Honor
Page 62
I sighed and bent forward so I could rest my forehead on the cool marble surface of the island. “I’ve always worried about Nassir in a different way, but now that I’m letting myself love him, that worry feels like it might consume me.”
“It’s good to be scared. It keeps you careful, and with a guy like Nassir, being careful is the only way to be. It never gets easier because this place we all call home never gets easier.”
“I guess if I wanted easy I would’ve just stayed in Denver.” I lifted my head and gave her a wide-eyed look as my musings from earlier pushed their way back to the forefront of my mind. “Speaking of Denver, do you think that if there was a clear-cut way for people—I mean mostly the girls on the streets . . . if there was a way for them to get out of the Point and to experience life somewhere like Denver, they would take it? I mean it didn’t work for me and it didn’t work for you, but that’s because too much of this place is inside of us.”
She snorted a little and put her hand on her rounded belly. “Like an underground railroad for ex-strippers and hookers? You’re going to help them find their way to freedom?”
I scowled at her because I didn’t think the idea was a laughing matter. “Why not? No one was ever around to offer us a way out when we could’ve used one. Why can’t I be the person there holding the door open to a better life?”
As Reeve realized that I was serious, some of the mirth dropped from her face and a genuine smile pulled at her lips. “There’s no one those kind of girls would trust more than you. If you think you can make a difference, if you think this is your something more, then I say go for it. You can be like a fairy godmother, only instead of a wand, you come equipped with thousand-dollar heels.”
That made me laugh, which in turn made my head throb. “I don’t know about that, but I used to think that maybe just a better club for the dancers was enough, or a different way for them to make money. Now I’m thinking bigger and farther away from my own back door. I would have loved to make Denver work but it never felt like home. That opportunity should be given to someone that would appreciate it.”
She hummed in agreement and pushed away from the counter. “I can ask around and see what the girls at the club think. Some will never leave but I bet there are a few that would jump at the chance to live a different kind of life. I’m gonna go before Titus loses his patience and storms the castle. Thank you for making me see that his boneheaded actions were actually pretty sweet. Boys can be so dumb sometimes.”
“No problem. Thank you for making me see that love has to be more powerful than fear. It’s something I’ll have to try to work on.”
“It takes a brave woman to love the kind of men we love, Key, but they have to be just as brave to love us back. We’re out on the same streets they are. We’re fighting the same fight. It’s just as scary for them to lose one of us because of this life. That’s why they work to make it better as hard as they do. Remember that.”
She gave me a hug good-bye, and it made me smile when her baby belly pressed into me. After she was gone I went to work cleaning up the mess the other brunette had caused in the living room. The task took longer than it should have since my ears were ringing and my head was still throbbing in time to my heartbeat, but I got everything looking all shiny and back to its original pristine condition.
I went back up to the master suite to find Nassir’s stash of painkillers for my head and I was surprised that when I picked up my phone I had several missed messages from the man I was purposely trying not to worry myself sick over.
This music is awful.
Why don’t these punk kids shower?
What are you doing and why aren’t you answering me?
You better be in my bed thinking about me.
I see the kid I’ve been looking for. I’ll be back soon. Be ready for me.
I bit my lip as a warm fuzzy feeling started to swirl around inside of me. The last message came only a few minutes ago but it made my heart flutter to know that I was on his mind while he was out in the big bad world doing big bad things. I was going to love him hard enough that he would always try his best to get back home in one piece.
I will always be ready for you.
It had taken a while to get there, but I was confident enough in myself and in him to know that this was true.
Chapter 16
Nassir
I was trying really hard not to touch anything or to brush up against any of the kids filling the dingy little club. I was used to dark and dank places. I was used to filth and grime, but there was something about all these kids milling about with unwashed bodies and spiked-up hair, when they all clearly originated from the suburbs, that somehow made the environment of the dive bar seem extra revolting. On top of the dirty bodies and the suspicious looks that kept getting cast my way, the blast of angry guitars and wailing from the emaciated-looking singer on the tiny stage were enough to have my ears bleeding. I distracted myself by texting Key and was annoyed even further by her lack of response. With the club closed so we could dry it out and repair the pipes, I knew she was at the house and couldn’t figure out why she was ignoring me unless it was just to be contrary. She didn’t love it that I refused to give her a play-by-play of my actions or that it had to be that way for her own good and my peace of mind.
I could think of a hundred and one places I would rather be, and just as I was about to give up thinking that maybe Noe’s information had been dated and that maybe the elusive Squirrel had hopped a train out of town, I caught sight of a young man coming out of the bathroom at the back of the bar. He was rubbing the back of his hand across his face and the way his nose was twitching not only told me that he was probably high as a kite from doing rails in the bathroom, but made him look even more like the animal he was nicknamed after. The kid had dreadlocks and a vest covered in rivets and studs, making him look like a caricature of a punk rocker, and he was oblivious to my approach as I wound my way through thrashing bodies and tried to tune out the antiestablishment battle cry coming from the stage.
I was getting hard, side-eyed looks and I heard the words “cop” and “narc” whispered loudly by more than one clueless child. I don’t know how anyone, even the young and innocent, could ever mistake me for one of the good guys, but as long as they moved out of my way and let me get at my target, I didn’t bother to correct them.
“It’s good to be scared. It keeps you careful, and with a guy like Nassir, being careful is the only way to be. It never gets easier because this place we all call home never gets easier.”
“I guess if I wanted easy I would’ve just stayed in Denver.” I lifted my head and gave her a wide-eyed look as my musings from earlier pushed their way back to the forefront of my mind. “Speaking of Denver, do you think that if there was a clear-cut way for people—I mean mostly the girls on the streets . . . if there was a way for them to get out of the Point and to experience life somewhere like Denver, they would take it? I mean it didn’t work for me and it didn’t work for you, but that’s because too much of this place is inside of us.”
She snorted a little and put her hand on her rounded belly. “Like an underground railroad for ex-strippers and hookers? You’re going to help them find their way to freedom?”
I scowled at her because I didn’t think the idea was a laughing matter. “Why not? No one was ever around to offer us a way out when we could’ve used one. Why can’t I be the person there holding the door open to a better life?”
As Reeve realized that I was serious, some of the mirth dropped from her face and a genuine smile pulled at her lips. “There’s no one those kind of girls would trust more than you. If you think you can make a difference, if you think this is your something more, then I say go for it. You can be like a fairy godmother, only instead of a wand, you come equipped with thousand-dollar heels.”
That made me laugh, which in turn made my head throb. “I don’t know about that, but I used to think that maybe just a better club for the dancers was enough, or a different way for them to make money. Now I’m thinking bigger and farther away from my own back door. I would have loved to make Denver work but it never felt like home. That opportunity should be given to someone that would appreciate it.”
She hummed in agreement and pushed away from the counter. “I can ask around and see what the girls at the club think. Some will never leave but I bet there are a few that would jump at the chance to live a different kind of life. I’m gonna go before Titus loses his patience and storms the castle. Thank you for making me see that his boneheaded actions were actually pretty sweet. Boys can be so dumb sometimes.”
“No problem. Thank you for making me see that love has to be more powerful than fear. It’s something I’ll have to try to work on.”
“It takes a brave woman to love the kind of men we love, Key, but they have to be just as brave to love us back. We’re out on the same streets they are. We’re fighting the same fight. It’s just as scary for them to lose one of us because of this life. That’s why they work to make it better as hard as they do. Remember that.”
She gave me a hug good-bye, and it made me smile when her baby belly pressed into me. After she was gone I went to work cleaning up the mess the other brunette had caused in the living room. The task took longer than it should have since my ears were ringing and my head was still throbbing in time to my heartbeat, but I got everything looking all shiny and back to its original pristine condition.
I went back up to the master suite to find Nassir’s stash of painkillers for my head and I was surprised that when I picked up my phone I had several missed messages from the man I was purposely trying not to worry myself sick over.
This music is awful.
Why don’t these punk kids shower?
What are you doing and why aren’t you answering me?
You better be in my bed thinking about me.
I see the kid I’ve been looking for. I’ll be back soon. Be ready for me.
I bit my lip as a warm fuzzy feeling started to swirl around inside of me. The last message came only a few minutes ago but it made my heart flutter to know that I was on his mind while he was out in the big bad world doing big bad things. I was going to love him hard enough that he would always try his best to get back home in one piece.
I will always be ready for you.
It had taken a while to get there, but I was confident enough in myself and in him to know that this was true.
Chapter 16
Nassir
I was trying really hard not to touch anything or to brush up against any of the kids filling the dingy little club. I was used to dark and dank places. I was used to filth and grime, but there was something about all these kids milling about with unwashed bodies and spiked-up hair, when they all clearly originated from the suburbs, that somehow made the environment of the dive bar seem extra revolting. On top of the dirty bodies and the suspicious looks that kept getting cast my way, the blast of angry guitars and wailing from the emaciated-looking singer on the tiny stage were enough to have my ears bleeding. I distracted myself by texting Key and was annoyed even further by her lack of response. With the club closed so we could dry it out and repair the pipes, I knew she was at the house and couldn’t figure out why she was ignoring me unless it was just to be contrary. She didn’t love it that I refused to give her a play-by-play of my actions or that it had to be that way for her own good and my peace of mind.
I could think of a hundred and one places I would rather be, and just as I was about to give up thinking that maybe Noe’s information had been dated and that maybe the elusive Squirrel had hopped a train out of town, I caught sight of a young man coming out of the bathroom at the back of the bar. He was rubbing the back of his hand across his face and the way his nose was twitching not only told me that he was probably high as a kite from doing rails in the bathroom, but made him look even more like the animal he was nicknamed after. The kid had dreadlocks and a vest covered in rivets and studs, making him look like a caricature of a punk rocker, and he was oblivious to my approach as I wound my way through thrashing bodies and tried to tune out the antiestablishment battle cry coming from the stage.
I was getting hard, side-eyed looks and I heard the words “cop” and “narc” whispered loudly by more than one clueless child. I don’t know how anyone, even the young and innocent, could ever mistake me for one of the good guys, but as long as they moved out of my way and let me get at my target, I didn’t bother to correct them.
