Flawed Love
Page 41
“But I’m not with Pip and never will be.”
“But you love her, and even though I get it, I’ll never be able to live with coming second best. I can’t, Rai. First it was you telling her I was nothing, and then you ran out when she got jealous, leaving me with a black eye. I don’t want to feel like that, and I don’t think I have to. I’m not asking you not to be her friend—I like Pippa. What I’m asking is for you to decide which is more important—having her as a normal friend and putting me first as your girlfriend, or having her the way you have her now, and losing me.”
“That isn’t making things easy,” he murmurs.
“No, but I deserve an answer, don’t you think?”
He sighs, running his hands through his hair.
“I’m not trying to make your life hard. You know how I feel about you, and I’m not asking for much, just a choice. If you can’t make that choice, I understand too, but this has to be the end for us. I can’t keep falling harder in love with you only to keep feeling like I don’t matter and never will.”
He leans down, cupping my cheek. “You’ll always matter to me, Emalie. You have to know that.”
“I know I matter, but how much?”
He closes his eyes, keeping his hand curled around my cheek. After a moment, he presses a kiss to my forehead and stands, looking down at me. “Okay. If that’s what you need then I’ll do it.”
He turns towards the door, and I call out his name. He stops and looks back at me.
“I need you to know that I’ll love you for the rest of my life, Rainer. Our connection is different, but it’s there. I need you to know that, but I need you to really think about your choice, because if you choose me, I want you to choose me . . .”
“I get you, kid.”
“Okay.”
He smiles a little. “Okay.”
Then he walks out, and I honestly don’t know if it’s the last time I’ll have a chance to be in his life.
Because I really have no idea who he’ll choose.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
NOW – MALI
I haven’t seen or heard from Rainer for two weeks. I know he went away for a bit to clear his head, and I understand that. I came out of hospital two days after my accident and then spent a few days at my parents’, out with them and my sister. It was nice, because they took good care of me, but I’m glad to be home now. I don’t go back to work until next week, so it’s been a good chance for me to get my head together.
Tonight I’m in a moping mood, and have decided to watch movies and eat an abundance of chocolate. Not hearing from Rainer scares me—call it injuries from the past. I wonder what he’s doing—hell, I wonder if he’ll even come back. What if he decided it’s just not worth it? What if he picks neither of us? There’s a solid chance that’ll happen. It kind of feels like déjà vu, and the fear that he won’t return is killing me.
I flop down onto the couch and stare blankly at the movie playing. I’m halfway through when I hear someone calling my name. It takes me a few moments to realize it’s Rainer’s voice, and I leap up from the couch, heart racing, and run to the front door. I fling it open and what I see has tears instantly pouring down my cheeks. I press a hand to my mouth and joy floods my chest.
Rainer is standing on my front lawn, boom box held in the air, “Highway to the Danger Zone” playing loudly from the speakers. He’s got a big grin on his face, and I can’t help the sob that’s ripped from my throat. He walks towards me, boom box still held high, and when he reaches me he carefully lowers it to the ground, flicking the sound off.
“What’re you doing with that?” I choke through sobs.
“I thought of so many ways I could tell you what you meant to me, and nothing seemed right. Then I remember the night you did this for me, and I knew, I fucking knew it was how I could do it.”
“Rainer,” I choke, pressing a hand to my heart.
“Emalie, I know I’ve been off and on. I know I’ve made things hard for you, but something hit me hard when I was away. I love Pippa, I do, but it’s not in the way I love you. She saved me during a hard time, and I thought it was the real deal, but the truth is, when I thought about the love I had for you back then, I knew it was different.”
I make a hiccupping sound and more tears flow.
“I’ve had so much shit in my life, but the moment you stepped into it again, even before I knew it was you, something eased inside me. You made me smile, and laugh, and fuck, you are so gorgeous it hurt. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized that you could change me. When you told me who you were, you did change me. Don’t you know that?”
I shake my head, pressing a hand to my mouth.
“Pippa saved me. I’ll love her for that until the day I die. I’ll always be her friend and I know you’re okay with that, but I should have put you first. I should have chased you; I should have given you what you deserved. Truth is, I was afraid to let Pippa go because I was terrified of taking a step out of myself and changing my life.”
More tears flow and he steps forward, wrapping an arm around my waist.
“Here’s the funny thing about it all. You owned my heart first, Emalie. She came in, she held onto it, but in the end she gave it back to you because it was always yours to begin with. She was just taking care of it until you could come back.”
“Rainer,” I rasp, cupping his jaw in my hands. “I love you.”
“And I fucking love you.”
He brings his lips down over mine, and he kisses me, long and sweet. It feels amazing, so fucking perfect, and this time . . . so damned real.
He picked me.
Oh God, he picked me.
EPILOGUE
I throw a towel over my shoulder and smile at the customers as they approach the bar. Rainer is working down the other end, giving me a sexy grin every now and then. It’s my first week working with him, and so far it’s been amazing. We’ve been dating for six months now, and each day just gets better and better. Last week he asked me to work with him, and I jumped at the chance.
“What can I get you?” I grin at the handsome, tall man sitting at the bar.
“Whiskey, neat.” He smiles.
I prepare it and slide it across to him. He takes it and hands me some cash, and I run it through the till before continuing on. Rainer and I work perfectly together, smoothly, perfectly. We move around each other with little grins and gentle caresses, and we don’t clash. Well, at least we don’t right now.
“Hey there, you two!”
We look up to see Pippa, Tyke, Belle and Max coming in. They all take a seat at the bar, and I grin at them. “Hey you guys, what’s happening?”
“Just coming in to give you some pressure.” Belle smiles.
“Oh yeah?” I wink. “Bring it on.”
She laughs.
“What can I get you?” I ask as Rainer approaches.
“Vodka for me,” Belle says, and Max gives her a sexy grin. “And whiskey for him.”
I chuckle and look to Pippa and Tyke. Pippa smiles at Rainer and he leans over the bar, hugging her. Their relationship has continued on strong, but now he lets Tyke take care of her instead of running every time there’s a problem. They’re both stronger for it, and I’ve grown close to Pippa. I like her a lot.
“But you love her, and even though I get it, I’ll never be able to live with coming second best. I can’t, Rai. First it was you telling her I was nothing, and then you ran out when she got jealous, leaving me with a black eye. I don’t want to feel like that, and I don’t think I have to. I’m not asking you not to be her friend—I like Pippa. What I’m asking is for you to decide which is more important—having her as a normal friend and putting me first as your girlfriend, or having her the way you have her now, and losing me.”
“That isn’t making things easy,” he murmurs.
“No, but I deserve an answer, don’t you think?”
He sighs, running his hands through his hair.
“I’m not trying to make your life hard. You know how I feel about you, and I’m not asking for much, just a choice. If you can’t make that choice, I understand too, but this has to be the end for us. I can’t keep falling harder in love with you only to keep feeling like I don’t matter and never will.”
He leans down, cupping my cheek. “You’ll always matter to me, Emalie. You have to know that.”
“I know I matter, but how much?”
He closes his eyes, keeping his hand curled around my cheek. After a moment, he presses a kiss to my forehead and stands, looking down at me. “Okay. If that’s what you need then I’ll do it.”
He turns towards the door, and I call out his name. He stops and looks back at me.
“I need you to know that I’ll love you for the rest of my life, Rainer. Our connection is different, but it’s there. I need you to know that, but I need you to really think about your choice, because if you choose me, I want you to choose me . . .”
“I get you, kid.”
“Okay.”
He smiles a little. “Okay.”
Then he walks out, and I honestly don’t know if it’s the last time I’ll have a chance to be in his life.
Because I really have no idea who he’ll choose.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
NOW – MALI
I haven’t seen or heard from Rainer for two weeks. I know he went away for a bit to clear his head, and I understand that. I came out of hospital two days after my accident and then spent a few days at my parents’, out with them and my sister. It was nice, because they took good care of me, but I’m glad to be home now. I don’t go back to work until next week, so it’s been a good chance for me to get my head together.
Tonight I’m in a moping mood, and have decided to watch movies and eat an abundance of chocolate. Not hearing from Rainer scares me—call it injuries from the past. I wonder what he’s doing—hell, I wonder if he’ll even come back. What if he decided it’s just not worth it? What if he picks neither of us? There’s a solid chance that’ll happen. It kind of feels like déjà vu, and the fear that he won’t return is killing me.
I flop down onto the couch and stare blankly at the movie playing. I’m halfway through when I hear someone calling my name. It takes me a few moments to realize it’s Rainer’s voice, and I leap up from the couch, heart racing, and run to the front door. I fling it open and what I see has tears instantly pouring down my cheeks. I press a hand to my mouth and joy floods my chest.
Rainer is standing on my front lawn, boom box held in the air, “Highway to the Danger Zone” playing loudly from the speakers. He’s got a big grin on his face, and I can’t help the sob that’s ripped from my throat. He walks towards me, boom box still held high, and when he reaches me he carefully lowers it to the ground, flicking the sound off.
“What’re you doing with that?” I choke through sobs.
“I thought of so many ways I could tell you what you meant to me, and nothing seemed right. Then I remember the night you did this for me, and I knew, I fucking knew it was how I could do it.”
“Rainer,” I choke, pressing a hand to my heart.
“Emalie, I know I’ve been off and on. I know I’ve made things hard for you, but something hit me hard when I was away. I love Pippa, I do, but it’s not in the way I love you. She saved me during a hard time, and I thought it was the real deal, but the truth is, when I thought about the love I had for you back then, I knew it was different.”
I make a hiccupping sound and more tears flow.
“I’ve had so much shit in my life, but the moment you stepped into it again, even before I knew it was you, something eased inside me. You made me smile, and laugh, and fuck, you are so gorgeous it hurt. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized that you could change me. When you told me who you were, you did change me. Don’t you know that?”
I shake my head, pressing a hand to my mouth.
“Pippa saved me. I’ll love her for that until the day I die. I’ll always be her friend and I know you’re okay with that, but I should have put you first. I should have chased you; I should have given you what you deserved. Truth is, I was afraid to let Pippa go because I was terrified of taking a step out of myself and changing my life.”
More tears flow and he steps forward, wrapping an arm around my waist.
“Here’s the funny thing about it all. You owned my heart first, Emalie. She came in, she held onto it, but in the end she gave it back to you because it was always yours to begin with. She was just taking care of it until you could come back.”
“Rainer,” I rasp, cupping his jaw in my hands. “I love you.”
“And I fucking love you.”
He brings his lips down over mine, and he kisses me, long and sweet. It feels amazing, so fucking perfect, and this time . . . so damned real.
He picked me.
Oh God, he picked me.
EPILOGUE
I throw a towel over my shoulder and smile at the customers as they approach the bar. Rainer is working down the other end, giving me a sexy grin every now and then. It’s my first week working with him, and so far it’s been amazing. We’ve been dating for six months now, and each day just gets better and better. Last week he asked me to work with him, and I jumped at the chance.
“What can I get you?” I grin at the handsome, tall man sitting at the bar.
“Whiskey, neat.” He smiles.
I prepare it and slide it across to him. He takes it and hands me some cash, and I run it through the till before continuing on. Rainer and I work perfectly together, smoothly, perfectly. We move around each other with little grins and gentle caresses, and we don’t clash. Well, at least we don’t right now.
“Hey there, you two!”
We look up to see Pippa, Tyke, Belle and Max coming in. They all take a seat at the bar, and I grin at them. “Hey you guys, what’s happening?”
“Just coming in to give you some pressure.” Belle smiles.
“Oh yeah?” I wink. “Bring it on.”
She laughs.
“What can I get you?” I ask as Rainer approaches.
“Vodka for me,” Belle says, and Max gives her a sexy grin. “And whiskey for him.”
I chuckle and look to Pippa and Tyke. Pippa smiles at Rainer and he leans over the bar, hugging her. Their relationship has continued on strong, but now he lets Tyke take care of her instead of running every time there’s a problem. They’re both stronger for it, and I’ve grown close to Pippa. I like her a lot.
