Fear Us
Page 80
“Keenan, you have to calm down before they kick us out.” He pinned me with a look that would have killed me on the spot if such a thing were possible.
“Yes, John Masters is in room 345. You take a right—” Keenan had already taken off before the lady could finish her directions. I followed at a much slower pace feeling far too numb to move any faster.
Something had happened to John, and I could only guess that it was serious given the severity of Keenan’s mood.
I spotted Lake as soon as I entered the hallway where John’s room was and rushed toward her. She appeared lost in her thoughts. Her gaze was fixed on the wall. I set a sleeping Kennedy on a nearby couch before speaking. “Lake, what’s going on? What happened to John?”
She snapped to at the sound of my voice, and when she looked from me to Kennedy, she broke down and rushed out the events leading up to this moment. “He was shot at a stoplight on the way home from town. The few witnesses say it all happened too quickly.”
“So what are the doctors saying? Is he going to be okay?”
“No, Sheldon. He’s not. He’s bleeding slowly around the heart and the doctors aren’t able to stop the bleeding.”
“Then wh—” No matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t complete it. I couldn’t bring my fear to life. Keenan was going to lose his father?
“He’s going to die and he doesn’t have long. They said it would be in the next couple of hours or so.”
This can’t be happening.
Why is this happening?
“Who did this?”
“I don’t know. Keiran has been in there for hours and hasn’t come out. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you gone in?”
She shook her head and said, “He told me to wait out here.”
“I can’t do that.” There was no way I could stand here and do nothing. I pushed through the door of the hospital room and found Keenan, Keiran, Dash, and Q surrounding the bed with grave expressions. None of them noticed me enter so I stood frozen against the door.
“Tell me who did this,” Keenan demanded.
“I can’t do that, son. I would rather leave this world knowing you two were finally at peace. I don’t deserve to have my death avenged. It’s time I pay my dues.” John’s voice, once strong and deep, was now weak and sickly sounding. The hard, strong man suddenly looked frail.
“What are you talking about?” Keiran barked. “If you deserved to die, I would have done the deed a long time ago.” I should have been appalled by his behavior, but after so many years of friendship, I knew being hard was his way of showing his pain.
“Boys—”
“No, John—dad—fuck!” Keenan visibly struggled with words and the emotions he desperately tried to keep in check. He was fighting a losing battle.
“I am your father, son. I don’t care about the biology.”
It was then that I remembered a paternity test had never been taken even when the question arose. Could John really be his father? With his death, Keenan would never know.
“Just tell us who did this to you.”
“Here is your chance to make it up to us. Tell us who did this,” Keiran pressed.
“Whether he’s guilty or not, I would be encouraging the murder of a man and sacrificing your futures. It doesn’t matter what I allowed in the past. All that matters now is what I do in the present.” He took a deep breath and continued speaking.
“I’ve lived my life with one regret after another, but the regrets I’ll carry with me wherever I go from here is not protecting the two of you and giving you the best of me. I regret not being there. I know I have no right to ask, but I want you two to make me a promise.”
I risked venturing further into the room because his voice was weakening with each word and his eyes grew heavy. The guys didn’t verbally acknowledge his request, but their attention never wavered.
“Promise me that you both will be a better man than I ever was.”
Time stood still and then stretched impossibly long as each person in the room waited to see what Keenan and Keiran would decide.
At once, they finally nodded, offering some small mercy and comfort to the dying man who was the only father either of them had ever known.
I expected more.
Redemption.
Acceptance.
Love.
In the end, John died and neither of them ever shed a tear.
* * * * *
No one knew what to say so no one said a thing. It was devastating how unexpected and pointless death could be. The doctor announcing the time of death still echoed in my head.
“Yes, John Masters is in room 345. You take a right—” Keenan had already taken off before the lady could finish her directions. I followed at a much slower pace feeling far too numb to move any faster.
Something had happened to John, and I could only guess that it was serious given the severity of Keenan’s mood.
I spotted Lake as soon as I entered the hallway where John’s room was and rushed toward her. She appeared lost in her thoughts. Her gaze was fixed on the wall. I set a sleeping Kennedy on a nearby couch before speaking. “Lake, what’s going on? What happened to John?”
She snapped to at the sound of my voice, and when she looked from me to Kennedy, she broke down and rushed out the events leading up to this moment. “He was shot at a stoplight on the way home from town. The few witnesses say it all happened too quickly.”
“So what are the doctors saying? Is he going to be okay?”
“No, Sheldon. He’s not. He’s bleeding slowly around the heart and the doctors aren’t able to stop the bleeding.”
“Then wh—” No matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t complete it. I couldn’t bring my fear to life. Keenan was going to lose his father?
“He’s going to die and he doesn’t have long. They said it would be in the next couple of hours or so.”
This can’t be happening.
Why is this happening?
“Who did this?”
“I don’t know. Keiran has been in there for hours and hasn’t come out. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you gone in?”
She shook her head and said, “He told me to wait out here.”
“I can’t do that.” There was no way I could stand here and do nothing. I pushed through the door of the hospital room and found Keenan, Keiran, Dash, and Q surrounding the bed with grave expressions. None of them noticed me enter so I stood frozen against the door.
“Tell me who did this,” Keenan demanded.
“I can’t do that, son. I would rather leave this world knowing you two were finally at peace. I don’t deserve to have my death avenged. It’s time I pay my dues.” John’s voice, once strong and deep, was now weak and sickly sounding. The hard, strong man suddenly looked frail.
“What are you talking about?” Keiran barked. “If you deserved to die, I would have done the deed a long time ago.” I should have been appalled by his behavior, but after so many years of friendship, I knew being hard was his way of showing his pain.
“Boys—”
“No, John—dad—fuck!” Keenan visibly struggled with words and the emotions he desperately tried to keep in check. He was fighting a losing battle.
“I am your father, son. I don’t care about the biology.”
It was then that I remembered a paternity test had never been taken even when the question arose. Could John really be his father? With his death, Keenan would never know.
“Just tell us who did this to you.”
“Here is your chance to make it up to us. Tell us who did this,” Keiran pressed.
“Whether he’s guilty or not, I would be encouraging the murder of a man and sacrificing your futures. It doesn’t matter what I allowed in the past. All that matters now is what I do in the present.” He took a deep breath and continued speaking.
“I’ve lived my life with one regret after another, but the regrets I’ll carry with me wherever I go from here is not protecting the two of you and giving you the best of me. I regret not being there. I know I have no right to ask, but I want you two to make me a promise.”
I risked venturing further into the room because his voice was weakening with each word and his eyes grew heavy. The guys didn’t verbally acknowledge his request, but their attention never wavered.
“Promise me that you both will be a better man than I ever was.”
Time stood still and then stretched impossibly long as each person in the room waited to see what Keenan and Keiran would decide.
At once, they finally nodded, offering some small mercy and comfort to the dying man who was the only father either of them had ever known.
I expected more.
Redemption.
Acceptance.
Love.
In the end, John died and neither of them ever shed a tear.
* * * * *
No one knew what to say so no one said a thing. It was devastating how unexpected and pointless death could be. The doctor announcing the time of death still echoed in my head.
