Finding Faith

Page 37

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in my bed. I rolled onto my side and pressed my face into the pillow where he’d been. I could still smell the light scent of his cologne. When I sat up in bed, a pink rose from my mom’s rose bush lay on my bedside table on top of a scribbled note.
If it looks like an angel, talks like an angel, and sleeps like an angel, then it must be an angel.
See you soon, beautiful.
Love,
Finn
If my parents noticed I was acting different, they didn’t say anything about it. I probably wouldn’t have heard them anyway since my head was so far in the clouds. On the ride to school, I had to push my smile down so my mother didn’t see it.
I spent the rest of the day floating and riding my Finn high. Amanda stared at me from across the picnic table at lunch like my head was on fire.
“Tell me again how you slipped in the shower and bruised your face.” She said suspiciously.
Rolling my eyes, I laughed as if it was nothing. “Just me being clumsy as usual.”
I took a bite from my apple and smiled secretly to myself with thoughts of Finn.
“Okay, what’s up with you? You’ve been acting crazy all day.”
When I didn’t answer right away, she threw a grape at me. I picked it up and playfully threw it back at her.
“It’s nothing. I’m just having a good day.”
“Uh-huh. When did you start lying?”
I didn’t bother telling her anything about Finn. I still wasn’t exactly sure what it was we were doing. I didn’t want to look like a fool by telling Amanda that Finn and I were together and then have him show up the following weekend with some new girl.
I didn’t know much about guys, but I knew Finn was a ladies’ man. He had to be. He was too attractive and too confident not to be.
A sickness sank into my stomach with the thought of Finn saying and doing the things he was saying and doing with me with some other girl. An earlier conversation we’d had before ran through my mind and I could remember him telling me that he had girls in his life.
Maybe I was moving a little too fast with my emotions. Maybe wrapping myself around Finn so quickly wasn’t a good idea after all, but it was so hard not to. Especially when he was saying and doing things I’d been yearning for.
That afternoon after dinner I finished up some homework, got ready for sleep, and then relaxed in bed with my favorite book until I could feel myself getting tired. Part of me tried to stay awake in hopes that Finn would swoop in and stay the night with me again, but soon my eyes were heavy and I fell asleep.
By the time Wednesday came around, it had been two days since I’d seen or heard from Finn. I was starting to worry that maybe he really had been messing with my head. I spent the day feeling sick to my stomach and worrying a hole in my heart. I was willing to do anything that would take my mind off of Finn.
When it was time to go to church, I rebelliously slipped into my only long jean skirt instead of the normal khaki and pretended I didn’t see my parents’ disapproving eyes when I met them at the car. Once we were at church, my cross warmed my palm as I sat through my dad’s sermon on sinful ways and remaining holy.
I could feel the congregation’s eyes on me since it had already gotten around the church about my night out with Finn. They knew Daddy’s sin sermon was for my ears only and seemed to praise Jesus a little louder for my sake. It hurt. My church family was supposed to love me no matter what, but it felt as if they were all turning their backs on me and condemning me.
Stephen wouldn’t even look at me anymore, which was fine by me. The last thing I wanted was more attention. His parents had no problem keeping their eyes on me, though, and I spent the entire time wishing I could disappear under the pew and sneak out the back.
The next day at school, I decided I’d had enough wondering about Finn and that talking to Amanda was my best option. I watched her stuff her face with her lunch and text from across the table.
“When’s the last time you saw Finn?” I asked abruptly.
There was no need to beat around the bush. Pulling the Band-Aid off fast was less painful.
She looked at me with her mouth open before she recovered and answered. “I saw him last night. Um… why?”
It was time she knew what was going on in my life. It seemed that she was the only person in my life who wouldn’t judge or look down on me. It made me appreciate her friendship even more.
I spent the rest of lunch telling all. I could tell by the way she was looking at me that I shocked her. Even though Finn and I hadn’t done anything sexually, she looked at me with wide eyes as if she were in awe of me.