If I Die
Page 51
Well said! Thane shouted, and his voice echoed around the room like thunder, though only I could hear it.
It matters to me, Nash insisted. And the question wont be moot in three days, because Tod will still be here, and every time I look at him, Im going to know how he felt about you and wonder if that was mutual. If my own brother was trying to steal my girlfriend. So answer me! Do you like him?
Oooh, theres a brother? Thane demanded, standing inches away, his chest practically brushing my right shoulder. Drama, drama, drama.
I did my best to ignore the reaper, and focus on Nash. First of all, Im not a piece of property that can be stolen.
Thats not what I meant, Nash began, but I cut him off.
And second of all, Tod isnt trying to steal anything from you. You and your mom are all he has left in the world, and I dont think hed ever intentionally hurt you.
You know, Cain and Abel were brothers Thane said, and I whirled on him, fury sparking like fire in my veins. But before I could say a word, Nash followed my gaze and foundnothing.
Is that him? Is he here? Nash demanded. Is he talking to you, now?
Why would this Tod be invisible? Thane asked. Dont you have any human friends?
I ignored him and focused on Nash. No, its not Tod. Its
Uh-uh Thane taunted, crossing in front of me slowly, his nose brushing my cheek on its way to my ear, and I shuddered in revulsion. If you tell him, Ill have to kill him. And once Ive broken one rule, Im on the run anyway, so whats to stop me from breaking another one and taking you rightnow? He circled behind me, and his hand trailed across my lower back. I closed my eyes, fighting nausea at his touch.
Kaylee! Nash shouted. Answer me!
But I couldnt. I could barely even think past the terror and loathing crawling through me.
So thisll be our little secret, right, Kaylee? the reaper whispered into my other ear, as he completed the circle around me.
Tod! Nash growled through clenched teeth, glaring at random spots in the empty room. Get the hell out of here.
Its not Tod! I said, and the reaper stiffened at my side, until I continued. Its not anyone.
Good girl Thane whispered. Until next time Then he disappeared, and I leaned against the kitchen counter, sagging with relief.
Then whats wrong? Nash asked, and my brain raced as I tried to refocus on him in the aftershock of Thanesinvasion.
I dont know, Nash. I dont know if I like Tod.
The truth was that I hadnt even considered the possibility until a couple of hours earlier, because it hadnt seemed real. I wasnt Emma or Sophie. I didnt have C-cups bouncing in front of me with every step and I didnt dance around in tiny skirts. Guys didnt fight over me. Nash was an anomaly. I never would have been on his radar if we didnt share a species, so it had never occurred to me that I might be on anyone elses.
In fact, the reverse had always seemed much more plausiblethat someone else would steal him away from me.
Do you like Sabine? I asked softly, silently daring him to tell me the truth, in the face of his own accusations.
Nash turned and stomped into the living room. This isnt about Sabine.
I followed him, truly irritated now. Maybe it should be. You wanna know what I think? I asked, then gave him no time to reply. I think you do still like Sabine, at least a little bit. I think you like it that she still wants you, and you like flirting with her when Im not there, dangling the possibility in front of her. Playing her game. I sucked in a deep breath, surprised to realize that I was now thoroughly pissed at what amounted to his hypocrisy.
But I think it goes beyond that. I know how serious the two of you were, and I dont think you can ever really get over something like that. Not completely. And you know it. But you still hang out with her, alone, in your room. Practically daring each other to take things beyond friendship. Then you have the nerve to ask me if I like Tod, three days before Im going to die?
How could the four of us possibly be so tangled up in one another? And how could I not have seen it coming?
Nash stared at me, stunned. Im sorry, he said. Im so sorry I opened this can of worms, especially now. I swear I have no intention of taking things beyond friendship with Sabine, but this is the second time this week youve stood me up, then turned up with Tod. And I know he wants you, and it was starting to look like that might be mutual?
His voice went up on the end in question. He was still asking. And I didnt want to lie. But did it really matter? So what if Tod was funny, and unpredictable, and there every time I needed him. So what if he liked it when I raged against things and didnt think I was crazy for wanting to break into Lakeside? So what if hed spent months hanging out, getting to know me instead of trying to feel me up the first week we met.
What did that matter? What good was the possibilitythe life-changing, love-wrecking possibilitywhen I wouldnt be around to explore it?
It matters to me, Nash insisted. And the question wont be moot in three days, because Tod will still be here, and every time I look at him, Im going to know how he felt about you and wonder if that was mutual. If my own brother was trying to steal my girlfriend. So answer me! Do you like him?
Oooh, theres a brother? Thane demanded, standing inches away, his chest practically brushing my right shoulder. Drama, drama, drama.
I did my best to ignore the reaper, and focus on Nash. First of all, Im not a piece of property that can be stolen.
Thats not what I meant, Nash began, but I cut him off.
And second of all, Tod isnt trying to steal anything from you. You and your mom are all he has left in the world, and I dont think hed ever intentionally hurt you.
You know, Cain and Abel were brothers Thane said, and I whirled on him, fury sparking like fire in my veins. But before I could say a word, Nash followed my gaze and foundnothing.
Is that him? Is he here? Nash demanded. Is he talking to you, now?
Why would this Tod be invisible? Thane asked. Dont you have any human friends?
I ignored him and focused on Nash. No, its not Tod. Its
Uh-uh Thane taunted, crossing in front of me slowly, his nose brushing my cheek on its way to my ear, and I shuddered in revulsion. If you tell him, Ill have to kill him. And once Ive broken one rule, Im on the run anyway, so whats to stop me from breaking another one and taking you rightnow? He circled behind me, and his hand trailed across my lower back. I closed my eyes, fighting nausea at his touch.
Kaylee! Nash shouted. Answer me!
But I couldnt. I could barely even think past the terror and loathing crawling through me.
So thisll be our little secret, right, Kaylee? the reaper whispered into my other ear, as he completed the circle around me.
Tod! Nash growled through clenched teeth, glaring at random spots in the empty room. Get the hell out of here.
Its not Tod! I said, and the reaper stiffened at my side, until I continued. Its not anyone.
Good girl Thane whispered. Until next time Then he disappeared, and I leaned against the kitchen counter, sagging with relief.
Then whats wrong? Nash asked, and my brain raced as I tried to refocus on him in the aftershock of Thanesinvasion.
I dont know, Nash. I dont know if I like Tod.
The truth was that I hadnt even considered the possibility until a couple of hours earlier, because it hadnt seemed real. I wasnt Emma or Sophie. I didnt have C-cups bouncing in front of me with every step and I didnt dance around in tiny skirts. Guys didnt fight over me. Nash was an anomaly. I never would have been on his radar if we didnt share a species, so it had never occurred to me that I might be on anyone elses.
In fact, the reverse had always seemed much more plausiblethat someone else would steal him away from me.
Do you like Sabine? I asked softly, silently daring him to tell me the truth, in the face of his own accusations.
Nash turned and stomped into the living room. This isnt about Sabine.
I followed him, truly irritated now. Maybe it should be. You wanna know what I think? I asked, then gave him no time to reply. I think you do still like Sabine, at least a little bit. I think you like it that she still wants you, and you like flirting with her when Im not there, dangling the possibility in front of her. Playing her game. I sucked in a deep breath, surprised to realize that I was now thoroughly pissed at what amounted to his hypocrisy.
But I think it goes beyond that. I know how serious the two of you were, and I dont think you can ever really get over something like that. Not completely. And you know it. But you still hang out with her, alone, in your room. Practically daring each other to take things beyond friendship. Then you have the nerve to ask me if I like Tod, three days before Im going to die?
How could the four of us possibly be so tangled up in one another? And how could I not have seen it coming?
Nash stared at me, stunned. Im sorry, he said. Im so sorry I opened this can of worms, especially now. I swear I have no intention of taking things beyond friendship with Sabine, but this is the second time this week youve stood me up, then turned up with Tod. And I know he wants you, and it was starting to look like that might be mutual?
His voice went up on the end in question. He was still asking. And I didnt want to lie. But did it really matter? So what if Tod was funny, and unpredictable, and there every time I needed him. So what if he liked it when I raged against things and didnt think I was crazy for wanting to break into Lakeside? So what if hed spent months hanging out, getting to know me instead of trying to feel me up the first week we met.
What did that matter? What good was the possibilitythe life-changing, love-wrecking possibilitywhen I wouldnt be around to explore it?
