If I Die
Page 18
Just find out what Mr. Beck iswithout letting him know youre not human. Can you find some reason to touch him and read his fears a little more in depth? Thanks to the braided bracelets we both worewoven strands of dissimulatus, to keep hellions from identifying us from the Netherworldhed never know either of our species unless we gave ourselves away.
If you think hes really screwing students, finding a reason to touch him will be the easy part. Sabine leaned back on the couch, making no move to show me out.
Yeah. For you, I guess it will be.
Her brows rose again, in challenge. You calling me a slut?
No. I sighed, trying to push aside thoughts I really didnt want to think. I think youre fanatically loyal to Nash, at least in your heart. And when I was gone, that loyalty would probably be mutual.
Sabine? I said, and her focus narrowed on me, her attention as serious now as my tone of voice. I know youll be there for him when Im gone. In more ways than I wanted to contemplate. But dont even think about touching him until Im cold and in the ground.
6
Sunday morning, I woke up alone. My dad had left a note on the fridge, telling me hed be back for dinner. No explanation. But I knew what he was doing. He was looking for a way to save my life. I also knew that if he found one, hed take it, no matter what it cost him, or anyone else.
What it cost me was obvious. Why did my father always seem to demonstrate his love for me through his own absence?
I ate a pint of Phish Food for breakfastwhy worry about either calories or poor nutrition when I wouldnt be there to suffer from either one?then got showered and dressed on autopilot. After half an hour of flipping through TV shows I had no interest in, I picked up my phone to call Emmathen remembered that she was working. But before I could slide my cell back into my pocket, it started playing Nashs dedicated ring tone.
I smiled and flipped the phone open.
Hey, Nash said into my ear, his voice deep and gruff, like hed just woken up. You busy?
Got nothin scheduled till sometime Thursday. Why? Whatcha got in mind?
Bedsprings groaned, and Nashs voice got louder. Ladys choice. Lunch? Movie? Hell, skydiving? You name it, and Ill do it.
I hesitated for one heart-thudding moment. My dads out. I could use some company.
Silence, but for a single exhalation over the line. Seriously? he asked. But we both knew what I was really saying. You sure youre ready?
Yeah. No. But Id run out of time to get ready. Bring protection. Cause I sure didnt have any.
Giveme half an hour.
I closed my phone and slid it into my pocket, suddenly so nervous I couldnt even breathe properly. Every breath seemed to come too early or too late, like I was alternately suffocating and hyperventilating.
Was that normal?
Feeling clueless and stupid, I squelched the urge to call Emma for adviceshe wouldnt have her phone behind the counter at work anywaythen stood and stared around my living room like Id never seen it before. I felt like I should do something toprepare. But damned if I knew what.
To distract myself from the endless list of things I suddenly realized I didnt know about sexnot the science stuff, the real stuff; stuff Id never really contemplated, but that now seemed vitalI made my bed. Then brushed my teeth. Then changed out of my boring cotton underwear for a pair of slightly less boring cotton underwear, silently cursing the embarrassment that had kept me from buying actual grown-up clothes when Emma had dragged me into Victorias Secret a couple of months earlier.
When none of that helped, I glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. T-minus nine minutes, and counting. It would take five just to boot up my laptop. So I sat on the couch and pulled out my phone. Then did the unthinkable.
I called Sabine.
The mara answered on the third ring. School doesnt start for another twenty-one hours, Kaylee, she groaned. I havent had a chance to talk to Beck yet.
I know. I, umI need some advice. I closed my eyes and put one hand over them, silently cursing myself.
From me? She couldnt have sounded more surprised if shed woken up bald and toothless.
I wouldnt have called you if I had any other options, but Emmas at work, and my moms dead, and Harmonyswell, shes Nashs mom, so thats out of the question. And that only leaves you.
Bedsprings creaked againwas I the only one who got up before lunch?and her hand scratched the receiver as she covered it. I couldnt make out whatever she yelled at her foster mother, but it definitely wasntpolite.
Then a door slammed and most of the background noise died. And Sabine was back.
Im assuming this is about sex. If Im wrong, correct me now, or this conversation is going to get really weird.
Youre not wrong. I have questions, and I need answers, fast. Nash will be here in I glanced at the clock again seven minutes.
Cutting it pretty close, arent you? She sounded distinctly unhappy to hear that I was minutes away from sleeping with Nash, and I choked back the sudden fear that her answers would sabotage my firstand likely onlysexual experience.
If you think hes really screwing students, finding a reason to touch him will be the easy part. Sabine leaned back on the couch, making no move to show me out.
Yeah. For you, I guess it will be.
Her brows rose again, in challenge. You calling me a slut?
No. I sighed, trying to push aside thoughts I really didnt want to think. I think youre fanatically loyal to Nash, at least in your heart. And when I was gone, that loyalty would probably be mutual.
Sabine? I said, and her focus narrowed on me, her attention as serious now as my tone of voice. I know youll be there for him when Im gone. In more ways than I wanted to contemplate. But dont even think about touching him until Im cold and in the ground.
6
Sunday morning, I woke up alone. My dad had left a note on the fridge, telling me hed be back for dinner. No explanation. But I knew what he was doing. He was looking for a way to save my life. I also knew that if he found one, hed take it, no matter what it cost him, or anyone else.
What it cost me was obvious. Why did my father always seem to demonstrate his love for me through his own absence?
I ate a pint of Phish Food for breakfastwhy worry about either calories or poor nutrition when I wouldnt be there to suffer from either one?then got showered and dressed on autopilot. After half an hour of flipping through TV shows I had no interest in, I picked up my phone to call Emmathen remembered that she was working. But before I could slide my cell back into my pocket, it started playing Nashs dedicated ring tone.
I smiled and flipped the phone open.
Hey, Nash said into my ear, his voice deep and gruff, like hed just woken up. You busy?
Got nothin scheduled till sometime Thursday. Why? Whatcha got in mind?
Bedsprings groaned, and Nashs voice got louder. Ladys choice. Lunch? Movie? Hell, skydiving? You name it, and Ill do it.
I hesitated for one heart-thudding moment. My dads out. I could use some company.
Silence, but for a single exhalation over the line. Seriously? he asked. But we both knew what I was really saying. You sure youre ready?
Yeah. No. But Id run out of time to get ready. Bring protection. Cause I sure didnt have any.
Giveme half an hour.
I closed my phone and slid it into my pocket, suddenly so nervous I couldnt even breathe properly. Every breath seemed to come too early or too late, like I was alternately suffocating and hyperventilating.
Was that normal?
Feeling clueless and stupid, I squelched the urge to call Emma for adviceshe wouldnt have her phone behind the counter at work anywaythen stood and stared around my living room like Id never seen it before. I felt like I should do something toprepare. But damned if I knew what.
To distract myself from the endless list of things I suddenly realized I didnt know about sexnot the science stuff, the real stuff; stuff Id never really contemplated, but that now seemed vitalI made my bed. Then brushed my teeth. Then changed out of my boring cotton underwear for a pair of slightly less boring cotton underwear, silently cursing the embarrassment that had kept me from buying actual grown-up clothes when Emma had dragged me into Victorias Secret a couple of months earlier.
When none of that helped, I glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. T-minus nine minutes, and counting. It would take five just to boot up my laptop. So I sat on the couch and pulled out my phone. Then did the unthinkable.
I called Sabine.
The mara answered on the third ring. School doesnt start for another twenty-one hours, Kaylee, she groaned. I havent had a chance to talk to Beck yet.
I know. I, umI need some advice. I closed my eyes and put one hand over them, silently cursing myself.
From me? She couldnt have sounded more surprised if shed woken up bald and toothless.
I wouldnt have called you if I had any other options, but Emmas at work, and my moms dead, and Harmonyswell, shes Nashs mom, so thats out of the question. And that only leaves you.
Bedsprings creaked againwas I the only one who got up before lunch?and her hand scratched the receiver as she covered it. I couldnt make out whatever she yelled at her foster mother, but it definitely wasntpolite.
Then a door slammed and most of the background noise died. And Sabine was back.
Im assuming this is about sex. If Im wrong, correct me now, or this conversation is going to get really weird.
Youre not wrong. I have questions, and I need answers, fast. Nash will be here in I glanced at the clock again seven minutes.
Cutting it pretty close, arent you? She sounded distinctly unhappy to hear that I was minutes away from sleeping with Nash, and I choked back the sudden fear that her answers would sabotage my firstand likely onlysexual experience.
