Hold Me
Page 89
The timing of the work was perfect, she thought as she drove out of town. With everything going on, a few hours in nature were just what she needed to clear her head. She could enter data into the program and have a good cry at the same time. Because the tears were inevitable.
She could accept loving Kipling. She could accept that he didn’t love her back. She was totally rational about the whole thing. The problem was, the news devastated her.
Until she’d told him she wanted a divorce, she hadn’t realized how much she was hoping he was secretly in love with her, too. That he would turn to her, confess his feelings, and they would live happily ever after. But that hadn’t happened. She’d said she wanted a divorce; Kipling had nodded once, said he would get his lawyer on that, and he’d left. There’d been no conversation, no whisper of emotion. Nothing. A big, fat nothing.
While she knew that staying married was a mistake, she couldn’t help wishing that things had ended differently. After all those years of avoiding strong feelings, she’d finally gone and fallen in love, only to end up in an emotional face-plant. So much for acting rationally.
She pulled off the highway and into a rest area then consulted her map. When she’d confirmed she was where she was supposed to be, she got out and shrugged into her backpack then turned on the GPS tracker, along with her other equipment, and headed for the forest.
Time would heal, she reminded herself. She had a wonderful family and a baby on the way. Later, she would call her mother and tell Lacey that her wish for a grandbaby had been granted. This weekend she and Starr would continue to sort through Destiny’s songs and pick the best twenty or so to play for her mom’s manager. She would buy a house and get on with her life.
She had people who cared about her. She had good friends and lots of support. What she didn’t have was the love of the man who had claimed her heart. That hurt, but she would survive.
For years Grandma Nell had been the benchmark by which she measured her actions. Would Grandma Nell do that? Would Grandma Nell be proud? While Destiny loved her grandmother, she knew she had to shift her thinking. Making Grandma Nell proud wasn’t the point anymore. Now she had to learn to be proud of herself.
* * *
SKIING SEVENTY MILES an hour into a tree broke more bones than Destiny walking out on him, but being without her hurt a whole lot more. Kipling still couldn’t figure out what to do with the information she’d clobbered him with before she’d left.
She loved him, and she was gone. Just like that. I love you. I want a divorce. It was the end of a bad movie. It was so extreme as to be ridiculous. But he wasn’t laughing. Or sleeping or eating. In fact, it was all he could do to keep breathing.
It hurt. More than anything ever had. He who had always believed that the words didn’t matter—that only actions matter—had been ripped open by what he’d been told. Words killed, he thought grimly.
Just as bad, she was gone. Oh, sure, he would see her. They were having a kid together, and he knew that whatever happened between the two of them, she would never try to cut him out of his child’s life. But he didn’t want to be a part-time dad. He wanted to be a family. With her.
He started out of his rental to tell her just that, only to stop by the front door and turn around. What was he to say to convince her not to divorce him? He wanted them to stay married. He wanted to live with her and have his child with her. He thought he’d shown her how much he cared by his actions. He’d been there for her, had taken care of her.
He knew there was a solution to the problem. There had to be. But whatever it was, it eluded him. He ran different scenarios in his mind. He wrote letters. He’d considered renting a billboard, but had no idea what it would say.
Don’t leave me was a start. Marry me was out of the question. They were already married. Let’s not get a divorce was too twisted.
What he didn’t understand was what had changed. If she loved him now, she’d probably loved him for a while. So wasn’t their being married a good thing?
Someone knocked on his door. He pulled it open, eager to see Destiny. But instead his sister stood on the porch.
She put her hands on her hips. “Seriously, you could at least try not to be so disappointed it’s me.”
“Sorry.”
“Hoping it was your new bride?”
He nodded and stepped back to let his sister in. She walked past him then turned to face him when he shut the front door.
“What’s up?”
He asked the question in his best casual, “I’m fine. Ignore the signs of strain and tension” voice. Apparently, it worked because Shelby didn’t ask any questions. Instead she said, “I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“What you said before. About the business and me and us.” She sighed. “You’re a good big brother, and I love you.”
It was obvious she had more to say, so he waited.
“And I’m sorry.”
Not what he expected. “About?”
“I’ve sent you mixed messages. I ask your advice then get mad when you give it. I want you to rescue me but only sometimes. It’s not clear to me, so it sure can’t be clear to you, either.”
He relaxed a little. “Okay. So where does that leave us?”
She smiled. “I would like to borrow the money from you, but only as a loan. I’ll pay you back, with interest.”
“What if I don’t want to give you the money anymore?”
She could accept loving Kipling. She could accept that he didn’t love her back. She was totally rational about the whole thing. The problem was, the news devastated her.
Until she’d told him she wanted a divorce, she hadn’t realized how much she was hoping he was secretly in love with her, too. That he would turn to her, confess his feelings, and they would live happily ever after. But that hadn’t happened. She’d said she wanted a divorce; Kipling had nodded once, said he would get his lawyer on that, and he’d left. There’d been no conversation, no whisper of emotion. Nothing. A big, fat nothing.
While she knew that staying married was a mistake, she couldn’t help wishing that things had ended differently. After all those years of avoiding strong feelings, she’d finally gone and fallen in love, only to end up in an emotional face-plant. So much for acting rationally.
She pulled off the highway and into a rest area then consulted her map. When she’d confirmed she was where she was supposed to be, she got out and shrugged into her backpack then turned on the GPS tracker, along with her other equipment, and headed for the forest.
Time would heal, she reminded herself. She had a wonderful family and a baby on the way. Later, she would call her mother and tell Lacey that her wish for a grandbaby had been granted. This weekend she and Starr would continue to sort through Destiny’s songs and pick the best twenty or so to play for her mom’s manager. She would buy a house and get on with her life.
She had people who cared about her. She had good friends and lots of support. What she didn’t have was the love of the man who had claimed her heart. That hurt, but she would survive.
For years Grandma Nell had been the benchmark by which she measured her actions. Would Grandma Nell do that? Would Grandma Nell be proud? While Destiny loved her grandmother, she knew she had to shift her thinking. Making Grandma Nell proud wasn’t the point anymore. Now she had to learn to be proud of herself.
* * *
SKIING SEVENTY MILES an hour into a tree broke more bones than Destiny walking out on him, but being without her hurt a whole lot more. Kipling still couldn’t figure out what to do with the information she’d clobbered him with before she’d left.
She loved him, and she was gone. Just like that. I love you. I want a divorce. It was the end of a bad movie. It was so extreme as to be ridiculous. But he wasn’t laughing. Or sleeping or eating. In fact, it was all he could do to keep breathing.
It hurt. More than anything ever had. He who had always believed that the words didn’t matter—that only actions matter—had been ripped open by what he’d been told. Words killed, he thought grimly.
Just as bad, she was gone. Oh, sure, he would see her. They were having a kid together, and he knew that whatever happened between the two of them, she would never try to cut him out of his child’s life. But he didn’t want to be a part-time dad. He wanted to be a family. With her.
He started out of his rental to tell her just that, only to stop by the front door and turn around. What was he to say to convince her not to divorce him? He wanted them to stay married. He wanted to live with her and have his child with her. He thought he’d shown her how much he cared by his actions. He’d been there for her, had taken care of her.
He knew there was a solution to the problem. There had to be. But whatever it was, it eluded him. He ran different scenarios in his mind. He wrote letters. He’d considered renting a billboard, but had no idea what it would say.
Don’t leave me was a start. Marry me was out of the question. They were already married. Let’s not get a divorce was too twisted.
What he didn’t understand was what had changed. If she loved him now, she’d probably loved him for a while. So wasn’t their being married a good thing?
Someone knocked on his door. He pulled it open, eager to see Destiny. But instead his sister stood on the porch.
She put her hands on her hips. “Seriously, you could at least try not to be so disappointed it’s me.”
“Sorry.”
“Hoping it was your new bride?”
He nodded and stepped back to let his sister in. She walked past him then turned to face him when he shut the front door.
“What’s up?”
He asked the question in his best casual, “I’m fine. Ignore the signs of strain and tension” voice. Apparently, it worked because Shelby didn’t ask any questions. Instead she said, “I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“What you said before. About the business and me and us.” She sighed. “You’re a good big brother, and I love you.”
It was obvious she had more to say, so he waited.
“And I’m sorry.”
Not what he expected. “About?”
“I’ve sent you mixed messages. I ask your advice then get mad when you give it. I want you to rescue me but only sometimes. It’s not clear to me, so it sure can’t be clear to you, either.”
He relaxed a little. “Okay. So where does that leave us?”
She smiled. “I would like to borrow the money from you, but only as a loan. I’ll pay you back, with interest.”
“What if I don’t want to give you the money anymore?”
