Fragile Eternity
Page 64
Aislinn had her doubts. She felt like she was crawling out of her skin. The earth wasnt merely stretching after its long slumber under Beiras oppressive winter weight; it was trying to find outlets for decades of pent-up energy, and she was the conduit. Each dawn brought her closer to the other half of that heather king, her friend, her not-lover. She knew it wasnt a logical thing, the way she tracked his movements. It wasnt even a romantic thing. It was simple need. It embarrassed her. Lust was to be tied to love; with Seth, it had been. With him, shed felt friendship, love, trust. With Keenan, she had friendship and a sort of trust, but there was no real love. There was something missing.
Grams sat silently beside her. The only sound was the steady tick of a cuckoo clock on the wall. It should be peaceful, but Aislinn still felt like running. Everywhere she went, she felt a pressure inside that she couldnt escape.
Except with Keenan.
Then Grams broke the silence. If Seth cant handle what you are, thats his loss.
Im the one whos lost, Aislinn whispered. Everything feels wrong without him here.
But?
Hes been gone for two months, and Keenan
Is deceitful, Ash. Grams kept most of the censure from her voice.
Sometimes. Not always.
Hes a conniving bastard, but hell be in your life forever Grams sighed. Just be sure youre careful with how much you let him in. Or how fast. Dont let this summer thing or your hurt make you foolish. Sex isnt ever the same as love.
Im not Aislinn looked away. We havent. Ive onlywith Seth.
You wouldnt be the first one who fell into a new bed out of loneliness or longing, sweetie. Just be sure youre ready for the consequences if you do. Grams stood then. Lets get some food in you. I cant fix it all, but I still have comfort food.
And advice.
Grams smiled and motioned toward the kitchen. Fudge or ice cream?
Both.
Later that night, while Aislinn was curled up beside Keenan watching a movie, she thought about what Grams had said. He wasnt a bastard, not always, not to her. He was ruthless in pursuit of what he thought was best for his court, but he was also considerate and gentle. Shed seen him with the Summer Girls. He cared for them. He cared for the rowan, and not just as subjects, but also as individuals. He was impulsive and frivolous, the essence of summer.
Hes a good person, too.Maybe not always, but for a faery king, he was remarkably good. For someone whod struggled since birth just to get to where he shouldve always been, he was remarkably kind.And hes here for me.
She leaned her head on him and tried to follow the movie. Theyd been doing that a lot, just being near each other late at night. She couldnt sleep, and unless she was at Grams apartment, Keenan was awake the moment she was. She wondered if he was awakened when she was at Grams too. She hadnt asked. She just started spending more nights at the loft.
Grams didnt comment. She could see the pacing energy that filled Aislinn as they moved toward Solstice, and Aislinns despair at Seths absence became too much.You need to be where you feel more at peace, sweetie, Grams had said,and thats not here with me right now. Go to your court.
Being with Keenan was a weird mix of comfort and longing. He was true to his word in keeping a marked distance, treating her solicitously but not pressing her. The only times he was overtly affectionate were their late-night movies. Theyd watched more than a dozen by now.
The movie that night wasnt funny or action-filled but a romance of sorts: an indie film about street musicians falling in love while they both belonged elsewhere. The music and the message were perfect, poignant and heartbreaking. The combination spoke to her, reminded her not to cross lines that would do irreparable damage all around.Lust isnt reason enough.
But as Keenan stroked her hair absently while they watchedOnce , it didnt feel like lust was all they had.
Sometime during the movie, she must have drifted off to sleep because when she looked up the screen was black. She had shifted so she was lying with her head on a pillow in his lap, but Keenan was still running his hand over her hair as he had been when shed been watching the movie.
Sorry. She blinked and looked up at him.
You needed sleep. Its a compliment that you trust me enough to rest here.
She blushed and then felt foolish for it. It wasnt like shed never woken up with friends. Shed crashed at Carlas place and at Riannes and even at Leslies before things had changed so much. Waking up beside Keenanokay,onhim wasnt a big deal. She looked outside. Dawn was just breaking. Hed been holding her while she slept for hours. Before she could say anything, Keenan stood.
Get changed. Keenan pulled her to her feet as he said the words.
For?
Breakfast out. Meet me downstairs. Then he departed before she could ask anything or find words to tell him she appreciated his helping her feel secure enough to rest. She scowled at the door hed left through. His distance during daylight hours made her feel awkward. On the one hand, she appreciated his keeping to his word not to pressure her, but on the other, it made her feel guilty. Once upon a time, hed promised her that her wishes would be as his own. Despite his moments of telling her that whathe wanted was different, hed kept true to that. For not the first time, she wondered if she couldve loved him if her heart wasnt already given to Seth.
She was so tired of wondering, of doubts, of worries. Getting a decent nights sleep helped, but worrying over the same thoughts shed been having for months didnt. Putting those thoughts away, she went to her room and got ready.
Grams sat silently beside her. The only sound was the steady tick of a cuckoo clock on the wall. It should be peaceful, but Aislinn still felt like running. Everywhere she went, she felt a pressure inside that she couldnt escape.
Except with Keenan.
Then Grams broke the silence. If Seth cant handle what you are, thats his loss.
Im the one whos lost, Aislinn whispered. Everything feels wrong without him here.
But?
Hes been gone for two months, and Keenan
Is deceitful, Ash. Grams kept most of the censure from her voice.
Sometimes. Not always.
Hes a conniving bastard, but hell be in your life forever Grams sighed. Just be sure youre careful with how much you let him in. Or how fast. Dont let this summer thing or your hurt make you foolish. Sex isnt ever the same as love.
Im not Aislinn looked away. We havent. Ive onlywith Seth.
You wouldnt be the first one who fell into a new bed out of loneliness or longing, sweetie. Just be sure youre ready for the consequences if you do. Grams stood then. Lets get some food in you. I cant fix it all, but I still have comfort food.
And advice.
Grams smiled and motioned toward the kitchen. Fudge or ice cream?
Both.
Later that night, while Aislinn was curled up beside Keenan watching a movie, she thought about what Grams had said. He wasnt a bastard, not always, not to her. He was ruthless in pursuit of what he thought was best for his court, but he was also considerate and gentle. Shed seen him with the Summer Girls. He cared for them. He cared for the rowan, and not just as subjects, but also as individuals. He was impulsive and frivolous, the essence of summer.
Hes a good person, too.Maybe not always, but for a faery king, he was remarkably good. For someone whod struggled since birth just to get to where he shouldve always been, he was remarkably kind.And hes here for me.
She leaned her head on him and tried to follow the movie. Theyd been doing that a lot, just being near each other late at night. She couldnt sleep, and unless she was at Grams apartment, Keenan was awake the moment she was. She wondered if he was awakened when she was at Grams too. She hadnt asked. She just started spending more nights at the loft.
Grams didnt comment. She could see the pacing energy that filled Aislinn as they moved toward Solstice, and Aislinns despair at Seths absence became too much.You need to be where you feel more at peace, sweetie, Grams had said,and thats not here with me right now. Go to your court.
Being with Keenan was a weird mix of comfort and longing. He was true to his word in keeping a marked distance, treating her solicitously but not pressing her. The only times he was overtly affectionate were their late-night movies. Theyd watched more than a dozen by now.
The movie that night wasnt funny or action-filled but a romance of sorts: an indie film about street musicians falling in love while they both belonged elsewhere. The music and the message were perfect, poignant and heartbreaking. The combination spoke to her, reminded her not to cross lines that would do irreparable damage all around.Lust isnt reason enough.
But as Keenan stroked her hair absently while they watchedOnce , it didnt feel like lust was all they had.
Sometime during the movie, she must have drifted off to sleep because when she looked up the screen was black. She had shifted so she was lying with her head on a pillow in his lap, but Keenan was still running his hand over her hair as he had been when shed been watching the movie.
Sorry. She blinked and looked up at him.
You needed sleep. Its a compliment that you trust me enough to rest here.
She blushed and then felt foolish for it. It wasnt like shed never woken up with friends. Shed crashed at Carlas place and at Riannes and even at Leslies before things had changed so much. Waking up beside Keenanokay,onhim wasnt a big deal. She looked outside. Dawn was just breaking. Hed been holding her while she slept for hours. Before she could say anything, Keenan stood.
Get changed. Keenan pulled her to her feet as he said the words.
For?
Breakfast out. Meet me downstairs. Then he departed before she could ask anything or find words to tell him she appreciated his helping her feel secure enough to rest. She scowled at the door hed left through. His distance during daylight hours made her feel awkward. On the one hand, she appreciated his keeping to his word not to pressure her, but on the other, it made her feel guilty. Once upon a time, hed promised her that her wishes would be as his own. Despite his moments of telling her that whathe wanted was different, hed kept true to that. For not the first time, she wondered if she couldve loved him if her heart wasnt already given to Seth.
She was so tired of wondering, of doubts, of worries. Getting a decent nights sleep helped, but worrying over the same thoughts shed been having for months didnt. Putting those thoughts away, she went to her room and got ready.
