Hold Me
Page 54
“What part?” It really had happened so fast, she thought. Or maybe it was that it had happened hazy. “The whole thing is kind of a blur, to be honest. I don’t drink very much, but with the singing and all. I just wanted to get lost in the music.”
He opened his mouth then closed it. “What? What are you talking about?”
“I’m not sure. I’m sorry you were in the hospital for a long time after you were injured.”
He swore and stood. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
She couldn’t be sure, but she thought maybe he was grinding his teeth together. He swore again, then sat back on the bench.
“About us having sex,” he began. “I didn’t know you were a virgin. The way you’d talked before, I thought you’d done it, and it hadn’t been very good.”
“Oh. No, I hadn’t done it. Because of the plan. I was saving myself for marriage.”
Emotions flashed across his face. She couldn’t read them exactly, but she could tell he wasn’t happy.
“Just because I didn’t want to have sex with anyone,” she added quickly. “You don’t have to feel bad. It wasn’t for significant spiritual reasons. I just saw what happened all around me. People making really bad decisions because they were having sex or wanted to have sex.”
“Sex is the root of all evil,” he said.
“Right!” She smiled. “So waiting made sense. In a way, you’ve done me a favor. Now when I meet the right guy, I don’t have to have an awkward conversation. I mean I’m twenty-eight. It was time.”
He stared at her for a long time. “You’re more calm than I expected.”
“I like calm. The highs and lows never end well. Better to stay emotionally steady. It’s easier.”
“So you’re not upset?”
“No. It’s odd, I’ll admit. I’m kind of embarrassed. You saw me naked.”
“You look good naked.”
The unexpected compliment made her blush and feel a little proud at the same time.
“Thank you. Um, you do, too.”
“About what we did last night.”
She held up her hand to stop him. “I’m okay, Kipling. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It happened. Now we move on.”
“Because you’re still looking for Mr. Sensible? So you can have a nonphysical connection and raise a family?”
When he put it like that, she felt ridiculous, but she nodded, anyway. Because she’d put a lot of thought into her plan, and she knew she was right.
He reached for her free hand. “Destiny, last night didn’t go the way I’d planned. I don’t want you thinking that’s all there is. Sexually.”
She pulled her hand free and stood. “I know. It’s fine. Thank you for worrying. It’s no big deal. I promise. We’ll go on as if this never happened. You’ll see. Just put it out of your mind.”
* * *
KIPLING LET DESTINY walk away because he honest to God didn’t know what to say to her. She defined unruffled. He would guess that most women in her situation would be shrieking or crying or threatening him with a knife. She was acting like it was no big deal.
But it was. It had to be. These days, very few women got to be her age without having had at least one serious boyfriend. And with that kind of relationship came intimacy. But she hadn’t done that. Twenty-four hours ago she’d been a virgin. Now she wasn’t, and it was his fault.
Talk about a problem that needed fixing, he thought. How was he supposed to make things right?
He shifted so he could rest his elbows on his thighs and dropped his head to his hands. Maybe it would be better if she was threatening him with a knife. At least he could understand that. But her total acceptance had him baffled.
Unless it was a facade. But she seemed so sure. Was she fooling herself? If he kept thinking in circles and worrying, was he going to turn into a woman?
Nearly as horrifying, he’d left her unsatisfied. Now he was the kind of jerk guy he’d been so smug about. And while that problem could be fixed, he wasn’t sure where to start. Or what to say.
He stood and looked at his watch. He had a meeting with Mayor Marsha in a few minutes to interview another candidate for his second-in-command. Work now, Destiny later, he told himself. Because while she might have accepted what had happened, he was still trying to take it all in. And once he had it figured out, he was going to fix it. All of it.
He walked to City Hall and took the stairs up to the mayor’s office. Her assistant waved him in.
“Right on time,” the mayor said, greeting him with a warm smile then gesturing to the chair by her desk. She was dressed in a purple suit and pearls. “Our candidate is filling out some paperwork as we speak. I have a good feeling about her.”
“The résumé is impressive,” he said, thinking about the file he’d reviewed over the weekend. Cassidy Modene, age thirty-nine. She’d grown up in Wyoming, had worked for the Wyoming State Parks. She trained horses for search and rescue missions, and worked with search and rescue dogs. “She brings more to the table than we’re looking for.”
Mayor Marsha nodded. “You’re thinking of the horses and the dogs.”
“I am.”
“There seems to be some extra grant money, so I thought we might expand our mission statement.”
He opened his mouth then closed it. “What? What are you talking about?”
“I’m not sure. I’m sorry you were in the hospital for a long time after you were injured.”
He swore and stood. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
She couldn’t be sure, but she thought maybe he was grinding his teeth together. He swore again, then sat back on the bench.
“About us having sex,” he began. “I didn’t know you were a virgin. The way you’d talked before, I thought you’d done it, and it hadn’t been very good.”
“Oh. No, I hadn’t done it. Because of the plan. I was saving myself for marriage.”
Emotions flashed across his face. She couldn’t read them exactly, but she could tell he wasn’t happy.
“Just because I didn’t want to have sex with anyone,” she added quickly. “You don’t have to feel bad. It wasn’t for significant spiritual reasons. I just saw what happened all around me. People making really bad decisions because they were having sex or wanted to have sex.”
“Sex is the root of all evil,” he said.
“Right!” She smiled. “So waiting made sense. In a way, you’ve done me a favor. Now when I meet the right guy, I don’t have to have an awkward conversation. I mean I’m twenty-eight. It was time.”
He stared at her for a long time. “You’re more calm than I expected.”
“I like calm. The highs and lows never end well. Better to stay emotionally steady. It’s easier.”
“So you’re not upset?”
“No. It’s odd, I’ll admit. I’m kind of embarrassed. You saw me naked.”
“You look good naked.”
The unexpected compliment made her blush and feel a little proud at the same time.
“Thank you. Um, you do, too.”
“About what we did last night.”
She held up her hand to stop him. “I’m okay, Kipling. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It happened. Now we move on.”
“Because you’re still looking for Mr. Sensible? So you can have a nonphysical connection and raise a family?”
When he put it like that, she felt ridiculous, but she nodded, anyway. Because she’d put a lot of thought into her plan, and she knew she was right.
He reached for her free hand. “Destiny, last night didn’t go the way I’d planned. I don’t want you thinking that’s all there is. Sexually.”
She pulled her hand free and stood. “I know. It’s fine. Thank you for worrying. It’s no big deal. I promise. We’ll go on as if this never happened. You’ll see. Just put it out of your mind.”
* * *
KIPLING LET DESTINY walk away because he honest to God didn’t know what to say to her. She defined unruffled. He would guess that most women in her situation would be shrieking or crying or threatening him with a knife. She was acting like it was no big deal.
But it was. It had to be. These days, very few women got to be her age without having had at least one serious boyfriend. And with that kind of relationship came intimacy. But she hadn’t done that. Twenty-four hours ago she’d been a virgin. Now she wasn’t, and it was his fault.
Talk about a problem that needed fixing, he thought. How was he supposed to make things right?
He shifted so he could rest his elbows on his thighs and dropped his head to his hands. Maybe it would be better if she was threatening him with a knife. At least he could understand that. But her total acceptance had him baffled.
Unless it was a facade. But she seemed so sure. Was she fooling herself? If he kept thinking in circles and worrying, was he going to turn into a woman?
Nearly as horrifying, he’d left her unsatisfied. Now he was the kind of jerk guy he’d been so smug about. And while that problem could be fixed, he wasn’t sure where to start. Or what to say.
He stood and looked at his watch. He had a meeting with Mayor Marsha in a few minutes to interview another candidate for his second-in-command. Work now, Destiny later, he told himself. Because while she might have accepted what had happened, he was still trying to take it all in. And once he had it figured out, he was going to fix it. All of it.
He walked to City Hall and took the stairs up to the mayor’s office. Her assistant waved him in.
“Right on time,” the mayor said, greeting him with a warm smile then gesturing to the chair by her desk. She was dressed in a purple suit and pearls. “Our candidate is filling out some paperwork as we speak. I have a good feeling about her.”
“The résumé is impressive,” he said, thinking about the file he’d reviewed over the weekend. Cassidy Modene, age thirty-nine. She’d grown up in Wyoming, had worked for the Wyoming State Parks. She trained horses for search and rescue missions, and worked with search and rescue dogs. “She brings more to the table than we’re looking for.”
Mayor Marsha nodded. “You’re thinking of the horses and the dogs.”
“I am.”
“There seems to be some extra grant money, so I thought we might expand our mission statement.”
