If I Die
Page 14
No, they say the best defense is a good offense. But you cant take the offensive with death. Though hes awfully easy to piss off sometimes Meaning Tod, of course. Though, honestly, Nash usually meant to piss him off.
Whatever. Where do we stand on the subject of my dying wish? I leaned back against the pillows again, hoping to tempt him.
Im your dying wish? He lay down next to me, and I lifted my head so he could put his arm behind it.
Wellnot quite. My dying wish is not to die. But youre a close second. So where do we stand?
He ran one hand down my arm and my pulse spiked when his fingers splayed across my stomach. We stand
My desk chair creaked, and I looked up to find Tod sitting in it backward, facing away from usthe most courteous entrance hed ever given us as a couple. And while most of me was frustrated by the disruption, some tiny part of me was also a little relievedand confused by the discrepancy in my own emotions.
Hope Im interrupting something. The reaper swiveled to face us and Nash sat up, cheeks already flaming.
Get. Out, Nash growled.
Tod rolled his eyes. I made Kaylee a promise. As usual, Im just the messenger.
Whats up, Tod? I laid one hand on Nashs arm before he could say anything else.
Moms in the kitchen with your dad, trying to talk him out of doing something stupid. It sounds like she could use your help.
5
Theres always an exception, Harmony, my father said, and the raw pain in his voice stole my breath with an almost physical force. I was scared, and pissed off, and riding an unforeseen wave of sexual resolve in the face of certain death. But my father was in serious pain over a loss he refused to accept as inevitable.
The fact that I was that loss was almost too much for me to wrap my mind around.
I inched down the hall silently, aching to see my fathers face, but if they knew I was there, theyd stop talking, and Id lose this glimpse into his true emotional state.
Aiden. Harmonys whisper was so soft I almost didnt recognize it. I am so, so sorry. I wish I could say I know how you feel, but I didnt have any warning with Tod.
Theres nothing to be sorry about, my dad answered, his voice hard now, like he could hold off the unavoidable with nothing but sheer will. Theres a way out of this, and Im going to find it.
I peeked through the living room and into the kitchen just as Harmony scooted her chair closer to my fathers. They sat at the table with their backs to me, and I could only see them from the shoulders up, over the half wall separating the two rooms.
Aiden, theres nothing you can do. She slid one arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder, and I held my breath to make sure I could hear the rest. Do you really want to miss your daughters last few days of life to chase answers that just arent there?
I dont want to miss anything. And I dont want her to miss anything, eitherthats the whole point. Ive been such a fool, Harmony. I wasted thirteen years of her life letting my brother raise her because it hurt to look at her. Every time I saw her, I saw her mother. I only got Kaylee back six months ago, and now shes being taken away. Six months isnt long enough!
No ones taking her away, Harmony insisted gently. Her times up. It happens to everyone.
What would you do? my dad demanded, pulling away from her. If you knew Nash was about to die, would you ever quit looking for a way to stop it? Would you give up on him?
I
It doesnt matter what she would do. I stepped around the wall, and Tod appeared at my side. Nashs footsteps squeaked on the hall tile behind me, even though Id asked them both to stay in my room.
Harmony and my dad stood facing us, but they were both too good at hiding their feelings for me to read anything more than general angst. They were better at that than I would ever be, considering how little time I had left to perfect the art.
Dad, dont do this, I begged, frozen where I stood. You cant change this, and if you try, youll only be putting yourself at risk. Do you really want me to spend my last six days worrying that were both going to die on Thursday?
I dont want you to worry about anything. He ran one hand through hair that showed no sign of graying, less than a month before his one hundred thirty-fourth birthday. I want you to finish high school, and break curfew, and keep giving me excuses to toss the Hudson boys out of the house, not necessarily in that order. I want you to have a normal life. A long one.
I bit my lip, trying to hold back tears as he crossed the room toward me. Well, thats not going to happen. And Im not going to be able to enjoy what life I have left if Im worried about you getting yourself killed trying to do the impossible.
Kaylee He reached for me, but I stepped back and crossed my arms over my chest.
Promise me, Dad. Promise youll leave this alone.
You know I cant
Promise, I insisted, and his stoic expression crumpled beneath a burden of pain and responsibility I couldnt imagine.
Whatever. Where do we stand on the subject of my dying wish? I leaned back against the pillows again, hoping to tempt him.
Im your dying wish? He lay down next to me, and I lifted my head so he could put his arm behind it.
Wellnot quite. My dying wish is not to die. But youre a close second. So where do we stand?
He ran one hand down my arm and my pulse spiked when his fingers splayed across my stomach. We stand
My desk chair creaked, and I looked up to find Tod sitting in it backward, facing away from usthe most courteous entrance hed ever given us as a couple. And while most of me was frustrated by the disruption, some tiny part of me was also a little relievedand confused by the discrepancy in my own emotions.
Hope Im interrupting something. The reaper swiveled to face us and Nash sat up, cheeks already flaming.
Get. Out, Nash growled.
Tod rolled his eyes. I made Kaylee a promise. As usual, Im just the messenger.
Whats up, Tod? I laid one hand on Nashs arm before he could say anything else.
Moms in the kitchen with your dad, trying to talk him out of doing something stupid. It sounds like she could use your help.
5
Theres always an exception, Harmony, my father said, and the raw pain in his voice stole my breath with an almost physical force. I was scared, and pissed off, and riding an unforeseen wave of sexual resolve in the face of certain death. But my father was in serious pain over a loss he refused to accept as inevitable.
The fact that I was that loss was almost too much for me to wrap my mind around.
I inched down the hall silently, aching to see my fathers face, but if they knew I was there, theyd stop talking, and Id lose this glimpse into his true emotional state.
Aiden. Harmonys whisper was so soft I almost didnt recognize it. I am so, so sorry. I wish I could say I know how you feel, but I didnt have any warning with Tod.
Theres nothing to be sorry about, my dad answered, his voice hard now, like he could hold off the unavoidable with nothing but sheer will. Theres a way out of this, and Im going to find it.
I peeked through the living room and into the kitchen just as Harmony scooted her chair closer to my fathers. They sat at the table with their backs to me, and I could only see them from the shoulders up, over the half wall separating the two rooms.
Aiden, theres nothing you can do. She slid one arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder, and I held my breath to make sure I could hear the rest. Do you really want to miss your daughters last few days of life to chase answers that just arent there?
I dont want to miss anything. And I dont want her to miss anything, eitherthats the whole point. Ive been such a fool, Harmony. I wasted thirteen years of her life letting my brother raise her because it hurt to look at her. Every time I saw her, I saw her mother. I only got Kaylee back six months ago, and now shes being taken away. Six months isnt long enough!
No ones taking her away, Harmony insisted gently. Her times up. It happens to everyone.
What would you do? my dad demanded, pulling away from her. If you knew Nash was about to die, would you ever quit looking for a way to stop it? Would you give up on him?
I
It doesnt matter what she would do. I stepped around the wall, and Tod appeared at my side. Nashs footsteps squeaked on the hall tile behind me, even though Id asked them both to stay in my room.
Harmony and my dad stood facing us, but they were both too good at hiding their feelings for me to read anything more than general angst. They were better at that than I would ever be, considering how little time I had left to perfect the art.
Dad, dont do this, I begged, frozen where I stood. You cant change this, and if you try, youll only be putting yourself at risk. Do you really want me to spend my last six days worrying that were both going to die on Thursday?
I dont want you to worry about anything. He ran one hand through hair that showed no sign of graying, less than a month before his one hundred thirty-fourth birthday. I want you to finish high school, and break curfew, and keep giving me excuses to toss the Hudson boys out of the house, not necessarily in that order. I want you to have a normal life. A long one.
I bit my lip, trying to hold back tears as he crossed the room toward me. Well, thats not going to happen. And Im not going to be able to enjoy what life I have left if Im worried about you getting yourself killed trying to do the impossible.
Kaylee He reached for me, but I stepped back and crossed my arms over my chest.
Promise me, Dad. Promise youll leave this alone.
You know I cant
Promise, I insisted, and his stoic expression crumpled beneath a burden of pain and responsibility I couldnt imagine.
