Fragile Eternity
Page 19
But wouldnt I be the witch keeping you safe? Trapping you up here in our tower?
Aislinn had thought about it. No, youre Rapunzel, and were hiding from the witch.
And what happens if the witch finds us?
Shell steal our eyes or make us dead.
So if we leave our tower? Grams turned everything into a quiz. Everything was about them, and wrong answers meant staying inside longer. What are the rules?
No looking at the faeries. No talking to faeries. Nothing to attract faeries attention. Ever. Aislinn counted the big three rules off on her fingers as she said them. Always follow the rules.
Exactly. Grams had hugged her then. Her eyes were shimmering with tears. Breaking the rules will let the witch win.
Is that what happened to Momma? Aislinn tried to see Grams face, hoping for clues. Even then she knew that Grams didnt always answer the whole way.
Grams snuggled her more tightly. More or less, baby. More or less.
Moira wasnt a subject they discussed. Aislinn looked at Grams, the only mother shed had, and hated that shed be so long without her. Eternity was a long time to be without family. Grams, Seth, Leslie, Carla, Rianne, Denny, Graceeveryone shed known before Keenan would die.And Ill be alone. With just Keenan. She couldnt speak around the ache in her heart.
There was a special program on the complications of the unexpected weather shift. Grams motioned to the television. She was big on paying attention to the weather now that Aislinn was the embodiment of summer. A bit on the flooding problems and some theories about the cause of the sudden environmental shifts
Were working on the flood thing. Aislinn kicked off her shoes. The speculation is harmless though. No one believes in faeries.
They were talking about how the polar bears are
Grams? Can we not do this tonight? Aislinn flopped down on the sofa, sinking into the cushions with a comfort she never felt at the loft. No matter how much Keenan tried, that wasnt home. That wasnt where she felt herself. This was.
Grams clicked off the television. What happened?
Nothing. JustKeenanwe had a discussion Aislinn wasnt sure of the words she needed. She and Grams talked about dating, sex, drugs, drinking, everything really, but it was usually in the abstract. It wasnt up close and detailed. I dont know. I went out to Shooters with Carla after. It helped, buttomorrow, the day after, next yearwhat am I going to do when I dont have anyone but him?
So hes pressuring you already? Grams didnt waste time. She never had been one for subtleties.
What do you mean?
Hes afaery , Aislinn. The loathing wasnt even close to hidden.
So am I. Aislinn didnt like saying that sentence, not yet, maybe not ever. Grams accepted her, but she had a lifetime of fear and hatred against the very thing Aislinn now was. Her daughter died because of them.
Because of Keenan.
Youre not like them. Grams scowled. Youre certainly not likehim.
Aislinn felt the first few tears of frustration burn in her eyes. She didnt want to let them fall. She didnt have enough control yet, and sometimes the weather reacted to her emotions even when she didnt want it to; right now she wasnt sure she could control both her emotions and the sky. She took a calming breath before answering, Hes my partner, my other half.
But youre still good. Youre honest. Grams came over to the sofa. She pulled Aislinn close.
Aislinn leaned into the embrace, let Grams baby her.
Hes going to push you to do what he wants. Its his way. Grams stroked Aislinns hair, threading her fingers through the multicolored strands. Hes not used to being rejected.
I didnt
You rejected his affection. That smarts. All faeries are prideful. He a faery king. Women have been giving themselves to him since he was old enough to notice them.
Aislinn wanted to say that Keenan wasnt interested in her just because she said no. She wanted to say that he was interested in her because of who she was. She wanted to say that their friendship was evolving, and they just needed to find a way to make it make sense. But she wasnt sure if any of that was true. There was a part of her that believed he was simply reacting to her refusal of his attention or to centuries of thinking that queen equated to bedmate. There was another, less comfortable part that believed that because they were partners the compulsion to be more than friends was only going to grow stronger.That part was terrifying.
I love Seth, she murmured, clinging to that truth, not admitting aloud that loving one person didnt mean not noticing anyone else.
I know that. So does Keenan. Grams didnt pause in the rhythmic motion of her affection. She always knew how to nurture without smothering. It was something no one else had ever donenot that thered been anyone else. It had been them, just the two of them, forever.
So what do I do?
Just be youstrong and honest. The rest falls into place if you do that. It always has. It always will. Remember that. No matter what happens over thecenturies ahead of you, remember to be honest with yourself. And if you fail, forgive yourself. Youll make mistakes. The whole world is new, and they have all had so many more years in it than you.
I wish you were going to always be with me. Im scared. Aislinn sniffled. I dont know that I want forever.
Neither did Moira. Grams did pause then. She made a stupid choice, though. Youyoure stronger than she was.
Maybe I dont want to be strong.
Grams made a small noise that was almost a laugh. You might not want to, but youll do it anyhow. Thats what strength is. We walk the path were given. Moira gave up on living. She did some things that weredangerous to herself. Slept with strangers. Did God-knows-what when sheDont get me wrong. I got you out of her mistakes. And she obviously didnt do anything that made you born as an addict. She didnt end your life or give you tothem either. She let me have you. Even at the end, she made some tough choices.
Aislinn had thought about it. No, youre Rapunzel, and were hiding from the witch.
And what happens if the witch finds us?
Shell steal our eyes or make us dead.
So if we leave our tower? Grams turned everything into a quiz. Everything was about them, and wrong answers meant staying inside longer. What are the rules?
No looking at the faeries. No talking to faeries. Nothing to attract faeries attention. Ever. Aislinn counted the big three rules off on her fingers as she said them. Always follow the rules.
Exactly. Grams had hugged her then. Her eyes were shimmering with tears. Breaking the rules will let the witch win.
Is that what happened to Momma? Aislinn tried to see Grams face, hoping for clues. Even then she knew that Grams didnt always answer the whole way.
Grams snuggled her more tightly. More or less, baby. More or less.
Moira wasnt a subject they discussed. Aislinn looked at Grams, the only mother shed had, and hated that shed be so long without her. Eternity was a long time to be without family. Grams, Seth, Leslie, Carla, Rianne, Denny, Graceeveryone shed known before Keenan would die.And Ill be alone. With just Keenan. She couldnt speak around the ache in her heart.
There was a special program on the complications of the unexpected weather shift. Grams motioned to the television. She was big on paying attention to the weather now that Aislinn was the embodiment of summer. A bit on the flooding problems and some theories about the cause of the sudden environmental shifts
Were working on the flood thing. Aislinn kicked off her shoes. The speculation is harmless though. No one believes in faeries.
They were talking about how the polar bears are
Grams? Can we not do this tonight? Aislinn flopped down on the sofa, sinking into the cushions with a comfort she never felt at the loft. No matter how much Keenan tried, that wasnt home. That wasnt where she felt herself. This was.
Grams clicked off the television. What happened?
Nothing. JustKeenanwe had a discussion Aislinn wasnt sure of the words she needed. She and Grams talked about dating, sex, drugs, drinking, everything really, but it was usually in the abstract. It wasnt up close and detailed. I dont know. I went out to Shooters with Carla after. It helped, buttomorrow, the day after, next yearwhat am I going to do when I dont have anyone but him?
So hes pressuring you already? Grams didnt waste time. She never had been one for subtleties.
What do you mean?
Hes afaery , Aislinn. The loathing wasnt even close to hidden.
So am I. Aislinn didnt like saying that sentence, not yet, maybe not ever. Grams accepted her, but she had a lifetime of fear and hatred against the very thing Aislinn now was. Her daughter died because of them.
Because of Keenan.
Youre not like them. Grams scowled. Youre certainly not likehim.
Aislinn felt the first few tears of frustration burn in her eyes. She didnt want to let them fall. She didnt have enough control yet, and sometimes the weather reacted to her emotions even when she didnt want it to; right now she wasnt sure she could control both her emotions and the sky. She took a calming breath before answering, Hes my partner, my other half.
But youre still good. Youre honest. Grams came over to the sofa. She pulled Aislinn close.
Aislinn leaned into the embrace, let Grams baby her.
Hes going to push you to do what he wants. Its his way. Grams stroked Aislinns hair, threading her fingers through the multicolored strands. Hes not used to being rejected.
I didnt
You rejected his affection. That smarts. All faeries are prideful. He a faery king. Women have been giving themselves to him since he was old enough to notice them.
Aislinn wanted to say that Keenan wasnt interested in her just because she said no. She wanted to say that he was interested in her because of who she was. She wanted to say that their friendship was evolving, and they just needed to find a way to make it make sense. But she wasnt sure if any of that was true. There was a part of her that believed he was simply reacting to her refusal of his attention or to centuries of thinking that queen equated to bedmate. There was another, less comfortable part that believed that because they were partners the compulsion to be more than friends was only going to grow stronger.That part was terrifying.
I love Seth, she murmured, clinging to that truth, not admitting aloud that loving one person didnt mean not noticing anyone else.
I know that. So does Keenan. Grams didnt pause in the rhythmic motion of her affection. She always knew how to nurture without smothering. It was something no one else had ever donenot that thered been anyone else. It had been them, just the two of them, forever.
So what do I do?
Just be youstrong and honest. The rest falls into place if you do that. It always has. It always will. Remember that. No matter what happens over thecenturies ahead of you, remember to be honest with yourself. And if you fail, forgive yourself. Youll make mistakes. The whole world is new, and they have all had so many more years in it than you.
I wish you were going to always be with me. Im scared. Aislinn sniffled. I dont know that I want forever.
Neither did Moira. Grams did pause then. She made a stupid choice, though. Youyoure stronger than she was.
Maybe I dont want to be strong.
Grams made a small noise that was almost a laugh. You might not want to, but youll do it anyhow. Thats what strength is. We walk the path were given. Moira gave up on living. She did some things that weredangerous to herself. Slept with strangers. Did God-knows-what when sheDont get me wrong. I got you out of her mistakes. And she obviously didnt do anything that made you born as an addict. She didnt end your life or give you tothem either. She let me have you. Even at the end, she made some tough choices.
