Fragile Eternity
Page 8
Do I?
He reached out. His hand was healing, but he was bruised.
Thats what we do to each other.
Donia stood up and walked outside, needing not to see the destruction in her home.
Again.
Keenan followed.
She leaned against the cottage.How many times have I stood here, trying to keep my distance from him or from the last Winter Queen? She didnt want a repeat of the last time Winter and Summer tried to be together.
I dont want us to destroy each other like they did, she whispered.
Were not like them. Youre not like Beira. He didnt touch her. Instead he sat on the porch. Im not going to give up on you if we have a chance.
Thisshe motioned at the destruction behind herisnt good.
We slipped for a minute.
Again, she added.
Yes, butwe can sort it out. I shouldnt have reached for you, but you were crying and He squeezed her hand. I slipped up. You make me forget myself.
Me too. Donia turned to face him. No one else angers or thrills me like this. Ive loved you most of my life, but Im not happy with things the way they are.
He stilled. What things?
She laughed briefly. That might work on your other queen, but I know you, Keenan. I see how close you two are growing.
Shes my queen.
And being with her would strengthen your court. Donia shook her head. I know. Ive always known. Youve never been mine.
She has Seth.
Donia watched the Hawthorn Girls flitting among the trees. Their wings glistened in the dark. She weighed her words. Hell die. Mortals do. And then what?
I want you in my life.
In the dark when shes not around. A few nights of the year Donia thought over the handful of nights when they could truly be together, no longer than a few stolen heartbeats. The taste of what she couldnt have made it so much harder to weather the months when even a kiss was dangerous. She blinked away icy tears. Its not enough. I thought it would be, but I need more.
Don
Listen. Please? Donia sat down beside him. Im in love with you. Ive loved you enough to die for itbut I see you trying to romance her and yet still coming to my door. Charm isnt going to let you have us both under your sway. Neither of us is one of your Summer Girls. Donia kept her voice gentle. I accepted death to give you your queeneven though it meant losing you, even after years of conflict.
I dont deserve you. He stared at her as if she was his world. In that lookthe same look that shed fallen for innumerable timeshe seemed to hold all of the words she longed to hear. In moments that she collected like treasures, he was her perfect match. Moments werent enough. Ive never deserved you, he said.
Sometimes Im sure of thatbut I wouldnt love you if that was entirely true. Ive seen the faery king you can be and theperson you can be. Youre better than you thinkshe touched his face carefullybetter than I think sometimes.
I want to be the person I could be with you he started.
But?
I need to put my courts needs first. For nine centuries Ive wanted only to reach where I am now. I cant let whatI wantwhoI wantget in the way of whats best for my fey. He raked his hand through his hair again, looking like the boy shed met back when she thought he was a human.
She wanted to comfort him, to promise it would be fine. She couldnt. The closer summer came, the more he and Aislinn were drawn together. He hadnt come to see her but a few times since spring had begun. Today, hed come making demands. Loving him didnt mean letting him rule heror her court.
I understand. I have to do the same thingbut I wantyou , Keenan, not the king. She leaned her head against his arm. As long as they were careful, not forgetting, not losing control, they could touch. Unfortunately, touching him made self-control a challenge. She sighed and added, I want to set aside the courts when we are together, and I need you to accept that my loving you doesnt mean that dealing with my court is different from any other business of yours. Dont think that what we share means that my court is malleable.
He held her gaze as he asked, And if I cant do that?
She glanced at him. Then I need you out of my life. Dont keep trying to use my love to manipulate me. Dont expect me not to be jealous when you bring her to my house and stare at her like shes your world. I want a real relationship with youor nothing at all.
I dont know what to do, he admitted. When Im around her I feel like Im enthralled. She doesnt love me, but Iwant her to. If she did, my court would be stronger. Its like buds opening in the sunlight. Its not a choice, Don. Its a need. Shes my other half, and her decision to be friends weakens me.
I know.
She doesntand I dont know if itll get any easier.
I cant help you with this oneshe entwined her fingers with hisand I hate you both sometimes for it. Talk to her. Find a way to be with her or find a way to be free enough to be truly mine.
She doesnt hear me when I try to talk to her about this, and I dont want to quarrel with her. Keenans expression was that of enchantment. Even talking about her distracted him.
Donia looked at him, the same lost faery shed loved for most of her life. Too often shed been the one to soften when they were at odds, too often shed helped him because theyd both wanted the same goal: Winter and Summer to balance. She sighed. Try again, Keenan, because this is going to end badly if something doesnt change.
He kissed her pursed lips softly and said, I still dream that it was you. No matter how many times Ive looked, in my dreams its always been you who were meant to be my queen.
He reached out. His hand was healing, but he was bruised.
Thats what we do to each other.
Donia stood up and walked outside, needing not to see the destruction in her home.
Again.
Keenan followed.
She leaned against the cottage.How many times have I stood here, trying to keep my distance from him or from the last Winter Queen? She didnt want a repeat of the last time Winter and Summer tried to be together.
I dont want us to destroy each other like they did, she whispered.
Were not like them. Youre not like Beira. He didnt touch her. Instead he sat on the porch. Im not going to give up on you if we have a chance.
Thisshe motioned at the destruction behind herisnt good.
We slipped for a minute.
Again, she added.
Yes, butwe can sort it out. I shouldnt have reached for you, but you were crying and He squeezed her hand. I slipped up. You make me forget myself.
Me too. Donia turned to face him. No one else angers or thrills me like this. Ive loved you most of my life, but Im not happy with things the way they are.
He stilled. What things?
She laughed briefly. That might work on your other queen, but I know you, Keenan. I see how close you two are growing.
Shes my queen.
And being with her would strengthen your court. Donia shook her head. I know. Ive always known. Youve never been mine.
She has Seth.
Donia watched the Hawthorn Girls flitting among the trees. Their wings glistened in the dark. She weighed her words. Hell die. Mortals do. And then what?
I want you in my life.
In the dark when shes not around. A few nights of the year Donia thought over the handful of nights when they could truly be together, no longer than a few stolen heartbeats. The taste of what she couldnt have made it so much harder to weather the months when even a kiss was dangerous. She blinked away icy tears. Its not enough. I thought it would be, but I need more.
Don
Listen. Please? Donia sat down beside him. Im in love with you. Ive loved you enough to die for itbut I see you trying to romance her and yet still coming to my door. Charm isnt going to let you have us both under your sway. Neither of us is one of your Summer Girls. Donia kept her voice gentle. I accepted death to give you your queeneven though it meant losing you, even after years of conflict.
I dont deserve you. He stared at her as if she was his world. In that lookthe same look that shed fallen for innumerable timeshe seemed to hold all of the words she longed to hear. In moments that she collected like treasures, he was her perfect match. Moments werent enough. Ive never deserved you, he said.
Sometimes Im sure of thatbut I wouldnt love you if that was entirely true. Ive seen the faery king you can be and theperson you can be. Youre better than you thinkshe touched his face carefullybetter than I think sometimes.
I want to be the person I could be with you he started.
But?
I need to put my courts needs first. For nine centuries Ive wanted only to reach where I am now. I cant let whatI wantwhoI wantget in the way of whats best for my fey. He raked his hand through his hair again, looking like the boy shed met back when she thought he was a human.
She wanted to comfort him, to promise it would be fine. She couldnt. The closer summer came, the more he and Aislinn were drawn together. He hadnt come to see her but a few times since spring had begun. Today, hed come making demands. Loving him didnt mean letting him rule heror her court.
I understand. I have to do the same thingbut I wantyou , Keenan, not the king. She leaned her head against his arm. As long as they were careful, not forgetting, not losing control, they could touch. Unfortunately, touching him made self-control a challenge. She sighed and added, I want to set aside the courts when we are together, and I need you to accept that my loving you doesnt mean that dealing with my court is different from any other business of yours. Dont think that what we share means that my court is malleable.
He held her gaze as he asked, And if I cant do that?
She glanced at him. Then I need you out of my life. Dont keep trying to use my love to manipulate me. Dont expect me not to be jealous when you bring her to my house and stare at her like shes your world. I want a real relationship with youor nothing at all.
I dont know what to do, he admitted. When Im around her I feel like Im enthralled. She doesnt love me, but Iwant her to. If she did, my court would be stronger. Its like buds opening in the sunlight. Its not a choice, Don. Its a need. Shes my other half, and her decision to be friends weakens me.
I know.
She doesntand I dont know if itll get any easier.
I cant help you with this oneshe entwined her fingers with hisand I hate you both sometimes for it. Talk to her. Find a way to be with her or find a way to be free enough to be truly mine.
She doesnt hear me when I try to talk to her about this, and I dont want to quarrel with her. Keenans expression was that of enchantment. Even talking about her distracted him.
Donia looked at him, the same lost faery shed loved for most of her life. Too often shed been the one to soften when they were at odds, too often shed helped him because theyd both wanted the same goal: Winter and Summer to balance. She sighed. Try again, Keenan, because this is going to end badly if something doesnt change.
He kissed her pursed lips softly and said, I still dream that it was you. No matter how many times Ive looked, in my dreams its always been you who were meant to be my queen.
