If I Die
Page 17
I guess. Sabine set her can on another milk crate and crossed her arms over her chest. But I hope youre not basing this on what I said at lunch. That was just a theory. I have lots of time to think those up while people are cowering away from me in the halls and avoiding my eyes in class. Because unless she was careful to keep it in check, creepy vibes emanated from Sabine like BO from an unwashed jock. Wanna hear this theory I have about Tod? I think youre gonna like it.
No. I shook my head sharply and held her eye contact, determined to get through my request with the bare minimum of Sabines nosy, spiteful tangents. I dont want to hear any more of your theories. I just want you to follow up on this one, as a favor to a dying classmate. Please.
Sabine watched me in open curiosity. Why do you care? I mean, youre going to be dead in a few days. Do you really want to spend your last few days tracking down whoever Danica Sussman cheated on her boyfriend with? Dont you think its possible youre grasping at a problem that doesnt really exist to distract yourself from a reality youre not ready to face? Sabine stopped and grinned, obviously pleased with herself. Damn, that was perceptive of me. And I didnt even get that from reading your fear!
I sighed. I fully admit thats what Im doing. Dont you think youd want a distraction if you found out you were going to die before the end of the week?
Hell yeah. But Id find it in Nashs bed, not in Danicas possibly skeleton-bearing closet.
Sabines eyes widened. You already tried, didnt you? When I didnt answer, her smile grew. Nash turned you down? Wow. Thats unexpected. And really satisfying
He didnt turn me down. We were interrupted, I insisted, but as usual, she refused to rise above her own moment of triumph in the rivalry shed decided we were in.
And he didnt want to pick up where you left off? Try not to read too much into that. It isnt necessarily because you dont know what youre doing
My temper flared, and my jaw ached from being clenched. Okay, look. I leaned forward in the chair, capturing her gaze in spite of the discomfort of looking directly into the maras eyes. I get that you want Nash. And as much as it kills me to admit this, youre going to get a shot at him in a few days. I can make that easier for you. Or I can make it very, very hard.
Sabines eyes narrowed and darkened, and suddenly the room felt colder. Are you threatening me?
I shrugged. Yeah. Kinda.
Her brows rose. I should be pissed off, but this is actually kind of funny.
Im serious. If you dont leaveme and Nash alone for five more days, I will make it clear that I cant possibly rest in peace knowing the two of you are together, and you really will be competing with a ghost. Hows that for a threat?
She nodded solemnly. Not bad, for a first attempt. So what do I get if I do let youhave him?
A truce. I agree not to stand in the way of your relationship with Nash once Im gone, and you agree not to stand in the way of our relationship until then.
But I want him now.
I shrugged. And I want to live. Looks like the universe mixed up our wish lists. So what do you say? Truce now, and my blessing for the two of you, once Im gone? Id thought saying that would make me want to rip my own hair out, but it was actually a bit of a relief. Because the truth was that after I was gone, Nash would need her. Resisting addiction wouldnt be easy for him, coupled with grief, and she could help keep him straight.
Sabine blinked, and I could practically see the gears turning behind her dark, dark eyes. She knew what I was offeringNash would let himself be happy with her if he didnt think Id object. Fine, she said finally. But I think Im getting the better end of this deal.
The scary part was that I believed her. Whatever. For now, I really need you to find out about Mr. Beck.
Sabines gaze narrowed on me in sudden suspicion. Are you sure you dont have a more personal interest in this? I know youre trying to lose the big V before you meet the big D, and since Nash isnt sounding incredibly interested, you may be looking into some other options. And I have to respect your taste. Beck would be one yummy hunk of flesh, even if he didnt have a fear in the world. But why dont you try looking a little closer to home
Ew, Sabine, I dont want to sleep with Mr. Beck! I couldnt stop the shudder of revulsion crawling up my spine at the thought that he might be connected to what happened to Danica. And Nash is interested.
But you havent done it yet?
Thats none of your business. I started backing toward the front door.
Sabine shrugged, and I wanted to smack the smug look off her face. Hell tell me all about it once youre gone, and I can wait a few more days for that.
Do you even have a heart in there? I demanded, one hand on the front doorknob.
Not anymore. I gave it to Nash before he even met you. She couldnt quite hide a flash of true pain, but for once, I was unaffected by someone elses suffering. Like shed said, Id be gone in a few days, and she could wait that long to pick over my corpse and claim what Id left behind.
No. I shook my head sharply and held her eye contact, determined to get through my request with the bare minimum of Sabines nosy, spiteful tangents. I dont want to hear any more of your theories. I just want you to follow up on this one, as a favor to a dying classmate. Please.
Sabine watched me in open curiosity. Why do you care? I mean, youre going to be dead in a few days. Do you really want to spend your last few days tracking down whoever Danica Sussman cheated on her boyfriend with? Dont you think its possible youre grasping at a problem that doesnt really exist to distract yourself from a reality youre not ready to face? Sabine stopped and grinned, obviously pleased with herself. Damn, that was perceptive of me. And I didnt even get that from reading your fear!
I sighed. I fully admit thats what Im doing. Dont you think youd want a distraction if you found out you were going to die before the end of the week?
Hell yeah. But Id find it in Nashs bed, not in Danicas possibly skeleton-bearing closet.
Sabines eyes widened. You already tried, didnt you? When I didnt answer, her smile grew. Nash turned you down? Wow. Thats unexpected. And really satisfying
He didnt turn me down. We were interrupted, I insisted, but as usual, she refused to rise above her own moment of triumph in the rivalry shed decided we were in.
And he didnt want to pick up where you left off? Try not to read too much into that. It isnt necessarily because you dont know what youre doing
My temper flared, and my jaw ached from being clenched. Okay, look. I leaned forward in the chair, capturing her gaze in spite of the discomfort of looking directly into the maras eyes. I get that you want Nash. And as much as it kills me to admit this, youre going to get a shot at him in a few days. I can make that easier for you. Or I can make it very, very hard.
Sabines eyes narrowed and darkened, and suddenly the room felt colder. Are you threatening me?
I shrugged. Yeah. Kinda.
Her brows rose. I should be pissed off, but this is actually kind of funny.
Im serious. If you dont leaveme and Nash alone for five more days, I will make it clear that I cant possibly rest in peace knowing the two of you are together, and you really will be competing with a ghost. Hows that for a threat?
She nodded solemnly. Not bad, for a first attempt. So what do I get if I do let youhave him?
A truce. I agree not to stand in the way of your relationship with Nash once Im gone, and you agree not to stand in the way of our relationship until then.
But I want him now.
I shrugged. And I want to live. Looks like the universe mixed up our wish lists. So what do you say? Truce now, and my blessing for the two of you, once Im gone? Id thought saying that would make me want to rip my own hair out, but it was actually a bit of a relief. Because the truth was that after I was gone, Nash would need her. Resisting addiction wouldnt be easy for him, coupled with grief, and she could help keep him straight.
Sabine blinked, and I could practically see the gears turning behind her dark, dark eyes. She knew what I was offeringNash would let himself be happy with her if he didnt think Id object. Fine, she said finally. But I think Im getting the better end of this deal.
The scary part was that I believed her. Whatever. For now, I really need you to find out about Mr. Beck.
Sabines gaze narrowed on me in sudden suspicion. Are you sure you dont have a more personal interest in this? I know youre trying to lose the big V before you meet the big D, and since Nash isnt sounding incredibly interested, you may be looking into some other options. And I have to respect your taste. Beck would be one yummy hunk of flesh, even if he didnt have a fear in the world. But why dont you try looking a little closer to home
Ew, Sabine, I dont want to sleep with Mr. Beck! I couldnt stop the shudder of revulsion crawling up my spine at the thought that he might be connected to what happened to Danica. And Nash is interested.
But you havent done it yet?
Thats none of your business. I started backing toward the front door.
Sabine shrugged, and I wanted to smack the smug look off her face. Hell tell me all about it once youre gone, and I can wait a few more days for that.
Do you even have a heart in there? I demanded, one hand on the front doorknob.
Not anymore. I gave it to Nash before he even met you. She couldnt quite hide a flash of true pain, but for once, I was unaffected by someone elses suffering. Like shed said, Id be gone in a few days, and she could wait that long to pick over my corpse and claim what Id left behind.
