Good Girl Gone
Page 50
She laughs again.
“But no matter what, I just need to tell you that I love him.”
She nods.
“I love him like crazy.” I lay my hand on my heart because I feel like it’s going to jump out of my chest. “But I want to respect your feelings for him. When I hurt him today, you were the one he ran to. You were the one he wanted.”
I stop my crazy pacing and try to calm myself down.
“I want to be the one he runs to for everything, no matter how bad the situation is. I want to be the one to hold his hand when he’s hurt. I want to be beside him when important things happen. I want to be it for him.”
I hold up a hand, which I know is stupid, but she’s opened her mouth and I know I don’t want her to make a noise or try to stop me.
“I want you to be his friend, Lilly. But I want to be his everything. Do you understand?”
She nods. And she smiles.
She holds up a finger. Then she goes to her easel and stops in front of it. She had it turned toward the window, probably so she could capture the light. She motions me over.
I stop and stare. Then I plop down on her bed because my legs won’t hold me up anymore. It’s a painting, and it’s beautiful. It’s slightly abstract, which I realize is Lilly’s style.
The door to the bathroom opens. Josh comes into the room and stares at the painting. “It’s us,” Josh says as he comes to sit beside me. “All of us,” he goes on to explain. “She showed it to me this afternoon.” He points to the pink bicycle on the left. “When we were young, Lilly had a pink bicycle with long glittery streamers that came from the handlebars. They flew out behind her when she rode it.” He rubs a hand across the top of Lilly’s head. Then he points to the painting. “This bicycle represents the past. It’s me and her and it shows how happy we were.”
I stare at the painting. On the other side is a dark bicycle. It’s broken, though, and its pieces are scattered.
“This one,” he says, “this was my bicycle. And it represents my life. Broken. Bashed. Pieces strewn all over the place.”
In the painting two people huddle over the broken bike, but they’re featureless. I have no idea who they are. “Is this you and Lilly?” I ask. I swallow past the lump in my throat.
He shakes his head. “It’s me and you.” He threads his fingers through mine and tugs me down to sit in his lap. “It’s me and you picking up the pieces together.” He points to Lilly’s bike. “She’s there, watching. She’s making sure it all goes well. She’s making sure I’m happy.”
A tear rolls down his cheek and he doesn’t wipe it away. He takes a breath. “She knows that you are the one who can heal me. You can help me put all my pieces back together. And you have, Star. You’ve done it. Just you.”
“Oh, Lilly,” I breathe.
Then I notice the other pink bike up in the corner of the painting, only this one has four wheels. “What’s this?” It’s a sunset in the corner, and the bike is moving toward it.
“That’s Lilly, riding off into the sunset.” He laughs. “She always did like dramatic exits.”
She picks up a pen top from the nearby table and throws it at his head.
“Lilly found her happiness, despite what happened. She’s happy, and she wants us to be happy too.”
“Really?” I look at Lilly and watch as she slowly nods. She points to me, to her chest, and then to Josh.
“She wants to know if you love me,” Josh explains.
“Oh,” I breathe out.
He nudges me. “So, do you?” He looks so vulnerable. So curious. So full of want.
I nod and take his face in my hands. “I do,” I whisper. And I kiss him. I kiss him softly and sweetly and it lasts what seems like forever. A knock on the door breaks us apart.
Emilio bellows through the cracks. “Everything okay in there?”
I get up and go to the door.
“You okay?” he asks me.
I wipe my wet face. “Yeah. I’m good.” I nod quickly and he smiles at me.
“Good,” he says. “Get your ass out here because they’re about to announce the winners for your category.”
Lilly claps her hands together and goes down the hallway.
I grab Josh’s shoulder as he goes to follow her. “Hey, Josh,” I say.
“Hey, Star,” he says back.
“Do you want to marry me?”
He stares at me. “Yeah,” he says. “I do, but I want to ask you with a proper ring and lots of romance. Can you wait?”
“I don’t think so.”
He laughs. “Try.”
“No promises,” I tell him.
He laughs again and we go out to the TV room. We all crowd around the TV and watch through a commercial. When the awards ceremony comes back on, we see them announce the nominees, and they pan over my sisters and Emily in the crowd.
I text Wren really quickly.
Me: I think I just got engaged.
Wren: You think?
Me: I’m pretty sure.
Wren: So happy for you!
The announcer takes the envelope that has the winner written on a piece of paper inside, and they called out, “Fallen from Zero!”
I jump up and down and squeal, and Emilio picks me up and spins me around. I can’t contain myself. My sisters are doing the same thing on the screen and I watch as they go up onto the stage and accept the award.
“But no matter what, I just need to tell you that I love him.”
She nods.
“I love him like crazy.” I lay my hand on my heart because I feel like it’s going to jump out of my chest. “But I want to respect your feelings for him. When I hurt him today, you were the one he ran to. You were the one he wanted.”
I stop my crazy pacing and try to calm myself down.
“I want to be the one he runs to for everything, no matter how bad the situation is. I want to be the one to hold his hand when he’s hurt. I want to be beside him when important things happen. I want to be it for him.”
I hold up a hand, which I know is stupid, but she’s opened her mouth and I know I don’t want her to make a noise or try to stop me.
“I want you to be his friend, Lilly. But I want to be his everything. Do you understand?”
She nods. And she smiles.
She holds up a finger. Then she goes to her easel and stops in front of it. She had it turned toward the window, probably so she could capture the light. She motions me over.
I stop and stare. Then I plop down on her bed because my legs won’t hold me up anymore. It’s a painting, and it’s beautiful. It’s slightly abstract, which I realize is Lilly’s style.
The door to the bathroom opens. Josh comes into the room and stares at the painting. “It’s us,” Josh says as he comes to sit beside me. “All of us,” he goes on to explain. “She showed it to me this afternoon.” He points to the pink bicycle on the left. “When we were young, Lilly had a pink bicycle with long glittery streamers that came from the handlebars. They flew out behind her when she rode it.” He rubs a hand across the top of Lilly’s head. Then he points to the painting. “This bicycle represents the past. It’s me and her and it shows how happy we were.”
I stare at the painting. On the other side is a dark bicycle. It’s broken, though, and its pieces are scattered.
“This one,” he says, “this was my bicycle. And it represents my life. Broken. Bashed. Pieces strewn all over the place.”
In the painting two people huddle over the broken bike, but they’re featureless. I have no idea who they are. “Is this you and Lilly?” I ask. I swallow past the lump in my throat.
He shakes his head. “It’s me and you.” He threads his fingers through mine and tugs me down to sit in his lap. “It’s me and you picking up the pieces together.” He points to Lilly’s bike. “She’s there, watching. She’s making sure it all goes well. She’s making sure I’m happy.”
A tear rolls down his cheek and he doesn’t wipe it away. He takes a breath. “She knows that you are the one who can heal me. You can help me put all my pieces back together. And you have, Star. You’ve done it. Just you.”
“Oh, Lilly,” I breathe.
Then I notice the other pink bike up in the corner of the painting, only this one has four wheels. “What’s this?” It’s a sunset in the corner, and the bike is moving toward it.
“That’s Lilly, riding off into the sunset.” He laughs. “She always did like dramatic exits.”
She picks up a pen top from the nearby table and throws it at his head.
“Lilly found her happiness, despite what happened. She’s happy, and she wants us to be happy too.”
“Really?” I look at Lilly and watch as she slowly nods. She points to me, to her chest, and then to Josh.
“She wants to know if you love me,” Josh explains.
“Oh,” I breathe out.
He nudges me. “So, do you?” He looks so vulnerable. So curious. So full of want.
I nod and take his face in my hands. “I do,” I whisper. And I kiss him. I kiss him softly and sweetly and it lasts what seems like forever. A knock on the door breaks us apart.
Emilio bellows through the cracks. “Everything okay in there?”
I get up and go to the door.
“You okay?” he asks me.
I wipe my wet face. “Yeah. I’m good.” I nod quickly and he smiles at me.
“Good,” he says. “Get your ass out here because they’re about to announce the winners for your category.”
Lilly claps her hands together and goes down the hallway.
I grab Josh’s shoulder as he goes to follow her. “Hey, Josh,” I say.
“Hey, Star,” he says back.
“Do you want to marry me?”
He stares at me. “Yeah,” he says. “I do, but I want to ask you with a proper ring and lots of romance. Can you wait?”
“I don’t think so.”
He laughs. “Try.”
“No promises,” I tell him.
He laughs again and we go out to the TV room. We all crowd around the TV and watch through a commercial. When the awards ceremony comes back on, we see them announce the nominees, and they pan over my sisters and Emily in the crowd.
I text Wren really quickly.
Me: I think I just got engaged.
Wren: You think?
Me: I’m pretty sure.
Wren: So happy for you!
The announcer takes the envelope that has the winner written on a piece of paper inside, and they called out, “Fallen from Zero!”
I jump up and down and squeal, and Emilio picks me up and spins me around. I can’t contain myself. My sisters are doing the same thing on the screen and I watch as they go up onto the stage and accept the award.
