared at the coffee. “We should’ve ordered decaf.”
Mason was in the living room when I let myself in an hour later. Taylor had gone back to her house since that was where she and Logan were staying that night. I glanced around, but as Mason stood from the couch, there was no one else around.
“Nate’s still sleeping?” I put my purse on the table by the door.
Mason nodded, rubbing his hands together. “I woke Logan and Taylor, but I didn’t think I needed to wake everyone up.”
“Taylor came and talked to me. Thank you for doing that.”
He nodded again, seeming hesitant to cross the room. “Yeah. Anything.”
This wasn’t normal us.
We barely fought.
We were never unsure around the other.
I felt horrible that this was us now. Mason was always in control. He was the mastermind, the one who fought for us, and he was always three steps ahead of his enemies. The fear in his eyes now tore my insides apart.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He shook his head, taking two steps toward me now. He was still hesitant, and he stopped just on the other side of a chair. He could’ve taken two more steps and I would’ve been in his arms. He didn’t. He stayed, running his hands down his pants.
He looked so uncertain. “I’m the one who should be apologizing, Sam. I never thought about it from your side, and you’re right. Logan and I were just doing things. We were making decisions without consulting you, and I can see how infuriating that would be. It’s my fault.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I came to you broken. You and Logan put me back together, and that was the start of us. But that’s how it remained. You protected me. You fought for me, and I let you.” I closed my hand into a fist and pressed it against my chest. “Every girl wants that. They want the guy to come in and save them. You gave me that fairytale, but I let it go on too long. I’m supposed to find my own footing and walk next to you. I never did that.” I felt the tears falling. I didn’t care. “I have to find that in me now, and it’s not your fault. Ever. I don’t want you to think you’re to blame for this.”
“But you’re in pain.”
Another step. He still didn’t reach out.
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
“I don’t know how to help you.”
A second step. He was within touching now. I ached to reach for him.
My voice was so hoarse. “I know. And I’d feel the same torment if it were the other way around.”
He held his hand out now. I took it, clasping tightly.
He looked down at our joined hands. “I really am sor—”
I squeezed his hand. “Never apologize for protecting me. Ever.” I inched toward him, feeling his arm pressed against my side. Another inch and I would be touching the rest of him. I held back. I was content to let my mouth water.
“If I can help you, tell me. Please.”
I nodded. “I will. Taylor said I’m changing, and that’s what’s going on with me.”
He grinned faintly. “What else did she say?”
“That one day it’ll be better.”
“Does she know when that day will be?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone knows.”
He let out a sigh, running his free hand through his hair. “This is going to suck, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I said that so softly, so quietly, I wasn’t even sure I said it. Then my eyes closed, and I leaned forward that last inch. My forehead rested against Mason’s chest, and his hand held the back of my neck. His thumb moved back and forth, comforting me.
“I love you, Sam.”
I felt the words through his chest.
“I know.”
That wasn’t the problem.
As Taylor predicted, the morning’s run sucked, but I won.
Logan had given Taylor and me a ride in, and he picked us up after practice. We all went back to the house, and I assumed they napped. I went to my room and slept until the afternoon. Logan gave us another ride back in at two, and the second run was a lot better. I won again.
Mason came home in the evening after practice, and the whole house just chilled. Even Nate. He’d been going out with some of his other friends, but he stayed in tonight. Logan and Taylor were here, and Matteo and a couple other football guys came over.
Someone started a movie in the media room downstairs, and Logan declared it was time that Chef Logan came out again. Forty minutes later, we were treated to another buffet of grilled meat: Steak. Hamburger. Chicken. Brats. I think he even grilled some tofu for Taylor, but while she kissed him on the cheek for his thoughtfulness, she reached for a chicken breast.
Mason and I made love that night, and there was a tenderness to it that had me melting.
The rest of the week passed much the same way: Logan drove Taylor and me to both runs. We napped in between. Mason came home at night, and everyone hung out at the house. Matteo was joined by another couple of guys every night. By Friday, it was just an unspoken agreement that the party was in our basement.
When I asked about the guys’ “secret” plans to see my mom in Fallen Crest, Mason said they wouldn’t do anything without my opinion asked for and given. I was relieved to hear that, and now the Friday night party morphed into Nate’s birthday celebration.
The guys called more people over.
Logan grilled so much meat that it wasn’t a third Meat Rushmore anymore. It was now Meat Everest. The guys brought more booze, more kegs, and then the girls started trickling in. They set up a DJ booth, and by eleven that night, the party was in full swing.
I was nestled on Mason’s lap, sitting on the veranda with Nate, Logan, Taylor, Matteo, and a bunch of others when Faith and Raelynn moved past us in the yard. Both had drinks in their hands, and their hair was loose and shiny. Raelynn wore tight jeans and a white halter top. I wanted it to make her look cheap and trailer trashy, but it did the opposite. She looked like some wealthy tourist. Faith had a similar top, though hers rested just above her waist and showed half an inch of her stomach. She had on a long and flowing skirt. As she stepped forward, I saw her flat sandals and decided she just needed henna tattoos on her arms to complete the bohemian look.
“Are you kidding me? I’m ‘majorly awesome.’ That’s how he puts it. He’s awesome, but I’m in the major leagues.”
I could imagine them laughing over that.
I felt another twinge of jealousy. And I hated it. This wasn’t who I was, but I couldn’t hide from it. It’s what I was feeling. I had to face it.
“You and Logan have a good relationship.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “And is the subtext that you don’t?!”
We weren’t equal. Mason had been my protector. I protected him too, but it wasn’t the same.
“You guys are best friends.”
“Again.” Her mouth dropped open. She put a hand under her chin and manually closed it. Then she pointed. “That was me almost falling to the floor. Are you insane? You and Mason are beyond tight. Logan and I are good. We’re best friends, but you guys . . .” She shook her head, a stunned expression on her face. “You’re family. You’re tight in a way it takes years for married couples to get to, and that’s if they don’t divorce. Not that you and Mason are going to divorce. Ever.” She frowned to herself. “I have to stop talking. I’m making it worse, aren’t I?”
“You’re not.”
But I still felt the whirlwind of not knowing in me.
And the worst part, I didn’t even know what I didn’t know. Something was missing. It wasn’t Mason. It wasn’t Logan. It was me. I was missing a part of me, and I’d just realized it. I still didn’t know what it was.
“Can we sit here a bit longer?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. Anything you want.”
“Thank you, Taylor.”
“That’s what friends do.”
I looked up, holding her gaze. We were friends. It had started slowly when she began dating Logan. It had built a little over the year, then the summer jump-started it, and now—after the team and tonight—Taylor was a ride-or-die friend.
And she was my friend.
She stared at the coffee. “We should’ve ordered decaf.”
Mason was in the living room when I let myself in an hour later. Taylor had gone back to her house since that was where she and Logan were staying that night. I glanced around, but as Mason stood from the couch, there was no one else around.
“Nate’s still sleeping?” I put my purse on the table by the door.
Mason nodded, rubbing his hands together. “I woke Logan and Taylor, but I didn’t think I needed to wake everyone up.”
“Taylor came and talked to me. Thank you for doing that.”
He nodded again, seeming hesitant to cross the room. “Yeah. Anything.”
This wasn’t normal us.
We barely fought.
We were never unsure around the other.
I felt horrible that this was us now. Mason was always in control. He was the mastermind, the one who fought for us, and he was always three steps ahead of his enemies. The fear in his eyes now tore my insides apart.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He shook his head, taking two steps toward me now. He was still hesitant, and he stopped just on the other side of a chair. He could’ve taken two more steps and I would’ve been in his arms. He didn’t. He stayed, running his hands down his pants.
He looked so uncertain. “I’m the one who should be apologizing, Sam. I never thought about it from your side, and you’re right. Logan and I were just doing things. We were making decisions without consulting you, and I can see how infuriating that would be. It’s my fault.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I came to you broken. You and Logan put me back together, and that was the start of us. But that’s how it remained. You protected me. You fought for me, and I let you.” I closed my hand into a fist and pressed it against my chest. “Every girl wants that. They want the guy to come in and save them. You gave me that fairytale, but I let it go on too long. I’m supposed to find my own footing and walk next to you. I never did that.” I felt the tears falling. I didn’t care. “I have to find that in me now, and it’s not your fault. Ever. I don’t want you to think you’re to blame for this.”
“But you’re in pain.”
Another step. He still didn’t reach out.
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
“I don’t know how to help you.”
A second step. He was within touching now. I ached to reach for him.
My voice was so hoarse. “I know. And I’d feel the same torment if it were the other way around.”
He held his hand out now. I took it, clasping tightly.
He looked down at our joined hands. “I really am sor—”
I squeezed his hand. “Never apologize for protecting me. Ever.” I inched toward him, feeling his arm pressed against my side. Another inch and I would be touching the rest of him. I held back. I was content to let my mouth water.
“If I can help you, tell me. Please.”
I nodded. “I will. Taylor said I’m changing, and that’s what’s going on with me.”
He grinned faintly. “What else did she say?”
“That one day it’ll be better.”
“Does she know when that day will be?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone knows.”
He let out a sigh, running his free hand through his hair. “This is going to suck, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I said that so softly, so quietly, I wasn’t even sure I said it. Then my eyes closed, and I leaned forward that last inch. My forehead rested against Mason’s chest, and his hand held the back of my neck. His thumb moved back and forth, comforting me.
“I love you, Sam.”
I felt the words through his chest.
“I know.”
That wasn’t the problem.
As Taylor predicted, the morning’s run sucked, but I won.
Logan had given Taylor and me a ride in, and he picked us up after practice. We all went back to the house, and I assumed they napped. I went to my room and slept until the afternoon. Logan gave us another ride back in at two, and the second run was a lot better. I won again.
Mason came home in the evening after practice, and the whole house just chilled. Even Nate. He’d been going out with some of his other friends, but he stayed in tonight. Logan and Taylor were here, and Matteo and a couple other football guys came over.
Someone started a movie in the media room downstairs, and Logan declared it was time that Chef Logan came out again. Forty minutes later, we were treated to another buffet of grilled meat: Steak. Hamburger. Chicken. Brats. I think he even grilled some tofu for Taylor, but while she kissed him on the cheek for his thoughtfulness, she reached for a chicken breast.
Mason and I made love that night, and there was a tenderness to it that had me melting.
The rest of the week passed much the same way: Logan drove Taylor and me to both runs. We napped in between. Mason came home at night, and everyone hung out at the house. Matteo was joined by another couple of guys every night. By Friday, it was just an unspoken agreement that the party was in our basement.
When I asked about the guys’ “secret” plans to see my mom in Fallen Crest, Mason said they wouldn’t do anything without my opinion asked for and given. I was relieved to hear that, and now the Friday night party morphed into Nate’s birthday celebration.
The guys called more people over.
Logan grilled so much meat that it wasn’t a third Meat Rushmore anymore. It was now Meat Everest. The guys brought more booze, more kegs, and then the girls started trickling in. They set up a DJ booth, and by eleven that night, the party was in full swing.
I was nestled on Mason’s lap, sitting on the veranda with Nate, Logan, Taylor, Matteo, and a bunch of others when Faith and Raelynn moved past us in the yard. Both had drinks in their hands, and their hair was loose and shiny. Raelynn wore tight jeans and a white halter top. I wanted it to make her look cheap and trailer trashy, but it did the opposite. She looked like some wealthy tourist. Faith had a similar top, though hers rested just above her waist and showed half an inch of her stomach. She had on a long and flowing skirt. As she stepped forward, I saw her flat sandals and decided she just needed henna tattoos on her arms to complete the bohemian look.
