Fearless In Love
Page 36
“IED. Lost his team. Three of his people. Damn near broke him in two. It wasn’t his fault, but I’d’a felt the same if it were my guys. That’s what got him in the end. The guilt, ya know.”
“And what about you? Why did you leave?”
He swore softly, then just as quickly added, “Sorry. But hell, we couldn’t have Alias Smith all by himself. It was Alias Smith and Jones or nothing.” He drifted deep inside himself again. “It was time, ya know. The longer you’re there, the higher the risk. I figured, without Gideon, my number just might be up.”
“When did you last see him?” Matt’s voice was low.
“I only saw him once after we got stateside.”
Outside, children laughed. The sun was still shining. Yet inside, Ari felt as though darkness had fallen.
“He just vanished?” she asked.
“He didn’t want to see me.” Zach’s expression was tight, but not with anger. With understanding. “I made him remember. And remembering tore him up.”
For a moment, her hopes plummeted. Zach had said in the beginning that they’d lost touch, but it went deeper than that. And she’d been so hopeful there’d be more clues to follow after they talked with him.
“What did Gideon say the last time you saw him?” she asked, absolutely refusing to give up now. She’d made it this far—surely Zach had to know more than he thought he did. “Was there any indication where he thought he’d go?”
Zach sighed deeply, sadly. “He wanted to see the families. Of his team. Like he had to explain what happened or something. Like he needed to shoulder the blame and let them take it out on him. Even though he already took it out on himself plenty.”
Her heart contracted for her brother, made it hard for her to remember her other questions.
“I’m sure we can find the names,” Matt stepped in to say. “But if you remember any of them, that would be a huge help.”
“Sure, I remember. Gideon used to say their names like he was praying over their souls. Ralph Esterhausen. He had a wife and a couple of kids. Then there was Jonny Danzi and Hank Garrett.” He pressed his lips together, drawing in a deep breath. “And Karmen Sanchez.”
“Karmen?” Ari asked. “That’s four. I thought there were three.”
“Yeah. He had a thing for her. I could see it. She was on base with us, but she wasn’t actually part of his team. She was a combat medic. We always had a medic with us when we were outside the wire.” He glanced at Ari. “On a mission, I mean. Sniper got her when she ran to help the guys.” He drummed his fingers on his knees for a couple of seconds, then finally said, “I told him not to go see the families. I knew it’d be bad. But he wouldn’t listen to me.” After another great sigh, he added, “I wouldn’t say we fought about it, but he didn’t like what I had to say. I just didn’t think he should do that to himself. Let sleeping dogs lie and all.” He leaned back in the chair. “That’s all, kiddo. I wish I could tell you more, but I hope you find him. He’d wanna know you forgive him for leaving you with your mom.”
“Forgive him?” Ari shook her head. “I never needed to forgive him for that.”
“That’s just the kinda guy he is. Always responsible for everyone else. That’s why he pulled all those pranks. ’Cause he didn’t want people to think too hard about where they were and what their families were doing without them.”
* * *
They left Zach Smith when his wife got home. Matt had found him to be a really good guy. It was obviously difficult to revisit his painful past, but he’d given them everything he could, even if it wasn’t nearly enough.
After they’d said their thanks, Zach had wrapped Ari in a bear hug on the sidewalk, telling her it was from Gideon. She’d cried, but her tears hadn’t all been sad this time. In addition to soaking up Zach’s stories about her brother, she glowed with renewed hope.
“We’ll find the families of the servicemen and see if they know anything more. I’m sorry we didn’t learn where your brother is.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she said softly. “It was so good to hear about him after so many years of knowing nothing at all. Hopefully, one of the people Zach told us about will know where Gideon is.” She curled into her corner of the car as they headed out to the freeway and to the Regent Hotel, clearly exhausted by the day’s revelations.
When they checked in to their adjoining—but separate—rooms a short while later, they found a huge fruit platter loaded with chocolate and champagne, along with sweet-smelling bath products in a gift basket. The digs were sumptuous, as was everything in any of Walter Braedon’s hotels. The manager had tripped all over himself to make sure they were comfortable, and Matt had reserved the best table in the restaurant for dinner.
Ari looked as though she hadn’t been sleeping well, and Matt wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be okay. That he’d make absolutely sure of it.
Instead, he said, “It’s been a tiring day. You must be overwhelmed.” Gideon wasn’t even his brother, and Matt had still been swept into the high emotions between Ari and Zach as they spoke of him. “Maybe you should relax in the tub before dinner,” he said, pointing to the basket of bath salts.
She blinked up at him, but he couldn’t quite read her expression. Finally, she nodded. “A few minutes to decompress is a good plan.”
The little smile she gave him made his heart flip over. She had a way of turning him inside out with the smallest, sweetest things.
“This might help too.” Picking up the champagne bottle, he poured her a glass. Then she swiped a couple of strawberries and headed to the door of her adjoining room.
“Thank you,” she said before closing him out.
He’d never felt so close to happiness—and yet so far. She was getting naked right on the other side of that door. He imagined steam rolling out, begging him to follow like a trail of breadcrumbs. It drove him crazy knowing how much she loved soaking in the tub, the sweet-smelling steam, her soft skin…
But damn it, making love to her was not why he’d brought her on this trip. Nor had he asked for adjoining rooms. The hotel staff had simply assigned them, without realizing it would drive him absolutely bonkers.
“And what about you? Why did you leave?”
He swore softly, then just as quickly added, “Sorry. But hell, we couldn’t have Alias Smith all by himself. It was Alias Smith and Jones or nothing.” He drifted deep inside himself again. “It was time, ya know. The longer you’re there, the higher the risk. I figured, without Gideon, my number just might be up.”
“When did you last see him?” Matt’s voice was low.
“I only saw him once after we got stateside.”
Outside, children laughed. The sun was still shining. Yet inside, Ari felt as though darkness had fallen.
“He just vanished?” she asked.
“He didn’t want to see me.” Zach’s expression was tight, but not with anger. With understanding. “I made him remember. And remembering tore him up.”
For a moment, her hopes plummeted. Zach had said in the beginning that they’d lost touch, but it went deeper than that. And she’d been so hopeful there’d be more clues to follow after they talked with him.
“What did Gideon say the last time you saw him?” she asked, absolutely refusing to give up now. She’d made it this far—surely Zach had to know more than he thought he did. “Was there any indication where he thought he’d go?”
Zach sighed deeply, sadly. “He wanted to see the families. Of his team. Like he had to explain what happened or something. Like he needed to shoulder the blame and let them take it out on him. Even though he already took it out on himself plenty.”
Her heart contracted for her brother, made it hard for her to remember her other questions.
“I’m sure we can find the names,” Matt stepped in to say. “But if you remember any of them, that would be a huge help.”
“Sure, I remember. Gideon used to say their names like he was praying over their souls. Ralph Esterhausen. He had a wife and a couple of kids. Then there was Jonny Danzi and Hank Garrett.” He pressed his lips together, drawing in a deep breath. “And Karmen Sanchez.”
“Karmen?” Ari asked. “That’s four. I thought there were three.”
“Yeah. He had a thing for her. I could see it. She was on base with us, but she wasn’t actually part of his team. She was a combat medic. We always had a medic with us when we were outside the wire.” He glanced at Ari. “On a mission, I mean. Sniper got her when she ran to help the guys.” He drummed his fingers on his knees for a couple of seconds, then finally said, “I told him not to go see the families. I knew it’d be bad. But he wouldn’t listen to me.” After another great sigh, he added, “I wouldn’t say we fought about it, but he didn’t like what I had to say. I just didn’t think he should do that to himself. Let sleeping dogs lie and all.” He leaned back in the chair. “That’s all, kiddo. I wish I could tell you more, but I hope you find him. He’d wanna know you forgive him for leaving you with your mom.”
“Forgive him?” Ari shook her head. “I never needed to forgive him for that.”
“That’s just the kinda guy he is. Always responsible for everyone else. That’s why he pulled all those pranks. ’Cause he didn’t want people to think too hard about where they were and what their families were doing without them.”
* * *
They left Zach Smith when his wife got home. Matt had found him to be a really good guy. It was obviously difficult to revisit his painful past, but he’d given them everything he could, even if it wasn’t nearly enough.
After they’d said their thanks, Zach had wrapped Ari in a bear hug on the sidewalk, telling her it was from Gideon. She’d cried, but her tears hadn’t all been sad this time. In addition to soaking up Zach’s stories about her brother, she glowed with renewed hope.
“We’ll find the families of the servicemen and see if they know anything more. I’m sorry we didn’t learn where your brother is.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she said softly. “It was so good to hear about him after so many years of knowing nothing at all. Hopefully, one of the people Zach told us about will know where Gideon is.” She curled into her corner of the car as they headed out to the freeway and to the Regent Hotel, clearly exhausted by the day’s revelations.
When they checked in to their adjoining—but separate—rooms a short while later, they found a huge fruit platter loaded with chocolate and champagne, along with sweet-smelling bath products in a gift basket. The digs were sumptuous, as was everything in any of Walter Braedon’s hotels. The manager had tripped all over himself to make sure they were comfortable, and Matt had reserved the best table in the restaurant for dinner.
Ari looked as though she hadn’t been sleeping well, and Matt wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be okay. That he’d make absolutely sure of it.
Instead, he said, “It’s been a tiring day. You must be overwhelmed.” Gideon wasn’t even his brother, and Matt had still been swept into the high emotions between Ari and Zach as they spoke of him. “Maybe you should relax in the tub before dinner,” he said, pointing to the basket of bath salts.
She blinked up at him, but he couldn’t quite read her expression. Finally, she nodded. “A few minutes to decompress is a good plan.”
The little smile she gave him made his heart flip over. She had a way of turning him inside out with the smallest, sweetest things.
“This might help too.” Picking up the champagne bottle, he poured her a glass. Then she swiped a couple of strawberries and headed to the door of her adjoining room.
“Thank you,” she said before closing him out.
He’d never felt so close to happiness—and yet so far. She was getting naked right on the other side of that door. He imagined steam rolling out, begging him to follow like a trail of breadcrumbs. It drove him crazy knowing how much she loved soaking in the tub, the sweet-smelling steam, her soft skin…
But damn it, making love to her was not why he’d brought her on this trip. Nor had he asked for adjoining rooms. The hotel staff had simply assigned them, without realizing it would drive him absolutely bonkers.
