If I Die
Page 22
Tods jaw clenched, but his attention never left me. I cant stop whatevers going to happen on Thursday, Kaylee. More than anything in the world, I wish I could. I nodded, sniffling. But Levi said if I can get proof that Thanes been reaping off the record, hell take it to his boss, and at the very least, we can get him removed from your case and held for review. And that should protect your dad. No promises The reaper glanced pointedly at his brother, then met my tear-blurred gaze again. But Ill do what I can.
Thank you. I wiped away more tears, trying to balance overwhelming fear and frustration with the bone of hope hed just tossed me.
How do you know all this already? Nashs gaze narrowed on his brother when the reaper finally stood and stepped back. You popped in here like you had urgent news, but if it was so urgent in the first place, how did you and Levi have time to work this out?
I glanced at Nash, surprised by his anger. Hes just trying to help, I insisted, sliding my hand into his.
Dont you think his timing is a little convenient?
Tod actually laughed. Little brother, the last thing I was trying to be was convenient.
Something silent passed between them. Some kind of unspoken challenge that made my stomach pitch. What am I missing? Theyd never been best friends, but Id rarely seen them openly hostile.
Nash never even glanced at me. Youve delivered your news. Now go deliver some pizza.
I glanced at him in surprise. Whats wrong with you?
But when Nash didnt answer, Tod did, his eyes darker than usual, but still steady. He wants to pick up where the two of you left off.
I could feel myself flush, and Nashs hand tightened around mine. But he was watching his brother again. Do you have a problem with that, Tod?
That sick feeling in my stomach grew stronger, and I looked up to find the reaper watching me, like he was waiting for some kind of signal. And when I didnt give him onewhen I couldnt even fully understand the words they were saying, much less the ones they werenthe exhaled heavily, holding my gaze. Not if thats what she wants. At least this time shes actually in there and able to speak for herself. He tapped his head to illustrate his point, and I struggled to breathe through a complicated mix of embarrassment and squirming discomfort.
I didnt like the reminder that he knew what had happened. What Nash had let happen when he was high. I didnt want to think about it, and I didnt want to know that anyone else ever thought about it.
Nash went stiff at my side, and I could practically feel his temper rolling off him in waves. Get.Out.
Tod watched me for another second, while I tried desperately to calm the storm of confusion battering my heart from all sides. Then he disappeared.
I cant believe he said that to you. Nash pulled me up by the hand he still held, and I let him tug me toward the living room.
He was talking to you, I said softly, as I sank onto the couch next to him, and Nash went very, very still.
It was the thing we didnt talk about. It had happened, more than once, and it had broken us up for a while, but he felt horrible about it, and the whole thing was behind us now. And I was fine as long as I didnt think about it. About what was said and seen and done while I wasnt in control of my own body.
Nash looked straight into my eyes with an intensity and sincerity that made me catch my breath. Its never going to happen again. Not even if you lived to be a thousand. You know that, right?
Youre here, arent you? I said at last. Wasnt that proof enough that I was trying to move past it?
But I couldnt get Tods expression out of my head. Thered been just a flash of motion in his irisesa swirl of blue too quick to interpret.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. Tried to get back to the place Nash and I had been an hour before, alone, in my room, where thoughts didnt matterit was all about feeling. But when I met Nashs gaze, I knew the moment was over. He was still mad at Tod, and hurt by the reminder of things wed put behind us. And maybe I was, too.
He did this on purpose. Nash let his head fall against the back of the couch. He dredged up old problems to start new trouble. And this time I couldnt argue.
As it turns out, theres no greater impediment to la petite mortthe little deaththan a visit from the real thing.
7
I blinked in the dark, confusion covering me like a blanket over my head. Why was I awake? Then Styx growled, and I realized two things at once: I was in my room, and I wasnt alone.
I sat up, heart pounding, pulse whooshing in my ears. Light from the hall painted a strip of color over one corner of my desk and the end of my bed, while the rest of the room stood shrouded in shadow. Styx lay near my footboard, curled up like she was still asleep, except for her raised head, shining black eyes, and sharp teeth, exposed as she growled in warning.
Avari. Harmony had said Styx would wake up if a hellion came anywhere near me, even from the other side of the world barrier, and though Id managed to piss off two other hellionsBelphagore and Invidiain the six months since Id learned I was a bean sidhe, Avari would always be my default guess. My go-to bad guy, a title awarded on the basis of persistence alone.
Thank you. I wiped away more tears, trying to balance overwhelming fear and frustration with the bone of hope hed just tossed me.
How do you know all this already? Nashs gaze narrowed on his brother when the reaper finally stood and stepped back. You popped in here like you had urgent news, but if it was so urgent in the first place, how did you and Levi have time to work this out?
I glanced at Nash, surprised by his anger. Hes just trying to help, I insisted, sliding my hand into his.
Dont you think his timing is a little convenient?
Tod actually laughed. Little brother, the last thing I was trying to be was convenient.
Something silent passed between them. Some kind of unspoken challenge that made my stomach pitch. What am I missing? Theyd never been best friends, but Id rarely seen them openly hostile.
Nash never even glanced at me. Youve delivered your news. Now go deliver some pizza.
I glanced at him in surprise. Whats wrong with you?
But when Nash didnt answer, Tod did, his eyes darker than usual, but still steady. He wants to pick up where the two of you left off.
I could feel myself flush, and Nashs hand tightened around mine. But he was watching his brother again. Do you have a problem with that, Tod?
That sick feeling in my stomach grew stronger, and I looked up to find the reaper watching me, like he was waiting for some kind of signal. And when I didnt give him onewhen I couldnt even fully understand the words they were saying, much less the ones they werenthe exhaled heavily, holding my gaze. Not if thats what she wants. At least this time shes actually in there and able to speak for herself. He tapped his head to illustrate his point, and I struggled to breathe through a complicated mix of embarrassment and squirming discomfort.
I didnt like the reminder that he knew what had happened. What Nash had let happen when he was high. I didnt want to think about it, and I didnt want to know that anyone else ever thought about it.
Nash went stiff at my side, and I could practically feel his temper rolling off him in waves. Get.Out.
Tod watched me for another second, while I tried desperately to calm the storm of confusion battering my heart from all sides. Then he disappeared.
I cant believe he said that to you. Nash pulled me up by the hand he still held, and I let him tug me toward the living room.
He was talking to you, I said softly, as I sank onto the couch next to him, and Nash went very, very still.
It was the thing we didnt talk about. It had happened, more than once, and it had broken us up for a while, but he felt horrible about it, and the whole thing was behind us now. And I was fine as long as I didnt think about it. About what was said and seen and done while I wasnt in control of my own body.
Nash looked straight into my eyes with an intensity and sincerity that made me catch my breath. Its never going to happen again. Not even if you lived to be a thousand. You know that, right?
Youre here, arent you? I said at last. Wasnt that proof enough that I was trying to move past it?
But I couldnt get Tods expression out of my head. Thered been just a flash of motion in his irisesa swirl of blue too quick to interpret.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. Tried to get back to the place Nash and I had been an hour before, alone, in my room, where thoughts didnt matterit was all about feeling. But when I met Nashs gaze, I knew the moment was over. He was still mad at Tod, and hurt by the reminder of things wed put behind us. And maybe I was, too.
He did this on purpose. Nash let his head fall against the back of the couch. He dredged up old problems to start new trouble. And this time I couldnt argue.
As it turns out, theres no greater impediment to la petite mortthe little deaththan a visit from the real thing.
7
I blinked in the dark, confusion covering me like a blanket over my head. Why was I awake? Then Styx growled, and I realized two things at once: I was in my room, and I wasnt alone.
I sat up, heart pounding, pulse whooshing in my ears. Light from the hall painted a strip of color over one corner of my desk and the end of my bed, while the rest of the room stood shrouded in shadow. Styx lay near my footboard, curled up like she was still asleep, except for her raised head, shining black eyes, and sharp teeth, exposed as she growled in warning.
Avari. Harmony had said Styx would wake up if a hellion came anywhere near me, even from the other side of the world barrier, and though Id managed to piss off two other hellionsBelphagore and Invidiain the six months since Id learned I was a bean sidhe, Avari would always be my default guess. My go-to bad guy, a title awarded on the basis of persistence alone.
