Flawed Love
Page 18
I turn and run out, hearing him call my name.
I run through the crowd and onto the street, tears flowing down my cheeks. Rainer catches me just as I cross the road to the big, green park over from the frat house. Couple are lazing about, kissing and talking.
“Stop, Emy,” he says, spinning me around.
“Fuck off,” I scream.
People stop what they’re doing and turn to watch us.
“Hey, let her the fuck go,” Jack bellows, running after us.
Rainer turns to him. “Unless you want a broken nose, you will back the fuck off.”
“Let her go, you psycho fucking dick!”
“Back off!” Rainer roars, pulling me closer to him.
Jack looks to me. “Emalie, you don’t need to let him handle you like this.”
“What we’re doin’ is none of your business. Now fuck off.”
Jack shakes his head, and then looks to me. I’m stunned, gone far on beyond having anything to say. I want to run to Jack, I want to beat Rainer, but all I can do is stand there, so sick of everything in my life.
“I’ll see you later then,” Jack spits at me, and turns, storming off.
God dammit, I’ve hurt him. I jerk my hand from Rainer’s grip and go to chase him, but Rainer curls an arm around my waist and hauls me back. “Don’t,” he warns, his voice close to my ear. “You need to hear me out.”
“No,” I say, my voice dead. “I don’t. Let me go, Rainer. I’m done with you.”
He ignores me and literally lifts me into his arms and carries me into the security and darkness of the trees, where no one can hear us. He puts me down but keeps his hand around my wrist, so I can’t pull back.
“We need to talk, Emy, right now.”
“No,” I say, shoving him back. “I’m done fucking talking.”
“It was Missy, wasn’t it? Who hit you?”
“No, Rai,” I spit. “It was her butch fucking friend while she stood back threatening me to stay away from you. Next question.”
I shouldn’t be blurting this right now, but I’m angry and tired of everything. He growls low under his breath, but keeps going.
“Why did you do this? Why are you letting that asshole change you?”
“Change me?” I laugh bitterly. “Oh, you mean the fact that I took care in my appearance tonight?”
“It’s not you.”
“No,” I snort. “Of course it isn’t, Rainer. You want me to stay a boyish-looking woman who fucks nerds because that’s the best you think I can do.”
“Come off it,” he growls. “I don’t think that at all.”
“They made me feel beautiful, tonight,” I say and my voice wavers. “They made me feel like I’ve never felt in my entire life and you . . . you came in and just . . .”
“Just what?”
“Made me feel ugly.”
He sucks in a hiss of breath. “You know I don’t think that.”
“You basically called me a slut.”
He doesn’t answer.
“Does it really bother you so much that I’m changing?”
He still doesn’t answer.
“Is it a control issue, Rainer? Do you like having a person you can boss around?”
“Fuck, Emalie, you know that’s not the case.”
“Then what the fuck is the problem? You’re acting like a psycho father.”
He goes silent.
“Jesus, Rainer, if you’re going to pull me back, make me feel ugly, then at least fucking tell me what the hell is the problem!”
“I’m losing you,” he roars, shocking me.
“W-w-w-what?”
“I’m losing you. He’s changing you. God dammit, Emalie, you’re the only fucking thing good in my life. This?” He waves to my outfit. “It’s hot, but it’s not you. You’re the girl that doesn’t care what anyone thinks. You’re my partner in crime. You’re the only one who understands me. You’re my best fucking friend and I’m losing you. I’m not . . .”
“What?” I say in a small voice.
“I’m not ready for that.”
“Rainer . . .”
“The moment you find a man, and fall in love, I’m going to lose you. And Emalie, I fuckin’ need you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do without you in my life. You’re . . . fuck . . . fuck this . . .”
He lets me go and starts to storm off. I’m so damned shocked at his outburst that I can’t speak; I just stand there. He reaches the tree line, curses and then spins around and stalks back towards me. When he reaches me, he curls his hand around the back of my neck and brings his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes. “You’re fucking beautiful. Right here, right now, you’re breathtaking. I should have told you that.”
With that, he turns and walks off.
Leaving me more confused than ever.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
NOW – MALI
I stare at Rainer, watching as he studies my room, his dark eyes sweeping over it slowly. I sit on the edge of my bed, glad that I don’t have any pictures of us out. After he didn’t recognize me, I put them in a box and hid them, determined not to look at them again until I sorted my own head out. Right now, I’m thankful. That would have been an awkward conversation to have.
When Rainer’s eyes finally find mine again, I can’t help but lick my lips. He makes my heart ache, in both good and bad ways. Rainer is everything I could have ever wanted and more. If only I’d realized it sooner. If only I’d fought just a little harder. I took my broken heart and I never searched for the friend I once loved so dearly. I should have. For him, I should have looked past my hurt and looked.
“Why am I lucky enough to get round two?” I ask, walking over and sitting beside him on the bed.
“Because I like you.”
“You like me?” I ask, smiling slyly.
He grins, and his eyes drop to my lips. “Yeah, I do.”
“Should I be flattered? You’re not going to kidnap me and take me to your cave to make me your love slave?”
He chuckles. “Nah, I’ll just take what I need right here, right now.”
I swallow.
He reaches up, taking a strand of hair and wrapping it around his finger. He smells amazing. Like a fight, and sex, and Rainer. He’s perfection. I hate that, but I can’t get enough of it, either. I need every single thing he’s willing to give. Even if he has no idea who I am. Having him right here, right now, it’s enough. Having Rainer near will always be enough.
He leans forward and his mouth finds my neck. I want, more than anything, to turn my face and crush my lips into his. But I can’t do that, because he has a no kissing rule that I really, really hate. I remember what it felt like to kiss Rainer, and he was only young back then. I imagine the man he is now could kiss. Hard.
I moan all the same as his mouth moves down my neck, nipping and sucking its path to my shoulder. I stay sitting, not touching him, not doing anything but enjoying how amazing this feels. He shifts his body and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me until I’m forced to straddle him. He remains sitting on the side of my bed, his feet touching the floor, but he holds onto me so I don’t fall.
I run through the crowd and onto the street, tears flowing down my cheeks. Rainer catches me just as I cross the road to the big, green park over from the frat house. Couple are lazing about, kissing and talking.
“Stop, Emy,” he says, spinning me around.
“Fuck off,” I scream.
People stop what they’re doing and turn to watch us.
“Hey, let her the fuck go,” Jack bellows, running after us.
Rainer turns to him. “Unless you want a broken nose, you will back the fuck off.”
“Let her go, you psycho fucking dick!”
“Back off!” Rainer roars, pulling me closer to him.
Jack looks to me. “Emalie, you don’t need to let him handle you like this.”
“What we’re doin’ is none of your business. Now fuck off.”
Jack shakes his head, and then looks to me. I’m stunned, gone far on beyond having anything to say. I want to run to Jack, I want to beat Rainer, but all I can do is stand there, so sick of everything in my life.
“I’ll see you later then,” Jack spits at me, and turns, storming off.
God dammit, I’ve hurt him. I jerk my hand from Rainer’s grip and go to chase him, but Rainer curls an arm around my waist and hauls me back. “Don’t,” he warns, his voice close to my ear. “You need to hear me out.”
“No,” I say, my voice dead. “I don’t. Let me go, Rainer. I’m done with you.”
He ignores me and literally lifts me into his arms and carries me into the security and darkness of the trees, where no one can hear us. He puts me down but keeps his hand around my wrist, so I can’t pull back.
“We need to talk, Emy, right now.”
“No,” I say, shoving him back. “I’m done fucking talking.”
“It was Missy, wasn’t it? Who hit you?”
“No, Rai,” I spit. “It was her butch fucking friend while she stood back threatening me to stay away from you. Next question.”
I shouldn’t be blurting this right now, but I’m angry and tired of everything. He growls low under his breath, but keeps going.
“Why did you do this? Why are you letting that asshole change you?”
“Change me?” I laugh bitterly. “Oh, you mean the fact that I took care in my appearance tonight?”
“It’s not you.”
“No,” I snort. “Of course it isn’t, Rainer. You want me to stay a boyish-looking woman who fucks nerds because that’s the best you think I can do.”
“Come off it,” he growls. “I don’t think that at all.”
“They made me feel beautiful, tonight,” I say and my voice wavers. “They made me feel like I’ve never felt in my entire life and you . . . you came in and just . . .”
“Just what?”
“Made me feel ugly.”
He sucks in a hiss of breath. “You know I don’t think that.”
“You basically called me a slut.”
He doesn’t answer.
“Does it really bother you so much that I’m changing?”
He still doesn’t answer.
“Is it a control issue, Rainer? Do you like having a person you can boss around?”
“Fuck, Emalie, you know that’s not the case.”
“Then what the fuck is the problem? You’re acting like a psycho father.”
He goes silent.
“Jesus, Rainer, if you’re going to pull me back, make me feel ugly, then at least fucking tell me what the hell is the problem!”
“I’m losing you,” he roars, shocking me.
“W-w-w-what?”
“I’m losing you. He’s changing you. God dammit, Emalie, you’re the only fucking thing good in my life. This?” He waves to my outfit. “It’s hot, but it’s not you. You’re the girl that doesn’t care what anyone thinks. You’re my partner in crime. You’re the only one who understands me. You’re my best fucking friend and I’m losing you. I’m not . . .”
“What?” I say in a small voice.
“I’m not ready for that.”
“Rainer . . .”
“The moment you find a man, and fall in love, I’m going to lose you. And Emalie, I fuckin’ need you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do without you in my life. You’re . . . fuck . . . fuck this . . .”
He lets me go and starts to storm off. I’m so damned shocked at his outburst that I can’t speak; I just stand there. He reaches the tree line, curses and then spins around and stalks back towards me. When he reaches me, he curls his hand around the back of my neck and brings his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes. “You’re fucking beautiful. Right here, right now, you’re breathtaking. I should have told you that.”
With that, he turns and walks off.
Leaving me more confused than ever.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
NOW – MALI
I stare at Rainer, watching as he studies my room, his dark eyes sweeping over it slowly. I sit on the edge of my bed, glad that I don’t have any pictures of us out. After he didn’t recognize me, I put them in a box and hid them, determined not to look at them again until I sorted my own head out. Right now, I’m thankful. That would have been an awkward conversation to have.
When Rainer’s eyes finally find mine again, I can’t help but lick my lips. He makes my heart ache, in both good and bad ways. Rainer is everything I could have ever wanted and more. If only I’d realized it sooner. If only I’d fought just a little harder. I took my broken heart and I never searched for the friend I once loved so dearly. I should have. For him, I should have looked past my hurt and looked.
“Why am I lucky enough to get round two?” I ask, walking over and sitting beside him on the bed.
“Because I like you.”
“You like me?” I ask, smiling slyly.
He grins, and his eyes drop to my lips. “Yeah, I do.”
“Should I be flattered? You’re not going to kidnap me and take me to your cave to make me your love slave?”
He chuckles. “Nah, I’ll just take what I need right here, right now.”
I swallow.
He reaches up, taking a strand of hair and wrapping it around his finger. He smells amazing. Like a fight, and sex, and Rainer. He’s perfection. I hate that, but I can’t get enough of it, either. I need every single thing he’s willing to give. Even if he has no idea who I am. Having him right here, right now, it’s enough. Having Rainer near will always be enough.
He leans forward and his mouth finds my neck. I want, more than anything, to turn my face and crush my lips into his. But I can’t do that, because he has a no kissing rule that I really, really hate. I remember what it felt like to kiss Rainer, and he was only young back then. I imagine the man he is now could kiss. Hard.
I moan all the same as his mouth moves down my neck, nipping and sucking its path to my shoulder. I stay sitting, not touching him, not doing anything but enjoying how amazing this feels. He shifts his body and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me until I’m forced to straddle him. He remains sitting on the side of my bed, his feet touching the floor, but he holds onto me so I don’t fall.
