Games of the Heart
Page 152
“Shut up and get the f**k out,” Fin growled.
“No. You made a decision, you bear the consequences. You played your plays and any play you play affects a variety of people. I care about her. You broke her heart. Which means you broke my heart. And these are your consequences.” I leaned toward him. “So explain it to me.”
“Get the f**k out,” Fin bit off.
“Explain it to me,” I repeated.
“Get the f**k out!” Fin thundered.
“Explain it to me!” I yelled.
“I had to let her go!” Fin roared then I watched in horrified fascination as he turned, stalked to the wall and punched his fist right through.
“Fin –” I whispered, dropping my arms and starting toward him but halting dead when he turned back to me and his face held more pain then Rees’s.
A lot more.
Agony.
Suddenly I was finding it hard to breathe.
“Fin, honey,” I whispered.
“She’s too good for this ‘Burg,” he told me. “That school in Chicago accepted her and she said she wasn’t gonna go because she didn’t want to be that far away from me. What the f**k was I supposed to do, Aunt Dusty? Let her make a f**ked up decision about her future for me? She could write bestselling novels or report for some newspaper or, I don’t know, all sorts of shit. All sorts of shit she,” he leaned toward me again, his hands in fists at his side, “cannot do if her ass is rotting on a f**king farm!”
Oh my God.
“Honey –” I started gently but Fin cut me off.
“I talked to her about it. Told her we could still text and I’d drive up to see her but she wasn’t gonna do it and it got me to thinkin’. About her. About how her Mom sold her Mercedes so Reesee can have this, her f**kin’ Mom who never did shit for her finally kicked in. And she did because this is important. This is her future. This is her life. I thought about how Mr. Haines never said dick but everyone knows cops aren’t millionaires and he isn’t even blinking in order to do what he’s gotta do to give Reesee the future that’s all hers if she just takes it. And what am I doin’? Makin’ her feel tied to this f**kin’ place and me. I do not want to be that guy who ties her down. I wanna be like Mr. Haines, even like her f**kin’ mother, and let her be free so she can fly.”
My heart squeezed and then it slid straight up into my throat.
But Fin wasn’t done.
He finished on a tortured whisper. “So I set her free.”
Oh, my beautiful nephew.
“Didn’t Rees tell you that the choice of the school in Indy was her Dad’s decision?” I asked carefully.
“Yeah,” he answered, “but it was hers too. Because of me. And you think for one second if she told Mr. Haines she wanted to go to Chicago he’d say no?”
No. There was no way if Rees pressed to go to Chicago, Mike would say no. He might not like it. He might worry. But he’d give his daughter the best there was for her to have if she wanted it.
Fin knew the answer to his question so I didn’t bother telling him something he already knew.
Instead, as gently as I could, I asked, “Honey, why didn’t you explain it like that? Why did you ask Millie Chapman out?”
“Because she’s Reesee.” He was still whispering, it was still tortured and I swear to God, listening to it made my ears hurt. “I had to cut the string, Aunt Dusty. If I explained it, she wouldn’t accept it. She’d try and convince me stayin’ here was doing what she wanted and she’s Reesee. With her, I gave her that chance, it wouldn’t be hard to convince me.”
God, my beautiful nephew loved Clarisse Haines.
Like, a whole lot.
I knew it but right then I knew it.
I walked to him and even though I saw his body go tight and all the signals were there for me to keep away, I got close, lifted both hands and curled them around the sides of his neck.
Then I said softly, “Has it occurred to you that what you think of as her trying to convince you of something she wants that you don’t think she wants it’s actually something that’s real?”
“You got talent and you got the f**k outta The ‘Burg the minute you could,” he returned.
“If I was with Mike, I would not have taken one step out of this town because I love it. It’s home, my family is here and if I had a guy who was good for me, I would never leave. Women do that stuff and they find happiness, trust me. But I didn’t have a guy who was good for me. And I left because your Aunt Debbie drove me up the wall. I left because I had a fire in my belly. I left because I was young and part idiot. But we aren’t talking about me. Clarisse Haines is not me. She’s Clarisse. She’s yours, you’re hers and, Finley, you know it.”
“I got what I want in this farm, Aunt Dusty,” he said quietly. “Like Dad, I know I’ll be happy here. How can I know she will too?”
“You give it about three years then you ask her.”
“Three years, I won’t be able to let her go,” he whispered.
God, he loved her.
A whole lot.
“Then that’s good because I’m not blowing sunshine when I say that she won’t want you to. You can write bestsellers on a farm, Fin. You can work for a newspaper in a city that’s a freaking twenty minute drive away. You can chase dreams anywhere and be able to catch them. What you can’t do, in a relationship, no matter how much of a man you are, is make a decision for the both of you. Not one like this. Not one this important. Don’t play games of the heart, honey, even if you’re doing it to protect one.”
“Miracles happen on this farm.”
These soft words came as a surprise so I blinked, dropped my hands and turned, shifting to Fin’s side because they came from the doorway.
And they came from Rhonda.
She was standing there, her eyes on her son, her face soft, her hand up and curled around the jamb like it was providing her lifeforce.
“Dreams come true here,” she whispered.
“Ma, what –?” Fin started impatiently.
She cut him off with, “Your Dad made them come true for me here.”
For the second time that day, I felt my chest compress at the same time I felt something strong emanating from Fin but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Rhonda.
“When I was a girl, I daydreamed of my guy. My perfect guy,” she shared softly. “He wouldn’t be like my Dad. He’d be handsome. He’d be tall. He’d be strong. He’d be patient. He’d be sweet. He’d love me just for me. And fallin’ for me, bringin’ me here, givin’ me a beautiful life and beautiful babies, your Dad made that dream come true.”
“No. You made a decision, you bear the consequences. You played your plays and any play you play affects a variety of people. I care about her. You broke her heart. Which means you broke my heart. And these are your consequences.” I leaned toward him. “So explain it to me.”
“Get the f**k out,” Fin bit off.
“Explain it to me,” I repeated.
“Get the f**k out!” Fin thundered.
“Explain it to me!” I yelled.
“I had to let her go!” Fin roared then I watched in horrified fascination as he turned, stalked to the wall and punched his fist right through.
“Fin –” I whispered, dropping my arms and starting toward him but halting dead when he turned back to me and his face held more pain then Rees’s.
A lot more.
Agony.
Suddenly I was finding it hard to breathe.
“Fin, honey,” I whispered.
“She’s too good for this ‘Burg,” he told me. “That school in Chicago accepted her and she said she wasn’t gonna go because she didn’t want to be that far away from me. What the f**k was I supposed to do, Aunt Dusty? Let her make a f**ked up decision about her future for me? She could write bestselling novels or report for some newspaper or, I don’t know, all sorts of shit. All sorts of shit she,” he leaned toward me again, his hands in fists at his side, “cannot do if her ass is rotting on a f**king farm!”
Oh my God.
“Honey –” I started gently but Fin cut me off.
“I talked to her about it. Told her we could still text and I’d drive up to see her but she wasn’t gonna do it and it got me to thinkin’. About her. About how her Mom sold her Mercedes so Reesee can have this, her f**kin’ Mom who never did shit for her finally kicked in. And she did because this is important. This is her future. This is her life. I thought about how Mr. Haines never said dick but everyone knows cops aren’t millionaires and he isn’t even blinking in order to do what he’s gotta do to give Reesee the future that’s all hers if she just takes it. And what am I doin’? Makin’ her feel tied to this f**kin’ place and me. I do not want to be that guy who ties her down. I wanna be like Mr. Haines, even like her f**kin’ mother, and let her be free so she can fly.”
My heart squeezed and then it slid straight up into my throat.
But Fin wasn’t done.
He finished on a tortured whisper. “So I set her free.”
Oh, my beautiful nephew.
“Didn’t Rees tell you that the choice of the school in Indy was her Dad’s decision?” I asked carefully.
“Yeah,” he answered, “but it was hers too. Because of me. And you think for one second if she told Mr. Haines she wanted to go to Chicago he’d say no?”
No. There was no way if Rees pressed to go to Chicago, Mike would say no. He might not like it. He might worry. But he’d give his daughter the best there was for her to have if she wanted it.
Fin knew the answer to his question so I didn’t bother telling him something he already knew.
Instead, as gently as I could, I asked, “Honey, why didn’t you explain it like that? Why did you ask Millie Chapman out?”
“Because she’s Reesee.” He was still whispering, it was still tortured and I swear to God, listening to it made my ears hurt. “I had to cut the string, Aunt Dusty. If I explained it, she wouldn’t accept it. She’d try and convince me stayin’ here was doing what she wanted and she’s Reesee. With her, I gave her that chance, it wouldn’t be hard to convince me.”
God, my beautiful nephew loved Clarisse Haines.
Like, a whole lot.
I knew it but right then I knew it.
I walked to him and even though I saw his body go tight and all the signals were there for me to keep away, I got close, lifted both hands and curled them around the sides of his neck.
Then I said softly, “Has it occurred to you that what you think of as her trying to convince you of something she wants that you don’t think she wants it’s actually something that’s real?”
“You got talent and you got the f**k outta The ‘Burg the minute you could,” he returned.
“If I was with Mike, I would not have taken one step out of this town because I love it. It’s home, my family is here and if I had a guy who was good for me, I would never leave. Women do that stuff and they find happiness, trust me. But I didn’t have a guy who was good for me. And I left because your Aunt Debbie drove me up the wall. I left because I had a fire in my belly. I left because I was young and part idiot. But we aren’t talking about me. Clarisse Haines is not me. She’s Clarisse. She’s yours, you’re hers and, Finley, you know it.”
“I got what I want in this farm, Aunt Dusty,” he said quietly. “Like Dad, I know I’ll be happy here. How can I know she will too?”
“You give it about three years then you ask her.”
“Three years, I won’t be able to let her go,” he whispered.
God, he loved her.
A whole lot.
“Then that’s good because I’m not blowing sunshine when I say that she won’t want you to. You can write bestsellers on a farm, Fin. You can work for a newspaper in a city that’s a freaking twenty minute drive away. You can chase dreams anywhere and be able to catch them. What you can’t do, in a relationship, no matter how much of a man you are, is make a decision for the both of you. Not one like this. Not one this important. Don’t play games of the heart, honey, even if you’re doing it to protect one.”
“Miracles happen on this farm.”
These soft words came as a surprise so I blinked, dropped my hands and turned, shifting to Fin’s side because they came from the doorway.
And they came from Rhonda.
She was standing there, her eyes on her son, her face soft, her hand up and curled around the jamb like it was providing her lifeforce.
“Dreams come true here,” she whispered.
“Ma, what –?” Fin started impatiently.
She cut him off with, “Your Dad made them come true for me here.”
For the second time that day, I felt my chest compress at the same time I felt something strong emanating from Fin but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Rhonda.
“When I was a girl, I daydreamed of my guy. My perfect guy,” she shared softly. “He wouldn’t be like my Dad. He’d be handsome. He’d be tall. He’d be strong. He’d be patient. He’d be sweet. He’d love me just for me. And fallin’ for me, bringin’ me here, givin’ me a beautiful life and beautiful babies, your Dad made that dream come true.”
