If I Die
Page 13
I can do this.
I took his hand and pulled him out of the chair. I didnt have to pull very hardit was more an issue of guiding him where I wanted him. Onto the bed. With me. I wanna do some of them, before its too late.
I scooted backward and he crawled over my legs and up my torso as I lay back on the pillows, and my heart beat so hard I could hear it echo in my ears.
This is why you closed the door? he whispered, dropping a series of tiny kisses at the back of my jaw.
It wasnt premeditated. I breathed, running my hands over the front of his shirt, feeling the planes beneath. Was his heart beating as hard as mine? Was that even possible?
Coulda fooled me.
Shut up. I slid one hand behind his neck and pulled him down until his mouth met mine. His lips were warm and soft, and the taste of him brought back nothing but good memoriesthe only advantage to having been possessed by a hellion is that you dont actually remember what happened while you were away from your body. Which made it just a little easier for me to push aside the knowledge that hed been less than trustworthy in the past and just decide to trust Nash now.
Id been unable to do that completely so far, but knowing I was going to die soonknowing I was about to lose my chancemade me bold. Not quite fearless, like Sabine, but definitely brave. And more than a little eager.
My mouth opened beneath his, and Nash kissed me deeper. His weight settled onto me, heavy and warm, and very, very real. A nervous tingling started in the pit of my stomach and spread like pins and needles everywhere Nash touched me. Id never felt more alive, and the irony in that thought did not escape me.
This is going to happen. I was ready, mostly because there was no more time to not be readynot unless I wanted to die a virgin. And of all the things I still wanted to do before I died, this was the only one within reach.
Nashs mouth trailed down my throat, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the electric feel of his hands, the scalding heat from his lips. Letting it all overwhelm the sharp edge of fear holding steady like the eye of the storm raging around me. I had a lot of things to be scared ofreal thingsbut this wasnt one of them. And slowly, I let my hands trail down from his chest to the waist of his jeans.
I gave the top flap of denim one sharp tug, and the button slid through the hole.
Whoa! Nash rolled onto his side, staring down at me in confusion. What are you doing?
I think youre pretty familiar with the concept.
His gaze searched mine. Is this a test? Should I ask what color your first bike was?
I laughed. Six weeks earlier, Id used that question as a sort of password, to make sure I wasnttalking to a hellion whod hijacked my friend Alecs body. Im not possessed. I looked up at him from the pillow, letting him see the truth on my face. Im just ready.
You werent ready last week. Nash sat up, frowning down at me from the edge of my bed now. And the only thing thats changed is
The only thing thats changed is that now Im dying. Im out of time, Nash, and I want to do this. Now. Before I got nervous, or scared, or started to feel really, really embarrassed by the fact that I was having to convince him.
Your dads in the other room.
So lets go to your house.
He shook his head slowly. My moms home.
I shrugged. Fine. Lets go to the lake.
Kaylee Nash scrubbed his face with both hands, then looked at me with the most conflicted regret Id ever seen. You know I want to, but
I sat up, and I could feel my cheeks flaming. Was he turning me down? After all the times hed hinted, and asked, and outright pushed? But what? I demanded, and I could hear the bite in my own voice.
Not like this. You dont really want this. Youre just trying to avoid thinking about next Thursday. Or maybe youre trying to cross things off some kind of morbid checklist. Either way, this isnt really what you want, and
Dont tell me what I want! I snapped, but he only put his hand over mine and leaned closer, so that I had to see the depth of the regret swirling in his eyes.
and I swore to you once that I knew you well enough to know when you want to stop, even if you cant tell me. Dont make a liar out of me, Kaylee. Not again.
He was right. Damn it.
Okay, I get it. But things have changed. I sucked in a deep breath and looked right into his eyes, begging him silently to understand. Everythings changed, Nash. I do want you. And you want me. Youve wanted this for months, and now weve only got six days to make it happen before we both lose our chance.
He closed his eyes, and I realized that was to prevent me from seeing whatever he couldnt stop them from showing. When he finally opened his eyes, they shined with good humor, and only the lines in his forehead told me it was forced. How did this turn into you begging me for sex? He grinned, and I laughed out loud.
Youre not gonna let me live it down, are you?
Nashs smile faltered. No more life and death jokes, Kaylee. This is hard enough as it is.
They say humor is the best defense.
I took his hand and pulled him out of the chair. I didnt have to pull very hardit was more an issue of guiding him where I wanted him. Onto the bed. With me. I wanna do some of them, before its too late.
I scooted backward and he crawled over my legs and up my torso as I lay back on the pillows, and my heart beat so hard I could hear it echo in my ears.
This is why you closed the door? he whispered, dropping a series of tiny kisses at the back of my jaw.
It wasnt premeditated. I breathed, running my hands over the front of his shirt, feeling the planes beneath. Was his heart beating as hard as mine? Was that even possible?
Coulda fooled me.
Shut up. I slid one hand behind his neck and pulled him down until his mouth met mine. His lips were warm and soft, and the taste of him brought back nothing but good memoriesthe only advantage to having been possessed by a hellion is that you dont actually remember what happened while you were away from your body. Which made it just a little easier for me to push aside the knowledge that hed been less than trustworthy in the past and just decide to trust Nash now.
Id been unable to do that completely so far, but knowing I was going to die soonknowing I was about to lose my chancemade me bold. Not quite fearless, like Sabine, but definitely brave. And more than a little eager.
My mouth opened beneath his, and Nash kissed me deeper. His weight settled onto me, heavy and warm, and very, very real. A nervous tingling started in the pit of my stomach and spread like pins and needles everywhere Nash touched me. Id never felt more alive, and the irony in that thought did not escape me.
This is going to happen. I was ready, mostly because there was no more time to not be readynot unless I wanted to die a virgin. And of all the things I still wanted to do before I died, this was the only one within reach.
Nashs mouth trailed down my throat, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the electric feel of his hands, the scalding heat from his lips. Letting it all overwhelm the sharp edge of fear holding steady like the eye of the storm raging around me. I had a lot of things to be scared ofreal thingsbut this wasnt one of them. And slowly, I let my hands trail down from his chest to the waist of his jeans.
I gave the top flap of denim one sharp tug, and the button slid through the hole.
Whoa! Nash rolled onto his side, staring down at me in confusion. What are you doing?
I think youre pretty familiar with the concept.
His gaze searched mine. Is this a test? Should I ask what color your first bike was?
I laughed. Six weeks earlier, Id used that question as a sort of password, to make sure I wasnttalking to a hellion whod hijacked my friend Alecs body. Im not possessed. I looked up at him from the pillow, letting him see the truth on my face. Im just ready.
You werent ready last week. Nash sat up, frowning down at me from the edge of my bed now. And the only thing thats changed is
The only thing thats changed is that now Im dying. Im out of time, Nash, and I want to do this. Now. Before I got nervous, or scared, or started to feel really, really embarrassed by the fact that I was having to convince him.
Your dads in the other room.
So lets go to your house.
He shook his head slowly. My moms home.
I shrugged. Fine. Lets go to the lake.
Kaylee Nash scrubbed his face with both hands, then looked at me with the most conflicted regret Id ever seen. You know I want to, but
I sat up, and I could feel my cheeks flaming. Was he turning me down? After all the times hed hinted, and asked, and outright pushed? But what? I demanded, and I could hear the bite in my own voice.
Not like this. You dont really want this. Youre just trying to avoid thinking about next Thursday. Or maybe youre trying to cross things off some kind of morbid checklist. Either way, this isnt really what you want, and
Dont tell me what I want! I snapped, but he only put his hand over mine and leaned closer, so that I had to see the depth of the regret swirling in his eyes.
and I swore to you once that I knew you well enough to know when you want to stop, even if you cant tell me. Dont make a liar out of me, Kaylee. Not again.
He was right. Damn it.
Okay, I get it. But things have changed. I sucked in a deep breath and looked right into his eyes, begging him silently to understand. Everythings changed, Nash. I do want you. And you want me. Youve wanted this for months, and now weve only got six days to make it happen before we both lose our chance.
He closed his eyes, and I realized that was to prevent me from seeing whatever he couldnt stop them from showing. When he finally opened his eyes, they shined with good humor, and only the lines in his forehead told me it was forced. How did this turn into you begging me for sex? He grinned, and I laughed out loud.
Youre not gonna let me live it down, are you?
Nashs smile faltered. No more life and death jokes, Kaylee. This is hard enough as it is.
They say humor is the best defense.
