Good Girl Gone
Page 49
“Did you ever do anything to him?”
He shakes his head and sighs. “No one would tell me who he was.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
“They took away his ability to foster children, and they said they prosecuted, but I couldn’t get any details. He’d done it before, apparently.”
“Well, that’s good—that he couldn’t be with children anymore, I mean.”
“He deserved worse.”
“I agree.” I pause a moment. “Why did you tell me this?”
“I want you to understand why she is the way she is.” He stares at me. “It’s not her fault she can’t trust anyone. It’s not her fault.” He slams his fist against the door. “It’s not her motherfucking fault.” His voice is rough, raw.
“She does trust people,” I tell him. “She trusts you.” I laugh. “She thinks you walk on water.”
“I might be able to walk on water but I still can’t walk into her room when it’s dark.” He laughs, but it’s not a happy sound. “It just makes me furious that the bastard shaped any part of her future. He was allowed to shape her into who she is. That bastard was allowed to contribute to her upbringing. She was just a child, needing a role model, a father. What he did became a part of her.” He wipes a tear from his cheek when one finally spills over.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Emilio. He didn’t shape her. She shaped herself. She survived. It’s just about time for you to stop thinking of her as a victim. She doesn’t think of herself that way.”
“I don’t think of her as a victim!” he shouts. Then he calms himself with a deep breath. “I think of her as a survivor. She’s one of the strongest women I know. She overcame it. She got through it. So if you fuck it up, Josh, I swear to fucking God that I will kill you.” He points a finger at me. “You be good to my girl. Or you will have to answer to me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.” I swallow so hard that I can hear it. “I want to marry her, Emilio,” I tell him. I wasn’t even thinking about marriage, but when I think about my life without Star in it, I don’t like that either.
He looks down at me. “And you want my permission?”
“I’d like to have it, yes.”
“I never thought she’d be able to get close to a man,” he says. “Even when she was a teenager and I caught her in the back of a car with a boy, I knew she had set the whole thing up so that I would think she’s normal.” He stops and grits his teeth. “But she’ll never be normal, because she’s so fucking perfect.” He smiles a slow, soft smile. “But then I see her with you, and she’s so calm and so loving, and I realize that you’re what she needs.”
“Thank you,” I croak. “So, can I ask her to marry me?”
“If you can convince her, you got it.” He laughs, like he knows something I don’t know. He lifts his nose and sniffs. “Do I smell gingerbread?” Then he goes in search of cookies.
I turn around and see Star standing in the other doorway that leads into the bathroom and an adjoining bedroom. “Have you been there the whole time?” I ask.
She nods. “I came in from the other room. Not to snoop. I was just going to the bathroom. But then he started to talk…”
“You heard all that?”
She nods again.
“Are you all right?”
Her voice trembles. “I don’t remember doing that. Taking my nightgown off. Not for Melio. I did it for the other one. He had me trained. Groomed. Seduced. He had me like he wanted me.”
Then she turns and leaves the room.
“Star!” I call. But she keeps on walking. She doesn’t stop. Not until she gets to where Lilly is sitting. Then she leans down and whispers something in Lilly’s ear and the two of them disappear together into Lilly’s bedroom. The door closes tightly behind them and I hear the lock click.
I think I’m in big trouble.
Star
I walk toward Lilly with my heart in my throat. She’s sitting with her boyfriend in the kitchen, and I drop down beside her chair and ask, “Can I talk to you for a minute? Privately?” She tilts her head at me and then gives me a quirky smile. She goes to her room. I follow her and turn her chair to face me.
I close the door behind us and lock it, because I know Josh is going to try to come inside, and this is the last place I want him to be. I need to talk to Lilly, and I need to do this right.
I pace back and forth across the room and she watches me, her head tilted ever so slightly in question. I nibble on my thumbnail as I gather my thoughts.
I stop and face her. “So, you were Josh’s first love.”
She nods.
“You would probably be married to him right now if things had gone the way you wanted.”
Her eyes narrow.
“I know you love him, still.” I wince when she raises her head. I hold up my hand. “It’s okay. I know you love him. It’s normal for you to feel affection for someone who grew up with you, someone who was your first. Even now, that would be perfectly normal.”
Lily laughs out loud. She covers her mouth and motions for me to continue.
Why did she laugh? I don’t get it.
“So I want to find out what you’re feeling. Do you hate me?”
She shakes her head.
“I just want to be really clear, Lilly. I don’t want to take him away from you, and I don’t want to take your place in any way. And if you tell me that you don’t want us to be together, I’ll hate it, but I’ll listen. Well, I’ll listen for a minute and then I’ll work to help you deal with those feelings.”
He shakes his head and sighs. “No one would tell me who he was.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
“They took away his ability to foster children, and they said they prosecuted, but I couldn’t get any details. He’d done it before, apparently.”
“Well, that’s good—that he couldn’t be with children anymore, I mean.”
“He deserved worse.”
“I agree.” I pause a moment. “Why did you tell me this?”
“I want you to understand why she is the way she is.” He stares at me. “It’s not her fault she can’t trust anyone. It’s not her fault.” He slams his fist against the door. “It’s not her motherfucking fault.” His voice is rough, raw.
“She does trust people,” I tell him. “She trusts you.” I laugh. “She thinks you walk on water.”
“I might be able to walk on water but I still can’t walk into her room when it’s dark.” He laughs, but it’s not a happy sound. “It just makes me furious that the bastard shaped any part of her future. He was allowed to shape her into who she is. That bastard was allowed to contribute to her upbringing. She was just a child, needing a role model, a father. What he did became a part of her.” He wipes a tear from his cheek when one finally spills over.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Emilio. He didn’t shape her. She shaped herself. She survived. It’s just about time for you to stop thinking of her as a victim. She doesn’t think of herself that way.”
“I don’t think of her as a victim!” he shouts. Then he calms himself with a deep breath. “I think of her as a survivor. She’s one of the strongest women I know. She overcame it. She got through it. So if you fuck it up, Josh, I swear to fucking God that I will kill you.” He points a finger at me. “You be good to my girl. Or you will have to answer to me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.” I swallow so hard that I can hear it. “I want to marry her, Emilio,” I tell him. I wasn’t even thinking about marriage, but when I think about my life without Star in it, I don’t like that either.
He looks down at me. “And you want my permission?”
“I’d like to have it, yes.”
“I never thought she’d be able to get close to a man,” he says. “Even when she was a teenager and I caught her in the back of a car with a boy, I knew she had set the whole thing up so that I would think she’s normal.” He stops and grits his teeth. “But she’ll never be normal, because she’s so fucking perfect.” He smiles a slow, soft smile. “But then I see her with you, and she’s so calm and so loving, and I realize that you’re what she needs.”
“Thank you,” I croak. “So, can I ask her to marry me?”
“If you can convince her, you got it.” He laughs, like he knows something I don’t know. He lifts his nose and sniffs. “Do I smell gingerbread?” Then he goes in search of cookies.
I turn around and see Star standing in the other doorway that leads into the bathroom and an adjoining bedroom. “Have you been there the whole time?” I ask.
She nods. “I came in from the other room. Not to snoop. I was just going to the bathroom. But then he started to talk…”
“You heard all that?”
She nods again.
“Are you all right?”
Her voice trembles. “I don’t remember doing that. Taking my nightgown off. Not for Melio. I did it for the other one. He had me trained. Groomed. Seduced. He had me like he wanted me.”
Then she turns and leaves the room.
“Star!” I call. But she keeps on walking. She doesn’t stop. Not until she gets to where Lilly is sitting. Then she leans down and whispers something in Lilly’s ear and the two of them disappear together into Lilly’s bedroom. The door closes tightly behind them and I hear the lock click.
I think I’m in big trouble.
Star
I walk toward Lilly with my heart in my throat. She’s sitting with her boyfriend in the kitchen, and I drop down beside her chair and ask, “Can I talk to you for a minute? Privately?” She tilts her head at me and then gives me a quirky smile. She goes to her room. I follow her and turn her chair to face me.
I close the door behind us and lock it, because I know Josh is going to try to come inside, and this is the last place I want him to be. I need to talk to Lilly, and I need to do this right.
I pace back and forth across the room and she watches me, her head tilted ever so slightly in question. I nibble on my thumbnail as I gather my thoughts.
I stop and face her. “So, you were Josh’s first love.”
She nods.
“You would probably be married to him right now if things had gone the way you wanted.”
Her eyes narrow.
“I know you love him, still.” I wince when she raises her head. I hold up my hand. “It’s okay. I know you love him. It’s normal for you to feel affection for someone who grew up with you, someone who was your first. Even now, that would be perfectly normal.”
Lily laughs out loud. She covers her mouth and motions for me to continue.
Why did she laugh? I don’t get it.
“So I want to find out what you’re feeling. Do you hate me?”
She shakes her head.
“I just want to be really clear, Lilly. I don’t want to take him away from you, and I don’t want to take your place in any way. And if you tell me that you don’t want us to be together, I’ll hate it, but I’ll listen. Well, I’ll listen for a minute and then I’ll work to help you deal with those feelings.”
