Hooked by Love
Page 111
She looks up. “Yeah?”
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
She shakes her head, falling to her knees, patting the spot beside me. “A little overwhelmed. This is so beautiful,” she whispers as she takes in the candles I need to light and the bouquet of roses waiting for her. “You are so sweet,” she cries and shakes her head. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”
Okay. We are doing this now.
Going to my knees beside her, I set the basket beside us and gather her in my arms, holding her tightly. “Baby, I was wrong too. I shouldn’t have said that I didn’t know if I wanted to break up. I was just so overwhelmed with it all and scared. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was putting my career above—”
“No, I understand because hockey is your life. I’m sorry that I acted the way I did. It’s a horribly sore spot for me and I overreacted.”
“But I shouldn’t have made you feel like that. I want both—my career and you. I mean, I hope you’re okay with being at the top with my career because I’ve worked so hard for it. But I want this, I want you. Always.”
She leans into me, her fingers playing at the base of my neck. “I want you too, I do. And you’re right. I would never make you pick,” she says, her lip trembling. “I promise. I’m just so damn sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s in the past. We are fine.”
“It’s just you don’t understand the feeling of complete emptiness I experience sometimes. I’m so used to being alone, on my own, and then you come along, take my heart, and that’s it. No other way out. It’s so hard because my emotions, my anxiety is a whole other kind of beast I’m trying to conquer. And now that I have you, I don’t want anything else. It scared me that you could possibly throw me away like my family has.”
“Fucking never,” I almost shout. “Baby, never. It’s me and you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, moving her nose along my jaw. Tracing my fingers up and down her arms, I move my finger along her forearms where her pretty tattoos are. I nod, all of it coming together.
“These cover the scars?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
Looking down at each of them, I look back up at her face. “I always thought they were a little raised in the middle, but I never put two and two together.”
“Yeah, I try to hide it. It’s just… One day I’m high, and the same day I could go low.”
“And I’ll be there, high-fiving you when you are on top and picking you up when you’re down. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
She looks deep into my eyes, and I know she is begging for what I say to be true, and it is. I know it is. “If I ever make you feel like you have to choose between your love for hockey and for me, please tell me to check myself. I don’t want to hurt you,” she says, her tears falling faster down her face.
“Then don’t. Just love me. That’s all I want.”
“Me too,” she says, sucking in a breath as my nose rests against her cheek, my arms holding her close to me. “I don’t have anyone, Jace. No one but you. My family doesn’t care one bit about me. Nothing. This trip made me realize that. You come from the perfect, most loving family—even with your dad’s betrayal. So you wouldn’t understand how I feel, but just imagine them all hating you. Not giving two shits about you. Then multiply that by a hundred.”
“Avery—”
“No, wait,” she gasps, shaking her head. “I felt so alone when I was there, I felt so hated. But the moment I saw you, I felt whole again.” Turning to look into my eyes, she holds my face and I’m lost in her eyes. They are full of so much hope, so much love, and my heart jackhammers at the sight of them. “I need you in my life. I trust you, I love you, and I know you’ll never hurt me.”
Covering her hands with mine, I feel my throat tighten with emotion as I smile. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Okay, ’cause I need to tell you something.”
My brows come together. “Okay?”
“I know this is not what you want, and I already have a plan, I do. But I knew if I didn’t tell you and went with the plan, if you ever found out, it would kill you. So I have to tell you, okay?”
I’m so confused. “Okay?”
Her lip trembles as she watches me, and then her lips are moving. “I’m pregnant.”
It’s like the air is knocked out of me by a thousand-pound defenseman. Searching her flooded eyes, I have a hard time believing the words coming out of her mouth. “Excuse me?”
She nods. “I’m pregnant.”
“But we used condoms.”
“I know. I don’t know how. I guess the condom broke or something.”
“Birth control?” I ask, because I know I’m amazing, but my boys getting out of a condom and through birth control? I’m badass but not that badass.
“I was gonna go on birth control this month. But my period never came and I really wasn’t thinking about it.”
I gasp for breath, my heart pounding in my chest, and fuck. That was the last thing I thought she would say. “So you’re sure?”
She nods. “I found out at the doctor’s appointment this afternoon. They do a bunch of tests before they give scrips, and my pregnancy test was positive. Even the second one I made them do.” She’s talking so fast, I’m surprised I catch everything she says.
“Okay.”
“I’m so sorry.”
My mind is muddled, but I shake my head. “Don’t apologize. We both lay down together. We knew what could happen.”
“But we took precautions.”
I shrug, swallowing hard, hoping my heart will get out of my throat. “And they didn’t work. It happens. I was a birth-control baby, that’s why my mom says I’m amazing, ’cause I was coming into this world one way or another.”
But my mom was also in her thirties.
I’m only nineteen.
With a bright future ahead of me.
She nods, her tears rolling down her face as she holds my gaze. She’s freaking out, I can see that, and I can’t have that. We are okay. It might seem like a lot, but we are okay. Holding her close, I kiss her nose and then her mouth quickly. Looking deep into her eyes, I try to smile but I think I look like I’m having a seizure. “We will figure this out.”
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
She shakes her head, falling to her knees, patting the spot beside me. “A little overwhelmed. This is so beautiful,” she whispers as she takes in the candles I need to light and the bouquet of roses waiting for her. “You are so sweet,” she cries and shakes her head. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”
Okay. We are doing this now.
Going to my knees beside her, I set the basket beside us and gather her in my arms, holding her tightly. “Baby, I was wrong too. I shouldn’t have said that I didn’t know if I wanted to break up. I was just so overwhelmed with it all and scared. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was putting my career above—”
“No, I understand because hockey is your life. I’m sorry that I acted the way I did. It’s a horribly sore spot for me and I overreacted.”
“But I shouldn’t have made you feel like that. I want both—my career and you. I mean, I hope you’re okay with being at the top with my career because I’ve worked so hard for it. But I want this, I want you. Always.”
She leans into me, her fingers playing at the base of my neck. “I want you too, I do. And you’re right. I would never make you pick,” she says, her lip trembling. “I promise. I’m just so damn sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s in the past. We are fine.”
“It’s just you don’t understand the feeling of complete emptiness I experience sometimes. I’m so used to being alone, on my own, and then you come along, take my heart, and that’s it. No other way out. It’s so hard because my emotions, my anxiety is a whole other kind of beast I’m trying to conquer. And now that I have you, I don’t want anything else. It scared me that you could possibly throw me away like my family has.”
“Fucking never,” I almost shout. “Baby, never. It’s me and you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, moving her nose along my jaw. Tracing my fingers up and down her arms, I move my finger along her forearms where her pretty tattoos are. I nod, all of it coming together.
“These cover the scars?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
Looking down at each of them, I look back up at her face. “I always thought they were a little raised in the middle, but I never put two and two together.”
“Yeah, I try to hide it. It’s just… One day I’m high, and the same day I could go low.”
“And I’ll be there, high-fiving you when you are on top and picking you up when you’re down. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
She looks deep into my eyes, and I know she is begging for what I say to be true, and it is. I know it is. “If I ever make you feel like you have to choose between your love for hockey and for me, please tell me to check myself. I don’t want to hurt you,” she says, her tears falling faster down her face.
“Then don’t. Just love me. That’s all I want.”
“Me too,” she says, sucking in a breath as my nose rests against her cheek, my arms holding her close to me. “I don’t have anyone, Jace. No one but you. My family doesn’t care one bit about me. Nothing. This trip made me realize that. You come from the perfect, most loving family—even with your dad’s betrayal. So you wouldn’t understand how I feel, but just imagine them all hating you. Not giving two shits about you. Then multiply that by a hundred.”
“Avery—”
“No, wait,” she gasps, shaking her head. “I felt so alone when I was there, I felt so hated. But the moment I saw you, I felt whole again.” Turning to look into my eyes, she holds my face and I’m lost in her eyes. They are full of so much hope, so much love, and my heart jackhammers at the sight of them. “I need you in my life. I trust you, I love you, and I know you’ll never hurt me.”
Covering her hands with mine, I feel my throat tighten with emotion as I smile. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Okay, ’cause I need to tell you something.”
My brows come together. “Okay?”
“I know this is not what you want, and I already have a plan, I do. But I knew if I didn’t tell you and went with the plan, if you ever found out, it would kill you. So I have to tell you, okay?”
I’m so confused. “Okay?”
Her lip trembles as she watches me, and then her lips are moving. “I’m pregnant.”
It’s like the air is knocked out of me by a thousand-pound defenseman. Searching her flooded eyes, I have a hard time believing the words coming out of her mouth. “Excuse me?”
She nods. “I’m pregnant.”
“But we used condoms.”
“I know. I don’t know how. I guess the condom broke or something.”
“Birth control?” I ask, because I know I’m amazing, but my boys getting out of a condom and through birth control? I’m badass but not that badass.
“I was gonna go on birth control this month. But my period never came and I really wasn’t thinking about it.”
I gasp for breath, my heart pounding in my chest, and fuck. That was the last thing I thought she would say. “So you’re sure?”
She nods. “I found out at the doctor’s appointment this afternoon. They do a bunch of tests before they give scrips, and my pregnancy test was positive. Even the second one I made them do.” She’s talking so fast, I’m surprised I catch everything she says.
“Okay.”
“I’m so sorry.”
My mind is muddled, but I shake my head. “Don’t apologize. We both lay down together. We knew what could happen.”
“But we took precautions.”
I shrug, swallowing hard, hoping my heart will get out of my throat. “And they didn’t work. It happens. I was a birth-control baby, that’s why my mom says I’m amazing, ’cause I was coming into this world one way or another.”
But my mom was also in her thirties.
I’m only nineteen.
With a bright future ahead of me.
She nods, her tears rolling down her face as she holds my gaze. She’s freaking out, I can see that, and I can’t have that. We are okay. It might seem like a lot, but we are okay. Holding her close, I kiss her nose and then her mouth quickly. Looking deep into her eyes, I try to smile but I think I look like I’m having a seizure. “We will figure this out.”
