Fragile Eternity
Page 32
They all see that something is up though. They are unsettled by it.She had promised herself that she would be a good queen. Upsetting them all was not what a good queen should do.
With a bit of a tremble in her hand, Aislinn tapped on the study door. Keenan? She pushed it open. Are you free?
He had her charts spread out in front of him on the coffee table. Music played softly in the backgroundone of her older CDs, actually, PoesHaunted . Shed picked it up at the Music Exchange one afternoon with Seth.
Keenan looked at her and then made a point of looking beyond her. Wheres your safety team?
She closed the door. I gave them the afternoon off. I thought I could be around youthat we could talk.
I see. He looked back at her charts. You have a good idea here, but were not going to get very far with the desert area.
Why? She didnt bother commenting on his subject change. She wasnt entirely sure she wanted to talk about it either, but they needed to.
Rika lives there. She was one of the Winter Girls. Keenan frowned. Far too much like Don. She has issues with me.
You say that like its surprising. She stood next to the sofa, nearer him than she should be, but she wasnt going to let whatever weirdness had happened control her.
It is. Keenan leaned back on the sofa, propped his feet up on the coffee table, and folded his hands. They act like I set out to hurt them. Inever wanted anyone hurtexcept Beira and Irial.
So they should just forgive and forget? Aislinn had avoided this topic for months. Shed avoided a lot of topics, but sooner or later they had to sort it all out. Eternity was an awfully long time to let things simmer. We all lost so many things when you chose
We? he interrupted.
What? She pulled a chair over and sat down.
You said, Weall lost so many things. You were including yourself with the Summer and Winter Girls.
No, I She paused and blushed. I did, didnt I?
He nodded.
Iam one of them. We, all the ones you chose, lost a lot. She ducked her head, her hair falling forward like a curtain she could hide behind. Its not like I didnt gain some amazing things too. I get that. Really.
His expression was unusually closed to her. But?
But its hard. Being this. I swear Im never going to get my feet to stay under me. Grams is going to die. Seth She stopped herself from even uttering that sentence. Ill lose everyone. Im not going to die, and they are.
He lifted a hand as if to reach for her, and then lowered it. I know.
She took a couple calming breaths. Its hard not to be angry about that. Your choosing me means that I lose the people I love. Ill be around forever, watching them age and die.
It means I lose the person I love too. Donia will only be in my life as long as your heart is elsewhere, Keenan admitted.
Dont. Aislinn cringed at hearing him say such things so casually. Thats not fairtoanyone .
I know. He was as still as shed ever seen him. The sun was rising in the oasis she could see in his eyes. I never wanted it to be the way its been. Beira and Irial bound my powers, hid them away. What was I to do? Let summer die? Let the earth freeze until all the mortals and summer fey perished?
No. The reasonable part of her understood. She knew that there werent many choices other than the ones hed made, but she still hurt inside. Logic didnt undo sorrow or fear or any of it, not really. Shed just found Seth, and he was already drifting out of her grasp.Hell die. She thought it. She couldnt say it, but she thought it more than once in a while. Years from now, centuries from now, shed still be this, and hed be dust inside the earth.How can I not be angry? If she werent a faery, she wouldnt be facing a future without Seth.
So what would you have done differently, Aislinn? Would you have let the court die? If Irial boundyour powers, could you shrug it off and let humanity andyour court wither and die?
In Keenans eyes she could see a dying star, a dark orb with a few desperate pulses of flickering light. As she stared, speechless, she saw tiny stars all around that dying sun; they were already lifeless in a growing void. She didnt mean to love her court; if hed told her months ago that shed feel like this toward them, she wouldnt have believed him. Shed felt a fierce protectiveness toward them, though, from the moment she became their queen. The Summer Court needed to grow stronger. She was trying to take what little experience she had and her research of politics and governments to help them grow stronger. She was trying to slowly press back against the imbalance that Donias court still held. Her court, her faeries, the well-being of the earththese were more than choices. She believed in them. Feeling as she did now, could she have done differently had she been in his position? Could she have let Eliza die? Could she watch the cubs all freeze to death?
No. I wouldnt have, she admitted.
Dont think for a moment that I wanted what has happened to the Winter Girls and the Summer Girls. He moved then, leaning forward on the edge of the sofa, and caught her gaze. Ive spent longer berating myself for what Ive had to do than you will ever know. I wantedhe looked at her as more stars, barely flickering in the void, formed in his eyeseach one to beyou . And when they werent, I knew I was condemning them to a slow death if I didnt find you.
She sat silently.He was my age when this started. Making those choices. Hoping.
Id give them all back their mortality if I could, but even that wouldnt repair what theyve lost. Keenan started stacking the papers on the coffee table. And even if I could make them mortal again, I wouldnt be willing to risk offering that same thing toyou for fear of it remaking Beiras curse, so even then Id be left with the weight of knowing that Ive taken the mortality of the one who saved me. Youre my savior, and I cant make you happy.
With a bit of a tremble in her hand, Aislinn tapped on the study door. Keenan? She pushed it open. Are you free?
He had her charts spread out in front of him on the coffee table. Music played softly in the backgroundone of her older CDs, actually, PoesHaunted . Shed picked it up at the Music Exchange one afternoon with Seth.
Keenan looked at her and then made a point of looking beyond her. Wheres your safety team?
She closed the door. I gave them the afternoon off. I thought I could be around youthat we could talk.
I see. He looked back at her charts. You have a good idea here, but were not going to get very far with the desert area.
Why? She didnt bother commenting on his subject change. She wasnt entirely sure she wanted to talk about it either, but they needed to.
Rika lives there. She was one of the Winter Girls. Keenan frowned. Far too much like Don. She has issues with me.
You say that like its surprising. She stood next to the sofa, nearer him than she should be, but she wasnt going to let whatever weirdness had happened control her.
It is. Keenan leaned back on the sofa, propped his feet up on the coffee table, and folded his hands. They act like I set out to hurt them. Inever wanted anyone hurtexcept Beira and Irial.
So they should just forgive and forget? Aislinn had avoided this topic for months. Shed avoided a lot of topics, but sooner or later they had to sort it all out. Eternity was an awfully long time to let things simmer. We all lost so many things when you chose
We? he interrupted.
What? She pulled a chair over and sat down.
You said, Weall lost so many things. You were including yourself with the Summer and Winter Girls.
No, I She paused and blushed. I did, didnt I?
He nodded.
Iam one of them. We, all the ones you chose, lost a lot. She ducked her head, her hair falling forward like a curtain she could hide behind. Its not like I didnt gain some amazing things too. I get that. Really.
His expression was unusually closed to her. But?
But its hard. Being this. I swear Im never going to get my feet to stay under me. Grams is going to die. Seth She stopped herself from even uttering that sentence. Ill lose everyone. Im not going to die, and they are.
He lifted a hand as if to reach for her, and then lowered it. I know.
She took a couple calming breaths. Its hard not to be angry about that. Your choosing me means that I lose the people I love. Ill be around forever, watching them age and die.
It means I lose the person I love too. Donia will only be in my life as long as your heart is elsewhere, Keenan admitted.
Dont. Aislinn cringed at hearing him say such things so casually. Thats not fairtoanyone .
I know. He was as still as shed ever seen him. The sun was rising in the oasis she could see in his eyes. I never wanted it to be the way its been. Beira and Irial bound my powers, hid them away. What was I to do? Let summer die? Let the earth freeze until all the mortals and summer fey perished?
No. The reasonable part of her understood. She knew that there werent many choices other than the ones hed made, but she still hurt inside. Logic didnt undo sorrow or fear or any of it, not really. Shed just found Seth, and he was already drifting out of her grasp.Hell die. She thought it. She couldnt say it, but she thought it more than once in a while. Years from now, centuries from now, shed still be this, and hed be dust inside the earth.How can I not be angry? If she werent a faery, she wouldnt be facing a future without Seth.
So what would you have done differently, Aislinn? Would you have let the court die? If Irial boundyour powers, could you shrug it off and let humanity andyour court wither and die?
In Keenans eyes she could see a dying star, a dark orb with a few desperate pulses of flickering light. As she stared, speechless, she saw tiny stars all around that dying sun; they were already lifeless in a growing void. She didnt mean to love her court; if hed told her months ago that shed feel like this toward them, she wouldnt have believed him. Shed felt a fierce protectiveness toward them, though, from the moment she became their queen. The Summer Court needed to grow stronger. She was trying to take what little experience she had and her research of politics and governments to help them grow stronger. She was trying to slowly press back against the imbalance that Donias court still held. Her court, her faeries, the well-being of the earththese were more than choices. She believed in them. Feeling as she did now, could she have done differently had she been in his position? Could she have let Eliza die? Could she watch the cubs all freeze to death?
No. I wouldnt have, she admitted.
Dont think for a moment that I wanted what has happened to the Winter Girls and the Summer Girls. He moved then, leaning forward on the edge of the sofa, and caught her gaze. Ive spent longer berating myself for what Ive had to do than you will ever know. I wantedhe looked at her as more stars, barely flickering in the void, formed in his eyeseach one to beyou . And when they werent, I knew I was condemning them to a slow death if I didnt find you.
She sat silently.He was my age when this started. Making those choices. Hoping.
Id give them all back their mortality if I could, but even that wouldnt repair what theyve lost. Keenan started stacking the papers on the coffee table. And even if I could make them mortal again, I wouldnt be willing to risk offering that same thing toyou for fear of it remaking Beiras curse, so even then Id be left with the weight of knowing that Ive taken the mortality of the one who saved me. Youre my savior, and I cant make you happy.
