Fragile Eternity
Page 20
But?
But she wasnt the woman you are.
Im just a girl. I
Youre leading a faery court. Youre dealing with their politics. I think youve earned the right to be called a woman. Grams voice was stern. It was the one that she used when she talked about feminism and freedom and racial equality and all of those things that shed held to like some folks hold to a religion.
I dont feel ready.
Honey, none of us ever does. Im not ready to be an old lady. I wasnt ready to be a mother either timeto you or to Moira. And I surely wasnt ready to lose her.
Or me.
Im not losing you. Thats the only gift the faeries ever gave me. Youll be here, strong and alive long after Im dust. Youre never going to want for money or safety or health. Grams sounded fierce now. Almost everything I could want for youthey gave you, but only because you were strong enough to take it. Im never going to like them, but the fact that my baby is going to be fine after Im goneIt goes a long way to making me forgive them for all the rest.
She didnt actually die in childbirth, did she? Aislinn had never asked, but she knew the stories didnt add up. Shed heard Keenan and Grams talk last fall.
No. She didnt.
Why didnt you ever just tell me?
Grams was silent for a few moments. Then she said, You read a book when you were little, and you told me you knew why your mother left you. You were so sure that it wasnt her fault, that she was just not strong enough to be a mother. You said you were like the girls in the stories whose mothers died so they could live. Grams smile was tentative. What was I to do? It was a little bit true: she wasnt strong enough, just not the way you meant it. I couldnt tell you she chose to leave us because she was mostly faery when you were born. In your version, she was noble and heroic.
Is that why Im this? Because she wasnt human when I was born? Was I ever all the way mortal?
This time, Grams was still so long that Aislinn wondered if they were going to have a repeat of the silences that always came when there was talk of Moira. Grams sat and stroked Aislinns hair for several minutes. Finally, though, she said, Ive wondered, but I dont know how wed know that. She was barely mortal when you were born. Add that to whatever makes us have the SightI dont know. Maybe.
Maybe she was the queen he was looking for. Maybe you were too. Maybe its why we have the Sight. Maybe it couldve been anyone in our family. Maybe when Beirad cursed him and hid the faery whatever-it-was that was to make someone the Summer Queenit could have beenany of us. If Moira had taken the testI wonder if shed have been the queen. I wonder if I wouldve still ended up a faery. If she wasnt really mortal when I was born
Grams interrupted Aislinns increasingly fast flow of words. Wondering aboutwhat-if doesnt help, Aislinn.
I know. If she was a faeryI wouldnt be alone.
If she had chosen to accept being a faery, I wouldnt have had you to raise either. She wouldnt have left you behind.
Shedid leave me. She chose to die rather than be a faery. Rather than be what I am now.
Im sorry. Grams tears fell into Aislinns hair. I wish you didnt know any of that.
And Aislinn didnt have a response. She just lay there, her head in Grams lap, like she had so many times as a little girl. Her mother had chosen death over being a faery. It didnt leave much room to doubt what Moira wouldve thought of the choices Aislinn had made.
Chapter 8
Seth wanted to be surprised when he saw Niall waiting inside the Crows Nest the next day, but he wasnt. Their friendship was one of the things Niall held fast to, and Seth, for his part, wasnt objecting. It was like discovering that he had a brotheralbeit a twisted and moody older brotherno one had bothered to tell him about.
Seth spun a chair around and straddled it. Dont you have a job or something?
The Dark King lifted a glass in greeting. A second glass sat on the table. He gestured toward it and said, Poured not by my hand or of my cup.
Relax. I trust you. Plus Im alreadyin your worldSeth lifted the glass and took a drinkand not planning on walking out of it anytime either.
Niall frowned. Maybe you should trust less freely.
Maybe. Seth leaned over and grabbed a clean ashtray from the next table and slid it to Niall. Or maybe you should chill out.
In one corner, the band was doing their sound check. Damali, one of Seths semi-regular partners before-Aislinn, waved. Her copper-tinted dreads were midway down her back when hed seen her last. They werent much longer, but they were dyed magenta now. Seth nodded and turned his attention back to Niall. So, you feeling the need for a lecture or being overprotective?
Yes.
Talkative and maudlin today. Lucky me.
Niall glared at him. Most people are intimidated by me these days. Im the master of the monsters that Faerie fears.
Seth arched a brow. Hmmm.
What?
This whole fear me thing doesnt work for you. Better stick to the brooding. Seth took another drink and looked around the Crows Nest. You and I both know you could order all of their deaths, butI know you wouldnt do it.
I would if I needed to.
Seth didnt have an answer to thatit wasnt a point of argumentso he switched topics: Are you going to be gloomy all afternoon?
No. Niall glanced at the far corner. This early, there was an open dartboard. Come.
Woof, Seth said, but he stood even as he said it, relieved to move on todoing something.
But she wasnt the woman you are.
Im just a girl. I
Youre leading a faery court. Youre dealing with their politics. I think youve earned the right to be called a woman. Grams voice was stern. It was the one that she used when she talked about feminism and freedom and racial equality and all of those things that shed held to like some folks hold to a religion.
I dont feel ready.
Honey, none of us ever does. Im not ready to be an old lady. I wasnt ready to be a mother either timeto you or to Moira. And I surely wasnt ready to lose her.
Or me.
Im not losing you. Thats the only gift the faeries ever gave me. Youll be here, strong and alive long after Im dust. Youre never going to want for money or safety or health. Grams sounded fierce now. Almost everything I could want for youthey gave you, but only because you were strong enough to take it. Im never going to like them, but the fact that my baby is going to be fine after Im goneIt goes a long way to making me forgive them for all the rest.
She didnt actually die in childbirth, did she? Aislinn had never asked, but she knew the stories didnt add up. Shed heard Keenan and Grams talk last fall.
No. She didnt.
Why didnt you ever just tell me?
Grams was silent for a few moments. Then she said, You read a book when you were little, and you told me you knew why your mother left you. You were so sure that it wasnt her fault, that she was just not strong enough to be a mother. You said you were like the girls in the stories whose mothers died so they could live. Grams smile was tentative. What was I to do? It was a little bit true: she wasnt strong enough, just not the way you meant it. I couldnt tell you she chose to leave us because she was mostly faery when you were born. In your version, she was noble and heroic.
Is that why Im this? Because she wasnt human when I was born? Was I ever all the way mortal?
This time, Grams was still so long that Aislinn wondered if they were going to have a repeat of the silences that always came when there was talk of Moira. Grams sat and stroked Aislinns hair for several minutes. Finally, though, she said, Ive wondered, but I dont know how wed know that. She was barely mortal when you were born. Add that to whatever makes us have the SightI dont know. Maybe.
Maybe she was the queen he was looking for. Maybe you were too. Maybe its why we have the Sight. Maybe it couldve been anyone in our family. Maybe when Beirad cursed him and hid the faery whatever-it-was that was to make someone the Summer Queenit could have beenany of us. If Moira had taken the testI wonder if shed have been the queen. I wonder if I wouldve still ended up a faery. If she wasnt really mortal when I was born
Grams interrupted Aislinns increasingly fast flow of words. Wondering aboutwhat-if doesnt help, Aislinn.
I know. If she was a faeryI wouldnt be alone.
If she had chosen to accept being a faery, I wouldnt have had you to raise either. She wouldnt have left you behind.
Shedid leave me. She chose to die rather than be a faery. Rather than be what I am now.
Im sorry. Grams tears fell into Aislinns hair. I wish you didnt know any of that.
And Aislinn didnt have a response. She just lay there, her head in Grams lap, like she had so many times as a little girl. Her mother had chosen death over being a faery. It didnt leave much room to doubt what Moira wouldve thought of the choices Aislinn had made.
Chapter 8
Seth wanted to be surprised when he saw Niall waiting inside the Crows Nest the next day, but he wasnt. Their friendship was one of the things Niall held fast to, and Seth, for his part, wasnt objecting. It was like discovering that he had a brotheralbeit a twisted and moody older brotherno one had bothered to tell him about.
Seth spun a chair around and straddled it. Dont you have a job or something?
The Dark King lifted a glass in greeting. A second glass sat on the table. He gestured toward it and said, Poured not by my hand or of my cup.
Relax. I trust you. Plus Im alreadyin your worldSeth lifted the glass and took a drinkand not planning on walking out of it anytime either.
Niall frowned. Maybe you should trust less freely.
Maybe. Seth leaned over and grabbed a clean ashtray from the next table and slid it to Niall. Or maybe you should chill out.
In one corner, the band was doing their sound check. Damali, one of Seths semi-regular partners before-Aislinn, waved. Her copper-tinted dreads were midway down her back when hed seen her last. They werent much longer, but they were dyed magenta now. Seth nodded and turned his attention back to Niall. So, you feeling the need for a lecture or being overprotective?
Yes.
Talkative and maudlin today. Lucky me.
Niall glared at him. Most people are intimidated by me these days. Im the master of the monsters that Faerie fears.
Seth arched a brow. Hmmm.
What?
This whole fear me thing doesnt work for you. Better stick to the brooding. Seth took another drink and looked around the Crows Nest. You and I both know you could order all of their deaths, butI know you wouldnt do it.
I would if I needed to.
Seth didnt have an answer to thatit wasnt a point of argumentso he switched topics: Are you going to be gloomy all afternoon?
No. Niall glanced at the far corner. This early, there was an open dartboard. Come.
Woof, Seth said, but he stood even as he said it, relieved to move on todoing something.
