Fearless In Love
Page 19
Ari tipped her head to the side, and he wondered if she could hear the staccato beating of his heart. She wasn’t the kind of woman who hid her emotions, but nor was she an open book.
Especially not when she replied with a far more even tone than his, “You didn’t let anything happen. Nothing was your fault. And you didn’t take advantage of me.” She paused, her eyes holding his. “I wanted you, Matt.”
Hearing his name on her lips made him remember every time she’d said it last night.
Every time she’d moaned it.
“I felt the same last night.” He wouldn’t lie to her, but he also needed to remind them both. “But you work for me, and I put you in a compromising position. It was wrong. And I apologize for doing that to you.”
She blinked, but she never looked away. He wished he knew what was going on behind her pretty eyes. There were so many things she could do. Freak out. Cry. Quit.
Instead, she held out her hand. “Could you please hand me my clothes?”
The sight of her bare arm reminded him vividly of her creamy skin beneath his hands, her luscious scent fogging his mind. Just like that, he was hard again, his body crazy for her even when his brain knew it was a bad idea.
He didn’t even want to consider what his heart wanted—or what it couldn’t have where she was concerned. Because this was so damned wrong.
He found her leggings, her shirt, her lingerie, and the simple act of touching the pink panties and matching bra sent him deeper into overdrive. His hands shook as he handed over the bundle.
“I have to go in to the office this morning,” he told her, shoving his hands in his pockets so he couldn’t reach for her. “Testing.” It was the truth, but it was also damned convenient under the circumstances.
“I’ll get dressed.”
Without an ounce of self-consciousness, she slipped out of bed, stepping into the pretty pink lingerie that made his mouth water. All that gorgeous skin, the breasts he’d cupped and tasted. Everything he’d tasted.
He wanted to drop to his knees and tell her he was an idiot to end things like this.
But he couldn’t. For her sake, because she mustn’t ever feel she had to sleep with her boss to keep her job. For Noah’s sake, to keep the best nanny he’d ever had. And because Matt had promised his friends he’d never take advantage of her. He couldn’t change last night, but he could make sure he never did it again.
She tugged on the leggings, then pulled the shirt over her head and flipped her long hair out. His fingers itched to run through the silky tresses. With a bone-deep desire that was almost crippling, he wanted to beg her to return to his bed, to never leave him.
But before he could drag either of them deeper into the mess he’d made, she gave him a soft smile. “I don’t regret what happened last night.”
“It isn’t regret,” he had to tell her, feeling like the lowest life form. Because, God help him, he couldn’t bring himself to wish away a single thing they’d done. “It’s just that I couldn’t live with myself if we did anything more to compromise your relationship with Noah.”
She gave him a look that made him wonder if she knew that reason was only the tip of the iceberg. But instead of pushing him on it, she simply said, “Noah and I will be fine. I promised I would take care of him, and I’ll never break that vow.” Brushing her hair back from her face, she added, “What we did wasn’t wrong. And it wasn’t your fault either, so stop feeling guilty. There’s nothing to worry about, okay? Now, I’ll go get Noah up.”
She stunned him. She was letting him off the hook for everything.
So why didn’t he feel the least bit happy about it?
* * *
Last night, Matt had touched her so deeply, so intimately, that he’d actually rocked her world. Ari had never truly understood that saying until he’d literally knocked her world off its axis.
Only to apologize at first light and tell her it had been a mistake.
With her bone-deep sigh echoing in the hallway, Ari checked on Noah, who was still sleeping, before padding down the hall to her suite.
No matter what Matt believed, it wasn’t a mistake. Not for her. But her mother always said men were different, that their emotions didn’t get involved. Realizing that might be true for Matt hurt deep in Ari’s heart, as if one of the valves had stopped working and she couldn’t catch her breath.
I’m sorry. Last night was a mistake.
I shouldn’t have let that happen.
It was entirely my fault.
I took advantage.
While she’d been painting rosy pictures of dreams coming true, he’d been getting ready to apologize. As though she were a schoolgirl taken advantage of by an older boy who wanted only one thing.
But Matt had wanted more than that, hadn’t he? She’d sworn she felt it when he kissed her. When he stroked every inch of her. When he held her and made her cry out in ecstasy. When he told her he appreciated not only her body, but her mind too.
Ari stripped down, tossing her clothes on the bathroom floor. His scent was all over her, and she couldn’t go to Noah smelling like sex with his father. Noah deserved her undivided attention, so she stepped under the dual hot sprays of the shower.
She’d remained calm in Matt’s bedroom, but now, as she ran through everything in her head on an endlessly repeating loop, she couldn’t help but worry—would he fire her? Was he afraid she couldn’t let go, that she’d turn all stalkerish? That she’d tell Daniel?
She hoped he knew she wasn’t that kind of person, that she’d never hurt him. He’d said they couldn’t sleep together again, and she’d respect that. She was his kid’s nanny, and she would never shirk that duty. Not even when her heart had broken in two as Matt stood awkwardly by the bed, his hands in his pockets.
Maybe she should spell it out. Don’t worry, I won’t turn into a crazy one-night stand. She didn’t want to be fired, didn’t want to leave Noah. Not when she could be so good for him.
I could be good for Matt too.
But he was off-limits now.
One day, when she fell in love, she wanted it to be with a man who was good for her too. For a few precious hours, she’d thought Matt could be that man. But now she knew better: He didn’t want to be that man.
Her chest ached deep inside as she stood beneath the hot needles of the shower spray. Good thing she had plenty of practice in getting over bumps in the road. Even the big ones.
Especially not when she replied with a far more even tone than his, “You didn’t let anything happen. Nothing was your fault. And you didn’t take advantage of me.” She paused, her eyes holding his. “I wanted you, Matt.”
Hearing his name on her lips made him remember every time she’d said it last night.
Every time she’d moaned it.
“I felt the same last night.” He wouldn’t lie to her, but he also needed to remind them both. “But you work for me, and I put you in a compromising position. It was wrong. And I apologize for doing that to you.”
She blinked, but she never looked away. He wished he knew what was going on behind her pretty eyes. There were so many things she could do. Freak out. Cry. Quit.
Instead, she held out her hand. “Could you please hand me my clothes?”
The sight of her bare arm reminded him vividly of her creamy skin beneath his hands, her luscious scent fogging his mind. Just like that, he was hard again, his body crazy for her even when his brain knew it was a bad idea.
He didn’t even want to consider what his heart wanted—or what it couldn’t have where she was concerned. Because this was so damned wrong.
He found her leggings, her shirt, her lingerie, and the simple act of touching the pink panties and matching bra sent him deeper into overdrive. His hands shook as he handed over the bundle.
“I have to go in to the office this morning,” he told her, shoving his hands in his pockets so he couldn’t reach for her. “Testing.” It was the truth, but it was also damned convenient under the circumstances.
“I’ll get dressed.”
Without an ounce of self-consciousness, she slipped out of bed, stepping into the pretty pink lingerie that made his mouth water. All that gorgeous skin, the breasts he’d cupped and tasted. Everything he’d tasted.
He wanted to drop to his knees and tell her he was an idiot to end things like this.
But he couldn’t. For her sake, because she mustn’t ever feel she had to sleep with her boss to keep her job. For Noah’s sake, to keep the best nanny he’d ever had. And because Matt had promised his friends he’d never take advantage of her. He couldn’t change last night, but he could make sure he never did it again.
She tugged on the leggings, then pulled the shirt over her head and flipped her long hair out. His fingers itched to run through the silky tresses. With a bone-deep desire that was almost crippling, he wanted to beg her to return to his bed, to never leave him.
But before he could drag either of them deeper into the mess he’d made, she gave him a soft smile. “I don’t regret what happened last night.”
“It isn’t regret,” he had to tell her, feeling like the lowest life form. Because, God help him, he couldn’t bring himself to wish away a single thing they’d done. “It’s just that I couldn’t live with myself if we did anything more to compromise your relationship with Noah.”
She gave him a look that made him wonder if she knew that reason was only the tip of the iceberg. But instead of pushing him on it, she simply said, “Noah and I will be fine. I promised I would take care of him, and I’ll never break that vow.” Brushing her hair back from her face, she added, “What we did wasn’t wrong. And it wasn’t your fault either, so stop feeling guilty. There’s nothing to worry about, okay? Now, I’ll go get Noah up.”
She stunned him. She was letting him off the hook for everything.
So why didn’t he feel the least bit happy about it?
* * *
Last night, Matt had touched her so deeply, so intimately, that he’d actually rocked her world. Ari had never truly understood that saying until he’d literally knocked her world off its axis.
Only to apologize at first light and tell her it had been a mistake.
With her bone-deep sigh echoing in the hallway, Ari checked on Noah, who was still sleeping, before padding down the hall to her suite.
No matter what Matt believed, it wasn’t a mistake. Not for her. But her mother always said men were different, that their emotions didn’t get involved. Realizing that might be true for Matt hurt deep in Ari’s heart, as if one of the valves had stopped working and she couldn’t catch her breath.
I’m sorry. Last night was a mistake.
I shouldn’t have let that happen.
It was entirely my fault.
I took advantage.
While she’d been painting rosy pictures of dreams coming true, he’d been getting ready to apologize. As though she were a schoolgirl taken advantage of by an older boy who wanted only one thing.
But Matt had wanted more than that, hadn’t he? She’d sworn she felt it when he kissed her. When he stroked every inch of her. When he held her and made her cry out in ecstasy. When he told her he appreciated not only her body, but her mind too.
Ari stripped down, tossing her clothes on the bathroom floor. His scent was all over her, and she couldn’t go to Noah smelling like sex with his father. Noah deserved her undivided attention, so she stepped under the dual hot sprays of the shower.
She’d remained calm in Matt’s bedroom, but now, as she ran through everything in her head on an endlessly repeating loop, she couldn’t help but worry—would he fire her? Was he afraid she couldn’t let go, that she’d turn all stalkerish? That she’d tell Daniel?
She hoped he knew she wasn’t that kind of person, that she’d never hurt him. He’d said they couldn’t sleep together again, and she’d respect that. She was his kid’s nanny, and she would never shirk that duty. Not even when her heart had broken in two as Matt stood awkwardly by the bed, his hands in his pockets.
Maybe she should spell it out. Don’t worry, I won’t turn into a crazy one-night stand. She didn’t want to be fired, didn’t want to leave Noah. Not when she could be so good for him.
I could be good for Matt too.
But he was off-limits now.
One day, when she fell in love, she wanted it to be with a man who was good for her too. For a few precious hours, she’d thought Matt could be that man. But now she knew better: He didn’t want to be that man.
Her chest ached deep inside as she stood beneath the hot needles of the shower spray. Good thing she had plenty of practice in getting over bumps in the road. Even the big ones.
