Fearless In Love
Page 20
Or else this morning would have destroyed her.
* * *
Ari and Noah ate breakfast together in the kitchen. Cookie loved to talk while she cooked or did the dishes. “Matt does not normally go to the office on Saturday. He always spends weekends with his boy.”
But he wasn’t here today, and Ari was all but certain he’d gone to the office to avoid her. She definitely needed to clarify her position when he returned, both from the personal and the job perspective. She’d also have to make sure he didn’t continue to beat himself up with guilt over something she’d wanted with every cell of her body. She would never regret their one and only night together. Not when Matt had opened her eyes to how incredible lovemaking could be when it was with the right person.
Ugh. She couldn’t keep going there. His use of the words mistake, fault, and took advantage had made everything perfectly clear.
“Can I have another waffle, Cookie?” Noah held up his plate.
Cookie made thin waffles slathered with fresh homemade jam and big chunks of strawberry. She looked at Ari for permission.
“Let’s share one more,” Ari said. “Halfsies.”
Noah bounced on the stool Ari had pulled up to the counter opposite Cookie. “Halfsies,” he sang out.
Her heart ached with how much like his father he was—the cleverness, the eyes, the smile. But she vowed not to nurse her hurt. She’d learned long ago that things didn’t always work out the way you wanted. People left you, forced you out of their houses, or tried to do bad things to you while you lived under their roof. But it was how you felt about everything that made you who you were. You either wallowed in misery…
…or you got over it and kept holding on to hope.
Ari might not give up her dreams, but she would get over having them crushed.
Deep in the night, she’d hug her memories of their beautiful night close to her heart, the touches, the kisses. But during the day, she’d be totally practical and realistic. From here forward, she’d never forget that Matt was just her boss. Period. End of subject.
“Let’s go for a picnic,” she told her little charge. She wanted the warmth of the bright autumn sun. “We can pack sandwiches.” She glanced at Cookie. “If Cookie doesn’t mind us using her kitchen.” It would be good to have Noah do things for himself sometimes.
“Oh no. That is my job. I will make cheese and tomato sandwiches.” Cookie’s broad face lit with a smile. “I have a special basket to put my goodies in.”
It would be ungracious to refuse, so Ari smiled her thank-you and plucked Noah off the stool, swung him high, then down to the floor. His hand in hers, they headed out to the stairs so she could get her tennis shoes. But they were stopped by a roar outside. A semi was backing through the gates into the wide driveway, just as a red sports car buzzed around it and jammed to a stop.
Noah dropped her hand and ran to the entrance hall, stretching on his toes to pull down the handle and swing open the front door. “Mommy!” He hurtled down the steps like a careening freight train, Ari’s heart pounding its way up her throat to choke her.
Oh God, could there be a worse day to meet Matt’s ex?
Even at the best of times, Ari wouldn’t have been ready to compare herself to the bombshell who climbed ever so elegantly from the expensive, sporty car. But today of all days, when she was doing everything she could to rebuild her crushed heart…
The stunning woman scooped Noah into her embrace. He wrapped his legs around her waist as she cradled him lovingly against her hip and peppered his face with kisses. Her thick, dark hair was cut in a chic bob, her fashion-model figure draped with clothes Ari was sure had cost a year’s salary.
Ari didn’t want to be jealous. It was a totally wasted emotion when Matt wasn’t with this woman anymore—and when he didn’t want to be with Ari anyway. Plus, his ex seemed so in love with her little boy that it was honestly hard to find anything wrong with her.
The woman shaded her eyes from the sun. “Hello. Who are you? Another of Matt’s nannies?”
Noah clung to his mother, laughing, giggling, joyful. Ari’s chest squeezed tighter around her heart as she walked down the steps. “Yes, I’m Ari.” She made herself smile. “Noah’s new nanny.”
“You must have guessed I’m Irene, Noah’s mommy.” She tipped the boy’s face up and kissed his nose. “It’s been ages, and I’ve been out of the country.” Her voice dipped down into baby talk. “I just had to see my little man.”
“It’s so nice that you could stop by, but Matt’s not home—”
“Good, then my timing is impeccable.” Irene raised her brow in a perfect arch. “Matt always gets his shorts in a bunch when I bring my little boy a fabulous present.” She looked down at Noah. “Do you want to see what it is?”
“Yes!” Noah squirmed in her arms, and she set him down, taking his hand.
Irene flourished her other hand at the two men who had climbed down from the semi’s cab. “Open it up, boys,” she called.
At Irene’s command, they opened the back doors.
“What is it?” Noah strained to see inside.
“Wait and see,” Irene told Noah, her mouth curved in a satisfied smile, as if she’d bought the present just for the effect.
It shouldn’t have hurt to see his small hand in his mother’s elegant, manicured fingers. This was what Ari wanted for all children—parents who loved them even if those parents weren’t together. But this morning it reminded her of last night’s dreams. And this morning’s apology. Reminded her that she didn’t really matter.
Because she was just the nanny.
Chapter Eleven
The two men pulled out a ramp and used dollies to roll down a massive round thing with metal legs that looked like an enormous beetle. Moments later, Ari recognized the beetle as a trampoline—one that would stand at least five feet off the ground.
“Take it through the side yard to the playground,” Irene called. Noah ran after the men as they trundled the trampoline around the side of the house.
“Did you also order a mesh cage so Noah can’t bounce off?” Ari had glanced into the truck as she’d passed. It was empty.
“A cage?” Irene’s eyes were framed by thick lashes as she watched Noah, his body vibrating with eagerness as the men quickly set up the huge trampoline on the grass next to the sandbox. “You can’t cage a little boy. They have to run free. Do you put him on a leash when you go to the park?”
* * *
Ari and Noah ate breakfast together in the kitchen. Cookie loved to talk while she cooked or did the dishes. “Matt does not normally go to the office on Saturday. He always spends weekends with his boy.”
But he wasn’t here today, and Ari was all but certain he’d gone to the office to avoid her. She definitely needed to clarify her position when he returned, both from the personal and the job perspective. She’d also have to make sure he didn’t continue to beat himself up with guilt over something she’d wanted with every cell of her body. She would never regret their one and only night together. Not when Matt had opened her eyes to how incredible lovemaking could be when it was with the right person.
Ugh. She couldn’t keep going there. His use of the words mistake, fault, and took advantage had made everything perfectly clear.
“Can I have another waffle, Cookie?” Noah held up his plate.
Cookie made thin waffles slathered with fresh homemade jam and big chunks of strawberry. She looked at Ari for permission.
“Let’s share one more,” Ari said. “Halfsies.”
Noah bounced on the stool Ari had pulled up to the counter opposite Cookie. “Halfsies,” he sang out.
Her heart ached with how much like his father he was—the cleverness, the eyes, the smile. But she vowed not to nurse her hurt. She’d learned long ago that things didn’t always work out the way you wanted. People left you, forced you out of their houses, or tried to do bad things to you while you lived under their roof. But it was how you felt about everything that made you who you were. You either wallowed in misery…
…or you got over it and kept holding on to hope.
Ari might not give up her dreams, but she would get over having them crushed.
Deep in the night, she’d hug her memories of their beautiful night close to her heart, the touches, the kisses. But during the day, she’d be totally practical and realistic. From here forward, she’d never forget that Matt was just her boss. Period. End of subject.
“Let’s go for a picnic,” she told her little charge. She wanted the warmth of the bright autumn sun. “We can pack sandwiches.” She glanced at Cookie. “If Cookie doesn’t mind us using her kitchen.” It would be good to have Noah do things for himself sometimes.
“Oh no. That is my job. I will make cheese and tomato sandwiches.” Cookie’s broad face lit with a smile. “I have a special basket to put my goodies in.”
It would be ungracious to refuse, so Ari smiled her thank-you and plucked Noah off the stool, swung him high, then down to the floor. His hand in hers, they headed out to the stairs so she could get her tennis shoes. But they were stopped by a roar outside. A semi was backing through the gates into the wide driveway, just as a red sports car buzzed around it and jammed to a stop.
Noah dropped her hand and ran to the entrance hall, stretching on his toes to pull down the handle and swing open the front door. “Mommy!” He hurtled down the steps like a careening freight train, Ari’s heart pounding its way up her throat to choke her.
Oh God, could there be a worse day to meet Matt’s ex?
Even at the best of times, Ari wouldn’t have been ready to compare herself to the bombshell who climbed ever so elegantly from the expensive, sporty car. But today of all days, when she was doing everything she could to rebuild her crushed heart…
The stunning woman scooped Noah into her embrace. He wrapped his legs around her waist as she cradled him lovingly against her hip and peppered his face with kisses. Her thick, dark hair was cut in a chic bob, her fashion-model figure draped with clothes Ari was sure had cost a year’s salary.
Ari didn’t want to be jealous. It was a totally wasted emotion when Matt wasn’t with this woman anymore—and when he didn’t want to be with Ari anyway. Plus, his ex seemed so in love with her little boy that it was honestly hard to find anything wrong with her.
The woman shaded her eyes from the sun. “Hello. Who are you? Another of Matt’s nannies?”
Noah clung to his mother, laughing, giggling, joyful. Ari’s chest squeezed tighter around her heart as she walked down the steps. “Yes, I’m Ari.” She made herself smile. “Noah’s new nanny.”
“You must have guessed I’m Irene, Noah’s mommy.” She tipped the boy’s face up and kissed his nose. “It’s been ages, and I’ve been out of the country.” Her voice dipped down into baby talk. “I just had to see my little man.”
“It’s so nice that you could stop by, but Matt’s not home—”
“Good, then my timing is impeccable.” Irene raised her brow in a perfect arch. “Matt always gets his shorts in a bunch when I bring my little boy a fabulous present.” She looked down at Noah. “Do you want to see what it is?”
“Yes!” Noah squirmed in her arms, and she set him down, taking his hand.
Irene flourished her other hand at the two men who had climbed down from the semi’s cab. “Open it up, boys,” she called.
At Irene’s command, they opened the back doors.
“What is it?” Noah strained to see inside.
“Wait and see,” Irene told Noah, her mouth curved in a satisfied smile, as if she’d bought the present just for the effect.
It shouldn’t have hurt to see his small hand in his mother’s elegant, manicured fingers. This was what Ari wanted for all children—parents who loved them even if those parents weren’t together. But this morning it reminded her of last night’s dreams. And this morning’s apology. Reminded her that she didn’t really matter.
Because she was just the nanny.
Chapter Eleven
The two men pulled out a ramp and used dollies to roll down a massive round thing with metal legs that looked like an enormous beetle. Moments later, Ari recognized the beetle as a trampoline—one that would stand at least five feet off the ground.
“Take it through the side yard to the playground,” Irene called. Noah ran after the men as they trundled the trampoline around the side of the house.
“Did you also order a mesh cage so Noah can’t bounce off?” Ari had glanced into the truck as she’d passed. It was empty.
“A cage?” Irene’s eyes were framed by thick lashes as she watched Noah, his body vibrating with eagerness as the men quickly set up the huge trampoline on the grass next to the sandbox. “You can’t cage a little boy. They have to run free. Do you put him on a leash when you go to the park?”
