Goddess Interrupted
Page 54
“Why?” I said, hiccupping. “What were you ashamed of ? Persephone?”
“Partially,” said my mother. “I was ashamed of how little she cared for Henry’s well-being and how self ishly she had acted. I was never ashamed of her,” she added. “She is my daughter, just as you are, and nothing could ever make me love either of you any less.”
I sniffed. “But she was miserable with him. It isn’t her fault that he fell in love with her or that she fell in love with someone else. You can’t force two people together and make them live happily ever after. It doesn’t work that way.” She shifted on the bed so she was beside me. “Is that how you feel? Like I forced you to be with Henry?” I shook my head, then nodded, then shook my head again. “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I didn’t have a choice to meet him though.”
“But you did have a choice whether or not to be with him,” she said gently. “He waited for you, but if you didn’t love him, if you didn’t want to do this, none of us would have forced you.”
“It feels like you did,” I whispered dejectedly. “Without this, I’m not anyone. I didn’t have time to—to f igure out who I was, and now I don’t know how to do that and still be who you want me to be.”
She sighed and hugged me a little tighter. “The only person I want you to be is yourself. You aren’t Persephone’s replacement. You are my daughter, and I’m so proud of you. Nothing will ever change that. You are my light, and if I hadn’t thought you could be unbelievably happy with Henry, I would have never allowed this to happen.”
“It doesn’t matter how happy I am with him. That doesn’t change how he feels about Persephone.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she admitted, “but it will. Henry’s been stuck for a very long time, and the history we all have together—he won’t get over her immediately. But the thing you have to understand is that before now, he didn’t have a reason to try. Now he has you.”
I hiccupped again. “Do you really think I can match up to her?”
She nuzzled the top of my head. “If I’d had you all those years ago, when Henry was still unmarried, you would have been the one I’d have offered him, not Persephone.” I gave her a bewildered look, and she chuckled.
“Oh, sweetheart. The idea of a woman choosing who she marries is brand-new. When it comes down to it, Persephone had thousands of years with him, but you know what?
You’ll have now until forever, if that’s what you want.” She paused. “Is it?”
“I want it to be,” I said softly. “Really, really badly.”
“Then give yourself time to let it happen. Being with Henry doesn’t mean you have to give up who you are.
Henry doesn’t def ine you, nor does the Underworld or immortality. You def ine you, and the more you act like yourself, the more Henry will love you, too. I guarantee it.”
I wanted to believe her, and as I closed my eyes again, I decided that for now, I would. Persephone had Adonis to return to, and she wouldn’t be here forever. Maybe seeing her would even be good for Henry; it could give him a chance to remember that she wasn’t the girl in his ref lection who was happy to see him every September.
I could be that girl though. I wanted to be.
I didn’t say anything else as I curled against my mother.
She continued to rub my back, and the tension seeped out of me as the minutes passed. She was still here, and a world where my mother was alive and healthy couldn’t possibly be that bad.
A knock on the door startled me, and I sat up and wiped my puffy eyes. “Yeah?” I said, and the door cracked open.
“Kate?”
Henry. I exchanged a look with my mother, and she smiled encouragingly.
“Come—come in,” I said.
He stepped inside and closed the door. He was clean now, and somehow he’d changed clothes without coming into the bedroom. Was there another closet in the palace if he decided he didn’t want to stay with me? And who had helped him clean the blood off his pale skin like I had done so many weeks before? I didn’t have to think about that too hard to come up with the answer.
“Walter is requesting you,” said Henry, and when my mother stood, he shook his head. “Not you, Diana. Kate.” There was something off about the way he said my name, but I pushed it aside. Whatever it was, it undoubtedly had something to do with Persephone, and the more I thought about her, the more everything hurt. After the journey through the Underworld, I wanted a single afternoon where I didn’t have to feel second-best. I was willing to wait for Henry like he’d waited for me, but that didn’t mean the time in between now and when he was ready to love me would be painless.
Confused, I climbed off the bed and excused myself to the bathroom. My skin was rubbed raw everywhere it’d been exposed to the fog, and now that I’d calmed down, I had to move gingerly if I didn’t want to wince. Under normal circumstances I would have changed out of my pajamas to see the King of the Gods, but today was anything but normal, and this was supposed to be my home now. If I wanted to wander around in pajamas, I would. Besides, anything else would have made the pain worse.
I made an effort not to think about what Walter wanted while I gently washed my face. To reprimand me, I was sure, but there was no use in worrying about it until I was standing in front of him. Henry wouldn’t let him banish me from the Underworld. I hoped. And if he did—well, at least I’d know for sure Henry didn’t want me anymore.
“Partially,” said my mother. “I was ashamed of how little she cared for Henry’s well-being and how self ishly she had acted. I was never ashamed of her,” she added. “She is my daughter, just as you are, and nothing could ever make me love either of you any less.”
I sniffed. “But she was miserable with him. It isn’t her fault that he fell in love with her or that she fell in love with someone else. You can’t force two people together and make them live happily ever after. It doesn’t work that way.” She shifted on the bed so she was beside me. “Is that how you feel? Like I forced you to be with Henry?” I shook my head, then nodded, then shook my head again. “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I didn’t have a choice to meet him though.”
“But you did have a choice whether or not to be with him,” she said gently. “He waited for you, but if you didn’t love him, if you didn’t want to do this, none of us would have forced you.”
“It feels like you did,” I whispered dejectedly. “Without this, I’m not anyone. I didn’t have time to—to f igure out who I was, and now I don’t know how to do that and still be who you want me to be.”
She sighed and hugged me a little tighter. “The only person I want you to be is yourself. You aren’t Persephone’s replacement. You are my daughter, and I’m so proud of you. Nothing will ever change that. You are my light, and if I hadn’t thought you could be unbelievably happy with Henry, I would have never allowed this to happen.”
“It doesn’t matter how happy I am with him. That doesn’t change how he feels about Persephone.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she admitted, “but it will. Henry’s been stuck for a very long time, and the history we all have together—he won’t get over her immediately. But the thing you have to understand is that before now, he didn’t have a reason to try. Now he has you.”
I hiccupped again. “Do you really think I can match up to her?”
She nuzzled the top of my head. “If I’d had you all those years ago, when Henry was still unmarried, you would have been the one I’d have offered him, not Persephone.” I gave her a bewildered look, and she chuckled.
“Oh, sweetheart. The idea of a woman choosing who she marries is brand-new. When it comes down to it, Persephone had thousands of years with him, but you know what?
You’ll have now until forever, if that’s what you want.” She paused. “Is it?”
“I want it to be,” I said softly. “Really, really badly.”
“Then give yourself time to let it happen. Being with Henry doesn’t mean you have to give up who you are.
Henry doesn’t def ine you, nor does the Underworld or immortality. You def ine you, and the more you act like yourself, the more Henry will love you, too. I guarantee it.”
I wanted to believe her, and as I closed my eyes again, I decided that for now, I would. Persephone had Adonis to return to, and she wouldn’t be here forever. Maybe seeing her would even be good for Henry; it could give him a chance to remember that she wasn’t the girl in his ref lection who was happy to see him every September.
I could be that girl though. I wanted to be.
I didn’t say anything else as I curled against my mother.
She continued to rub my back, and the tension seeped out of me as the minutes passed. She was still here, and a world where my mother was alive and healthy couldn’t possibly be that bad.
A knock on the door startled me, and I sat up and wiped my puffy eyes. “Yeah?” I said, and the door cracked open.
“Kate?”
Henry. I exchanged a look with my mother, and she smiled encouragingly.
“Come—come in,” I said.
He stepped inside and closed the door. He was clean now, and somehow he’d changed clothes without coming into the bedroom. Was there another closet in the palace if he decided he didn’t want to stay with me? And who had helped him clean the blood off his pale skin like I had done so many weeks before? I didn’t have to think about that too hard to come up with the answer.
“Walter is requesting you,” said Henry, and when my mother stood, he shook his head. “Not you, Diana. Kate.” There was something off about the way he said my name, but I pushed it aside. Whatever it was, it undoubtedly had something to do with Persephone, and the more I thought about her, the more everything hurt. After the journey through the Underworld, I wanted a single afternoon where I didn’t have to feel second-best. I was willing to wait for Henry like he’d waited for me, but that didn’t mean the time in between now and when he was ready to love me would be painless.
Confused, I climbed off the bed and excused myself to the bathroom. My skin was rubbed raw everywhere it’d been exposed to the fog, and now that I’d calmed down, I had to move gingerly if I didn’t want to wince. Under normal circumstances I would have changed out of my pajamas to see the King of the Gods, but today was anything but normal, and this was supposed to be my home now. If I wanted to wander around in pajamas, I would. Besides, anything else would have made the pain worse.
I made an effort not to think about what Walter wanted while I gently washed my face. To reprimand me, I was sure, but there was no use in worrying about it until I was standing in front of him. Henry wouldn’t let him banish me from the Underworld. I hoped. And if he did—well, at least I’d know for sure Henry didn’t want me anymore.
