Hooked by Love
Page 140
Hot chocolate is the consensus, and as we walk down and around the rink, Dad looks up at the clock. “We have about twenty minutes, right?”
The rink door opens and the boys start to warm up. “Yeah, maybe twenty-five.”
“Okay, cool,” he says, passing by the concession stand and leading me out into the lobby. Turning to me once we reach a quiet spot, he smiles. “I wanted to catch you alone, without Jace, to talk to you.”
Dread fills my gut, and damn it, I knew it was all too good to be true. “Okay?”
“So, you’re happy?”
I smile. “Yeah, Dad, I’m happy.”
“Okay, that’s what Jace said. And Avery, honey, he’s so confident, so sure about it all.”
“Yeah, he is.” My grin grows as my heart flutters. “He really is awesome, Dad.”
“You know, I didn’t want to like him. I wanted to hate him, especially with how much Matty hates him. But we all know that’s jealousy.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“Matty? No.”
He nods, a pained look on his face. “Seth or Laurence?”
“No.”
Shaking his head, he sucks in a deep breath. “That needs to change. You guys are family.”
“I agree.”
He pulls in a breath through his nose. He looks back down at me. “Jace said something at dinner, something that has been bothering me for the last couple days.”
For some reason, that makes my heart race. Did he tell him about Matty being gay? “Yeah?”
“He said he knows the whole story about your…um…”
I wait, and when nothing comes, I shake my head. “Suicide attempt?” I supply and he cringes.
“I hate that word,” he breathes and then looks back at me. “Yes. That.”
“Okay?” I’m confused. What could have Jace told him?
“He told me I don’t know everything I should and that I should ask you.”
My eyes stay on his as I nod slowly. “Yeah, you don’t, but I don’t see what that matters now.”
“It does. Can you tell me, please?”
Holding his gaze, I feel my eyes start to water. When everything happened, no one asked me why. They only assumed it was because Caleb and I broke up. I never changed their minds because I didn’t want them to know I succumbed to the pressure of killing myself. I mean, I know they knew I was weak, but I felt like making the choice myself was more acceptable than being teased and bullied into doing it. I was young and stupid. What can I say? I regret it more than anything. But then, I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it hadn’t had happened.
Clearing my throat, I look up at my father and shrug. “Dad, you won’t like it.”
“I don’t like it anyway.”
Touché. Swallowing hard, I nod. “Okay.”
I can’t look at him as I tell him what happened. The whole thing. I don’t hold back, and I also don’t hold back that Matty was involved. Nothing. I let it all out and when I’m done, I take a deep breath and then look up to see him watching me. His eyes are so sad and so full of remorse as he clears his throat.
“You know, this all really shook me up, the pregnancy and the marriage. I mean, it came out of left field for me. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, like your mother and Matty implied.”
“I didn’t.”
He nods. “I know, and this jealousy Matty holds for you needs to end. You know, it really didn’t start until you and Caleb started dating.”
I nod, and I could tell him the last secret. Easily, right here, but I don’t see the point. I also don’t want to give Matty any more attention than he’s already stolen from me. “The jealousy needs to stop, and I plan to talk to him about that.”
Swallowing hard, I ask, “Really?”
He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to ask that, and it kills me that you do.”
I bite into my lip, and he continues to shake his head, swallowing hard. I realize he is holding back his tears. Looking down at me, my big brute of a father has tears in his eyes as he holds my gaze. “This has really made me open my eyes that I’ve allowed a lot of things to happen and not changed them. I’ve failed you, Avery, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the father I shouldn’t have been. I can make excuses, blame work, blame your brothers running me ragged. But the truth is, I didn’t try hard enough. For that, I’m sorry, honey. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m going to earn it and I’m going to do my best to do better by you.”
Biting into my lip, I look down as the emotion takes over. I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear my father say those words, and now that I have them, I’m a little overwhelmed by them. My chest starts to hurt as my eyes fill with tears, and the panic that is filling me is unwanted. Why am I panicking? I wanted this. Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I shake my head. I should be happy. Instead, I’m overwhelmed. I’m worried this could end, that he could keep failing me and—
Before I can think anymore, his arms are around me and he’s hugging me so tightly, I can’t breathe. “Shh, breathe, baby. It’s okay. I’m so sorry, Avery.”
Pulling in a breath, I let it out slowly and then suck it back in as I let go. I cry into his chest and my dad holds me, whispering that I’m okay, that he’s sorry, and everything will be fine. Rubbing my nose into his chest, I close my eyes as I cling to him, but I wish it were Jace. I know that’s horrible since my dad is trying, but I still crave Jace. Because while this man is my father, the man who was supposed to be my hero, he never was.
But Jace is.
And has been since the moment I met him.
As I hit the ice, I look up to see that Avery isn’t sitting with my mom, but her mom is there with Lucy. I wonder where she and her dad are. Looking away, I can’t help but worry. I know that’s silly since it’s her dad, but I just hope he is doing right by her. And he has for the last two days, but that’s because I’m there. I think that’s the reason. Maybe they really are trying. More her dad than her mom, but I can tell they want to make things better with their daughter. No matter how much Avery claims to be done with her family, I know she craves their love. I just hope they don’t let her down.
The rink door opens and the boys start to warm up. “Yeah, maybe twenty-five.”
“Okay, cool,” he says, passing by the concession stand and leading me out into the lobby. Turning to me once we reach a quiet spot, he smiles. “I wanted to catch you alone, without Jace, to talk to you.”
Dread fills my gut, and damn it, I knew it was all too good to be true. “Okay?”
“So, you’re happy?”
I smile. “Yeah, Dad, I’m happy.”
“Okay, that’s what Jace said. And Avery, honey, he’s so confident, so sure about it all.”
“Yeah, he is.” My grin grows as my heart flutters. “He really is awesome, Dad.”
“You know, I didn’t want to like him. I wanted to hate him, especially with how much Matty hates him. But we all know that’s jealousy.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“Matty? No.”
He nods, a pained look on his face. “Seth or Laurence?”
“No.”
Shaking his head, he sucks in a deep breath. “That needs to change. You guys are family.”
“I agree.”
He pulls in a breath through his nose. He looks back down at me. “Jace said something at dinner, something that has been bothering me for the last couple days.”
For some reason, that makes my heart race. Did he tell him about Matty being gay? “Yeah?”
“He said he knows the whole story about your…um…”
I wait, and when nothing comes, I shake my head. “Suicide attempt?” I supply and he cringes.
“I hate that word,” he breathes and then looks back at me. “Yes. That.”
“Okay?” I’m confused. What could have Jace told him?
“He told me I don’t know everything I should and that I should ask you.”
My eyes stay on his as I nod slowly. “Yeah, you don’t, but I don’t see what that matters now.”
“It does. Can you tell me, please?”
Holding his gaze, I feel my eyes start to water. When everything happened, no one asked me why. They only assumed it was because Caleb and I broke up. I never changed their minds because I didn’t want them to know I succumbed to the pressure of killing myself. I mean, I know they knew I was weak, but I felt like making the choice myself was more acceptable than being teased and bullied into doing it. I was young and stupid. What can I say? I regret it more than anything. But then, I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it hadn’t had happened.
Clearing my throat, I look up at my father and shrug. “Dad, you won’t like it.”
“I don’t like it anyway.”
Touché. Swallowing hard, I nod. “Okay.”
I can’t look at him as I tell him what happened. The whole thing. I don’t hold back, and I also don’t hold back that Matty was involved. Nothing. I let it all out and when I’m done, I take a deep breath and then look up to see him watching me. His eyes are so sad and so full of remorse as he clears his throat.
“You know, this all really shook me up, the pregnancy and the marriage. I mean, it came out of left field for me. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, like your mother and Matty implied.”
“I didn’t.”
He nods. “I know, and this jealousy Matty holds for you needs to end. You know, it really didn’t start until you and Caleb started dating.”
I nod, and I could tell him the last secret. Easily, right here, but I don’t see the point. I also don’t want to give Matty any more attention than he’s already stolen from me. “The jealousy needs to stop, and I plan to talk to him about that.”
Swallowing hard, I ask, “Really?”
He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to ask that, and it kills me that you do.”
I bite into my lip, and he continues to shake his head, swallowing hard. I realize he is holding back his tears. Looking down at me, my big brute of a father has tears in his eyes as he holds my gaze. “This has really made me open my eyes that I’ve allowed a lot of things to happen and not changed them. I’ve failed you, Avery, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the father I shouldn’t have been. I can make excuses, blame work, blame your brothers running me ragged. But the truth is, I didn’t try hard enough. For that, I’m sorry, honey. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m going to earn it and I’m going to do my best to do better by you.”
Biting into my lip, I look down as the emotion takes over. I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear my father say those words, and now that I have them, I’m a little overwhelmed by them. My chest starts to hurt as my eyes fill with tears, and the panic that is filling me is unwanted. Why am I panicking? I wanted this. Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I shake my head. I should be happy. Instead, I’m overwhelmed. I’m worried this could end, that he could keep failing me and—
Before I can think anymore, his arms are around me and he’s hugging me so tightly, I can’t breathe. “Shh, breathe, baby. It’s okay. I’m so sorry, Avery.”
Pulling in a breath, I let it out slowly and then suck it back in as I let go. I cry into his chest and my dad holds me, whispering that I’m okay, that he’s sorry, and everything will be fine. Rubbing my nose into his chest, I close my eyes as I cling to him, but I wish it were Jace. I know that’s horrible since my dad is trying, but I still crave Jace. Because while this man is my father, the man who was supposed to be my hero, he never was.
But Jace is.
And has been since the moment I met him.
As I hit the ice, I look up to see that Avery isn’t sitting with my mom, but her mom is there with Lucy. I wonder where she and her dad are. Looking away, I can’t help but worry. I know that’s silly since it’s her dad, but I just hope he is doing right by her. And he has for the last two days, but that’s because I’m there. I think that’s the reason. Maybe they really are trying. More her dad than her mom, but I can tell they want to make things better with their daughter. No matter how much Avery claims to be done with her family, I know she craves their love. I just hope they don’t let her down.
