Fragile Eternity
Page 33
Im not
You are. And it puts us in something of an awkward relationship, doesnt it?
Well get it sorted out, she whispered. We have forever, right? She tried to lighten her tone, to soothe him. This wasnt the conversation she wanted to have at all, but it was the one theyd needed to have for a while now.
We do. He had resumed the motionless posture hed had when the conversation began. And Ill spend it doing whatever I can to make you happy.
Thats not what I wasI meanIm not looking for you to do something to make up for what had to be. I justIm scared of losing them. I dont want to be alone.
You arent. Well be together for eternity.
Youre myfriend , Keenan. That thing that happened the other day? It cannot happen. It shouldnt have happened. She was so tense, muscles clenched so tightly that she couldnt relax her body to unfold her legs from underneath her. I need youbut I dont love you.
You wanted me to touch you.
She swallowed against the lie she wanted to whisper and admitted, I did. Once you reached out your hand, I didnt want anything else.
So what do you want me to do? He sounded unnaturally calm.
Dont reach out. She bit down on her lip until she could feel her already cracked skin bleed.
He pulled his hand through his copper hair in frustration, but he nodded. I will try. Thats all I can say and still be truthful.
She shivered. Im going to talk to Donia tonight. You love Donia.
I do. Keenan looked as confused as shed felt. That doesnt change what I feel when I see you or think of you or am near to you. You cant tell me you dont feel the same way.
Love and desire arent the same.
Are you saying that all I feel is simple desire? Is that all you feel? His arrogance was back, as surely as it had been when they first met and she was rejecting his advances.
Its not a challenge, Keenan. This isnt me running.
If you gave us a chance
I loveSeth . Ihes my heart. If I could find a way to have him with me for always without being selfish, I would. Im not going to pretend that I dont feel a pull to be near you. Youre myking , and I need you to be my friend, but I dont want a relationship with you. Im sorry. You knew that when I became your queen. Nothing has changed. Its not going to as long as I have him, and I want She paused. Saying the words shed been thinking felt so final, but she said it: I want to find a way to make Seth one of us. I want him with me forever.
No. It wasnt a reply: it was a kings command.
Why? Her heart thudded. He wants to stay with meand I want to
Donia thought she wanted to be with me forever too. So did Rika. And Liseliand Nathalieand He gestured around the room, empty but for the two of them. Where are they?
Its different. Seths different.
So would you have him be as the Summer Girls? Would you see him die if he left you? Keenan looked angry. You just finished telling me that you resent me for changing you. So do many, many others for my changing them. No. Do not pursue this.
Hewants this. We can make it work. Aislinn heard him voice the same fears shed had, but shed hoped that Keenan would tell her shed worried foolishly, that there was a way.
No, Ash. He thinks he does, but being changed would put him in thrall to you, make him your subject. He wouldnt truly want that. Neither would you. I believed the Summer Girls wanted to be with me forever. Many of them believed it too. The Winter Girls believed it enough to suffer for my mistakes. Let it go. Faerie never offers a mortal what they truly seek, and cursing a loved one The Summer King looked far older than her in that moment. Its not called a curse because its beautiful, Aislinn. If you love Seth, youll treasure him while hes in your life and then let him go. If Id had other choices
Aislinn stood up. Thats what you expected all along, isnt it? Him to go away not long after I changed. You knew Id feel like this toward you.
Mortals arent meant to love faeries.
So agreeing to my terms wasnt any big deal, right? Seth and I will fall apart and youyoud justNo.
Keenan stared up at her, and she thought back to Dennys comments on experience and age and admitted to herself that Denny had had a very good point. If Keenan didnt let up, what would that mean for her? Hed spent most of nine hundred years romancing girl after girl. They all succumbed.
And none of them were his queen.
His look was sorrowful, but his words werent any gentler. Its better to love someone and know they go on to happiness than to destroy them. Cursing someone you love is not a kindness, Aislinn. I regretted it each time.
Seth and I are different. Just because Donias pushing you away doesnt mean it cant work for me. It could still work for you two. You can sort this out.
I wish you were rightor that you accepted that I am. Why do you think Dons pushing me away, Ash? Why do you think Seth wants to be cursed? They see what you refuse to admit. You and I are inevitable. Keenans smile was rueful. Im not wrong, and I wont help you make a mistake like this.
She all but ran from the room.
And like she had when she was still mortal, she needed the help of the faery who loved Keenan. Donias forgiving him for whatever mistake he made would convince him that love could make things right. Then maybe hed help her. At the very least, hed stop pursuing her if he had Donias love. Doniahad to be with Keenan.
Everything will be fine once Donia takes him back.
The trip to Donias house was a blur. It wasnt until Aislinn stood alongside a quiet street on the outskirts of town that she admitted how many kinds of fear she feltnot just of what would happen if Donia rejected Keenan for good, but of what would happen when Aislinn went inside the Winter Queens gorgeous Victorian estate. They had a tentative friendship, but that didnt mean that Donia couldnt be terrifying. Winter hurt, and Donias home was always Winter.
You are. And it puts us in something of an awkward relationship, doesnt it?
Well get it sorted out, she whispered. We have forever, right? She tried to lighten her tone, to soothe him. This wasnt the conversation she wanted to have at all, but it was the one theyd needed to have for a while now.
We do. He had resumed the motionless posture hed had when the conversation began. And Ill spend it doing whatever I can to make you happy.
Thats not what I wasI meanIm not looking for you to do something to make up for what had to be. I justIm scared of losing them. I dont want to be alone.
You arent. Well be together for eternity.
Youre myfriend , Keenan. That thing that happened the other day? It cannot happen. It shouldnt have happened. She was so tense, muscles clenched so tightly that she couldnt relax her body to unfold her legs from underneath her. I need youbut I dont love you.
You wanted me to touch you.
She swallowed against the lie she wanted to whisper and admitted, I did. Once you reached out your hand, I didnt want anything else.
So what do you want me to do? He sounded unnaturally calm.
Dont reach out. She bit down on her lip until she could feel her already cracked skin bleed.
He pulled his hand through his copper hair in frustration, but he nodded. I will try. Thats all I can say and still be truthful.
She shivered. Im going to talk to Donia tonight. You love Donia.
I do. Keenan looked as confused as shed felt. That doesnt change what I feel when I see you or think of you or am near to you. You cant tell me you dont feel the same way.
Love and desire arent the same.
Are you saying that all I feel is simple desire? Is that all you feel? His arrogance was back, as surely as it had been when they first met and she was rejecting his advances.
Its not a challenge, Keenan. This isnt me running.
If you gave us a chance
I loveSeth . Ihes my heart. If I could find a way to have him with me for always without being selfish, I would. Im not going to pretend that I dont feel a pull to be near you. Youre myking , and I need you to be my friend, but I dont want a relationship with you. Im sorry. You knew that when I became your queen. Nothing has changed. Its not going to as long as I have him, and I want She paused. Saying the words shed been thinking felt so final, but she said it: I want to find a way to make Seth one of us. I want him with me forever.
No. It wasnt a reply: it was a kings command.
Why? Her heart thudded. He wants to stay with meand I want to
Donia thought she wanted to be with me forever too. So did Rika. And Liseliand Nathalieand He gestured around the room, empty but for the two of them. Where are they?
Its different. Seths different.
So would you have him be as the Summer Girls? Would you see him die if he left you? Keenan looked angry. You just finished telling me that you resent me for changing you. So do many, many others for my changing them. No. Do not pursue this.
Hewants this. We can make it work. Aislinn heard him voice the same fears shed had, but shed hoped that Keenan would tell her shed worried foolishly, that there was a way.
No, Ash. He thinks he does, but being changed would put him in thrall to you, make him your subject. He wouldnt truly want that. Neither would you. I believed the Summer Girls wanted to be with me forever. Many of them believed it too. The Winter Girls believed it enough to suffer for my mistakes. Let it go. Faerie never offers a mortal what they truly seek, and cursing a loved one The Summer King looked far older than her in that moment. Its not called a curse because its beautiful, Aislinn. If you love Seth, youll treasure him while hes in your life and then let him go. If Id had other choices
Aislinn stood up. Thats what you expected all along, isnt it? Him to go away not long after I changed. You knew Id feel like this toward you.
Mortals arent meant to love faeries.
So agreeing to my terms wasnt any big deal, right? Seth and I will fall apart and youyoud justNo.
Keenan stared up at her, and she thought back to Dennys comments on experience and age and admitted to herself that Denny had had a very good point. If Keenan didnt let up, what would that mean for her? Hed spent most of nine hundred years romancing girl after girl. They all succumbed.
And none of them were his queen.
His look was sorrowful, but his words werent any gentler. Its better to love someone and know they go on to happiness than to destroy them. Cursing someone you love is not a kindness, Aislinn. I regretted it each time.
Seth and I are different. Just because Donias pushing you away doesnt mean it cant work for me. It could still work for you two. You can sort this out.
I wish you were rightor that you accepted that I am. Why do you think Dons pushing me away, Ash? Why do you think Seth wants to be cursed? They see what you refuse to admit. You and I are inevitable. Keenans smile was rueful. Im not wrong, and I wont help you make a mistake like this.
She all but ran from the room.
And like she had when she was still mortal, she needed the help of the faery who loved Keenan. Donias forgiving him for whatever mistake he made would convince him that love could make things right. Then maybe hed help her. At the very least, hed stop pursuing her if he had Donias love. Doniahad to be with Keenan.
Everything will be fine once Donia takes him back.
The trip to Donias house was a blur. It wasnt until Aislinn stood alongside a quiet street on the outskirts of town that she admitted how many kinds of fear she feltnot just of what would happen if Donia rejected Keenan for good, but of what would happen when Aislinn went inside the Winter Queens gorgeous Victorian estate. They had a tentative friendship, but that didnt mean that Donia couldnt be terrifying. Winter hurt, and Donias home was always Winter.
