Hooked by Love
Page 114
“That’s a dumb lie. I don’t know why you’re lying at all. She knows you’re close to us and will tell us,” Lucy says with a yawn.
“Yeah, but I want to talk to her in person.”
“Oh, true.”
“And you can’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t, psycho,” she bites out as my phone goes off again.
Avery: Oh. Well. My appointment is in an hour. Are you gonna be back in time?
“Fuck.”
Lucy shakes her head. “Man, this is a mess.”
“You can say that again,” I say as I text Avery back real quick and I stand up.
Me: I’m so sorry, I’m leaving now. I’ll meet you there. Text me the address.
Avery: Okay.
“Thanks, Lucy. I gotta go.”
She stands with me, kissing my cheek. “Let me know what happens.”
“I will.”
As I go out the window, she grabs my arm. “It will work out, Jace. You two got this.”
I lean toward her, kissing her on the cheek. “Thanks.”
I pray she’s right.
And that Avery thinks the same.
She will.
Now is not the time to stop being cocky.
When I pause, Lucy looks at me as I say, “I forgot something.”
“What?” she asks as I rush through her door and out into the house, but I don’t answer her.
I can’t.
Not yet.
Not until I talk to Avery.
This place is scary.
Looking around the front office, it looks as empty as I feel. I’m the only person in here except for the receptionist, who is making copies of my ID. I want to leave. I wanted the ditch this idea the moment I called and made the appointment when I stepped off the plane.
But this is the only option.
Man, where is Jace? I really need him. I can’t believe he left. When I felt him get up, I didn’t stop him because I thought he was using the bathroom. When he didn’t come back, I assumed he needed some air. Who could blame him? Last night was a clusterfuck of insane, and I’m sure he’s freaked out.
Just as I am.
While I know this is the smartest thing to do, the only logical thing to do, I was really hoping he’d ask me not to. I thought maybe he would want it and then I wouldn’t be so scared. Because this doesn’t feel right. It feels so wrong. Maybe I should just keep it and give it up for adoption. So many people can’t have babies, and I’m doing this? That’s not fair to my baby…shit… Why did I say that? Because now I want to keep it. Truthfully, I wanted to keep it from the beginning, but the fear of doing it on my own has led me to this.
Fucking fear, it ruins lives. It really does.
But I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough. I mean, I might be by the time it comes. I’ve gotten so much better, but I owe that to Jace. He’s helped me grow, to find my confidence, to love myself. And I hoped he would tell me we could do this. I really needed him to tell me I wouldn’t be doing this on my own, that he would be right beside me. He did say he’d stand beside me, but he was frozen in fear. He doesn’t want this. He couldn’t. He’s on the fast track to the top. Where does a baby fit into that? How can a baby fit into it? Especially when I want to do big things, too? God, why wasn’t I smarter? I was so worried about falling for Jace, I didn’t realize what could happen in the process.
A baby.
Our baby.
Fuck, I can’t do this.
Panic shakes my body, my leg is bouncing so hard, and I’m tearing my nails apart. I don’t want this. As my chest goes tight, I know I’m two seconds from having a panic attack.
I have to get the hell out of here.
Standing up, I go to the window, my heart throbbing against my ribs. “Can I have my ID, please?”
The receptionist’s brow rises as she hands it to me. “I was about to call you up. Are you paying cash or credit?”
But I shake my head, my eyes flooding with tears. “Neither.”
Walking away, ignoring her as she calls my name, I push open the door and walk out into the frigid temperatures.
“Oh, thank God,” I breathe, sucking in the cold air and letting it out fast.
I can’t do this.
I won’t do this.
My baby deserves a chance.
I just hope Jace agrees.
As much as I want to keep it, I know that wouldn’t be smart. So maybe adoption is the best choice. I don’t know how he feels, but I can’t do this. I just can’t.
When I hear a car door slam, I look to the left to see Jace running toward me.
“I’m so fucking sorry I’m late,” he says, looking at the building and then me. “You didn’t do it, did you?” he pants, panic in his eyes, and I shake my head.
“No,” I cry and he falls forward, bracing his hands to his thighs, letting out a long breath. Almost in relief.
“Oh, God,” he mutters, causing my brows to come together.
Is that a good “Oh, God” or a bad?
“I’m sorry, Jace, but I can’t. I know I said this is the only option, but it isn’t. We can give it up for adoption. It can have a good life with someone else—”
“Oh my God,” he yells, standing erect and looking at me with tears filling his eyes. His eyes are bloodshot, his face is red, and God, he looks so tired. “Shut up and let me breathe for a second,” he yells and I pause, surprised, as he pants with tears escaping out of his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“No,” he yells, his eyes wild as he takes me by my arms. “I thought you got rid of our baby. I thought I was too late,” he cries, sucking in a deep breath, and I can only stare up at him. He is a hot mess. A pair of shorts hangs low on his hips, paired with a hoodie that is obviously too small for his big frame. Running his hands up his face, he knocks his beanie off his head, catching it behind him as he looks up to the sky, pulling in another deep breath. Looking back down at me, he shakes his head. “I don’t want you to do this. I want you to have the baby, with me.”
“What?” I ask, my eyes refilling with tears as my heart goes crazy in my chest. “But last night—”
“Baby, I was freaking the fuck out, and I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have gone this far, but you can’t do this. You can’t give our baby to anyone else either. Yeah, we aren’t ready. Yeah, we are going at the speed of light and our lives don’t need a baby in them right now, but this,” he says, taking a step toward me and pressing his hands to my stomach, “is our child. My blood, your beautiful blood, together. A baby, Avery. Our baby.” Hiccupping a sob, I hold my hands over his as his eyes burn into mine. “Avery, I know we’re young, I know you think this could end, but it won’t. Call me cocky, but I know it won’t.”
“Yeah, but I want to talk to her in person.”
“Oh, true.”
“And you can’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t, psycho,” she bites out as my phone goes off again.
Avery: Oh. Well. My appointment is in an hour. Are you gonna be back in time?
“Fuck.”
Lucy shakes her head. “Man, this is a mess.”
“You can say that again,” I say as I text Avery back real quick and I stand up.
Me: I’m so sorry, I’m leaving now. I’ll meet you there. Text me the address.
Avery: Okay.
“Thanks, Lucy. I gotta go.”
She stands with me, kissing my cheek. “Let me know what happens.”
“I will.”
As I go out the window, she grabs my arm. “It will work out, Jace. You two got this.”
I lean toward her, kissing her on the cheek. “Thanks.”
I pray she’s right.
And that Avery thinks the same.
She will.
Now is not the time to stop being cocky.
When I pause, Lucy looks at me as I say, “I forgot something.”
“What?” she asks as I rush through her door and out into the house, but I don’t answer her.
I can’t.
Not yet.
Not until I talk to Avery.
This place is scary.
Looking around the front office, it looks as empty as I feel. I’m the only person in here except for the receptionist, who is making copies of my ID. I want to leave. I wanted the ditch this idea the moment I called and made the appointment when I stepped off the plane.
But this is the only option.
Man, where is Jace? I really need him. I can’t believe he left. When I felt him get up, I didn’t stop him because I thought he was using the bathroom. When he didn’t come back, I assumed he needed some air. Who could blame him? Last night was a clusterfuck of insane, and I’m sure he’s freaked out.
Just as I am.
While I know this is the smartest thing to do, the only logical thing to do, I was really hoping he’d ask me not to. I thought maybe he would want it and then I wouldn’t be so scared. Because this doesn’t feel right. It feels so wrong. Maybe I should just keep it and give it up for adoption. So many people can’t have babies, and I’m doing this? That’s not fair to my baby…shit… Why did I say that? Because now I want to keep it. Truthfully, I wanted to keep it from the beginning, but the fear of doing it on my own has led me to this.
Fucking fear, it ruins lives. It really does.
But I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough. I mean, I might be by the time it comes. I’ve gotten so much better, but I owe that to Jace. He’s helped me grow, to find my confidence, to love myself. And I hoped he would tell me we could do this. I really needed him to tell me I wouldn’t be doing this on my own, that he would be right beside me. He did say he’d stand beside me, but he was frozen in fear. He doesn’t want this. He couldn’t. He’s on the fast track to the top. Where does a baby fit into that? How can a baby fit into it? Especially when I want to do big things, too? God, why wasn’t I smarter? I was so worried about falling for Jace, I didn’t realize what could happen in the process.
A baby.
Our baby.
Fuck, I can’t do this.
Panic shakes my body, my leg is bouncing so hard, and I’m tearing my nails apart. I don’t want this. As my chest goes tight, I know I’m two seconds from having a panic attack.
I have to get the hell out of here.
Standing up, I go to the window, my heart throbbing against my ribs. “Can I have my ID, please?”
The receptionist’s brow rises as she hands it to me. “I was about to call you up. Are you paying cash or credit?”
But I shake my head, my eyes flooding with tears. “Neither.”
Walking away, ignoring her as she calls my name, I push open the door and walk out into the frigid temperatures.
“Oh, thank God,” I breathe, sucking in the cold air and letting it out fast.
I can’t do this.
I won’t do this.
My baby deserves a chance.
I just hope Jace agrees.
As much as I want to keep it, I know that wouldn’t be smart. So maybe adoption is the best choice. I don’t know how he feels, but I can’t do this. I just can’t.
When I hear a car door slam, I look to the left to see Jace running toward me.
“I’m so fucking sorry I’m late,” he says, looking at the building and then me. “You didn’t do it, did you?” he pants, panic in his eyes, and I shake my head.
“No,” I cry and he falls forward, bracing his hands to his thighs, letting out a long breath. Almost in relief.
“Oh, God,” he mutters, causing my brows to come together.
Is that a good “Oh, God” or a bad?
“I’m sorry, Jace, but I can’t. I know I said this is the only option, but it isn’t. We can give it up for adoption. It can have a good life with someone else—”
“Oh my God,” he yells, standing erect and looking at me with tears filling his eyes. His eyes are bloodshot, his face is red, and God, he looks so tired. “Shut up and let me breathe for a second,” he yells and I pause, surprised, as he pants with tears escaping out of his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“No,” he yells, his eyes wild as he takes me by my arms. “I thought you got rid of our baby. I thought I was too late,” he cries, sucking in a deep breath, and I can only stare up at him. He is a hot mess. A pair of shorts hangs low on his hips, paired with a hoodie that is obviously too small for his big frame. Running his hands up his face, he knocks his beanie off his head, catching it behind him as he looks up to the sky, pulling in another deep breath. Looking back down at me, he shakes his head. “I don’t want you to do this. I want you to have the baby, with me.”
“What?” I ask, my eyes refilling with tears as my heart goes crazy in my chest. “But last night—”
“Baby, I was freaking the fuck out, and I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have gone this far, but you can’t do this. You can’t give our baby to anyone else either. Yeah, we aren’t ready. Yeah, we are going at the speed of light and our lives don’t need a baby in them right now, but this,” he says, taking a step toward me and pressing his hands to my stomach, “is our child. My blood, your beautiful blood, together. A baby, Avery. Our baby.” Hiccupping a sob, I hold my hands over his as his eyes burn into mine. “Avery, I know we’re young, I know you think this could end, but it won’t. Call me cocky, but I know it won’t.”
