Flawed Love
Page 32
“We’re talking about Rainer?”
“Yes,” I sob, giving up my fighting.
“He cares about you.”
“He does not. I just heard him say to Pippa I’m nothing more than a bit of fun. A bit of fun!”
The words cause pain to stab through my chest, right to my broken heart.
“He looks at you like you’re a lot more than that.”
“You’re blind. Let me go, Raide. I need to leave.”
“I know you don’t know me, but do you trust me?”
I stop fighting and look up at him, my eyes blurry with tears. He reaches up and swipes them away.
“I . . . I guess.”
“Sometimes a man doesn’t realize what he’s missing until it’s shoved in his face.”
“I don’t understand.”
Raide looks around the room, and his eyes focus on something. “He’s just walked back in. You say he doesn’t care about you. We’re about to find out.”
Raide curls his fingers around the back of my head and brings his lips down over mine. I’m so shocked for a moment that I can’t think—I just stand there, frozen. Then I realize what he’s doing and I respond, moving my mouth against his. He’s one hell of a kisser—his lips are soft, his tongue is skilled and he’s got an amazing, big, hard body to go with it. I actually forget the world for a second.
He pulls back and grins down at me. “You’re welcome.”
With that, he disappears into the crowd.
Smart man.
~*~*~*~
“What the fuck are you doing?” Rainer barks, taking my arm and hauling me through the crowd.
What the fuck am I doing? Is he serious? He just told the woman he loves I am no more than a play-thing, but he wants to get upset at me over a kiss? I don’t think so. I’m tired of the lies, of the games, of the pathetic emptiness inside my heart. I deserve more than this. I deserve to be loved, or at the very least, respected.
“I was kissing Raide,” I say simply, crossing my arms when he pulls me into the back storeroom.
“Are you fucking serious? You were just outside fucking me.”
“Yeah, Rainer, I was. You also told me this is casual.”
His fists clench. “I was going to take you on a date.”
I lose it now. How dare he pretend after what I heard? I’m tired of the secrets; it’s time Rainer learns the truth.
“Yeah,” I scream. “And I just heard you tell Pippa I mean nothing to you, and she’s the only one who ever will, so don’t you fucking dare stand there and tell me I can’t mess around with other men.”
His face changes with shock, and then he opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I don’t want your excuses, Rainer. You don’t care about me. You care about her. That’s not her fault. It’s not your fault. But you do not get to act jealous over the fact that I was with another man when you honestly don’t give a shit about me.”
“That’s not fucking true,” he barks.
“Oh bullshit. God, Rainer, I’m so sick of this. So sick of pretending.”
“I’ve been honest with you from the start,” he yells.
“Yeah, you have, but I haven’t.”
He flinches and steps back. “What are you talkin’ about?”
“You know I made so many excuses as to why you didn’t remember. I thought it was an accident. I thought maybe you’d lost your memory, then I found out about what happened to you, and I continued to believe I had a place in your heart still.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You honestly don’t see it, do you, Rainer? You don’t see it, no matter how hard you look at me.”
He looks confused, his eyes searching my face as if the answer is going to jump out at him. I can’t take it anymore, I take the bracelet that I keep in my purse at all times out, and I throw it at him. It’s the bracelet he gave me for my eighteenth birthday. He catches it, staring down at the inscription, and I can see it starting to make sense.
“You said you loved me back then,” I whisper as his eyes widen. “But you couldn’t have if you forgot my face so easily. Right, Rai Rai?”
His entire body jerks back and his eyes widen, then suddenly he’s looking, really looking. His eyes frantically search, moving over my face, locking on my eyes, moving over my body.
“Emalie?” he rasps.
I shake my head and a tear rolls down my cheek. “Yeah, it’s good to see you too, buddy.”
Then I turn and run out before he can stop me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THEN – MALI
Rainer’s fingers move over my back, sliding down my skin. I’m resting my head on my crossed arms, staring over at him. He’s propped up on an elbow, smiling down at me. He made love to me twice, and the second time was so much more explosive than the first. Something connected between us, something that’s been lying dormant for so long.
“Are you okay?” he asks, sliding his fingers up and over my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I say sleepily. “I’m doing okay.”
“You’re not hurt?”
I shift a little, and there’s a slight ache between my legs, but it isn’t too horrid. “I’m not too bad.”
He smiles bigger and leans down, pressing his lips to mine.
“Rainer?” I ask.
He pulls back and meets my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Where does this leave us?”
“How do you mean?”
I shift so I’m on my side, facing him. “We were such great friends, and honestly, I never thought it would go further. It feels great, but also a little weird. I mean, only a month ago you were with another girl, and we were arguing over petty things.”
He studies my face. “You know, I think I always knew it was going to be you. I just never saw it until you started dating Jack. I couldn’t understand my urgent need to keep you away from him. I told myself it was because you were the only family I had, and that I just wanted to protect you, but when I saw you in that dress that night, and he was kissing you, jealousy exploded in my chest. Suddenly, I didn’t want anyone near you.”
“Do you think it was always going to happen?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess it was bound to when you started dating. Honestly, I didn’t feel it before then. I cared about you, but I never saw it as more than friendship. It came as a huge shock that I got so jealous and I fought it for weeks, trying to reason with myself, but in the end fact was fact.”
“And this, between us.” I point to his chest, then to mine. “Do you think it’ll last? What are we going to do?”
His eyes grow a little dark. “I’ve got a lot of things to sort out and until I do, I have to keep my distance. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with you more than my next breath, but I have to protect you, too.”
“Won’t you tell me what’s going on? I’m worried.”
He sighs. “I can’t tell you, and it’s not because I don’t trust you, it’s just I need to know you’re safe. Just know that I’ll deal with it. My father left some mess behind and I’m cleaning it up.”
“Yes,” I sob, giving up my fighting.
“He cares about you.”
“He does not. I just heard him say to Pippa I’m nothing more than a bit of fun. A bit of fun!”
The words cause pain to stab through my chest, right to my broken heart.
“He looks at you like you’re a lot more than that.”
“You’re blind. Let me go, Raide. I need to leave.”
“I know you don’t know me, but do you trust me?”
I stop fighting and look up at him, my eyes blurry with tears. He reaches up and swipes them away.
“I . . . I guess.”
“Sometimes a man doesn’t realize what he’s missing until it’s shoved in his face.”
“I don’t understand.”
Raide looks around the room, and his eyes focus on something. “He’s just walked back in. You say he doesn’t care about you. We’re about to find out.”
Raide curls his fingers around the back of my head and brings his lips down over mine. I’m so shocked for a moment that I can’t think—I just stand there, frozen. Then I realize what he’s doing and I respond, moving my mouth against his. He’s one hell of a kisser—his lips are soft, his tongue is skilled and he’s got an amazing, big, hard body to go with it. I actually forget the world for a second.
He pulls back and grins down at me. “You’re welcome.”
With that, he disappears into the crowd.
Smart man.
~*~*~*~
“What the fuck are you doing?” Rainer barks, taking my arm and hauling me through the crowd.
What the fuck am I doing? Is he serious? He just told the woman he loves I am no more than a play-thing, but he wants to get upset at me over a kiss? I don’t think so. I’m tired of the lies, of the games, of the pathetic emptiness inside my heart. I deserve more than this. I deserve to be loved, or at the very least, respected.
“I was kissing Raide,” I say simply, crossing my arms when he pulls me into the back storeroom.
“Are you fucking serious? You were just outside fucking me.”
“Yeah, Rainer, I was. You also told me this is casual.”
His fists clench. “I was going to take you on a date.”
I lose it now. How dare he pretend after what I heard? I’m tired of the secrets; it’s time Rainer learns the truth.
“Yeah,” I scream. “And I just heard you tell Pippa I mean nothing to you, and she’s the only one who ever will, so don’t you fucking dare stand there and tell me I can’t mess around with other men.”
His face changes with shock, and then he opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I don’t want your excuses, Rainer. You don’t care about me. You care about her. That’s not her fault. It’s not your fault. But you do not get to act jealous over the fact that I was with another man when you honestly don’t give a shit about me.”
“That’s not fucking true,” he barks.
“Oh bullshit. God, Rainer, I’m so sick of this. So sick of pretending.”
“I’ve been honest with you from the start,” he yells.
“Yeah, you have, but I haven’t.”
He flinches and steps back. “What are you talkin’ about?”
“You know I made so many excuses as to why you didn’t remember. I thought it was an accident. I thought maybe you’d lost your memory, then I found out about what happened to you, and I continued to believe I had a place in your heart still.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You honestly don’t see it, do you, Rainer? You don’t see it, no matter how hard you look at me.”
He looks confused, his eyes searching my face as if the answer is going to jump out at him. I can’t take it anymore, I take the bracelet that I keep in my purse at all times out, and I throw it at him. It’s the bracelet he gave me for my eighteenth birthday. He catches it, staring down at the inscription, and I can see it starting to make sense.
“You said you loved me back then,” I whisper as his eyes widen. “But you couldn’t have if you forgot my face so easily. Right, Rai Rai?”
His entire body jerks back and his eyes widen, then suddenly he’s looking, really looking. His eyes frantically search, moving over my face, locking on my eyes, moving over my body.
“Emalie?” he rasps.
I shake my head and a tear rolls down my cheek. “Yeah, it’s good to see you too, buddy.”
Then I turn and run out before he can stop me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THEN – MALI
Rainer’s fingers move over my back, sliding down my skin. I’m resting my head on my crossed arms, staring over at him. He’s propped up on an elbow, smiling down at me. He made love to me twice, and the second time was so much more explosive than the first. Something connected between us, something that’s been lying dormant for so long.
“Are you okay?” he asks, sliding his fingers up and over my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I say sleepily. “I’m doing okay.”
“You’re not hurt?”
I shift a little, and there’s a slight ache between my legs, but it isn’t too horrid. “I’m not too bad.”
He smiles bigger and leans down, pressing his lips to mine.
“Rainer?” I ask.
He pulls back and meets my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Where does this leave us?”
“How do you mean?”
I shift so I’m on my side, facing him. “We were such great friends, and honestly, I never thought it would go further. It feels great, but also a little weird. I mean, only a month ago you were with another girl, and we were arguing over petty things.”
He studies my face. “You know, I think I always knew it was going to be you. I just never saw it until you started dating Jack. I couldn’t understand my urgent need to keep you away from him. I told myself it was because you were the only family I had, and that I just wanted to protect you, but when I saw you in that dress that night, and he was kissing you, jealousy exploded in my chest. Suddenly, I didn’t want anyone near you.”
“Do you think it was always going to happen?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess it was bound to when you started dating. Honestly, I didn’t feel it before then. I cared about you, but I never saw it as more than friendship. It came as a huge shock that I got so jealous and I fought it for weeks, trying to reason with myself, but in the end fact was fact.”
“And this, between us.” I point to his chest, then to mine. “Do you think it’ll last? What are we going to do?”
His eyes grow a little dark. “I’ve got a lot of things to sort out and until I do, I have to keep my distance. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with you more than my next breath, but I have to protect you, too.”
“Won’t you tell me what’s going on? I’m worried.”
He sighs. “I can’t tell you, and it’s not because I don’t trust you, it’s just I need to know you’re safe. Just know that I’ll deal with it. My father left some mess behind and I’m cleaning it up.”
